MY KINGDOM!: the HINES WARD of Blogs

26.6.04

my brother, the idiot.

Okay, so it's been a while, I'm sure all of my loyal readers (both of you) missed me.

So what's happened of late, you ask? Not a ton, but enough, here's a quick story, though.

I go home to the Hacienda in Herminie this morning because my soon-to-be brother-in-law, Chris, and my Dad cooked up this scheme the want to do for the reception.

Apparently, they believe it'd be funny if my dad, my brother, and I all dressed up hillbilly style, and made a small motion picture where Chris approaches us on the wedding day, and claims that he cannot marry my sister, because he doesn't think he can fit in with the "Western PA lifestyle." At that point, my dad has my brother and me chase Chris around the yard, and kick his ass, as my dad threatens him with a shotgun. (I couldn't make this up).

So here's the kicker-- we tape everything, and it's actually sort of funny, imagine my brother and in bib-overalls with hunting hats and mullets dragging Chris to my bro's pickup truck and tossing him in the back. My dad hops on the edge, sitting on the tailgate and holding the shotgun, as I let out a "rebel yell" and my brother gets behind the wheel. Not realizing that my dad was sitting on the end, my brother goes peeling out of the driveway, and makes a hard right onto the street by our house, when-- you guessed it-- MY DAD GOES FLYING OUT OF THE TRUCK! So my dad turfs it HARDCORE on his back, and my mom's freaking out and my brother can't decide whether to run for the border, or beg for forgiveness.

In the end, my dad was a-okay, the movie's great, and I've just set the over/under on my sister's divorce at 1-day, because she's going to go batshit at the reception out of embarrassment when she sees it.

This is my family. This is my life. And this is why I'm so fucked up.

...at least now that i'm my dad's favorite, i'm that much closer to inheriting the RX-8.

That's all for now,
keep it real, my peoples.

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