DAILY DOSE: "What I Give To You, Is Just What I'm Going Through. This is Nothing New..."

First off, a warning: any and all pro-New England posts will be censored. I don’t want to hear about it. We all know the team’s good/ a dynasty. I encourage you all to start your own Tom Brady masturbatory blog. I don’t care if you post the cure to Cancer, if there’s a “Bill Bellicheck is the Tom Brady of geniuses” in there, it’s gone forever. Now, a history lesson.

In 2000, Marvel Comics started something called the “Ultimate” universe. Basically, the idea was to take its greatest characters, like Spider-Man and the X-Men, and reboot them for a new, younger audience. The thought was that they could release themselves from the shackles of 40-odd years of stories, and get back to what made the characters great in the first place. Peter Parker wouldn’t be a 30-something with a model for a wife anymore. No, he’d be back to being a dorky high schooler, and thus, infinitely more relatable and interesting to young readers. Instead of becoming Spidey in 1962, he became him in 2000, and a whole new generation of freshly updated stories, that stay true to the original essence of what makes the characters great, was born. It was a rousing success, and the line has expanded to include X-Men, Fantastic Four, and the Avengers (re-christened “the Ultimates,” one of my favourite books.)

Why the comic book history lesson? Why, because for the immediate future, The Kingdom shall be known as the Ultimate Kingdom. I’m just too tired of the real universe, and I feel like using my imagination. I encourage you all to play along, and post-up some ideas for “Ultimizing” the universe. If someone wants to write a whole column about their best “Ultimate” ideas for tomorrow, feel free. But let’s refrain from “flying cars that run on happy thoughts” --ground yourselves in reality. Which means, of course, the Democrats still have their heads up their collective asses. Though Kerry can be President, if you like.

The Kingdom might as well be a dream world, right?

I'll start: there are absolutely NO sports teams in Boston/New England in the Ultimate Kingdom. In fact, the Patriots actually disbanded on November 1, 2004, following a crushing defeat at the hands of the Steelers, who were immediately awarded the NFL Championship. The Super Bowl consisted solely of a three-hour Paul McCartney half time show, though this one was actually pretty good (“Hey Jude” not withstanding) and Slash from Guns ‘n Roses played guitar in “Live and Let Die.”

Also in the Ultimate Kingdom, St. Valentine’s Day never existed.

I lack a Link today, it’s a slow day on the Internet. Everyone’s too bored with Boston winning championships. Just remember, if y’all were that great, you could’ve delivered us a President.

Your Song of the Day is “Volcano” by Damien Rice. Love Damien Rice. Love the strings (bass? cello?) in this one. Basically just love the song. Enjoy.

Be good to each other.

And Welcome to the Ultimate Kingdom!

Also: Where in the World is Adam Boyce Kupchellitis? He never showed/ never made contact with us like he had planned Saturday or Sunday. I’m honestly concerned at this point.

-apk

a final thought: the CD player on my work computer sucks. All it does is skip. Anyone know any magical home remedies for this? And it's not the discs-- they're new.