24 Seconds about 24 (4:00am -- 5:00am)
24 Things I thought I thought about 24 This Week In Between Chastizing Myself For Not Taking "The Power of Love Platinum," and Not Catching That Bomb That Guy Hit at Kickball While Wondering If American Idol Will Be Any Good This Week Without Chris...(it wasn't).
Pregame: Just some quick housekeeping. In honor of his performance this weekend and his Elton John glasses, Graham the BlueToof BadGuy, aka Opie, will hereon be known as "Uram". So it is written, so it shall be done.
1) Aww, look how nice Jack is, opening the door for Karen. Little do they all realize that they've been royally screwed by Miles. OxPiers, you know exactly what this is like.
2) This week's Civics Lesson is brought to you by: Bill Buchanan. "you see Jack, we must impeach the President before the executive branch will arrest him, so we've got to go to the AG who can go to Congress...it's called 'separation of powers' and 'checks and balances.'" This week's episode of 24 is also brought to you by the letters C, T, and U, and the number (duh...) 24.
3) Jack Bauer = Darth Vader. He went STRAIGHT FOR THE NECK! KILL, JACK! KILL! GO TO THE DARK SIDE!! MILES "i work for the president now" THE RAT BASTARD DESERVES IT!
4)...ahem... sorry. I have to regain my composure....
5) KILL HIM JACK!!! ...dammit. Wait, why would POTUS let Jack off the hook? Wouldn't it be easier to bring him into custody, and have an "accident"? I mean hell, you're about to do the same to Rambo Pierce... It's not like Jack doesn't have a history of escaping captivity..just say he tried again, and accidentally put a bullet in his head...stoopid POTUS.
6) Umm, Jack, the only person in America less credible than you is Bra-drey. a) she's been sleeping with Walt Cummings b) she was already considered a co-conspirator today, so she'd say anything to protect her ass c) she's shown an uncanny ability to do whatever you damn well please/thank you d) her daddy might back you up but: d1) he's her daddy, d2) you saved his life once d3) he has all the political capital in the world to gain by going against POTUS....
...hence, you're hairbrained scheme to bring in your g/f was summarily dismissed. next time, PLAY THE FRAKKING RECORDING FOR SOMEONE ELSE!
7) Bierko Escaped! Karen Hayes, "what, what happend?" I'll tell you what happened, the writers realized that they were shit out of bad guys, and had three hours left, and that whole "Miles v. Jack" showdown just doesn't come with much oomph.
8) Woah. HHH? Jerome "Fatty" Bettis? Burt Reynolds? making "Man Laws" for Miller Lite? This is either pure genius or an unmitigated disaster. The jury's still out. Can someone please identify all the man lawmakers?
9) YES! MRS POTUS HAS DRAWN A LINE IN THE SAND! TODAY, SHE CELEBRATEs, HER-- INDEPENDENCE DAY! JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS, MARTY!
10) How the hell has POTUS convinced Secret Service guys to play dirty and take out one of their own. I dont' buy that for a second. The only possible explanation is that POTUS pulled strings to get some of Uram's men on his detail...eh, i'll run with it.
11) DIAMOND CUTTER MOMENT: "There's nothing you can do or have done that's acceptable to me in the least.... Is there anything else, Charles?!?"
12) That deserved it's own space. Seriously, from here on out, when I just want to slap someone down, I'm just going to say, "is there anything else...Charles?" I don't even care if people get it.
13) My boss and I bonded over 24 today. He's recently started through the DVDs and has just reached Marwanville. He now thinks I'm cool. It's true, it's true.
14) JEEEEEEEEEEEZUS, MIKE-- FIGURE THIS OUT ALREADY! although, points to POTUS for instantaneously reverting to "oooh, no....bierko's on the loose, pray with me Mike" mode.
15) Henderson is so HARSH. He's just sitting in holding, chillin'. Waiting to kill Bra-drey and ruin this season for me.
16) Robocop gets all Chris Martin and tells Jack about his Politik. "let me tell you how things are in the REAL WORLD, JACK". Dude's diesel. I hope's he back next year-- he makes a great foil for Jack. Sucks he's going to kill Bra-drey.
17) Bold prediction (made Monday) -- they have Kim. Bold realization (on Wednesday) -- crap.
18) Bill and Ka-ren, sit-ting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Works for me, TC McQueen deserves some tail! Hope she's cool with frakkin' a Tank. (That was for Gooder).
19) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Bra-drey has reverted to her civillian identity, Audrey. ie: shirt's back on. Dammit. 'Least the neck's still there. I know many of you are thinking "she safe behind a desk now" but au contraire, there's NOWHERE less safe than CTU LA. Odds are that she either gets shived by the hottie psycho redhead, Henderson shoots her from six miles away, or the computer blows up and kills her. All because they bought Dell.
20) When Jack was all, "I'm cutting a deal with Hendu," Audrey should've just been like, "eh, my dad's alive..whatever." I would've paid upwards of six dollars to see that happen.
21) Who's Joseph Molina, you wonder? Well, he's a Big League catcher, I think. Plays for the Devil Rays. Brothers are Javier, Benji, Chico, Harpo, and Zeppo. He hit .289/.468/.821 last year, which is servicible for a bench guy. He's a hell of a signal caller, though.
22) Speaking of six dollars well spent, I wish Chloe would've been all, "EDGAR could've cracked a Phoenix..but he's DEAD..THEY'RE ALLLLLLLLL DEAD-- and you LET THEM DIE, JACK.....i quit."
23) Karen, suddenly hard as nails. Jack: "I swear to you I will kill him..." "Then don't let it get to that point..." Welcome to season 6, Karen. Your seat next to BB is waiting for you.
24) MARTHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
Post game: DAMMMMMMMmmn, Gena! That's one hell of an hour. there's SO much going on, how are we ever wrapping this up in the two hour finale? Some quick points: Natalie is a nuclear submarine. When i told her this, she (having not seen the ep yet) thought I was making a fat joke. BLACK JACK TOOK ANOTHER BULLET. That means he's been on missions with Jack three times, and taken three bullets! Also, I can't believe Hendu wasn't pulling a fast one. Though he totally served Jack when he explained what he was up to. Someone online calls Curtis "Black Bauer" instead of Black Jack, which I originally thought was mindlessly dumb, until he explained that he likes to raise up his right hand when Curtis does something cool, and shout "Black Bauer!" That guy is genius. BlackJack is still cooler, though. Gas the sub, take a nuke? Nope-- gas the sub, fire pussified warheads? Ugh. And they used a whole thing of Centox just to kill, what? all six sailors on board? And that stuff's not corrosive anymore? the Loopholes keep getting bigger.
And finally, screw you, Elliot. Taylor, I hate you so much. Go Kat. At least you're pretty hot.
-apk
Pregame: Just some quick housekeeping. In honor of his performance this weekend and his Elton John glasses, Graham the BlueToof BadGuy, aka Opie, will hereon be known as "Uram". So it is written, so it shall be done.
1) Aww, look how nice Jack is, opening the door for Karen. Little do they all realize that they've been royally screwed by Miles. OxPiers, you know exactly what this is like.
2) This week's Civics Lesson is brought to you by: Bill Buchanan. "you see Jack, we must impeach the President before the executive branch will arrest him, so we've got to go to the AG who can go to Congress...it's called 'separation of powers' and 'checks and balances.'" This week's episode of 24 is also brought to you by the letters C, T, and U, and the number (duh...) 24.
3) Jack Bauer = Darth Vader. He went STRAIGHT FOR THE NECK! KILL, JACK! KILL! GO TO THE DARK SIDE!! MILES "i work for the president now" THE RAT BASTARD DESERVES IT!
4)...ahem... sorry. I have to regain my composure....
5) KILL HIM JACK!!! ...dammit. Wait, why would POTUS let Jack off the hook? Wouldn't it be easier to bring him into custody, and have an "accident"? I mean hell, you're about to do the same to Rambo Pierce... It's not like Jack doesn't have a history of escaping captivity..just say he tried again, and accidentally put a bullet in his head...stoopid POTUS.
6) Umm, Jack, the only person in America less credible than you is Bra-drey. a) she's been sleeping with Walt Cummings b) she was already considered a co-conspirator today, so she'd say anything to protect her ass c) she's shown an uncanny ability to do whatever you damn well please/thank you d) her daddy might back you up but: d1) he's her daddy, d2) you saved his life once d3) he has all the political capital in the world to gain by going against POTUS....
...hence, you're hairbrained scheme to bring in your g/f was summarily dismissed. next time, PLAY THE FRAKKING RECORDING FOR SOMEONE ELSE!
7) Bierko Escaped! Karen Hayes, "what, what happend?" I'll tell you what happened, the writers realized that they were shit out of bad guys, and had three hours left, and that whole "Miles v. Jack" showdown just doesn't come with much oomph.
