[INSERT ESPN FOOTBALL SIREN MUSIC HERE] ADAM'S 2005 NFL PREVIEW!
Editors Note: For those of you here for the first time today, if you don't want to read my long, drawn-out NFL ramblings, there's a perfectly inane MONDAY HANGOVER below that might be more up to your speed. And if you missed last Friday's post, I also hate on Macy Gray a little lower. Long story short: keep scrollin! you're bound to find something you like.
WoooooOOOOOOooooooo WooooooOOOOOOooooooo WoooooOOOOOOoooo
...no, that's not me doing the Ric Flair "WOOO!" (for once) it's the cool siren sound that plays during ESPN's football music. I love that music.
Which means, once again (for the first time, actually,) it's time for my NFL SEASON PREVIEW! And by "Preview" I mean "predicitons made after everyone's played a game already."
Now, I'll admit that I'm by no means a sports guru, like some of my friends. However, I do know more than enough to get by, and have read my fair share of ESPN.com this summer. Since week one's in the books, I'll admit that these predicitons are maybe a little different than they would have been last week, but who cares? It's MY blog, right?
In actuality, my predictions have only been influenced by two things: Clinton Portis, and that guy who ran for Denver last night. They are both for real (as I suspected), actually, it seems that they're both FOR REAL. And yes, I realize that KC's Defense sucks, but that kid has explosive speed, and MOVES.
I'm not going to go team by team, just give you all my general gut feelings.
First, as an unabashed homer, I'll tell you this about the Stillers: They're going to the playoffs. I think the AFC North is incredibly weak, and (even before yesterday's drubbing to the Other Browns) think that the Ravens are MASSIVELY overrated. However, are the Browns really that good? God, I hope not. I don't think I could deal with Jeanette if they beat us twice again this year.
The Picksburgh O-Line will be borderline excellent, so long as it stays healthy. Which is a BIG if. The Defensive rush showed signs of life yesterday for the first time in over a year, thanks to Dickie the Beautiful, and Tommy has shown that he's MORE than capable of running the offense for one more year, before Big Ben begins to routinely Strike Six. I honestly think they can go 10-6, with a few breaks, and win the Divison.
Now, onto the rest of the League, starting with what I REALLY know, the AFC.
AFC SOUTH:
I think this the Bronocos' Divison, because I frankly don't believe in KC whatsoever. Ashlie LeeeLeeeee, who's MUCH better than Ashlee Simpson is going to be big time-- trust me on this. Jake Plummer loves making big throws his way. And that new RB? Good gravy. He's a talented bastard. Oh, and they actually have some semblance of a Defense. Something Dick Vermiel has yet to grasp.
other thoughts: The over/under of every KC game will/should be 50. Take the over. Every game the Chargers play, they can win, for two reasons: Tomlinson and Tomlinson. Okay, Drew Brees is also auditioning to every team for a new job, and he's a talent (I always liked him at Purdue). Tricky team, that's not as bad as you think they are. And the Raiders? They're in transition, and I don't think they can run the ball. They're good enough to go .500, but Warren Sapp and Ted Washington did Jack-Dick against last year's 30th ranked Rushing team yesterday.
AFC SOUTH:
God, I hate the Titans, but they'll probably at least Wild Card it again this year. This is a tough division, which has two of the most interesting young teams in the League in Jax and Houston. The Titans' defense will be weakened, I think. They've lost too many playmakers in a row. Steve McNair, as much as I hate him, will use bailing wire and masking tape to hold himself together and practically WILL this team to the playoffs. Since I hate McNair and Jeff Fisher, I'm going to say they don't make it, though. Why? Because the rumours of Indianapolis's death have been greatly exaggerated following another gutwrencher to the Colts. It's WEEK ONE, people! Everyone conviently forgets that the Patsies got embarassed by the BILLS in Week One last year, and they turned out fine. Peyton's going to get pissed, soon, and lead this team all the way to the AFC Championship game, again. Unfortunately, Tony Dungy's still the head coach, and he'll never win a big playoff game, ever.
AFC NORTH:
Already discussed this. But I'll go deeper. The Bungles don't take the step back that everyone's predicting, but I think the Stillers just take a bigger step forward. Carson Palmer, though he's from "The Pacific Dancing League" will do just fine, and the Defense will keep getting better. I figure the Browns are still kind of random, I can't even begin to predict if they go 5-11 or 10-6. Picking their games will drive me nuts all year. The Ravens are SUPER-OVERRATED. The Stillers and Titans showed how to beat them last year, ie: Make them Pass. I liked Boller A LOT when they drafted him, but it seems like the "QB Guru," Coach What'shisfrick (whom i HATE at Chuck Nunez levels) has him totally FUBARed. Until an O-Lineman gets hurt, roll with the Stillers.
