24 Seconds about 24 (5:00 pm -- 7:00 pm)
Oops..forgot to post this before I left the office this morning. Talk about a lot of typing before bedtime...
24 Things I Think I'm Pretty Sure I Was Thinking About When I Though to Myself, "Self, There's TWO Hours of 24 Tonight, that's 48 Things You Need to Think About Thinking About"
5:00 pm - 6:00 pm
1) We join the Jack Attach with a momentous Virtual Nits comeback in progress, as the PSU D-fense has gotten incredibly stringent all of a sudden, and the game stands at 24-17 as we start the 4th. (The game would end 31-24, Vanderbilt...The Nits are THIS close to breaking through).
2) Good to have Nat back with us on the couch. Frak the Bachelor.
3) Damn! We didn't waste any time this week: Tony's AWAKE! ...and he's PISSED. AND the Soulpatch is in full effect.
4) Don't tell him 'bout Doe Eyes! It could kill him! ..that's HARSH. Ohh..i was just reminded about how much I miss Doe Eyes. ...Harsher.
5) DIAMOND CUTTER MOMENT: while Ruskies are on the phone, I had this one-way conversation with Jerry, "Keycard? What Keycar...OH SHIT"
6) I hate POTUS. He's always so much tougher once the shit has finished hitting the proverbial fan, and it's mopup time.
7) What the deuce? Tony's barely scarred! What a Gip! how's he going to go all Phantom on us?
8) {DECEASED} ....{Doe Eyes's Dead Body} ....heartbreaking. great scene.
9) Ladies and Gentlemen, the most overused phrase of the season: "On American Soil"
10) How the HELL does a local crack fiend have connections to a Russian terrorist? What did he do, dial 1-800-4-TERROR? "Yes, operator, I have a CTU keycard, and I would like to sell it for $20,000 in crack...any takers? "Why yes, sir, we have an Egyptian terorrist named Habib Marwan, an American Miltiaman named Timothy McVeigh, and an EVIL Russian Revolutionary played by the Warlock..." "hmm..please connect me with the Russians."
11) On that note, anyone realize that all of the Russians have had sterotypical Russian names like Alexi and Ivan...I can't wait for Yvgheni, Sergei, and Rasputin to join the fray next week. Wouldn't it be nice to see one named George or Stan?
12) Natalie's quote of the night: "He's such a p*ssy...he can't even get into see his own wife!" This perfectly sums up POTUS, and is extra funny because Natalie used the "p-word" and then apologized.
13) Good music while Stanislav Jagrov puts the Centox in the guerney. (Hey, there's FORTY-EIGHT of these to do tonight..they won't all be great)
14) {insert sexual tension between Aaron and the First Lady}
3 Quick Aaron: the Greatest Secret Serviceman of All Time facts
a) He changed his name from Xerxes to Aaron, just so he is alphabetically first in line to protect the President;
b) He has beaten up Chuck Norris, killed Vin Diesel, and had Jack Bauer arrested;
c) In 1974, made himself into a Eunuch during Secret Service training so that he would never be too distracted by a hot first lady to do his job. Tough break, First Lady Whackjob.
15) And Mike Novick with this week's Cockblock! He's like Ben Roethlisberger, without the Super Bowl Ring. (Though his passer rating is probably higher).
16) WAITASECOND. Nobody notices the ONE guy pushing an empty guerney through the hospital that's NOT TRYING TO EVACUATE?
17) The computer generated Nasonex bee that humps the flower and talks like Pepi le Pu with emphasema really creeps me out.
18) Somebody. Assassinate. Jay. Mohr. ...I liked "Picture Perfect" as much as the next guy (which is to say that Jennifer Anniston's breasts were tremendous) but between his perpetual "Bob Sugar" and his terrible columns on si.com, he must be stopped.
19) Back to the show! CTU KNOWS ABOUT THE WARLOCK! Thatagirl, Audrey!
20) According to "Merriam" (snicker) Robocop's computer only has downloaded MP3s. We're about to watch Jack kill a man for being a music pirate.... "Why do you hate Robocop so much?" Merriam asks, to which Jack should've pulled a Lt. Weinberg and screamed, "WHY DO YOU LIKE HIM SO MUCH?"
21) Just once I want someone to tell Jack that she doesn't know the password, only for Jack to reply, in full-on-hardass-Jack-mode, "I call shenanegins."
