WEEKEND PREGAME: JFH, THE DURTASTIC, and TONY EUSEBIO
Goooooooooooood morning Vietnammmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
…I promise never to use that one again. Okay, well, I didn’t post yesterday, but I’m sure it didn’t bother anyone, because there’ve only been about 3 hits over the last two days. Is this the thanks I get? I have ONE off week, and everybody starts bailing on me? It’s cool. I understand. Don’t fret, Chet, with any luck, we’ll be back to a semi-regular schedule once again starting next week. The problem yesterday was that as soon as I got home from school, Kup and I turned around and headed right back out the door. First it was wings, brews, and the STEAGLES with Team: Dempster, then it was Bar Review time down at Bar Louie. Kudos to Kupchelitis for allowing me to drag him to a Law School function.
OH! I've almost forgotten. I'd like to welcome Megan Powers to the Kingdom. She posted as "Megan" last week. However, since we've already got a Megan in these parts (aka: Megan Starr), Powers, you must now post only as "The Other White Megan." It could be worse- I could call you "Pork."
Okay, moving right along, let’s do a little Weekend Pregame before we get to my promised review of “The Village.”
This weekend should be legendary. Tonight, amongst leftover brewtuses from Drew’s party last week, we shall partake in much libation as we await the arrival of JACK F’n HOOTON and DURTY KURTY LUCIN. Iccavino chickened out, for a woman, no less, and will not be attending. But he’s a loser anyhow.
Now, for those of you who don’t know Jack and Kurt, let me tell you that there are few others as close to my heart as these two stalwart bastions of human decency. Jack is probably the most loyal and good-natured chap I know, and Kurt is a just a zany bag of Canadian insanity. Jack-o, who you may remember from OCTOPUSSY (last year’s Halloween party) as “the Bee” is the Lance Storm to my Justin Credible, and as the “Impact Playerz” I hope to finally actually win a Beruit game on my own table. As for Kurty, my “twinstar” from the old D-OX days, if you want to know about him, surf around the site to my first installment of “Bows & Toes” from the beginning of this month. He’s a True Champion. The Tony Eusebio of good times.
What IS a “Tony Eusebio,” you ask? Well, here’s the story. Think back to 1999. We were partying as though it was, in fact, 1999 back in those days, that I affectionately call “Freshman Year.” It was Dickinson College, late spring. Life was good, even if my grades weren’t. I had successfully survived mono, and was deeply entrenched in all things First Claire. Except, that is, for when I would hang out on Kup and Dom’s floor, Morgan B-3. Dom, being the RA, had a single room approximately the size of a shoebox, or even a coffin. However, he had a Playstation, which back then in the 20th Century, meant he was really cool. Kup and Dom and I would rotate amongst each other playing a number of sports games, like NCAA Football and Madden. One of our favourites, though, was whatever baseball game it was that he had. It might have been World Series baseball, it might have been Triple Play, I really can’t remember. What I can remember is this: The Pirates Sucked Balls.
Because they were so awful, and because Dom is a Yankees fan, it was an instant loss if you picked the Pirates as your team. We tried to win with the Buccos, oh, we tried, but there’s only so much damage you can do with a pixilated Kevin Polkovich at shortstop. The only answer was to find another team to use. My weapon of choice? My then 2d favourite team, the Houston Astros. (This was before Edmonds was traded to the Cardinals, back when he was still an Angel, and I could never find Angels games to watch. So I had to roll with Jeff Bagwell and the Killer B’s. And they’re old hat was really cool, too. But I digress (as usual. And Yes, I know that I just used a parenthesis inside a parenthesis. What is this? English Class? Just keep reading, and stop asking so many damn questions!)). Where was I? Oh- gotcha. Astros.
Okay, so I’d play with the Houston Astros, but when games against the Yankees necessitated the use of a Designated Hitter, I learned that their bench was woefully short on talent. With the exception of one man. Backup Catcher Tony Eusebio. A lifetime, I dunno, .240 hitter, it was uncanny that Eusebio was even good, let alone LIGHTS OUT FANTASTIC. Some people say that Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson is the greatest video game athlete of all time. Others insist that Michael Vick eclipsed him on last year’s Madden 2004. These people never played with Tony Eusebio: True Champion.
Dom would be throwing a perfect game, and all of a sudden, Eusebio would step to the plate, and hit a double off the wall. The only secret was, you HAD to bat him sixth. If you moved him up in the order, he’d go 0-17. Otherwise, batting sixth, Eusebio was unstoppable. As he’d hit his fourth stand-up double of the day, I would simply mutter, “he’s a True Champion.” And a catchphrase was born. Thus, anyone who keeps it real, who’s super-clutch, who you always know you can expect great things from, is a True Champion. They’re “Tony Eusebio.”
This will be a Tony Eusebio Weekend.
Well…. THAT digression took a while, didn’t it? Guess that means you don’t QUITE get that Village review yet. Tell you what. If anyone out there’s SEEN it, post up and let me know how you felt about. (Try to keep spoilers to a minimum, though, or at least mark of spoilers with SPOILER ALERTs) I only really want to discuss the movie if a lot of yinz have seen it, because it can’t really be discussed without talking about the fact that the movie had more curveballs than a Rob Mackowiak At Bat.
I’ll be back, perhaps later today, perhaps sometime this weekend. Jack, Kurt, Kup and I are headed to the Ballpark tomorrow for the NATIONALLY TELEVISED battle between the Buccos and the Cards, before we hit the town in the nuts and go on Safari with Drew and Pizz. If anybody out there wants to shoot some ‘ruit tonight and GET ‘ER DONE (and by ‘anybody’ I mean ‘hot girls’), just give me a call, and we’ll all get stupid together.
Peace out, my peeps.
