FRLG (ii): Rules (i) Promulgated, Notice and Comment for 10/28/04

Hey everyone! Now that my little bit of geek-laden dimensia has passed, let's get to the important stuff-- the new batch of FUNDAMENTAL RULES FOR LIFE AS A GUY.

But first-- a little something about the Pizz on his birthday. Kristofer Popelas and I go back to the second grade. We've been close and not-so-close, and we've had our ups and downs. Let me just say that becoming one of his best friends as he has become one of mine has been one of the most pleasant surprises of my last three years here in the 'Burgh. I always knew we'd be tight, but I never realized how much we'd both grow up together in this time. It's been a hell of a ride, and I hope it continues. So remember everyond, it's K-to the Pizz-O, P-E to the L-A, add an 'S' and get your damn hands up!!! Happy Birthday, Pizz, and much love.

Okay, here's the promulgated rules from last week-- thank you for your comments, and some proposed rules for the next week. I didn't get a chance to use some of the ideas from the comments last week, because I'm so pressed for time. Don't worry, I'll get to it all soon enough. Corey and Banner, perhaps we'll put together next week's proposed rules at the wedding. Well, Marc and Kujo too, at that.

Hope you enjoy, let me know what you think!

Girls
-All girls look cuter with scarves.

[Comments]
This rule only applies from autumn to early spring, when temperatures are predictably cool. Scarves are unacceptable during the summer months because it means that a girl is wearing too much clothing for the season. Which means she’s weird.

-Proposed Rule: Under no circumstances should you date a girl that has already dated one of your friends.

Clothes

-Wearing the same team’s jersey and hat at the same time (“doubling up”) is entirely unacceptable, UNLESS:

1) You are attending that team’s game in PERSON; OR
2) You are attending a party in which the focus is that team’s game (example: Super Bowl Party); OR
3) You are attending a bar within a five-block radius of that team’s Home Stadium, while their AWAY game is in progress

CHAMPIONSHIP EXCEPTION: It is ENTIRELY ACCEPTABLE to wear as much team paraphernalia as possible during the week up to, the day of, and the day AFTER the team is playing in a Championship, so long as the team is your HOME team.

[Comment]
Generally, doubling up is discouraged with ANY team shirt, not just jerseys. The hardline rule applies only to jerseys though. Other situations require the wearer’s careful discretion. Beware that you may look like a tool.

If the team is at HOME, and you’ve been unable to procure tickets, tough shit. You can’t double up in the bar. You are encouraged to wear your “second string” team shirt (either a t-shirt or sweatshirt) and a hat. The exception to this is during a playoff game.


-Proposed Rule: Never trust a man who wears sandals when it’s less than 50 degrees out. Thus, NEVER wear sandals when it’s less than 50 degrees out.

SPORTS

-It is NEVER acceptable to root against your home team.

[Comments]
I don’t care if your Fantasy Team is going to win $10,000 if your home team loses. Rooting against your home team is entirely unacceptable.

Proposed Rule: [The FRLG hereby ask for comments RE: how to determine what your home team is. Rules should apply to the following sports: MLB, NBA, NHL, NFL, NCAA FB, & NCAA BB]

ETIQUITTE:

-Urinal Etiquette:
- If the urinal dividers are present, or a trough system is fully in effect, none of these rules apply.

1) If there is no line:
-and there are an odd number of urinals:
-it is entirely unacceptable to chose an even-numbered urinal
-you must pick an end urinal, and subsequent users must move inward, alternating urinals.
-it is entire unacceptable to stand next to another man
-look up, or straight forward, never over.
-only talk if someone else on the urinal bank is:
-a relative
-a friend of at least one year
-whistling is unacceptable
2) If there IS a line:
- you should first fill in the urinals first [it is more important to keep the line moving than to respect personal space. This most normally applies at bars, school (in between classes) and the ballpark]
- if all the urinals are in use, using a stall, if available, is encouraged.
- if all the urinals and stalls are in use, beginning making a line behind individuals, following the rules above, as if there was no line
- the sink is for use in only the most desperate of circumstances, and ONLY in a bar.

[Comment] Use of the sink is strongly discouraged, yet the FRLG realize that sometimes, there’s no way to get around it. I was once at a bar where the line was significantly longer than the women’s room. A situation which is embarrassing to men everywhere. The line was so long because the toilet had become plugged with toilet paper, and was thus out of use, leaving a single, solitary urinal for an entire three-story bar’s worth of male patrons. Left with a choice, we did the only thing we could, other than invade the women’s room. For the record, trough rules DO NOT apply to the sink. It’s one man at a time. And sword-fighting is only acceptable in frat houses under desperate circumstances. Finally, I once saw a patron of this website use a bathtub, under the most dire of circumstances. Though funny at the time, this is extremely frowned upon.

-Proposed Rule: No matter how much money she has, or how little you have, it is NEVER acceptable to let your date pay on at LEAST the first five dates. [Have fun with this one, kids—it’s strict and vague to spark discussion.]

All righty, then. It's time for me to get this work done, so I can go to the comic shop and even go out for Kris's birthday tonight (It's not like the Series matters)!

-apk