EVEN I GET BOARDED!

The Irrelevant Mailbag is filling up! Keep those questions, comments, and queries coming!  In the meantime, I present for your amusement a sampling of the random thoughts circling through my brain this week. 

• “100% of the shots you don’t make don’t go in.” is probably the best quote I’ve heard by someone I undeniably despise.
• I don’t think there’s a more hit or miss comedy show on TV these days than “Reno 911.”  I never take the time to find out when it’s on, because half the time  it’s not funny, but when it’s funny, it’s FUNNY.
• If there’s a better sportswriter on the planet today than Bill Simmons (http://www.sportsguy.net/), I’ve not read him.  Check out his new “Vengeance Scale,” pure hilarity.  He even confirms what we’ve long suspected: Justin Timberlake is every guy’s hero, whether we know it our not.
• I can’t believe I just wrote that last sentence.
• Ashlee Simpson must be stopped.  I can’t understand how I can be so simultaneously mesmerized and annoyed by one person. (this is a whole column waiting to happen). Try and watch six minutes of her show, I dare you-- there's no way this show can be turned off once someone starts watching it. 
• Do you think Kris Benson runs on batteries, or do they just plug him into the same wall socket as Al Gore?
• How sad it is that I remember why “Chrissy Seaver” from Growing Pains was named “Chrissy Seaver” (in show continuity)?
• I wish that it was acceptable to shout “I lovvvvvvvvve being a TURTLE!” every time something good happened to you.
• I can’t explain it, but I REALLY like the band Yellowcard. Commence Laughter.
• Are there two more underrated sports movies than “Major League II” and “Necessary Roughness?”
• Who makes road signs? Like, who wakes up one day and says, “I’m going to start the nation’s largest road sign-making company! It is my DESTINY!”
• And finally, because no one asked:
   
                          THE TOP 7 HARRISON FORD MOVIES
                          1) The Empire Strikes Back
                          2) Raiders of the Lost Ark
                          3) Star Wars (“episode IV”) / Return of the Jedi
                          4) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
                          5) Hollywood Homicide (KIDDING!)
                          5) Apocalypse Now
                          6) The Fugitive 
                          7) Air Force One 

Thanks, you’ve been great.
I’ll be back later.
Send more questions! Or POST THEM!
-apk