AFC EAST:
Miami is floating belly-up. You heard it here 117th. I despise every team in this division but Buffalo. Unfortunately, Buff's not that good. The Jets could make the playoffs, and I'll probably pick them to, in a minute. The Patsies look so indestructible, and I hate them so so much, that I can't even talk about them without the site crashing and burning like Craig Wilson. So let's move on.
AFC PLAYOFFS:
Home Field: Patriots
First Round Bye: Indy
Pittsburgh defeats Jets
Denver defeats Jacksonville
Denver defeats New England
Indianapolis defeats Picksburgh
Denver over Indy? How the hell did I get to that?
...oh! just thinking this up, I figured Denver plays at NE, and Pit at Indy. I already said Peyton goes to the title game again, but Dungy can't win. And I refuse to say NE/Indy play each other AGAIN in the title game, with NE going to another SuperBowl, because that would make me cry. I don't think that the Steelers could EVER beat the Pats at NE, but didn't want to admit it. So I have Denver and the Snake with an upset, then they HAVE to beat Indy, because I already said Dungy can't win a big game. Frankly, Indy or NE will probably be there. But whatever. I'm going to stand by Denver, dammit!
Now, for the NFC. Which I don't really keep track of. Although I'll admit that I think the Seahawks and Panthers are the two best teams in the NFC, I love Brett Favre, hate Donovan McNabb, and REALLY dislike Mike Vick. Moving on.
NFC WEST:
Seahawks are the only real team in this division, they win it in a walk. I can't even remember who else is there.
NFC SOUTH:
Atlanta is consistently overrated, along with Vick. Tampa Blows. The 'Aints ain't that good. I like NORTH CAROLINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNA a LOT. They play defense, and they they're teh best T-E-A-M (notice, no 'I') in the NFC. Jake v. Jake in the SuperBowl? Could be. Actually, that's just gimmicky enough, that I'm going to run with it.
NFC EAST: Fly, Eagles Fly, on an easy road to the playoffs. They get to beat up the Giants twice. Split with the Redskins (Portis TRANSFORMS this team, and Arrington's going to have a monster season) and the Cowboys are smoke and mirrors, with Vinnie Interceptaverde, to boot. Oh, and I hate Eddie George. So to recap: Iggles win. 'Skins make playoffs.
NFC NORTH: Bears need another year or two, I think. Grossman's too young, and SEC Quarterbacks not named "Manning" need extra time in the NFL. I refuse to ever bet against Brett Favre, especially a Brett Favre that's one ring away from retiring and making "There's Something About Mary II: This time there's REALLY something about her, and I beat up Ben Stiller and steal the girl at the end. And I do it all for my dad." I truly despise the Vikings, and laugh that because of a big opening weekend, everyone will be on that bandwagon as they start out 5-1, again, like they do every year, only to have the wheels fall off the proveribal wagon. The Lions? I LIKE the Lions. My NFC Sleeper. Fun, fun team with a LOT of weapons, and just as I believe Drew Brees can be good, I think Harrington can be better. Maybe they make the playoffs, let's see.
NFC PLAYOFFS:
Home Field: NORTH CAROLINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNA
Bye: Seattle
Philly over Detroit
'Skins over Packers
Panthers over 'Skins
Philly over Seattle
Panthers over Philly
This could go a bunch of ways. For the Record-- if the 'Skins play Philly in the playoffs, I think the 'Skins beat them. It's only a hunch, and Wash probably won't even make the playoffs. I'm just having fun here, and trying to make some unconventional picks, because I really don't know the NFC that well. I think Carolina's the best team there, and I have a hard time seeing Philly in ANOTHER Championship game. If they make it, I almost hope they win. ... nah, I don't. I really don't like them. Seattle, I think, doesn't make it that far, they seem like the type of team that blows it at home against a Philly team with something to prove. But that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.
Okay, feel free to hold these against at the end of the year. I'm certain I'll be looking back at this in four months like, 10-6? The Stillers? WHAT WAS I THINKING??
in the meantime, y'all gotta GET INSIDE THE FOOTBALL. DEEPER INSIDE, INSIDE THE HEAD OF THE PIG THAT MADE THE FOOTBALL!!!
YOU'VE GOT TO BE THINKING, WHY IS THAT GUY CHASING ME WITH A BUTCHER'S KNIFE?!?!?!
...I was an NFL Quarterback... dammit.
-Billy Joe Hobert, on ESPNs Mayne Event.
