I AM THE LAW! -- "Bruce, Why do we fall?"

Well, I’m back, and better than ever.

Just like Batman.

It's true, it's true. Yesterday, I officially signed on to my new apartment, AND officially accepted my JOB OFFER! Yes, folks, I will be gainfully employed a what seems to be the law firm of my dreams in Pittsburgh. I won't give out the name over the Blog, but if you want to know more, Ill tell you later. Right now, I gotta talk about Batman...

I remember first seeing Michael Keaton utter the famous line, “I’m Batman,” when I was nine years old, and becoming utterly enthralled with the character and the concept of superheroes. I’ve actually owe almost my entire interest in comics to that movie, so it holds a very special place in my heart. I also count Batman Forever as one of my guilty pleasures, as I guess between Jim Carey, the fact that they made Robin cool, and some pretty good fight scenes all added up to a movie perfect for a 15 year old to love. But then everything changed…but we’ll get to that in a second, because I've got to welcome you to the FIRST EVER KINGDOM SCOOP, I bring you my review of Batman Begins!

“But Adam! The movie doesn’t open for another WEEK! I call shenanegins!” you say? Well shenanegize THIS, people! Thanks to Carolyn by way of Lara, Jerry and I were able to get into a special sneak-preview-screening-of-awesomeness of Batman Begins tonight, and all I have to say is “Holy FRAK!”

Today, Batman began, again, rising from the ashes like a Phoenix (or some other city in Arizona) to bring justice to the wicked. In fact, Batman came back bigger, stronger, meaner, scarier, and most importantly, REALER. This is what Batman is supposed to be. The Dark Knight Detective, the embodiment of Vengeance, the menacing face of terror. The symbol that strikes fear into the “cowardly and superstitious lot” of criminals that plague his city.

Before I really get rolling—Jerry undeniably loved this movie. There’s your geek-free review. Now on to the show.

Batman Begins is hands down, by and large, far and away the greatest superhero movie ever made. It’s better than The Incredibles. It’s better than Spider-Man 2. It’s better than X2. In fact, it’s one of the best all-out action movies I’ve seen in a very, very, very, very very long time. In order to appreciate how great this movie is, we’re going to have to fire up the WayBack machine and head back to 1997—the day Batman died.

Ahh, the steaming pile of horsedung known as Batman and Robin, which still holds the record as “the worst movie I ever paid money to watch,” had George Clooney, Chris O’Donnel, and Alicia Silverstone fighting Uma Thurman and the Gubernator in a day-glo Gotham City where the “funniest” moments included Batman and Robin bickering like school girls at a charity function and a frozen bulldog taking a leak on a fire hydrant. Somewhere, I honestly believed that babies died, convinced that living in a world with such injustice just wasn’t worth trying.

So yeah. It was better than that.

“Well duh, anything’s better than that, but how is it better than all those other great movies?”

For starters, it just feels more real than any other comic book movie ever made. Gone are flashy indycar Batmobiles, hyper-gothic cityscapes, and muscular rubber suits. In their place is a battle-ready tank-car, a magnificently realistic and harsh Gotham City, and an array of body armour and gadgets that are all grounded in reality. Spiky gauntlets? Holdovers from his ninja training. The big, cumbersome cape? More practical than you can imagine. Hell, they even give a reason for the pointy ears and utility belt. Everything’s got a reason, and though you’re still going to have to suspend a little disbelief, you become totally convinced that not only could someone become Batman, if given enough time, money, and training, but that he could positively wreck thugs while decked out in a ridiculous costume.

But really, the older movies had cool gadgets and slick costumes, and eventually failed, what makes this different? For starters, Christian Bale, and the rest of the amazing cast. Let’s roll call, with quick snippets of their performances:

Ken Watanabe (Ra’s Al Ghul): Cryptic and easily hateable in an understated but important role.

Liam Neeson (Ducard) Magnificently in command of what could’ve become a clichéd and ridiculous role. Perfect casting.

Morgan Freeman (Lucious Fox) Totally undeniably fantastic, loveable, and funny in all the right ways. Your classic Freeman perfection, with shades of Robin Hood’s “Azeem.”

Katie Holmes (Rachel Dawes) Strangely feels grown up, and perfectly cast in a role that commands a certain naivety and innocence. She’s never a damsel in distress, either.What could’ve turned into a tacked-on romance instead became a touching role as Bruce’s moral center.

Michael Caine (Alfred Pennyworth) Fantastic. Never thought the old Alfred could be topped, and certainly, Caine plays him much straighter—for the first time, you realize that Alfred truly is Bruce’s father figure, and his resolute earnestness is certainly touching at times.

Gary Oldman (Sgt. Gordon) Finally! A Jim Gordon done RIGHT! Hello? He’s not a laugh-out-loud stodgy old coot cop. He’s a grizzled, tough detective who’s the only straight cop in a P.o.S. town. And Oldman played him this way. The chemistry between Bale and Oldman is perfect, and this is a role that’s only getting better.

Cillian Murphy (Dr. Crane) So weird. So half-unlikeable/half deliciously despicable, he just turns in a great performance as the demented Scarecrow. The perfect villain for a film with the central theme of “fear.”

Gen. Cornwalis from The Patriot (Carmine Falcone) Wonderfully full of vibrance and poposity as the mob boss who runs Gotham. Just fantastically over-the-top without being over-the-top.

Everyone turns in small, inward performances that don’t overshadow anyone else. They all keep the focus, for the first time, on the real star of the show, the Batman. And Christian Bale runs with it. It’s no secret he’s been the “chosen one” by the geeks to wear the cape and cowl for a LONG time, and it just proves that the geeks know their shit. He does it all, the tortured Wayne, the playboy Wayne, the menacing Batman (who’s the real Wayne). He revels in it all, and somehow, gives a performance that is magnificently convincing in the way it shows how and why all three psyches live together in one troubled, driven man. Just spectacular performances all around, and I hope to hell everyone comes back for the sequels.

There’s so much to love about this movie (which features NARY A SINGLE CRINGEWORTHY MOMENT), and so much I want to talk about, but this is already super long, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that the direction is fantastic. The fight scenes are tight and frantic, but easily followable, brutal, and intense. I read a review online that compared some of the coolest scenes to a horror movie, where the villains are being hunted, which is absolutely spot on. This is Batman, the urban legend-ghost story, at his finest. Imagine that you’re in the midst of a heist when the lights go out. You hear a flap in the breeze, like a cape or a wing. You sense movement, but every time you fire your weapon, it’s too late. He’s there. Somewhere. But he’s gone. You can’t find him. You can only fear him. And then he’s GOT YOU. And then he dismantles you. Breaks your arm, then your leg. Shocks your solar plexus, and knocks you unconscious. And all before you ever saw him…or it… or whatever it was.

There was a point towards the end (and OH! The last ten minutes is the Best. Ending. Ever. As far as setting up for sequels) when I stopped and thought, “I couldn’t make a better Batman movie.” This is everything I love about the character, it’s Frank Miller’s Dark Knight meets the Animated Series’s grim, stylized face of the night. And it’s more. It’s epic. Which is a funny way to describe Batman’s grim personal war on crime. But it works here. You’re taken around the world and back again to see what makes Bruce Wayne into Batman, what makes him a legend, and you’ll enjoy the trip. In fact, when it’s over, you’ll want to watch it again, or better yet—you’ll want them to have Batman Continues and Batman Keeps on Keepin’ On out in the theatres tomorrow and the day after. Sequels can’t come fast enough.

And you can’t see this movie fast enough. If you want—I’ll go with you next Thursday.

-apk

Uram, if you’re out there, the real Punisher wears a cape.