24 Things About 24 (1:00pm -- 2:00pm)
24 Things I Thought I Thought About 24 While Realizing that the Stillers have Five Times As Many Wins as the Penguins in January, That Hines Looks Fantastic in Gold Mouse Ears, and That There's a Parade Starting Outside My Window in 12 Hours...
1) Umm, Mr. President? NOW, you're a hard ass? When you don't like Walt's usage of the word "initiative?" I hate you.
2) Walt Cummings, Tom Brady, and Bill Belichick: All Evil "Patriots". Ba-dum-bump! Thank you, I'll be hear all week, please tip your waitress and try the veal!
3) Yellow Tie Guy is Now "Ivan Erwick?" So he's a Russian sterotype that works at CompUSA. Seriously, we've gone from "Marwan" to "Erwick?" The only thing scary about that name is that it reminds me of earwigs, which give me the heebie-geebies.
4) I hate Skip Bayless.
5) So Ivan just knocked out the Henchman That Wanted to Go to Russia. He should've SHOT HIM, and then made his little speech...would've been much harder.
6) Welcome to this season's Random Albatross Relative -- Jenny The Crack Whore! Tough break, Rudy Gamgee.
7) Someday I'll explain to all of you why I'm in love with Audrey. In the meantime, I heart Audrey Raines.
8) My thoughts on "Firewall": I hate saying this , but I think Harrison's washed up, and I think that Indiana Jones IV will be an unmitigated disaster of epic proportions. I hope I'm wrong. Have you noticed that every Harrison movie since "Air Force One" involves the Harrison Two-Armed Panther Dive? He looks like Superfly Snooka every time he takes out a bad guy. I swear that shot was cribbed straight from "Clear & Present Danger," the stare-determinedly and speak softly shot was straight from the same movie, and the "intensely speaking on the phone" moment is from AFO. He has reached self-parody (I liked the Dr. Seuss XL intro.). In an unrelated topic: Paul Bettany should be the Joker.
9) Ivan from Customer Service, the guy with the Yellow Tie, just earned a few points with his "my wife is in jail speech.." at least they're taking time to create some evildoer backstory..but i think it's backfiring-- ill get to that in a minute.
10) By my count, Curtis has actually gone into battle as Jack's backup twice. Both times he has taken a bullet. Didn't he take one from Marwarn last year? It's okay, he's still Blackjack to me.
11) This week's DIAMOND CUTTER MOMENT: "I want Anessa." Shhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttt. That's dirty writing.
12) Okay, we're actually going to kill three minutes watching The Psycho First Lady and the Pantywaist President hash out an apology speech? So we can see them re-build their marriage? When no one likes/cares about Pres. Logan in the first place?
13) If Edgar Stiles were a number, it'd be 2,413. Think about it.
14) Tonight's saving grace! A Torture Scene!
15) The OnDemand commerical with the poorly animated goldfish that talk with annoying voices and make lame fish puns is the Pure Opposite of Comcastic.
16) THAT was the Torture Scene? "Curtis, step on his foot!" Is this Karma's way of evening out the awesomeness that was last night? With a special Borefest Episode of 24?
17) Can someone please explain why the guards for Evil Commie Programmer Guy were EVIL and packing heat... I think I'm a little lost here..
18) No, seriously, Linn? Capitulate to the prisoner? You realize you have JACK BAUER on your side, right? I hope someone beats you up.
19) Thank you, Jenny the Crack Whore's Pimp, for beating up Linn. He had it coming.
20) Jenny the Crack Whore looks like a bleached blonde Franke Potente on the Hillary Duff crash-course diet. Let us consider her the Anti-Audrey.
21) This space has been retired because Roberto Clemente did so much for Internet Bloggers. (Also, this episode was so boring, I'm starting to run out of thoughts).
22) Where the HELL has Viciously Diabolical Dark Hands-Free Set-Wearing Tech Room Mastermind gone? Is he out of play now that Ivan from Customer Service has gone dark?