8) Woah. HHH? Jerome "Fatty" Bettis? Burt Reynolds? making "Man Laws" for Miller Lite? This is either pure genius or an unmitigated disaster. The jury's still out. Can someone please identify all the man lawmakers?
9) YES! MRS POTUS HAS DRAWN A LINE IN THE SAND! TODAY, SHE CELEBRATEs, HER-- INDEPENDENCE DAY! JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS, MARTY!
10) How the hell has POTUS convinced Secret Service guys to play dirty and take out one of their own. I dont' buy that for a second. The only possible explanation is that POTUS pulled strings to get some of Uram's men on his detail...eh, i'll run with it.
11) DIAMOND CUTTER MOMENT: "There's nothing you can do or have done that's acceptable to me in the least.... Is there anything else, Charles?!?"
12) That deserved it's own space. Seriously, from here on out, when I just want to slap someone down, I'm just going to say, "is there anything else...Charles?" I don't even care if people get it.
13) My boss and I bonded over 24 today. He's recently started through the DVDs and has just reached Marwanville. He now thinks I'm cool. It's true, it's true.
14) JEEEEEEEEEEEZUS, MIKE-- FIGURE THIS OUT ALREADY! although, points to POTUS for instantaneously reverting to "oooh, no....bierko's on the loose, pray with me Mike" mode.
15) Henderson is so HARSH. He's just sitting in holding, chillin'. Waiting to kill Bra-drey and ruin this season for me.
16) Robocop gets all Chris Martin and tells Jack about his Politik. "let me tell you how things are in the REAL WORLD, JACK". Dude's diesel. I hope's he back next year-- he makes a great foil for Jack. Sucks he's going to kill Bra-drey.
17) Bold prediction (made Monday) -- they have Kim. Bold realization (on Wednesday) -- crap.
18) Bill and Ka-ren, sit-ting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Works for me, TC McQueen deserves some tail! Hope she's cool with frakkin' a Tank. (That was for Gooder).
19) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Bra-drey has reverted to her civillian identity, Audrey. ie: shirt's back on. Dammit. 'Least the neck's still there. I know many of you are thinking "she safe behind a desk now" but au contraire, there's NOWHERE less safe than CTU LA. Odds are that she either gets shived by the hottie psycho redhead, Henderson shoots her from six miles away, or the computer blows up and kills her. All because they bought Dell.
20) When Jack was all, "I'm cutting a deal with Hendu," Audrey should've just been like, "eh, my dad's alive..whatever." I would've paid upwards of six dollars to see that happen.
21) Who's Joseph Molina, you wonder? Well, he's a Big League catcher, I think. Plays for the Devil Rays. Brothers are Javier, Benji, Chico, Harpo, and Zeppo. He hit .289/.468/.821 last year, which is servicible for a bench guy. He's a hell of a signal caller, though.
22) Speaking of six dollars well spent, I wish Chloe would've been all, "EDGAR could've cracked a Phoenix..but he's DEAD..THEY'RE ALLLLLLLLL DEAD-- and you LET THEM DIE, JACK.....i quit."
23) Karen, suddenly hard as nails. Jack: "I swear to you I will kill him..." "Then don't let it get to that point..." Welcome to season 6, Karen. Your seat next to BB is waiting for you.
24) MARTHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
Post game: DAMMMMMMMmmn, Gena! That's one hell of an hour. there's SO much going on, how are we ever wrapping this up in the two hour finale? Some quick points: Natalie is a nuclear submarine. When i told her this, she (having not seen the ep yet) thought I was making a fat joke. BLACK JACK TOOK ANOTHER BULLET. That means he's been on missions with Jack three times, and taken three bullets! Also, I can't believe Hendu wasn't pulling a fast one. Though he totally served Jack when he explained what he was up to. Someone online calls Curtis "Black Bauer" instead of Black Jack, which I originally thought was mindlessly dumb, until he explained that he likes to raise up his right hand when Curtis does something cool, and shout "Black Bauer!" That guy is genius. BlackJack is still cooler, though. Gas the sub, take a nuke? Nope-- gas the sub, fire pussified warheads? Ugh. And they used a whole thing of Centox just to kill, what? all six sailors on board? And that stuff's not corrosive anymore? the Loopholes keep getting bigger.
And finally, screw you, Elliot. Taylor, I hate you so much. Go Kat. At least you're pretty hot.
-apk
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