22) THIS is why Blackjack's not in charge. He chases down the terrorist, then puts two rounds directly into the guy's heart. The JACK school is very basic: 1) shoot the hand. 2) shoot the knee. 3) torture the suspect. Lather, rinse, repeat, as necessary.
23) Jerry called it! JACK SHOT MERRIAM IN THE LEG! PHE-------nomenal! But Nat's right..we've never Jack more scared shitless than when he said, "You don't care about anyone..not even her." He's just been outwitted by Metro City's finest.
24) Curtis Manning: Heisman Trophy Winner, saver of hundreds of hospital personnel. Take a bow, Blackjack.
Well, what a SLAM-BAM awesome hour that was! Before I get into it any deeper though, I want to take a second as ask why Motorola has such a problem with vowels? And would it be SO hard for them to name their next phone TOKA so that it matches up with RAZR? Thank you, I'll be here all week..shit-- it's back on... here we go again...
6:00 -- 7:00
25) I ran out of things to think about, and forgot to comment on the dead Crackheads, including Rudy's execution-style murdered-sister. In the words of Lawrence Taylor, kids, DON'T DO CRACK.
26) Somehow, I don't think that the Ruskie's Face-O-Matic 3000 would work that fast. If so, though, he's the greatest fake-ID manufacturer since Scott Novak.
27) KIM! WOOT! The nonstop season O' Hotties Continues, on 24! Ps: I hate the long hair..I know we're trying to make her look grown up..but COME ON...
28) The #1 Candidate to get killed when CTU is attacked by the Ruskie: Kim's new boyfriend. C.Thomas Howell. (although she may just be dating that terrible goatee, which may be a sentinent being all to itself)
29) Audrey, darling, when discussing Jack with Kim, please say the following: "The people who knew Jack was alive are ALL DEAD, unless they have a soulpatch-- you don't have no soulpatch." ...dammit, Audrey!
30) Honestly, we almost just had to inject Jerry with something to keep him from shouting "THE VICE PRESIDENT KILLED AND RAPED HIS DAUGHTHER IN TWIN PEAKS! YOU CAN'T TRUST HIM" To which Natalie and I replied, "Twin Peaks?"
31) Martial law? Are you KIDDNG Me? Natalie just proposed that all White House staff wear "What Would Palmer Do" bracelets. Cuz Martial Law is NOT that.
32) I refuse to believe that if Jack Bauer hears a terrorist infiltrator speaking with a Russian acccent, that he wouldn't shoot 1st and ask questions later, better keep Mikhail Lenin away from JB. Which reminds me to bring up a point: is there ANY easier place in the UNIVERSE to break into than CTU?
33) Jack. KISS AUDREY before the attack on CTU! What? wait! dammit! what little girl just got to my keyboard... I'm back now... umm...BANG AUDREY before the attack on CTU. Word. and then drink a beer and have her cook you dinner.
34) {ahem.} KIM: EVERYONE WHO KNEW HE WAS ALIVE ALMOST DIED TODAY. PLEASE STOP BEING A BITCH.
35) uh oh. Tony knows Robocop. Great writing. Makes incredibly blatant sense that I didnt' think about. The writers hath brought their A-Games tonight.
36) Haha! I joked that Jack would want a background check on Barry the Bearded Boyfriend (B^3), and here Audrey, like Jack's perfect soulmate, went and completed one without even having to be prompted! That'smygirl!
37) Robocop v. Jack Bauer. Teacher v. Student. Great. Classic. Stuff. Jack's gonna need a whole new bag of tricks...
38) Hey, nicely done Mike-- good to see the LAMEASS prayer scene came back into play. More good writing!
39) CURTIS JUST SAVED THE HOSPITAL-- AND THERE HAS BEEN NO MENTION OF THIS? WHERE'S THE LOVE FOR BLACKJACK?
40) If I can be serious for a minute... This is playing out so horribly blatantly realistically, it's scary. Martial Law? Go through Congress? What-- NO! The simple reality of America is that the Constitution means nothing so long as the President can make the American people feel safe. Scary. Okay, I'm off my soapbox, let's kill us some terrorists!
41) Carrie the Hottie Techie: nice neck. Weird face. uh oh. you're DOA...say thanks to Edgar on your way to being killed..
42) Prediction: at least ONE of the following will die in the next hour: Chloe, Edgar, Kim, Audrey.
43) FIRST GOOD MOMENT between POTUS and Whackjob, "You wanted me to a husband first..." Great writing.
44) Carrie, we hardly knew ye....again.