-apk
WoooooOOOOOOooooooo WooooooOOOOOOooooooo WoooooOOOOOOoooo
...no, that's not me doing the Ric Flair "WOOO!" (for once) it's the cool siren sound that plays during ESPN's football music. I love that music.
Which means, once again (for the first time, actually,) it's time for my NFL SEASON PREVIEW! And by "Preview" I mean "predicitons made after everyone's played a game already."
Now, I'll admit that I'm by no means a sports guru, like some of my friends. However, I do know more than enough to get by, and have read my fair share of ESPN.com this summer. Since week one's in the books, I'll admit that these predicitons are maybe a little different than they would have been last week, but who cares? It's MY blog, right?
In actuality, my predictions have only been influenced by two things: Clinton Portis, and that guy who ran for Denver last night. They are both for real (as I suspected), actually, it seems that they're both FOR REAL. And yes, I realize that KC's Defense sucks, but that kid has explosive speed, and MOVES.
I'm not going to go team by team, just give you all my general gut feelings.
First, as an unabashed homer, I'll tell you this about the Stillers: They're going to the playoffs. I think the AFC North is incredibly weak, and (even before yesterday's drubbing to the Other Browns) think that the Ravens are MASSIVELY overrated. However, are the Browns really that good? God, I hope not. I don't think I could deal with Jeanette if they beat us twice again this year.
The Picksburgh O-Line will be borderline excellent, so long as it stays healthy. Which is a BIG if. The Defensive rush showed signs of life yesterday for the first time in over a year, thanks to Dickie the Beautiful, and Tommy has shown that he's MORE than capable of running the offense for one more year, before Big Ben begins to routinely Strike Six. I honestly think they can go 10-6, with a few breaks, and win the Divison.
Now, onto the rest of the League, starting with what I REALLY know, the AFC.
AFC SOUTH:
I think this the Bronocos' Divison, because I frankly don't believe in KC whatsoever. Ashlie LeeeLeeeee, who's MUCH better than Ashlee Simpson is going to be big time-- trust me on this. Jake Plummer loves making big throws his way. And that new RB? Good gravy. He's a talented bastard. Oh, and they actually have some semblance of a Defense. Something Dick Vermiel has yet to grasp.
other thoughts: The over/under of every KC game will/should be 50. Take the over. Every game the Chargers play, they can win, for two reasons: Tomlinson and Tomlinson. Okay, Drew Brees is also auditioning to every team for a new job, and he's a talent (I always liked him at Purdue). Tricky team, that's not as bad as you think they are. And the Raiders? They're in transition, and I don't think they can run the ball. They're good enough to go .500, but Warren Sapp and Ted Washington did Jack-Dick against last year's 30th ranked Rushing team yesterday.
AFC SOUTH:
God, I hate the Titans, but they'll probably at least Wild Card it again this year. This is a tough division, which has two of the most interesting young teams in the League in Jax and Houston. The Titans' defense will be weakened, I think. They've lost too many playmakers in a row. Steve McNair, as much as I hate him, will use bailing wire and masking tape to hold himself together and practically WILL this team to the playoffs. Since I hate McNair and Jeff Fisher, I'm going to say they don't make it, though. Why? Because the rumours of Indianapolis's death have been greatly exaggerated following another gutwrencher to the Colts. It's WEEK ONE, people! Everyone conviently forgets that the Patsies got embarassed by the BILLS in Week One last year, and they turned out fine. Peyton's going to get pissed, soon, and lead this team all the way to the AFC Championship game, again. Unfortunately, Tony Dungy's still the head coach, and he'll never win a big playoff game, ever.
AFC NORTH:
Already discussed this. But I'll go deeper. The Bungles don't take the step back that everyone's predicting, but I think the Stillers just take a bigger step forward. Carson Palmer, though he's from "The Pacific Dancing League" will do just fine, and the Defense will keep getting better. I figure the Browns are still kind of random, I can't even begin to predict if they go 5-11 or 10-6. Picking their games will drive me nuts all year. The Ravens are SUPER-OVERRATED. The Stillers and Titans showed how to beat them last year, ie: Make them Pass. I liked Boller A LOT when they drafted him, but it seems like the "QB Guru," Coach What'shisfrick (whom i HATE at Chuck Nunez levels) has him totally FUBARed. Until an O-Lineman gets hurt, roll with the Stillers.
AFC EAST:
Miami is floating belly-up. You heard it here 117th. I despise every team in this division but Buffalo. Unfortunately, Buff's not that good. The Jets could make the playoffs, and I'll probably pick them to, in a minute. The Patsies look so indestructible, and I hate them so so much, that I can't even talk about them without the site crashing and burning like Craig Wilson. So let's move on.