23) After Walt wussed out and Jack closed the door on the 15-y-o, I was pretty sure that suicide was about to become the new black, but then she managed to turn the tables, pull a gun, and cap that scuzzball Rossler! Thus, homicide is still in.
24) Can't say I was surprised when Ivan shot the gearhead that cut all the cannisters for him, and though I originally felt it made him a better villain, now I'm no so sure. I mean, he has to kill him to cover his tracks. But if he lets him live, than he's an actual villain that kept his word, and he shows that he's a man of actual conviction, and therefore, a complex, compelling character. This is where this season's problem lies. We're blowing all this time with lethargic character building storylines (the First Lady, Ivan's little speeches, the Chole/Edgar/Spenser triangle) and we're not getting enough High-Octane Action. This stems from choosing Russian rebels as your bad guys. I don't think anyone in America knows what Russian rebels are rebelling against. Muslim extremists are easy, "they hate us cuz they ain't us." But with these Russians, the writers had to put together this ridiculous double-swerve, where they've decided to go against the US for...well, no reason, which necessitated all this mega-ridiculous backstory that's holding everything down. Why not just do a season of Jack running from the Chinese? Who would that hurt?
Anyway, the final verdict this week is "Yawn." From 24 I want a little mustache twirling, and a lot of action/suspense. What we've got right now is "marital problems in the Oval Office" meets "Russian Terrorist Road Trip." Ivan's flying by the seat of his pants, and there's no indication he had a backup plan. Not like Marwan did. Jack's left chasing 20 cannisters of REALLY TERRIBLE BIOAGENTS that'll be deployed somewhere in America because Ivan's pissed. It's just not that compelling, because the threat's insufficiently tangible. 2 good minutes as the end is not enough to make up for 58 minutes of mind-numbbing uninteresting character building. I expect to all covalesce soon (hopefully, real soon) but in the meantime...that was a letdown show. Even the torture scene was weak.
At least someone finally let Mike Novick out of the barn they locked him in.
Until next week, "Trust me. You do not want to go down this road with me."
-apk
1) Umm, Mr. President? NOW, you're a hard ass? When you don't like Walt's usage of the word "initiative?" I hate you.
2) Walt Cummings, Tom Brady, and Bill Belichick: All Evil "Patriots". Ba-dum-bump! Thank you, I'll be hear all week, please tip your waitress and try the veal!
3) Yellow Tie Guy is Now "Ivan Erwick?" So he's a Russian sterotype that works at CompUSA. Seriously, we've gone from "Marwan" to "Erwick?" The only thing scary about that name is that it reminds me of earwigs, which give me the heebie-geebies.
4) I hate Skip Bayless.
5) So Ivan just knocked out the Henchman That Wanted to Go to Russia. He should've SHOT HIM, and then made his little speech...would've been much harder.
6) Welcome to this season's Random Albatross Relative -- Jenny The Crack Whore! Tough break, Rudy Gamgee.
7) Someday I'll explain to all of you why I'm in love with Audrey. In the meantime, I heart Audrey Raines.
8) My thoughts on "Firewall": I hate saying this , but I think Harrison's washed up, and I think that Indiana Jones IV will be an unmitigated disaster of epic proportions. I hope I'm wrong. Have you noticed that every Harrison movie since "Air Force One" involves the Harrison Two-Armed Panther Dive? He looks like Superfly Snooka every time he takes out a bad guy. I swear that shot was cribbed straight from "Clear & Present Danger," the stare-determinedly and speak softly shot was straight from the same movie, and the "intensely speaking on the phone" moment is from AFO. He has reached self-parody (I liked the Dr. Seuss XL intro.). In an unrelated topic: Paul Bettany should be the Joker.
9) Ivan from Customer Service, the guy with the Yellow Tie, just earned a few points with his "my wife is in jail speech.." at least they're taking time to create some evildoer backstory..but i think it's backfiring-- ill get to that in a minute.