-apk
…I promise never to use that one again. Okay, well, I didn’t post yesterday, but I’m sure it didn’t bother anyone, because there’ve only been about 3 hits over the last two days. Is this the thanks I get? I have ONE off week, and everybody starts bailing on me? It’s cool. I understand. Don’t fret, Chet, with any luck, we’ll be back to a semi-regular schedule once again starting next week. The problem yesterday was that as soon as I got home from school, Kup and I turned around and headed right back out the door. First it was wings, brews, and the STEAGLES with Team: Dempster, then it was Bar Review time down at Bar Louie. Kudos to Kupchelitis for allowing me to drag him to a Law School function.
OH! I've almost forgotten. I'd like to welcome Megan Powers to the Kingdom. She posted as "Megan" last week. However, since we've already got a Megan in these parts (aka: Megan Starr), Powers, you must now post only as "The Other White Megan." It could be worse- I could call you "Pork."
Okay, moving right along, let’s do a little Weekend Pregame before we get to my promised review of “The Village.”
This weekend should be legendary. Tonight, amongst leftover brewtuses from Drew’s party last week, we shall partake in much libation as we await the arrival of JACK F’n HOOTON and DURTY KURTY LUCIN. Iccavino chickened out, for a woman, no less, and will not be attending. But he’s a loser anyhow.
Now, for those of you who don’t know Jack and Kurt, let me tell you that there are few others as close to my heart as these two stalwart bastions of human decency. Jack is probably the most loyal and good-natured chap I know, and Kurt is a just a zany bag of Canadian insanity. Jack-o, who you may remember from OCTOPUSSY (last year’s Halloween party) as “the Bee” is the Lance Storm to my Justin Credible, and as the “Impact Playerz” I hope to finally actually win a Beruit game on my own table. As for Kurty, my “twinstar” from the old D-OX days, if you want to know about him, surf around the site to my first installment of “Bows & Toes” from the beginning of this month. He’s a True Champion. The Tony Eusebio of good times.
What IS a “Tony Eusebio,” you ask? Well, here’s the story. Think back to 1999. We were partying as though it was, in fact, 1999 back in those days, that I affectionately call “Freshman Year.” It was Dickinson College, late spring. Life was good, even if my grades weren’t. I had successfully survived mono, and was deeply entrenched in all things First Claire. Except, that is, for when I would hang out on Kup and Dom’s floor, Morgan B-3. Dom, being the RA, had a single room approximately the size of a shoebox, or even a coffin. However, he had a Playstation, which back then in the 20th Century, meant he was really cool. Kup and Dom and I would rotate amongst each other playing a number of sports games, like NCAA Football and Madden. One of our favourites, though, was whatever baseball game it was that he had. It might have been World Series baseball, it might have been Triple Play, I really can’t remember. What I can remember is this: The Pirates Sucked Balls.
Because they were so awful, and because Dom is a Yankees fan, it was an instant loss if you picked the Pirates as your team. We tried to win with the Buccos, oh, we tried, but there’s only so much damage you can do with a pixilated Kevin Polkovich at shortstop. The only answer was to find another team to use. My weapon of choice? My then 2d favourite team, the Houston Astros. (This was before Edmonds was traded to the Cardinals, back when he was still an Angel, and I could never find Angels games to watch. So I had to roll with Jeff Bagwell and the Killer B’s. And they’re old hat was really cool, too. But I digress (as usual. And Yes, I know that I just used a parenthesis inside a parenthesis. What is this? English Class? Just keep reading, and stop asking so many damn questions!)). Where was I? Oh- gotcha. Astros.
Okay, so I’d play with the Houston Astros, but when games against the Yankees necessitated the use of a Designated Hitter, I learned that their bench was woefully short on talent. With the exception of one man. Backup Catcher Tony Eusebio. A lifetime, I dunno, .240 hitter, it was uncanny that Eusebio was even good, let alone LIGHTS OUT FANTASTIC. Some people say that Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson is the greatest video game athlete of all time. Others insist that Michael Vick eclipsed him on last year’s Madden 2004. These people never played with Tony Eusebio: True Champion.
Dom would be throwing a perfect game, and all of a sudden, Eusebio would step to the plate, and hit a double off the wall. The only secret was, you HAD to bat him sixth. If you moved him up in the order, he’d go 0-17. Otherwise, batting sixth, Eusebio was unstoppable. As he’d hit his fourth stand-up double of the day, I would simply mutter, “he’s a True Champion.” And a catchphrase was born. Thus, anyone who keeps it real, who’s super-clutch, who you always know you can expect great things from, is a True Champion. They’re “Tony Eusebio.”
This will be a Tony Eusebio Weekend.
Well…. THAT digression took a while, didn’t it? Guess that means you don’t QUITE get that Village review yet. Tell you what. If anyone out there’s SEEN it, post up and let me know how you felt about. (Try to keep spoilers to a minimum, though, or at least mark of spoilers with SPOILER ALERTs) I only really want to discuss the movie if a lot of yinz have seen it, because it can’t really be discussed without talking about the fact that the movie had more curveballs than a Rob Mackowiak At Bat.
I’ll be back, perhaps later today, perhaps sometime this weekend. Jack, Kurt, Kup and I are headed to the Ballpark tomorrow for the NATIONALLY TELEVISED battle between the Buccos and the Cards, before we hit the town in the nuts and go on Safari with Drew and Pizz. If anybody out there wants to shoot some ‘ruit tonight and GET ‘ER DONE (and by ‘anybody’ I mean ‘hot girls’), just give me a call, and we’ll all get stupid together.
Peace out, my peeps.
-apk
1 Comments:
we need a new dawn marie.
jfh
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Anonymous, at 1:26 PM, August 27, 2004
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