DAILY DOSE: "All I Want To Do Is Be More Like Me and Be Less Like You"
Konichiwa, Bitches!
You know, I'd like to thank the Wu-Tang Clan for one my favourite catch-phrases. It's pretty versitile. You can use it as a greeting, as smacktalk, or as an exclamation. I got some quality mileage out of it yesterday on the golf course when I hit my one good drive of the day. Good stuff. Feel free to use it.
Anywho. What a weekend that was. I'll be sprinkling the Kingdom with little anecdotes all week, since life between M-F is so mundane right now. This way I might actually, you know, post all week long, and have something to say. First and Foremost, CONGRATULATIONS TO DOUG AND SARA(H?) for their beautiful wedding this weekend. Special thanks goes out to Doug, my boy from way-back-when in elementary school, for inviting me to be part of the wedding party. The whole day was fantastic, fratastic, and fun. Good times were had by all, and if only that bridesmaid Brooke would lose 190 pounds... (ie: her boyfriend.)
My date Drew and I had a good time at the festivities, though I'll admit, it would've been nice to have had someone to dance with of the female persuasion. The wedding was woefully short on single girls, and I was woefully short on "having a date." But I guess these things happen. Drew and I did teach Trent and Shawn, the six-year-old ringbearers, how to do "The Robot," though (inbetween moments when they were grass-staining their WHITE TUXES) and Shawn BLEW IT UP on the dance floor. It was probably the second best Robot I've ever seen. No joke. You'd all have to see it to believe it.
Don't worry- I drank a lot, too. Not as much as the 17-year-old bridesmaid who had to leave before dinner, but I plowed through PLENTY of Jack n' cokes in the Hummerzine on the way to the reception. Funny side story: Doug's dad is a teacher at my HS, so the place was packed with faculty. And here Drew and I were, hammered, having conversations with them all. The moral of this little story: We are SO much cooler than we were in High School.
A few more quick points before I wrap up:
1) John Van Benschoten threw a perfect game against the Yankees last week...on MVP Baseball 2005. He's given up 3 runs in 72 innings now. Guy's a STUD.
2) Rob hit his first homerun the other night (in real life). Yay for the Mack of All Trades.
3) The Pirates suck.
4) Welcome to the Kingdom, Chewie. Nice of you to post for us. It was even eloquent and stuff. Hope you stick around.
Okay, Link and Song time. The Link of the Day is supplied to us by Elise, my new best email buddy. And it couldn't come any sooner. Go read it, and then come back, I'll wait....
.....
.....
....
...
..
.
.
.
...okay?
Okay. I have a confession to make.
I'm not a real person. In fact, none of this is real. The man you know as "Adam" died in a mining accident three years ago. He never went to law school. This entire Blog is made up. In fact, he's never even seen "Death the Smoochie," and has no idea why I call his Blog "The Kingdom." This is all fake. I've just taken the most melodramatic aspects of Adam's life, that I remember from his time amongst us, and exaggerated them, so that you can all feel a little bit happier about your lives. Hence, all the girl drama, all the Rah-Rah-Pittsburgh stuff, all the law school bitchiness, and of course, all the stupid lyrics.
There, I feel a lot better. I hope this hasn't totally destroyed the illusion. Don't worry, you can still use this forum to "paricipate, often anonymously and from anywhere in the world...[and] revolve [this Blog] around griping sessions and hyperboles. [Even though] Griping sessions only reinforce negativity that is all too pervasive" in life. And remember, anonymous posters, you can't be trusted, because, "Anonymity encourages personal anecdotes that are, more often than not, exaggerated or even sometimes outright lies."
I hate you all. In fact, I hate myself. We can't trust each other in this little Blogosphere (they used that word, not me.) Someone out there is really bitter that he got snookered by AnonymousLawyer.