10) By my count, Curtis has actually gone into battle as Jack's backup twice. Both times he has taken a bullet. Didn't he take one from Marwarn last year? It's okay, he's still Blackjack to me.
11) This week's DIAMOND CUTTER MOMENT: "I want Anessa." Shhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttt. That's dirty writing.
12) Okay, we're actually going to kill three minutes watching The Psycho First Lady and the Pantywaist President hash out an apology speech? So we can see them re-build their marriage? When no one likes/cares about Pres. Logan in the first place?
13) If Edgar Stiles were a number, it'd be 2,413. Think about it.
14) Tonight's saving grace! A Torture Scene!
15) The OnDemand commerical with the poorly animated goldfish that talk with annoying voices and make lame fish puns is the Pure Opposite of Comcastic.
16) THAT was the Torture Scene? "Curtis, step on his foot!" Is this Karma's way of evening out the awesomeness that was last night? With a special Borefest Episode of 24?
17) Can someone please explain why the guards for Evil Commie Programmer Guy were EVIL and packing heat... I think I'm a little lost here..
18) No, seriously, Linn? Capitulate to the prisoner? You realize you have JACK BAUER on your side, right? I hope someone beats you up.
19) Thank you, Jenny the Crack Whore's Pimp, for beating up Linn. He had it coming.
20) Jenny the Crack Whore looks like a bleached blonde Franke Potente on the Hillary Duff crash-course diet. Let us consider her the Anti-Audrey.
21) This space has been retired because Roberto Clemente did so much for Internet Bloggers. (Also, this episode was so boring, I'm starting to run out of thoughts).
22) Where the HELL has Viciously Diabolical Dark Hands-Free Set-Wearing Tech Room Mastermind gone? Is he out of play now that Ivan from Customer Service has gone dark?
23) After Walt wussed out and Jack closed the door on the 15-y-o, I was pretty sure that suicide was about to become the new black, but then she managed to turn the tables, pull a gun, and cap that scuzzball Rossler! Thus, homicide is still in.
24) Can't say I was surprised when Ivan shot the gearhead that cut all the cannisters for him, and though I originally felt it made him a better villain, now I'm no so sure. I mean, he has to kill him to cover his tracks. But if he lets him live, than he's an actual villain that kept his word, and he shows that he's a man of actual conviction, and therefore, a complex, compelling character. This is where this season's problem lies. We're blowing all this time with lethargic character building storylines (the First Lady, Ivan's little speeches, the Chole/Edgar/Spenser triangle) and we're not getting enough High-Octane Action. This stems from choosing Russian rebels as your bad guys. I don't think anyone in America knows what Russian rebels are rebelling against. Muslim extremists are easy, "they hate us cuz they ain't us." But with these Russians, the writers had to put together this ridiculous double-swerve, where they've decided to go against the US for...well, no reason, which necessitated all this mega-ridiculous backstory that's holding everything down. Why not just do a season of Jack running from the Chinese? Who would that hurt?
Anyway, the final verdict this week is "Yawn." From 24 I want a little mustache twirling, and a lot of action/suspense. What we've got right now is "marital problems in the Oval Office" meets "Russian Terrorist Road Trip." Ivan's flying by the seat of his pants, and there's no indication he had a backup plan. Not like Marwan did. Jack's left chasing 20 cannisters of REALLY TERRIBLE BIOAGENTS that'll be deployed somewhere in America because Ivan's pissed. It's just not that compelling, because the threat's insufficiently tangible. 2 good minutes as the end is not enough to make up for 58 minutes of mind-numbbing uninteresting character building. I expect to all covalesce soon (hopefully, real soon) but in the meantime...that was a letdown show. Even the torture scene was weak.
At least someone finally let Mike Novick out of the barn they locked him in.
Until next week, "Trust me. You do not want to go down this road with me."
-apk
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