45) HAH! Right as I stood up and screamed, "CHLOE WILL SAY IT!" she comes at Kim with , "try to cut him some slack." Thank YOU, Chloe! 5-Star General Obvious.
46) FRAK FRAK FRAK! They're taking Robocop right to Tony! this will not end well...
47) Jerry: "Edgar needs to eat the bomb.." hilarity.
48) Oops-- text message coming in...Skydiving? my Next-Ex Girlfriend is frakking insane.
49) We're in O.T. folks! this episode is just TOO MUCH AWESOME
50) This season's big cliche will be "The terrorist just activated the gas and ran away with the little key button thing"
51) Alright! Jack's on him..now watch as he follows the JB school-- 1) shoot the hand...shit. Doesn't ANYONE shoot for the knees anymore? We wasted two potential breakable terrorists in two hours!
52) CODE SIX! CTU is in a FLANK-TWO POSITION, REPEAT, CTU IS IN A FLANK-TWO POSITION! ....code six? what is this? Grey's Anatomy?
53) Run! Edgar, RUN!!!
54) DIAMOND CUTTER MOMENT-- OH SHIT! "SEAL ALL THE ROOMS"
55) Audrey's made it to the Sit. Room! Hallelujah! ...uh oh...Edgar--
56) Chloe mouths, "edgar...." my heart just broke... That was incredible.
57) Silent count sendoff with Edgar, who never knew the touch of a woman. At least he can go find his mom. Oh wait, she committed suicide and is in hell. Tough break. (that was for you, 'Lex).
But seriously, folks, the death of Edgar was just tremendous television, and was an incredible cap to two unbelievably good hours of television. And for the record, around 9:30, I said, "this episodes' going to end with a silent count, I can feel it...and nothing good ever comes with a silent count..." It's the most dramatic message the show can send, the silent count. Powerful, powerful, stuff. But what of next week? Now what? Well, it's obvious Tony will kill Robocop. But who's got to die to save CTU? Early money's got to be on Linn, though I fear for my boy TC McQueen (Bill Buchanan). Don't forget that HOLDING is one of the sealed off rooms...Samwise has got to sacrifice himself to save the kids and redeem himself..this i believe.
Just don't kill off Audrey. Or Cyclops.
be good to each other, i have to go ice down my hands from typing all of that.
-apk
24 Things I Think I'm Pretty Sure I Was Thinking About When I Though to Myself, "Self, There's TWO Hours of 24 Tonight, that's 48 Things You Need to Think About Thinking About"
5:00 pm - 6:00 pm
1) We join the Jack Attach with a momentous Virtual Nits comeback in progress, as the PSU D-fense has gotten incredibly stringent all of a sudden, and the game stands at 24-17 as we start the 4th. (The game would end 31-24, Vanderbilt...The Nits are THIS close to breaking through).
2) Good to have Nat back with us on the couch. Frak the Bachelor.
3) Damn! We didn't waste any time this week: Tony's AWAKE! ...and he's PISSED. AND the Soulpatch is in full effect.
4) Don't tell him 'bout Doe Eyes! It could kill him! ..that's HARSH. Ohh..i was just reminded about how much I miss Doe Eyes. ...Harsher.
5) DIAMOND CUTTER MOMENT: while Ruskies are on the phone, I had this one-way conversation with Jerry, "Keycard? What Keycar...OH SHIT"
6) I hate POTUS. He's always so much tougher once the shit has finished hitting the proverbial fan, and it's mopup time.
7) What the deuce? Tony's barely scarred! What a Gip! how's he going to go all Phantom on us?
8) {DECEASED} ....{Doe Eyes's Dead Body} ....heartbreaking. great scene.
9) Ladies and Gentlemen, the most overused phrase of the season: "On American Soil"
10) How the HELL does a local crack fiend have connections to a Russian terrorist? What did he do, dial 1-800-4-TERROR? "Yes, operator, I have a CTU keycard, and I would like to sell it for $20,000 in crack...any takers? "Why yes, sir, we have an Egyptian terorrist named Habib Marwan, an American Miltiaman named Timothy McVeigh, and an EVIL Russian Revolutionary played by the Warlock..." "hmm..please connect me with the Russians."
11) On that note, anyone realize that all of the Russians have had sterotypical Russian names like Alexi and Ivan...I can't wait for Yvgheni, Sergei, and Rasputin to join the fray next week. Wouldn't it be nice to see one named George or Stan?
