MIDNIGHT SNACK: "Two Voices"

Okay, so it's not midnight. Actually, it's closer to 2AM, but you get the picture. Searching for distractions from this paper, I noticed the old How To Read a Poem book that I stole from Uram almost three years ago (!). Woah. I can't believe it's been three years since graduation/Tahoe/worst summer ever. Crazy.

That being said, I thought I'd culturalize all yinz yokles, and share a poem, one of my favourites. It's called "Two Voices" and was written by someone named David Ignatow. Hope you enjoy.

I'll challenge myself, I said.
I have read the classics;
my insides feel they'd like to be outside
catching air. It was cold
but sunny. I wore my coat,
no hat though. Adventure.
I would invite troule at once.
Pneumonia. I'll escape Stendhal,
Baudelaire, Whitman, Eliot,
each pressing me in turn
to his heart. In the cold air
I hardened. Nearby stood a lake;
I jumped in.
"We had to haul him
out, a block of ice, eyeballs
in a frozen stare. After melting him
down, we lost him. he had fogotten
how to breathe. 'Challenge the weather,'
he murmured. 'Challenge the weather.'
And he closed his eyes."

and if you thought that post was lame, just wait until I start posting my OWN stuff.
-apk

THE GEEK HOLLYWOOD MINUTE

Today’s all chalk full of movie news. First up a little something about MARVEL taking out a mega-loan to start its own movie production company, so that it can 1) prevent the studios from creating stuff like Elektra (and the probably-shitty Fantastic Four), 2) actually make some bank on its films, 3) MAKE CAPTAIN AMERICA. You know, if I could go back in time, I would become a screenplay writer so that I could be tapped to write a Captain America movie that would 1) kick ass, 2) be marketable worldwide, 3) prove once and for all that he is the greatest superhero ever.

Next, in what I consider an odd bit of casting (in a movie that’s FULL of it), Hugh Jackman, best known to the world as Wolverine and Van Helsing, has been cast to play Jonathan Kent, Clark’s adoptive father, in the new Superman movie. Apparently, Brian Singer (the director of X-Men, X2, and Superman) only knows about 12 people in the entire world, because he’s also cast James Marsden (Cyclops) and, according to rumor, Famke Jansen (Jean Grey) in various minor roles in the film. Singer’s earned my trust through his amazing capture of the X-Men mythos, but I have to admit that between the odd cast, the fact that the movies apparently a sequel to Superman II, and my mixed feelings about the new suit (if you’ve not seen it, let me know), I’m starting to wonder if this is going to suck or not. Not that I really care, I’m not much for the Big Blue Boy Scout, but Uram’ll go positively apeshit if the movie blows.

Frankly, kids, this is going to be one of the hum-dingerest biggest summer movie seasons of all time. Whether or not it’s good hinges on the comeback of two monstrously huge franchise. Both have been lamented of late. Both seem to be ready to make up for their past transgressions. Why yes, I speak to you of Stars Wars III: Revenge of the Sith and Batman Begins.

Honestly, I realize that, contrary to popular belief, not everyone likes Star Wars and/or Batman. However, both these franchises are two of the five biggest American mythologies, and their importance to countless people is undeniable. That being said, let’s check some links.

Star Wars: RoTS
Reviews are pouring in on this one, and considering how much the fans hate Eps I and II, I’m positively BLOWN AWAY and EXCITED by every positive review. In honesty, I’m not reading anything with a spoiler on it, because I refuse to have any part of this ruined for me. I’ve been waiting for this movie for 25 years, and I can’t wait to see how the birth of the twins, the Jedi Purge, the Emperor’s rise to power, and the change from Clonetrooper to Stormtrooper occurs. I’ll be there at midnight on the 18^th, because even though I hold much disdain over the first two, Lucas has suckered me right back in.

If you’d like to know more, here are some links to some reviews,

ALL OF WHICH CONTAIN SPOILERS

The first is by KEVIN frakkin’ SMITH, of Dogma, Clerks, etc., fame. I read the first two sentences, and then stopped. But I can’t deny that the thought of Kevin Smith loving the movie makes me extremely happy. The 18^th can’t get here soon enough!

You can also check out THIS (spoilers) one and THIS (non-spolier) one, if you so desire.

Reviews aside, there’s tons of cool Star Wars stuff on the ‘net right now, including my new desktop wallpaper, which may be the Coolest Star Wars Picture I’ve ever seen.

And I’d be remiss if I didn’t link HERE to the ONLY Blog better than the Kingdom! This is a MUST READ for you, Grampy Staub. The rest of you might get a kick out of it, depending on your affinity for Star Wars. Just don’t read any comments. The dorks that post comments are really trying to ruin things, and they’re the type of people that give me a bad name. It is funny, though, when Darth Vader answers “Dear, Abby” type questions that usually result in someone having their trachea smashed by the Force. Really- go have a laugh or two.