YOUR Song of the Day is the "Encore/Numb" remix by Jay-Z and Linkin Park. Seperately, I don't particularly care for either song, or either artist. Together, they headline my new CD, "Charbydis," that I burned for the long journey into Westmoreland County last weekend. I think it's a cool-as-shit ingenious mix of two songs with nothing in common. Yes, folks, someday, historians will look back on the great disparate composites, like Archie Bunker/Sammy Davis, Jr., peanut butter/chocolate, and the Jetsons/Flintstones, and they will say, "hey, 'Encore/Numb' was pretty cool at the time." Trust me on this one.
The problem is, now everyone's gonna be doin' it, which is my challenge to YOU!
What two songs would go REALLY good together?
see? all THIS and a POLL DAY, TOO!
Damn. that's one long post. Sorry. But deal.
bitches!
-apk
You know, I'd like to thank the Wu-Tang Clan for one my favourite catch-phrases. It's pretty versitile. You can use it as a greeting, as smacktalk, or as an exclamation. I got some quality mileage out of it yesterday on the golf course when I hit my one good drive of the day. Good stuff. Feel free to use it.
Anywho. What a weekend that was. I'll be sprinkling the Kingdom with little anecdotes all week, since life between M-F is so mundane right now. This way I might actually, you know, post all week long, and have something to say. First and Foremost, CONGRATULATIONS TO DOUG AND SARA(H?) for their beautiful wedding this weekend. Special thanks goes out to Doug, my boy from way-back-when in elementary school, for inviting me to be part of the wedding party. The whole day was fantastic, fratastic, and fun. Good times were had by all, and if only that bridesmaid Brooke would lose 190 pounds... (ie: her boyfriend.)
My date Drew and I had a good time at the festivities, though I'll admit, it would've been nice to have had someone to dance with of the female persuasion. The wedding was woefully short on single girls, and I was woefully short on "having a date." But I guess these things happen. Drew and I did teach Trent and Shawn, the six-year-old ringbearers, how to do "The Robot," though (inbetween moments when they were grass-staining their WHITE TUXES) and Shawn BLEW IT UP on the dance floor. It was probably the second best Robot I've ever seen. No joke. You'd all have to see it to believe it.
Don't worry- I drank a lot, too. Not as much as the 17-year-old bridesmaid who had to leave before dinner, but I plowed through PLENTY of Jack n' cokes in the Hummerzine on the way to the reception. Funny side story: Doug's dad is a teacher at my HS, so the place was packed with faculty. And here Drew and I were, hammered, having conversations with them all. The moral of this little story: We are SO much cooler than we were in High School.
A few more quick points before I wrap up:
1) John Van Benschoten threw a perfect game against the Yankees last week...on MVP Baseball 2005. He's given up 3 runs in 72 innings now. Guy's a STUD.
2) Rob hit his first homerun the other night (in real life). Yay for the Mack of All Trades.
3) The Pirates suck.
4) Welcome to the Kingdom, Chewie. Nice of you to post for us. It was even eloquent and stuff. Hope you stick around.
Okay, Link and Song time. The Link of the Day is supplied to us by Elise, my new best email buddy. And it couldn't come any sooner. Go read it, and then come back, I'll wait....
.....
.....
....
...
..
.
.
.
...okay?
Okay. I have a confession to make.
I'm not a real person. In fact, none of this is real. The man you know as "Adam" died in a mining accident three years ago. He never went to law school. This entire Blog is made up. In fact, he's never even seen "Death the Smoochie," and has no idea why I call his Blog "The Kingdom." This is all fake. I've just taken the most melodramatic aspects of Adam's life, that I remember from his time amongst us, and exaggerated them, so that you can all feel a little bit happier about your lives. Hence, all the girl drama, all the Rah-Rah-Pittsburgh stuff, all the law school bitchiness, and of course, all the stupid lyrics.
There, I feel a lot better. I hope this hasn't totally destroyed the illusion. Don't worry, you can still use this forum to "paricipate, often anonymously and from anywhere in the world...[and] revolve [this Blog] around griping sessions and hyperboles. [Even though] Griping sessions only reinforce negativity that is all too pervasive" in life. And remember, anonymous posters, you can't be trusted, because, "Anonymity encourages personal anecdotes that are, more often than not, exaggerated or even sometimes outright lies."