12) Natalie's quote of the night: "He's such a p*ssy...he can't even get into see his own wife!" This perfectly sums up POTUS, and is extra funny because Natalie used the "p-word" and then apologized.
13) Good music while Stanislav Jagrov puts the Centox in the guerney. (Hey, there's FORTY-EIGHT of these to do tonight..they won't all be great)
14) {insert sexual tension between Aaron and the First Lady}
3 Quick Aaron: the Greatest Secret Serviceman of All Time facts
a) He changed his name from Xerxes to Aaron, just so he is alphabetically first in line to protect the President;
b) He has beaten up Chuck Norris, killed Vin Diesel, and had Jack Bauer arrested;
c) In 1974, made himself into a Eunuch during Secret Service training so that he would never be too distracted by a hot first lady to do his job. Tough break, First Lady Whackjob.
15) And Mike Novick with this week's Cockblock! He's like Ben Roethlisberger, without the Super Bowl Ring. (Though his passer rating is probably higher).
16) WAITASECOND. Nobody notices the ONE guy pushing an empty guerney through the hospital that's NOT TRYING TO EVACUATE?
17) The computer generated Nasonex bee that humps the flower and talks like Pepi le Pu with emphasema really creeps me out.
18) Somebody. Assassinate. Jay. Mohr. ...I liked "Picture Perfect" as much as the next guy (which is to say that Jennifer Anniston's breasts were tremendous) but between his perpetual "Bob Sugar" and his terrible columns on si.com, he must be stopped.
19) Back to the show! CTU KNOWS ABOUT THE WARLOCK! Thatagirl, Audrey!
20) According to "Merriam" (snicker) Robocop's computer only has downloaded MP3s. We're about to watch Jack kill a man for being a music pirate.... "Why do you hate Robocop so much?" Merriam asks, to which Jack should've pulled a Lt. Weinberg and screamed, "WHY DO YOU LIKE HIM SO MUCH?"
21) Just once I want someone to tell Jack that she doesn't know the password, only for Jack to reply, in full-on-hardass-Jack-mode, "I call shenanegins."
22) THIS is why Blackjack's not in charge. He chases down the terrorist, then puts two rounds directly into the guy's heart. The JACK school is very basic: 1) shoot the hand. 2) shoot the knee. 3) torture the suspect. Lather, rinse, repeat, as necessary.
23) Jerry called it! JACK SHOT MERRIAM IN THE LEG! PHE-------nomenal! But Nat's right..we've never Jack more scared shitless than when he said, "You don't care about anyone..not even her." He's just been outwitted by Metro City's finest.
24) Curtis Manning: Heisman Trophy Winner, saver of hundreds of hospital personnel. Take a bow, Blackjack.
Well, what a SLAM-BAM awesome hour that was! Before I get into it any deeper though, I want to take a second as ask why Motorola has such a problem with vowels? And would it be SO hard for them to name their next phone TOKA so that it matches up with RAZR? Thank you, I'll be here all week..shit-- it's back on... here we go again...
6:00 -- 7:00
25) I ran out of things to think about, and forgot to comment on the dead Crackheads, including Rudy's execution-style murdered-sister. In the words of Lawrence Taylor, kids, DON'T DO CRACK.
26) Somehow, I don't think that the Ruskie's Face-O-Matic 3000 would work that fast. If so, though, he's the greatest fake-ID manufacturer since Scott Novak.
27) KIM! WOOT! The nonstop season O' Hotties Continues, on 24! Ps: I hate the long hair..I know we're trying to make her look grown up..but COME ON...
28) The #1 Candidate to get killed when CTU is attacked by the Ruskie: Kim's new boyfriend. C.Thomas Howell. (although she may just be dating that terrible goatee, which may be a sentinent being all to itself)
29) Audrey, darling, when discussing Jack with Kim, please say the following: "The people who knew Jack was alive are ALL DEAD, unless they have a soulpatch-- you don't have no soulpatch." ...dammit, Audrey!
30) Honestly, we almost just had to inject Jerry with something to keep him from shouting "THE VICE PRESIDENT KILLED AND RAPED HIS DAUGHTHER IN TWIN PEAKS! YOU CAN'T TRUST HIM" To which Natalie and I replied, "Twin Peaks?"
31) Martial law? Are you KIDDNG Me? Natalie just proposed that all White House staff wear "What Would Palmer Do" bracelets. Cuz Martial Law is NOT that.