AFC PLAYOFFS:
Home Field: Patriots
First Round Bye: Indy
Pittsburgh defeats Jets
Denver defeats Jacksonville
Denver defeats New England
Indianapolis defeats Picksburgh
Denver over Indy? How the hell did I get to that?
...oh! just thinking this up, I figured Denver plays at NE, and Pit at Indy. I already said Peyton goes to the title game again, but Dungy can't win. And I refuse to say NE/Indy play each other AGAIN in the title game, with NE going to another SuperBowl, because that would make me cry. I don't think that the Steelers could EVER beat the Pats at NE, but didn't want to admit it. So I have Denver and the Snake with an upset, then they HAVE to beat Indy, because I already said Dungy can't win a big game. Frankly, Indy or NE will probably be there. But whatever. I'm going to stand by Denver, dammit!
Now, for the NFC. Which I don't really keep track of. Although I'll admit that I think the Seahawks and Panthers are the two best teams in the NFC, I love Brett Favre, hate Donovan McNabb, and REALLY dislike Mike Vick. Moving on.
NFC WEST:
Seahawks are the only real team in this division, they win it in a walk. I can't even remember who else is there.
NFC SOUTH:
Atlanta is consistently overrated, along with Vick. Tampa Blows. The 'Aints ain't that good. I like NORTH CAROLINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNA a LOT. They play defense, and they they're teh best T-E-A-M (notice, no 'I') in the NFC. Jake v. Jake in the SuperBowl? Could be. Actually, that's just gimmicky enough, that I'm going to run with it.
NFC EAST: Fly, Eagles Fly, on an easy road to the playoffs. They get to beat up the Giants twice. Split with the Redskins (Portis TRANSFORMS this team, and Arrington's going to have a monster season) and the Cowboys are smoke and mirrors, with Vinnie Interceptaverde, to boot. Oh, and I hate Eddie George. So to recap: Iggles win. 'Skins make playoffs.
NFC NORTH: Bears need another year or two, I think. Grossman's too young, and SEC Quarterbacks not named "Manning" need extra time in the NFL. I refuse to ever bet against Brett Favre, especially a Brett Favre that's one ring away from retiring and making "There's Something About Mary II: This time there's REALLY something about her, and I beat up Ben Stiller and steal the girl at the end. And I do it all for my dad." I truly despise the Vikings, and laugh that because of a big opening weekend, everyone will be on that bandwagon as they start out 5-1, again, like they do every year, only to have the wheels fall off the proveribal wagon. The Lions? I LIKE the Lions. My NFC Sleeper. Fun, fun team with a LOT of weapons, and just as I believe Drew Brees can be good, I think Harrington can be better. Maybe they make the playoffs, let's see.
NFC PLAYOFFS:
Home Field: NORTH CAROLINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNA
Bye: Seattle
Philly over Detroit
'Skins over Packers
Panthers over 'Skins
Philly over Seattle
Panthers over Philly
This could go a bunch of ways. For the Record-- if the 'Skins play Philly in the playoffs, I think the 'Skins beat them. It's only a hunch, and Wash probably won't even make the playoffs. I'm just having fun here, and trying to make some unconventional picks, because I really don't know the NFC that well. I think Carolina's the best team there, and I have a hard time seeing Philly in ANOTHER Championship game. If they make it, I almost hope they win. ... nah, I don't. I really don't like them. Seattle, I think, doesn't make it that far, they seem like the type of team that blows it at home against a Philly team with something to prove. But that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.
Okay, feel free to hold these against at the end of the year. I'm certain I'll be looking back at this in four months like, 10-6? The Stillers? WHAT WAS I THINKING??
in the meantime, y'all gotta GET INSIDE THE FOOTBALL. DEEPER INSIDE, INSIDE THE HEAD OF THE PIG THAT MADE THE FOOTBALL!!!
YOU'VE GOT TO BE THINKING, WHY IS THAT GUY CHASING ME WITH A BUTCHER'S KNIFE?!?!?!
...I was an NFL Quarterback... dammit.
-Billy Joe Hobert, on ESPNs Mayne Event.
-apk
1 Comments:
Dammit.
Dre Bly's hurt, too. Forget everything I said about Detroit. Marc's analysis is dead on. See what happens when you try to have a little fun with your picks? The Football Gods Smote you. If you're keeping score at home, let's make that Atlanta, and have them lose like the Lions.
Dammit.
-apk
By
apk, at 8:11 AM, September 14, 2004
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