24 Seconds about 24 (3:00a -- 4:00a)
24 Things I Contemplated Thinking About Considering While Recovering from the Sting of the Realization that My Kickball Team Just Got "No-Kicked"...by a Girl. (at least she was pretty cute).
Yes, folks, it's true, it's true. We lost to a girl. I know you're all thinking, "How do you get NO HIT in a KICKBALL GAME?" Well, to be honest, it's pretty easy. The ball's super-flat, so it doesn't travel for anything. In fact, it's ridiculously hard to even get the ball to the outfield. On top of that, there's this crazy rule where the 3d baseman and the SS only need to throw the ball to the P to record an out. Crazy. So yeah, last night's game ended 2-0. On the bright side, we played a hell of a game defensively against a really talented, undefeated team. We were just facing the Cy Young of Kickball. Who, again, was pretty cute.
On with the show!
1) Wow, it's sure been a while, eh? Remember back when I was doing these things every week? Back in the time of Earwig and Scary Tech Room Guy? Back when CTU was independent, and we had just learned Audrey had ho'ed around with Walt Cummings. Feels like a whole different season. I'd like to say I've been recovering from the shock of the Great POTUS Turn. I'd like to say I was just too busy laughing my ass off over Chloe + Tazer = Greatest Moment of 24 Hilarity Ever. In reality, Uram made fun of me, bruising my fragile ego to the point that there had to be overwhelming requests (read: three) before I could work up the courage to write again. Also, Lazy. I'm pretty lazy.
2) Uh oh. Bierko's in the "Previously" credits. Bank on him either killing someone at CTU (probably Audrey) or flat-out escaping.
3) Woah! Helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Audrey. You are hereby dubbed "Bra-drey" and I heart both you, Kim Raver, and your PHE...........Nomenal neck. Also: Sec. Heller's Alive! woot!
4) Wait...Sec Heller's alive, and we learn this OFF SCREEN? MAN did they just miss an opportunity for an incredibly awesome "Heller rises from the depths, like Jason Voorhees scene" or even a "Jack's as good as dead...BLAM! wha? who saved him? HELLER! SHIT YEAH!" scene...Oh well.
5) Umm...where's Wayne Palmer....Where's Aaron Pierce....?? Where's Black Jack!
6) There's Black Jack! Awesome-- Curtis v. the Executive Branch for the life of Jack Bauer-- this is gonna be good! (*While I was Gone Aside # 1: I literally fell off of Jerry's couch when Curtis's hand saved Bra-drey. I thought she was dead right there, my heart stopped, and then I realized she was saved...it's gonna suck when Bierko kills her...Seriously, ask Nat or Jerry, I was practically having a heart attack when she was trapped in that barn..)
7) Kup had a great joke about POTUS last night, but I can barely remember it. I think when we were talking about his actual motivations, he said something like, "We're going to find out that he's just been after the Rabbit's Foot the whole time." It was good stuff, at the time. Promise. By the by, see M:I: III-- in the words of ABK, "It was exactly what I wanted from it." True that: great stunts, edge of the seat action, an awesome performance by P-S Hoffman... Not a great movie, but a realllllly good one. The summer's off to a fast start!
8) Okay, there's only 4 hours left. When are we going to learn who the Blue Tooth Asshole Cabal is/are/what they're doing. I mean really... motivations, please. Are they the Illuminati? Are they oil execs? What's Opie the Leader's Name?
9) "I can't land on the Freeway" "YES YOU CAN-- THERE'S A CURFEW!" Who thinks of that stuff at the time. Brilliant writing. Just brilliant.
10) When the hell did Chloe get picked up? did i miss something. PS: I hate Miles.
11) Sweet! More great writing! B/c they gotta put down the plain early, BlackJack will get to Jack first! Awesome. I love it when a plan comes together.
12) This plane's goin' down..they need to hide the recording in the black box.
13) Two things about the F/A 18 Hornet intercepting Jack's 727. a) in the Bauerverse, it's like 2011. I'm pretty sure we're phasing them out by then (okay, that's REALLY nit-picky, i apologize. Taylor Hicks has me anxiously snarky. I hate that guy.) b) I REALLY think that so long as the Hornet's got him on RADAR, he could shoot that plane down a LONG time before visual. Right? Kup-- you know about these things, chime in!
14) BTW: This is where being a geek ruins all my fun. There's NO WAY that plane crashes into anything, because there's no way the FX budget is big enough to warrant having the plane take out an overpass or lose a wing...hence, im not in suspense.
15) See. Told ya. Dammit.
16) "It'll be much harder to get the recording, wahhhh, i'm Opie, wahhhhh" BTW: WHO THE FRAK ARE YOU??? ?!?!!?!?!?!?!?! ...what? "Graham?" You're name is GRAHAM? We wait four weeks for your name and we get GRAHAM? as in Lubbock, or Cracker? Weakest. Bad Guy. Ever. I wish it were Owen Davian calling the shots, that'd be TONS cooler. Nope. We got Graham the Cracker callin' the shots. Forget it. Opie you are. Opie you'll stay. So it is written, so it shall be done.