32) I refuse to believe that if Jack Bauer hears a terrorist infiltrator speaking with a Russian acccent, that he wouldn't shoot 1st and ask questions later, better keep Mikhail Lenin away from JB. Which reminds me to bring up a point: is there ANY easier place in the UNIVERSE to break into than CTU?
33) Jack. KISS AUDREY before the attack on CTU! What? wait! dammit! what little girl just got to my keyboard... I'm back now... umm...BANG AUDREY before the attack on CTU. Word. and then drink a beer and have her cook you dinner.
34) {ahem.} KIM: EVERYONE WHO KNEW HE WAS ALIVE ALMOST DIED TODAY. PLEASE STOP BEING A BITCH.
35) uh oh. Tony knows Robocop. Great writing. Makes incredibly blatant sense that I didnt' think about. The writers hath brought their A-Games tonight.
36) Haha! I joked that Jack would want a background check on Barry the Bearded Boyfriend (B^3), and here Audrey, like Jack's perfect soulmate, went and completed one without even having to be prompted! That'smygirl!
37) Robocop v. Jack Bauer. Teacher v. Student. Great. Classic. Stuff. Jack's gonna need a whole new bag of tricks...
38) Hey, nicely done Mike-- good to see the LAMEASS prayer scene came back into play. More good writing!
39) CURTIS JUST SAVED THE HOSPITAL-- AND THERE HAS BEEN NO MENTION OF THIS? WHERE'S THE LOVE FOR BLACKJACK?
40) If I can be serious for a minute... This is playing out so horribly blatantly realistically, it's scary. Martial Law? Go through Congress? What-- NO! The simple reality of America is that the Constitution means nothing so long as the President can make the American people feel safe. Scary. Okay, I'm off my soapbox, let's kill us some terrorists!
41) Carrie the Hottie Techie: nice neck. Weird face. uh oh. you're DOA...say thanks to Edgar on your way to being killed..
42) Prediction: at least ONE of the following will die in the next hour: Chloe, Edgar, Kim, Audrey.
43) FIRST GOOD MOMENT between POTUS and Whackjob, "You wanted me to a husband first..." Great writing.
44) Carrie, we hardly knew ye....again.
45) HAH! Right as I stood up and screamed, "CHLOE WILL SAY IT!" she comes at Kim with , "try to cut him some slack." Thank YOU, Chloe! 5-Star General Obvious.
46) FRAK FRAK FRAK! They're taking Robocop right to Tony! this will not end well...
47) Jerry: "Edgar needs to eat the bomb.." hilarity.
48) Oops-- text message coming in...Skydiving? my Next-Ex Girlfriend is frakking insane.
49) We're in O.T. folks! this episode is just TOO MUCH AWESOME
50) This season's big cliche will be "The terrorist just activated the gas and ran away with the little key button thing"
51) Alright! Jack's on him..now watch as he follows the JB school-- 1) shoot the hand...shit. Doesn't ANYONE shoot for the knees anymore? We wasted two potential breakable terrorists in two hours!
52) CODE SIX! CTU is in a FLANK-TWO POSITION, REPEAT, CTU IS IN A FLANK-TWO POSITION! ....code six? what is this? Grey's Anatomy?
53) Run! Edgar, RUN!!!
54) DIAMOND CUTTER MOMENT-- OH SHIT! "SEAL ALL THE ROOMS"
55) Audrey's made it to the Sit. Room! Hallelujah! ...uh oh...Edgar--
56) Chloe mouths, "edgar...." my heart just broke... That was incredible.
57) Silent count sendoff with Edgar, who never knew the touch of a woman. At least he can go find his mom. Oh wait, she committed suicide and is in hell. Tough break. (that was for you, 'Lex).
But seriously, folks, the death of Edgar was just tremendous television, and was an incredible cap to two unbelievably good hours of television. And for the record, around 9:30, I said, "this episodes' going to end with a silent count, I can feel it...and nothing good ever comes with a silent count..." It's the most dramatic message the show can send, the silent count. Powerful, powerful, stuff. But what of next week? Now what? Well, it's obvious Tony will kill Robocop. But who's got to die to save CTU? Early money's got to be on Linn, though I fear for my boy TC McQueen (Bill Buchanan). Don't forget that HOLDING is one of the sealed off rooms...Samwise has got to sacrifice himself to save the kids and redeem himself..this i believe.
Just don't kill off Audrey. Or Cyclops.
be good to each other, i have to go ice down my hands from typing all of that.
-apk
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