DAILY DOSE: "The Heart That I Stole I'm Never Giving Back-- Never Giving Back."

Well, I guess it’s high times I check in and see how my little social-experiment is going. And by social-experiment, I mean The Kingdom.

I’m finally sobering up from some much-needed Wednesday shenanigans, I’m putting the finishing touches on my Proposed Findings, and I’m listening to my new Music To Slit Your Wrists To CD, given joyously to me by the lovely Jeanette. It’s not the BEST Thursday ever, but it’ll do, I suppose. Anywho, the Link of the Day is nothing terribly extraordinary, but in my continuing efforts to link to all things Revenge of the Sith, I figured I’d share. Our Song is from the aforementioned album, Starsailor’s “Some of Us.” I dunno how Jeanie finds this stuff, but it’s almost ALWAYS good.

Okay, now to chime in with my two cents. Between Grampy, Marc, and Kujo, there’s not much left to say in response to the K tothe L tothe E. However, you know me—I can’t ever shut up/ leave well enough alone.

First off, since Pittsburgh doesn’t have “trains” I can’t even begin to fathom what she’s talking about guys and buffer zones. I know that the movie buffer zone popularized by Seinfeld is completely ridiculous. But then, I’m the kind of guy that likes to make insipid quips during flicks, and talking across an open seat makes that so much more difficult. Being an almost entirely bus-using public transiter, I’ll go on the record to say that like all humans, we need our space. If there’s open space, why shouldn’t we spread out a little, I mean, the boys need a place to breath. Let’s be honest.

Which brings me to an aside, presented by Kujo. Umm, public transit teen-age girls on cell phones are probably the Sixth-Most-Annoying-Thing in the Known Universe. When it’s 8:52, and I’m on the way to school, who the HELL do 18 year-old girls have to talk to? That blows me away. Also, the Fourth-Most-Annoying-Thing in the Known Universe is the NEXTEL Beep. It’s like they deliberately make it as obnoxiously loud as possible, just to draw attention to it.

Okay, video games. Since my fellow members of the Sellers Beirut Academy affectionately started calling me the “Gaming Pro,” I’m pretty certain that I’m qualified to answer this question. I can’t say that I’ve ever played more than four or five games of Madden in a row (when you’re at the end of a season, and you’re headed to the playoffs, you gotta keep that ‘Mo, goin’), but that’s only about 5 hours. The only thing I’ve ever come close to playing for eight hours was a Christmas Break session of my brother’s PC Copy of Grand Theft Auto 3. So I’ll just assume that KLE was exaggerating, and just wants to know how video games, in general, are so appealing to us.

To which I answer: HAVE YOU SEEN THE GAMES THEY MAKE FOR US? We can be sports superstars (Madden, MLB, SSX Tricky), sports owners(Any Franchise Mode), superheroes (Spider-Man 2, X-Men Legends), contract killers, alien destroyers (Halo), James Bond, fantasy heroes (Zelda), seedy underground criminals (GTA), you name it—it’s there for us. It’s pure escapism, it’s video-crack. The games themselves are all designed to take FOREVER. I mean, the Spider-Man 2 video game has a fully digitized Manhattan island to traverse. Once I beat the game, they’re still like “hey, swing around and stop robbers and stuff—have fun.” I was instantly immersed. You’ve got romance novels and shopping, we get to have video games. Really, it’s just reason 149 why it’s better to be a guy, sandwiched right between “the world is our urinal” and “I never have to use a tampon.”

Porn speaks for itself. Watched alone, it’s good for “upkeep.” Watched with friends, it’s great for a laugh. Don’t worry, we realize how absurd it is, too. That’s part of the fun.

I’ve pretty much had the same haircut since the end of high school. Honestly, there aren’t that many options out there for us. I wont’ even mention failed debacles like “chicken mcnugget gold” hair and “Dagobah Luke” (which had potential, but was too difficult to keep up, especially since I’ve got wavy, thick hair.) And once you’re a professional, as I’m dangerously close to becoming, all bets are off. But to be honest, if a girl told me to try something (and by “girl” I mean “girlfriend”) and it didn’t seem to scary, and it meant I’d probably score, I’d make a change. I’m the same way with clothes, too.

Now here’s the kicker: intelligent women. I love ‘em. I HAVE to be able to have interesting conversations. Doesn’t even have to be about smart stuff. If a girls’ intelligent and witty, that’s pure fantasticness. Seriously, KLE, you think we’re afraid of you, and you say that when you’ve challenged us, we’ve backed down afraid of the smart girl. But I’ve not seen it. I think we’ve come back at you pretty strongly every time, in the interest of captivating discourse, and most of the time, you back away. I love that you’re the heel, because you’re a smart girl we can debate with, Remember when you told me I had misquoted Ovid, and I laid the Smackdown on you? That was fun. And so was this little jaunt through your Kingdom of Darkness. I hope you keep writing as a guest star.

Speaking of guest stars, who wants to be the Kingdom’s very special guest, next Tuesday? Just let me know, while we creep ever more closely to 4,000 hits!

Finally, just bouncing around the ‘net, I bumped into something that asked, “Are you beautiful—or just a beautiful disaster?” I don’t know where it’s from, (and if anyone knows, please share) but I really, really, really like that. I think I have a tendency to migrate towards beautiful disasters. I’ll focus on that thought for a while, and perhaps discuss soon. Because it’s almost time for a brave new era.

In the meantime, I gotta accomplish something today.

Peace out, my homies,

-apk