17) Actual conversation between Jerry and Natty and I as Curtis is picking up Jack:
J: Do we trust Curtis?
N: What? of course we trust Curtis, how are you asking that?
A: I dunno..he's got a point..
J: Yeah- SOMEBODY'S got to screw over Jack...
N: Not Curtis, though!
A: Yeah! not Black Jack!
J: ...Dude, Nina was Bad...
A: ..Touche!..
The lesson? Girls are smart.
18) Jack, put on your HOODIE OF INVISIBILITY and you'll all get by the blockade!
19) "These aren't the Federal Agents that you're looking for!" Blackjack uses the jedi mindtrick on the weak minded Marine. When I showed Uram that quote, that I found online, he replied with the DIAMOND CUTTER MOMENT: "That's why Federal Agents have college diplomas and Marines are all juvenile delinquents."
20) WHY DOES EVERYONE DOUBT JACK. At some point, I would really like to see someone say, "Hey, Jack Bauer, Four-Time, Four-Time, Four-Time, Four-Time Defending Champion/Saviour of America deserves the benefit of the doubt." FRAK YOU, MILES.
21) Oh, Jesus. Bierko's loose. Is there ANYONE who's not a mole, I mean seriously? This is getting ridiculous. At least he can't kill Bra-drey. That means it's Robocop's time to ice my girl.
22) POTUS: "WHERE THE HELL IS MIKE NOVICK!" answer: He's in the barn again. With Aaron Pierce and Wayne Palmer and Mrs. POTUS's aide and her daughter. Bow-chika-bow-bow.
23) Curtis and Jack took the "back roads" back from somewhere in the desert to CTU in order to avoid the Marines. Total trip time: 8 minutes. What the hell did they use, a stargate?
24) YESSSSSSSS Another Tender Moment Between Jack and Bra-Drey. Unfortunately, this officially signs her death warrant. God Dammit.
I've been gone for six weeks bonus thoughts:
- POTUS IS GONNA GO HITLER ON US??? HOLY SHIT!!!!!!
-SERVE! Mrs. POTUS: "If I wasn't so terrified that I married you I might be impressed" (that you're such a good liar, Charles). Serve! Serve! Serve! Serve! Serve!
-FRAK YOU MILLS. I HATE YOU. (btw: I was convinced for a moment there (and so was Nat) that the laser thing Mills was holding was, in fact, the recording, and that we were about to see Chloe laid out on the floor...which would've sucked.) HE ERASED THE RECORDING. NOW WHAT? dammit.
beep-bloop. beep-bloop. beep-bloop.
see you next week.
-apk
Yes, folks, it's true, it's true. We lost to a girl. I know you're all thinking, "How do you get NO HIT in a KICKBALL GAME?" Well, to be honest, it's pretty easy. The ball's super-flat, so it doesn't travel for anything. In fact, it's ridiculously hard to even get the ball to the outfield. On top of that, there's this crazy rule where the 3d baseman and the SS only need to throw the ball to the P to record an out. Crazy. So yeah, last night's game ended 2-0. On the bright side, we played a hell of a game defensively against a really talented, undefeated team. We were just facing the Cy Young of Kickball. Who, again, was pretty cute.
On with the show!
1) Wow, it's sure been a while, eh? Remember back when I was doing these things every week? Back in the time of Earwig and Scary Tech Room Guy? Back when CTU was independent, and we had just learned Audrey had ho'ed around with Walt Cummings. Feels like a whole different season. I'd like to say I've been recovering from the shock of the Great POTUS Turn. I'd like to say I was just too busy laughing my ass off over Chloe + Tazer = Greatest Moment of 24 Hilarity Ever. In reality, Uram made fun of me, bruising my fragile ego to the point that there had to be overwhelming requests (read: three) before I could work up the courage to write again. Also, Lazy. I'm pretty lazy.
2) Uh oh. Bierko's in the "Previously" credits. Bank on him either killing someone at CTU (probably Audrey) or flat-out escaping.
3) Woah! Helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Audrey. You are hereby dubbed "Bra-drey" and I heart both you, Kim Raver, and your PHE...........Nomenal neck. Also: Sec. Heller's Alive! woot!
4) Wait...Sec Heller's alive, and we learn this OFF SCREEN? MAN did they just miss an opportunity for an incredibly awesome "Heller rises from the depths, like Jason Voorhees scene" or even a "Jack's as good as dead...BLAM! wha? who saved him? HELLER! SHIT YEAH!" scene...Oh well.
5) Umm...where's Wayne Palmer....Where's Aaron Pierce....?? Where's Black Jack!
6) There's Black Jack! Awesome-- Curtis v. the Executive Branch for the life of Jack Bauer-- this is gonna be good! (*While I was Gone Aside # 1: I literally fell off of Jerry's couch when Curtis's hand saved Bra-drey. I thought she was dead right there, my heart stopped, and then I realized she was saved...it's gonna suck when Bierko kills her...Seriously, ask Nat or Jerry, I was practically having a heart attack when she was trapped in that barn..)
