Guest Star Tuesday: Lara Brings the Ruckus
Also, Happy Half Birthday TO ME. Please send certified cheques and next ex-girlfriends to the appropriate address. Thanks!
The Link and Song are BOTH brought to you by Lara-Love, and the Song is "Ahrn At This Bar- Ceann Na Caca" (i have no idea what it is) available HERE. Apparently, it's funny, and lyrics include, "Yinz want a beer n'at? There's Ahrn at this bar."
And now, Herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeee's Lara
Hey hey kids. Happy Tuesday. Our buddy Adam is taking the day off and passed the proverbial torch over to me, Lara. You may remember me as “The Supreme Comandress of all Hippies” (thanks to Uram and “Going Postal”), you may not…either way, it doesn’t matter. The point is that Adam left me no choice but to come up with something clever by a 9a.m. deadline. Wow. What a mistake!
So, for lack of a fresh and original idea, I’m just going to go ahead and start listing stuff that pisses me off…it’s been a tough couple of weeks…and then perhaps, in the grand tradition of The Blog, you, the faithful readers will respond with stuff that also pisses you off. It’ll be like a therapy session, free of charge, but without the added benefit of prescription medication (eh, you can’t have it all).
1. I wouldn’t be The Supreme Comandress of All Hippies if I didn’t start this list off with the bane of my existence: George W. Bush. Yes, yes, he is evil and he is stupid and the middle half of the country should certainly be blown up for re-electing this ass president, but the man has injured me personally. I work at a Damon’s Grill and we have ridiculously large screen TVs in the “club house”. One day as I was walking past, there he was, The President, blown up, his monkey face staring at me…and the shock of seeing him so oversized and so close up made my bite my mouth. I’m pretty sure there was blood. I won’t get started on his politics- that’ll take too long. It’s enough that the bastard made me bleed. God, I hate him.
2. Tom Brady/Steelers “Fans”- Man oh man, do the Patriots ever piss me off. Although I may be slightly clouded by bitterness regarding the Steelers’ recent loss, I am still lucid enough to know that bad things should happen to Tom Brady. Now, I don’t hate him like I hate GW, but I do hate him enough to wish him broken wrists and twisted ankles. Now, the Steelers’ “fans”, they’re even worse. You can’t support your team all season and then bail because they lost. I also wish broken wrists for you too.
3. Bills- Man, I know that paying bills is a part of “growing” up…but why do there have to be so many of them!!! My gas bill this past month was $204.00…keep in mind that two weeks of that month the temp was set to 55 (Christmas vacation) and the other two weeks it was set to 62. Now, you tell me, how does that equal $204??? If I’m going to be paying that much money, I’d like to be warm dammit!!! Also in the bills category: student loans. I have three of them, one of which I just found out I haven’t been paying on. Ha ha ha Lara. No credit for you.
4. Horatio- no one knows Horatio*. He’s an assistant manager at Damon’s…although, to talk with him, you’d think he thinks he was God. Believe me, he’s not that cool. Did you ever have a manager type that was so full of him/her self, so freaking high up on a pedestal that he/she got nose bleeds? Yeah, that’s this guy. On any given day he probably makes 5 bucks more than me per hour- I’m pretty sure that I shouldn’t have to take any shit from this guy. I need a new job so I can tell him to shove it. That’d be great.
That’s only four things that piss me off. There are more: Comcast, The impossibility of ever completing a Sunday morning New York Times crossword puzzle (without help), Gas prices, Drinking too much and “lara-ing” everywhere, My general lack of automotive knowledge….
See, it’s fun to bitch. Now you try. And have a happy dayJ
-Lara
7 Comments:
You can't tell...but I'm blushing!
:)
Also- yes, good quote. God, I hate Bush.
-Lara
By
Anonymous, at 2:43 PM, February 01, 2005
Good job Lara. Now don't hate me for what I'm about to say. Until now, I have been biting my tongue when I read bad things about Tom Brady. I love him. I know, I know...everyone will say I'm a traitor. Sure, I would have loved to see the Steelers go all the way, and they had a great season, but I don't blame Tom Brady for ending it. I hope he doesn't get hurt, and I hope he gets MVP again. And I'm not ashamed to say that I was upset when Tom had to get his pretty face stitched up earlier in the season. Plus I win every time with him on Madden.
~jhs
By
Anonymous, at 2:48 PM, February 01, 2005
I agree with the assistant manager thing. Now, I've never met Horatio, but every assitant manager at every bar/restaurant are the same. The rules are universal. They think sexual harassment is a compliment, especially because in his mind, the ladies should be so lucky as to get a piece of him. They think cocaine is a food group and to be healthy, you need 5 servings of it a day. They think that because they can tell you to take out the trash or sweep under a table (and you do, only because it's futile arguing with a man who believes that he'll one day be making six figures working for the corporate office) that they are the Supreme Master of All Human Kind. They think that because they have a key to the office, any female employee would be grateful for the opportunity to provide him fellatio. But take heart- I can guarantee that you make more than him. He only took the jump (read: paycut) from head server to assistant manager because he knows that the rest of the world doesn't consider 11th grade "higher education" and he's looking at the "long term opportunities." Fear not- this will never happen!! What he doesn't realize is that he will be caught by his superiors trying to grab the boobs of the 18-year-old rookie waitress at the Christmas party and subsequently asked to leave. But of course, the cycle doesn't end there... it never ends. He'll go to some other themed restaurant while his replacement is probably leaving that same restaurant to come apply at yours...
-Lauren "you probably don't know me" Follett
By
Anonymous, at 1:50 AM, February 02, 2005
lara wants me.
jfh
By
Anonymous, at 9:32 PM, February 02, 2005
HI. lauren and i are just assessing the damage of the parades we went to-what an awkward thing to do to ask people to throw beads at you. god bless lousiana for that open container law- never has to go cup meant so much. despite lack of bathrooms, this 60 degree weather is killing me. bring on the heat. anyway the reason im writing is because im overwhelmed with how hard core this whole blog is- the maintaince and committment it takes from all of those that take part- that is impressive. is it the whole office/tied to a computer lifestyle? anyway everyone should live in new orleans once in their life- excess gone wild is awesome, as are girls. five days left- hope i make it to wed.
love
melissa (lareau in case youre confused) and lauren (by asscioation)
ps if any of you have hot single friends that are between the ages of 25-30, in the greater new orleans area im looking to meet new 'friends'.
pps is topshelf drew?
ppps bush does suck.
By
Anonymous, at 1:08 AM, February 03, 2005
FYI: Dominic Paul Gesepe Aaaaaaaaaaa, I ain't got no middle name Diyanni is getting married.
By
Anonymous, at 9:19 AM, February 03, 2005
Whoa!!! Hold the fuck up! Melissa Lareau? Like the real Melissa Lareau? No shit. When did you get back from... from... wherever the hell you were?!?! Send me an email and let me know what the hell you've been up to. (Me being Cory Staub, or "Gramps" as the kiddies in the kingdom have dubbed me.)
cmstaub78@yahoo.com
- Gramps
By
Anonymous, at 10:26 AM, February 03, 2005
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