I hate you all. In fact, I hate myself. We can't trust each other in this little Blogosphere (they used that word, not me.) Someone out there is really bitter that he got snookered by AnonymousLawyer.
YOUR Song of the Day is the "Encore/Numb" remix by Jay-Z and Linkin Park. Seperately, I don't particularly care for either song, or either artist. Together, they headline my new CD, "Charbydis," that I burned for the long journey into Westmoreland County last weekend. I think it's a cool-as-shit ingenious mix of two songs with nothing in common. Yes, folks, someday, historians will look back on the great disparate composites, like Archie Bunker/Sammy Davis, Jr., peanut butter/chocolate, and the Jetsons/Flintstones, and they will say, "hey, 'Encore/Numb' was pretty cool at the time." Trust me on this one.
The problem is, now everyone's gonna be doin' it, which is my challenge to YOU!
What two songs would go REALLY good together?
see? all THIS and a POLL DAY, TOO!
Damn. that's one long post. Sorry. But deal.
bitches!
-apk
3 Comments:
I actually have nothing for the poll, but going along with the other day's GLOAT (greatest link of all time), plus the FANtastic Vin Diesel site (When the founding fathers decided that it would be necessary to coin money, they first had to consult Vin Diesel, who at the time had yet to create metals).
Anyway, it's a link to one of the greatest comedy spots of all time. The best part, in my opinion, is i don't think they had any idea just HOW frakking funny this would be at the time. I challenge you to not laugh out loud. PS, this is RIGHT up your alley Knor. Which is why i thought your fans would appreciate it.
http://www.milkandcookies.com/stuff/triumphvsw.asx
http://www.milkandcookies.com/stuff/
triumphvsw.asx
Basically, I'm supposed to be outlining, so i'm trying to do anything but. Which is why i had the time to think about this clip, then find it on the net. Anyway, back to unproductivity I go.
- Lauren
By
Anonymous, at 3:33 PM, April 18, 2005
Depends on the cookie.
If it's an internet cookie, it would say something like, "IM GOING TO INFECT YOUR HARDRIVE AND BRING YOUR BROWSER TO A SCREECHING HALT..BWAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAH!"
if it's a real cookie, it probably depends on the actual type of cookie.
I would think that your average, run-of-the mill Nestle's Toolhouse Chocolate Chip would be pretty blue collar. It'd be all about getting the job done. It would embrace the opportunity to be eaten, just like his daddy, and his daddy's daddy. And it would ask that you drink it with a good Budweiser. Hailing from a Red State, it would say something like, "YEEEEEEHAAAAA!!! Vote BUSH!"
Now, a Thin Mint would be kind of...hmm..what's the word-- sterotypical, for a chocloatly-minty cookie, "MMMummm..NO YOU DIDN'TTTTTTT! I don't THINK SO, BITCH, you did NOT sell me to no 400-lb computer programmer who's going to FREEZE this booty and pretend I'm a candy bar!!!"
Now, figure you've got something oatmeal raisin. Well- NO ONE likes oatmeal raisin cookies, except maybe for Wilford Brimley. I figure that that an oatmeal raisin cookie would be pretty old and crotechy, talking about "Back in MY DAY, we had to MILK OUR OWN COWS if we wanted to have something to DRINK while we were EATEN....damn kids..."
And finally, the incredibly delictible cookies of the high class variety, like a Pepperidge Farm Soft Batch Chocolate and Caramel (translation: yum.) would be high class, and probably say something SO Snobby, you'd eat the whole bag in one sitting...which is exactly why I did that earlier today.
That's just one guy's opinion- your mileage may vary.
The REAL question is "If the moon was made out bar-b-q ribs, would you eat it?"
..I know I would.
-apk
By
apk, at 4:51 PM, April 18, 2005
The Jays are no longer in first...no story about them. They are good though, which is scary.
By
Anonymous, at 6:13 PM, April 18, 2005
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