JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO GO INTO 'OPEN WATER'
Hidey-ho Junior Rangers!
Welcome back to the Blog! Well, the first day of Law School: Version 3.0 is in the books. Only like, 200 more to go! yay! It was great to see everyone again, and even more great to watch MacGyver and pass out on the couch, as though we'd never left. Sometimes you just know your place in the universe.
So far, the influx of new 1Ls seems realitively disappointing, in terms of hotties, but only time will really tell. It was encouraging, however, to notice a very high Hottie Quotient in most of my classes. Major developments include the first appearance of the Queen Bee, Gavin's Girl no longer wearing a Big Fat Diamond, & Hot Girl With the Locker By Ron Girl becoming Hot Girl Who Sits Next to Us in Litigation Strategies Girl. Stay tuned for further Law School Hottie Updates.
Last night, Kupchelitis and I headed on down to Destinta Theatres in North Versailles (pronounced: Ver-SALES, because it's Picksburgh, dammit!) to check out a $5 flick. Okay, that's a lie. We headed to the theatre in order to see TWO flicks, because 'Plexing there is so easy, they should just sell you a Ride-All-Day pass there, like Kennywood, so we don't have to bother sneaking around.
First up was "Open Water." I'll admit, Kup didn't want to see it, and I did, if only because both the press and the trailer for it were so good. I remember first seeing the trailer when Jeanie and I went to see "Farenheit 9/11," and we were both so terrified by it, that we couldn't wait to see the movie. Would I recommend it? Yes. But only on two conditions:
1) you have absolutely no will to live, and you're looking for an excuse to end it all, OR
2) your dog just died, and you're looking for something to make you even more depressed.
Otherwise, STAY FAR AWAY. Kup and I agreed the movie was a 5/10, but in the worst possible sense. See, the movie was shot really well. And it was incredibly engrossing and well done. But it has absolutely no redeeming value whatsoever besides that. You never really care whether the couple, stranded in the middle of the ocean, lives or not, because they're not even entirely likable. They have a VERY realistic realtionship with each other, in that, well... it seems like most of the time, they don't even like each other. I can't barely understand why they're even together. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal, because the tragic events of being in a near-death experience could make them overcome that, find out they really love each other, yadda yadda yadda. However, this doesn't happen here.
For those of you that actually still WANT to see this movie, stop reading now....
...last chance, cuz i'm going to spoil the whole damn thing...
....
..ready?
okay: sharks win.
Yup- you betcha. Guy gets bitten, bleeds to death overnight, and then the girl, faced with being eaten as well, and realizing she'll never be saved, simply dives underwater, and never resurfaces, apparently committing suicide. HOORAY SUPER-DEPRESSING MOVIE!
I'm alright with a movie that doesn't go for the ending one'd expect, and instead totally bucks trends and formula. But DAMN. This movie does it so blatantly, that it almost makes you feel like the entire, oh.. 20 minutes of setup, is entirely worthless. In fact, about the only lesson I gleamed from the entire damn thing was, "Have sex at every opportunity, because dammit, you might get stranded in the ocean the next day, only to be eaten by sharks." (see, cuz the girl shoots the guy down in bed ON THEIR VACATION the night before, because she's 'too tired.')
Granted, there were some generally chilling moments, but they were all too short, and too scattershot. The best part of the movie is the two of them bobbing up and down in the ocean in the dark, where you can only see anything for quick moments that lightning brightens the screen. That was some scary stuff, because it left it to your imagination to fill in the gaps. A great scene, that was WAY too short. The whole thing was put together like that, where every five minutes, the movie just skipped another four hours, making it feel particularly disjointed. It became extremely difficult to get a feel for how long they had been out there, because I was too busy being annoyed by the "ethnic chanting music" they decided to use with shots of the clouds to dissolve between scenes.
Again, I love the idea, and I love the way they shot the thing, but I just never go to LIKE the characters. Kelly asked me today if "it was like Cast Away, if Tom Hanks would have died." Unfortunately, it's not even CLOSE to that. Cast Away works so well for me (and it's one of my favourite movies) because it's about the triumph of the human spirit over seemingly insurmountable odds. Sure, it's far fetched, and there are plot holes and stuff, but it's all about how love and determination can conquer anything. Call me a sentimentalist, but I love shit like that. In "The Village" (the SECOND movie we saw last night), which I'll talk about tomorrow, when the guy says "the world kneels in awe of love" or something like that, it brings the whole shebang together. That just never happened in "Open Water."
Instead, you get a couple that's not very happy with each other, bobbing up and down in the water, first freaking out, then getting pissed, then bitching at each other. The only redeeming moment is when the girl, in order to break one of those long "we're pissed and silent" spells, simply tells the guy that she loves him. However, it seems pithy and weak, and though I suspect it's the true climax of the story, because he is bitten moments later (SLEDGEHAMMER OF IRONY ALERT!), it falls flatly, because there's absolutely NOTHING that occurs during any other part of the movie that makes you believe her.
And then, to top it off, after he dies, she gives up. GIVES UP! IN A SURVIVAL MOVIE? Guess not. Not a very thought provoking movie, although I DO see where they were trying to go with it. I just wish they would've pulled it off. But alas, if I want to be depressed, I'll watch the news.
Okay, that's it for today, tomorrow's a whole new hottie update, plus a review of "The Village."
Want a preview? I'll put it this way, if you've not seen it, go now, so I can talk about how much I liked it, and I can talk about all the spoilers.
in the meantime, let the rain in Spain fall mainly on the plain,
AND STAY AWAY FROM 'OPEN WATER!'
-apk
Welcome back to the Blog! Well, the first day of Law School: Version 3.0 is in the books. Only like, 200 more to go! yay! It was great to see everyone again, and even more great to watch MacGyver and pass out on the couch, as though we'd never left. Sometimes you just know your place in the universe.