7) Kup had a great joke about POTUS last night, but I can barely remember it. I think when we were talking about his actual motivations, he said something like, "We're going to find out that he's just been after the Rabbit's Foot the whole time." It was good stuff, at the time. Promise. By the by, see M:I: III-- in the words of ABK, "It was exactly what I wanted from it." True that: great stunts, edge of the seat action, an awesome performance by P-S Hoffman... Not a great movie, but a realllllly good one. The summer's off to a fast start!
8) Okay, there's only 4 hours left. When are we going to learn who the Blue Tooth Asshole Cabal is/are/what they're doing. I mean really... motivations, please. Are they the Illuminati? Are they oil execs? What's Opie the Leader's Name?
9) "I can't land on the Freeway" "YES YOU CAN-- THERE'S A CURFEW!" Who thinks of that stuff at the time. Brilliant writing. Just brilliant.
10) When the hell did Chloe get picked up? did i miss something. PS: I hate Miles.
11) Sweet! More great writing! B/c they gotta put down the plain early, BlackJack will get to Jack first! Awesome. I love it when a plan comes together.
12) This plane's goin' down..they need to hide the recording in the black box.
13) Two things about the F/A 18 Hornet intercepting Jack's 727. a) in the Bauerverse, it's like 2011. I'm pretty sure we're phasing them out by then (okay, that's REALLY nit-picky, i apologize. Taylor Hicks has me anxiously snarky. I hate that guy.) b) I REALLY think that so long as the Hornet's got him on RADAR, he could shoot that plane down a LONG time before visual. Right? Kup-- you know about these things, chime in!
14) BTW: This is where being a geek ruins all my fun. There's NO WAY that plane crashes into anything, because there's no way the FX budget is big enough to warrant having the plane take out an overpass or lose a wing...hence, im not in suspense.
15) See. Told ya. Dammit.
16) "It'll be much harder to get the recording, wahhhh, i'm Opie, wahhhhh" BTW: WHO THE FRAK ARE YOU??? ?!?!!?!?!?!?!?! ...what? "Graham?" You're name is GRAHAM? We wait four weeks for your name and we get GRAHAM? as in Lubbock, or Cracker? Weakest. Bad Guy. Ever. I wish it were Owen Davian calling the shots, that'd be TONS cooler. Nope. We got Graham the Cracker callin' the shots. Forget it. Opie you are. Opie you'll stay. So it is written, so it shall be done.
17) Actual conversation between Jerry and Natty and I as Curtis is picking up Jack:
J: Do we trust Curtis?
N: What? of course we trust Curtis, how are you asking that?
A: I dunno..he's got a point..
J: Yeah- SOMEBODY'S got to screw over Jack...
N: Not Curtis, though!
A: Yeah! not Black Jack!
J: ...Dude, Nina was Bad...
A: ..Touche!..
The lesson? Girls are smart.
18) Jack, put on your HOODIE OF INVISIBILITY and you'll all get by the blockade!
19) "These aren't the Federal Agents that you're looking for!" Blackjack uses the jedi mindtrick on the weak minded Marine. When I showed Uram that quote, that I found online, he replied with the DIAMOND CUTTER MOMENT: "That's why Federal Agents have college diplomas and Marines are all juvenile delinquents."
20) WHY DOES EVERYONE DOUBT JACK. At some point, I would really like to see someone say, "Hey, Jack Bauer, Four-Time, Four-Time, Four-Time, Four-Time Defending Champion/Saviour of America deserves the benefit of the doubt." FRAK YOU, MILES.
21) Oh, Jesus. Bierko's loose. Is there ANYONE who's not a mole, I mean seriously? This is getting ridiculous. At least he can't kill Bra-drey. That means it's Robocop's time to ice my girl.
22) POTUS: "WHERE THE HELL IS MIKE NOVICK!" answer: He's in the barn again. With Aaron Pierce and Wayne Palmer and Mrs. POTUS's aide and her daughter. Bow-chika-bow-bow.
23) Curtis and Jack took the "back roads" back from somewhere in the desert to CTU in order to avoid the Marines. Total trip time: 8 minutes. What the hell did they use, a stargate?
24) YESSSSSSSS Another Tender Moment Between Jack and Bra-Drey. Unfortunately, this officially signs her death warrant. God Dammit.
I've been gone for six weeks bonus thoughts:
- POTUS IS GONNA GO HITLER ON US??? HOLY SHIT!!!!!!
-SERVE! Mrs. POTUS: "If I wasn't so terrified that I married you I might be impressed" (that you're such a good liar, Charles). Serve! Serve! Serve! Serve! Serve!
-FRAK YOU MILLS. I HATE YOU. (btw: I was convinced for a moment there (and so was Nat) that the laser thing Mills was holding was, in fact, the recording, and that we were about to see Chloe laid out on the floor...which would've sucked.) HE ERASED THE RECORDING. NOW WHAT? dammit.
beep-bloop. beep-bloop. beep-bloop.
see you next week.
-apk
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