So far, the influx of new 1Ls seems realitively disappointing, in terms of hotties, but only time will really tell. It was encouraging, however, to notice a very high Hottie Quotient in most of my classes. Major developments include the first appearance of the Queen Bee, Gavin's Girl no longer wearing a Big Fat Diamond, & Hot Girl With the Locker By Ron Girl becoming Hot Girl Who Sits Next to Us in Litigation Strategies Girl. Stay tuned for further Law School Hottie Updates.
Last night, Kupchelitis and I headed on down to Destinta Theatres in North Versailles (pronounced: Ver-SALES, because it's Picksburgh, dammit!) to check out a $5 flick. Okay, that's a lie. We headed to the theatre in order to see TWO flicks, because 'Plexing there is so easy, they should just sell you a Ride-All-Day pass there, like Kennywood, so we don't have to bother sneaking around.
First up was "Open Water." I'll admit, Kup didn't want to see it, and I did, if only because both the press and the trailer for it were so good. I remember first seeing the trailer when Jeanie and I went to see "Farenheit 9/11," and we were both so terrified by it, that we couldn't wait to see the movie. Would I recommend it? Yes. But only on two conditions:
1) you have absolutely no will to live, and you're looking for an excuse to end it all, OR
2) your dog just died, and you're looking for something to make you even more depressed.
Otherwise, STAY FAR AWAY. Kup and I agreed the movie was a 5/10, but in the worst possible sense. See, the movie was shot really well. And it was incredibly engrossing and well done. But it has absolutely no redeeming value whatsoever besides that. You never really care whether the couple, stranded in the middle of the ocean, lives or not, because they're not even entirely likable. They have a VERY realistic realtionship with each other, in that, well... it seems like most of the time, they don't even like each other. I can't barely understand why they're even together. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal, because the tragic events of being in a near-death experience could make them overcome that, find out they really love each other, yadda yadda yadda. However, this doesn't happen here.
For those of you that actually still WANT to see this movie, stop reading now....
...last chance, cuz i'm going to spoil the whole damn thing...
....
..ready?
okay: sharks win.
Yup- you betcha. Guy gets bitten, bleeds to death overnight, and then the girl, faced with being eaten as well, and realizing she'll never be saved, simply dives underwater, and never resurfaces, apparently committing suicide. HOORAY SUPER-DEPRESSING MOVIE!
I'm alright with a movie that doesn't go for the ending one'd expect, and instead totally bucks trends and formula. But DAMN. This movie does it so blatantly, that it almost makes you feel like the entire, oh.. 20 minutes of setup, is entirely worthless. In fact, about the only lesson I gleamed from the entire damn thing was, "Have sex at every opportunity, because dammit, you might get stranded in the ocean the next day, only to be eaten by sharks." (see, cuz the girl shoots the guy down in bed ON THEIR VACATION the night before, because she's 'too tired.')
Granted, there were some generally chilling moments, but they were all too short, and too scattershot. The best part of the movie is the two of them bobbing up and down in the ocean in the dark, where you can only see anything for quick moments that lightning brightens the screen. That was some scary stuff, because it left it to your imagination to fill in the gaps. A great scene, that was WAY too short. The whole thing was put together like that, where every five minutes, the movie just skipped another four hours, making it feel particularly disjointed. It became extremely difficult to get a feel for how long they had been out there, because I was too busy being annoyed by the "ethnic chanting music" they decided to use with shots of the clouds to dissolve between scenes.
Again, I love the idea, and I love the way they shot the thing, but I just never go to LIKE the characters. Kelly asked me today if "it was like Cast Away, if Tom Hanks would have died." Unfortunately, it's not even CLOSE to that. Cast Away works so well for me (and it's one of my favourite movies) because it's about the triumph of the human spirit over seemingly insurmountable odds. Sure, it's far fetched, and there are plot holes and stuff, but it's all about how love and determination can conquer anything. Call me a sentimentalist, but I love shit like that. In "The Village" (the SECOND movie we saw last night), which I'll talk about tomorrow, when the guy says "the world kneels in awe of love" or something like that, it brings the whole shebang together. That just never happened in "Open Water."
Instead, you get a couple that's not very happy with each other, bobbing up and down in the water, first freaking out, then getting pissed, then bitching at each other. The only redeeming moment is when the girl, in order to break one of those long "we're pissed and silent" spells, simply tells the guy that she loves him. However, it seems pithy and weak, and though I suspect it's the true climax of the story, because he is bitten moments later (SLEDGEHAMMER OF IRONY ALERT!), it falls flatly, because there's absolutely NOTHING that occurs during any other part of the movie that makes you believe her.
And then, to top it off, after he dies, she gives up. GIVES UP! IN A SURVIVAL MOVIE? Guess not. Not a very thought provoking movie, although I DO see where they were trying to go with it. I just wish they would've pulled it off. But alas, if I want to be depressed, I'll watch the news.
Okay, that's it for today, tomorrow's a whole new hottie update, plus a review of "The Village."
Want a preview? I'll put it this way, if you've not seen it, go now, so I can talk about how much I liked it, and I can talk about all the spoilers.
in the meantime, let the rain in Spain fall mainly on the plain,
AND STAY AWAY FROM 'OPEN WATER!'
-apk
1 Comments:
kujo, i just found your jacket thing in the back of my closet. ill get your info from korn this weekend and send it out to you. sorry i didnt send it sooner. i forgot i still had it.
yeah, im in for homecoming. its always a good time.
korn, keep me away from any champagne room this weekend.
By
Anonymous, at 11:44 PM, August 25, 2004
Post a Comment
<< Home