Finally, there’s THIS, which is a Halloween Costume waiting to happen… My only concern is that my head is too big to actually fit into it... oddly, I was just remdinded of Revenge of the Nerds…

Batman Begins
While the Superman cast has left me scratching my head, the Batman Begins cast has me cheering. Just LOOK at this lineup: Christian Bale (American Psycho, Equilibrium) as Batman, Gary Oldman (Air Force One, Bram Stoker’s Dracula) as Lt. Jim Gordon, Morgan Freeman as Bruce Wayne’s tech-savvy mentor, Liam Neeson as Batman’s martial arts trainer/mentor, Katie Holmes as Bruce’s Hot-hot Girlfriend, Michael Caine (Austin Powers’s Fajah) as Alfred the Butler, Cillian Murphy (Momento) as the Scarecrow and Ken Watanabe (The Last Samurai) as Ra’s Ah Ghul (the other bad guy).

Whew! That’s got the makings of a badass movie. I was watching Batman Returns last night, and I realized how much I already prefer the totally real-world looking Gotham City from THIS NEW TRAILER over the cool, stylized, Tim Burton Gotham.

It focuses on Bruce Wayne’s change from sissy to Batman, his return to Gotham after years of training, and an entire thematic arc about ‘fear.’ This one’s gonna be good.

Well, I guess that’s about it from me for now. In the meantime, I’ll see you at the movies (I’ll be the one with the m&m/popcorn)!

-apk

DAILY DOSE: "My Chemical Left Me a Beautiful Disaster"

On my way out of the office to go to an interview yesterday, I asked Barb, my boss, if she had any good advice for me, to which she replied, “Yeah, take two pitches and hit it to right.”

She then followed it up with some actual interview-relevant advice, but I couldn’t help think about how well “take two pitches and hit to right” pretty much just rings true for everything. For those of you not baseball-inclined, I’ll explain. When you’ve got two strikes on you, the best thing to do is choke-up on the bat, keep your weight back, and look for an offspeed pitch to hit the “other way” (for a right-hander: right field). This way, you won’t get fooled by a curveball and strike out. And even if he brings a fastball, you’ll probably foul it off, or just be late and hit it to right anyhow. It’s Contact Hitting 101 (that Jeff Bagwell used to perfection to break Ollie’s no-hitter the other day). So it got me thinking, “Maybe it’s true, maybe the best advice is to sit back, kind of let things come to you, and just drive the ball the other way.” Now, I’m not sure what “the ball” is, and I suppose it changes with whatever situation you’re in, but I like the analogy. I have a tendency (I’m sure you’ll be surprised to know) to rush into situations melodramatically with my emotions clearly on my sleeve, and blowing whatever sort of advantage I had. Clearly, I need to sit back, and let at bats develop, until I can just find a pitch to hit.

..but there is the fact that my batting average dropped about 300 points when I tried to start hitting that way in HS/College. The only time I’ve been a good hitter was when I was aggressive. So I suppose the lesson here is, “I have no idea what I’m talking about.” I still think it’s good advice though. I just have to figure out how to actually apply it to life. Your thoughts/suggestions are more than welcome.

Two Links today. The first is from Elise, and features exploding amphibians. She finds the weirdest stuff online.

Now, if combustible toads aren’t your forte, I ask you, who wants to get fired? (or, in Lauren’s case: Fail Finals) Head to the Link of the Day and play GAMES! GAMES, I SAY, GAMES!!! (allow me to recommend “Digger” which I had on my PC back in the late 80s! Adina, Gooder and I would play this like, every day. I’m pretty sure I held the house record, for even then I was the Gaming Pro!) Actually, this site is kind of a letdown. I’ve been trying to find “Odell Lake” online, but no one seems to have it. Anybody remember that game from grade school? What about the Charlie Brown typing/baseball game? Interestingly- I found a walkthrough to the Oregon Trail online today. Apparently, games created for 10 year olds to learn about history now require Cheats… back in MY DAY we died of cholera like normal people, left crass remarks on our gravestone, and forded our way to Fort Walla Walla. Kids these days… And while we’re on the topic of Aple //e games, does anyone have a copy of Where in the USA is Carmen SanDiego? I would LOVE to have that… I almost beat it in the fourth grade, making the grade of "Super Sleuth," but was never able to catch Carmen before the end of the schoolyear. For the record- no one in class was better than me (because I am a MEGA-NERD).

That’s about it for today. After work, it’s back home to my NEW/USED MONITOR! That doesn’t suck like my old one, to write my Captain Kirk paper. Also, thanks to AliMac for telling me all about the LimeWire pirating software! Thanks to her, I was finally able to download some more Keane and some Anna Nalick. Anna should be my next ex-girlfriend. She’s the protypical Adam-Girl, sings melodramatic songs (that I like) and is cutetimesten. Her song, “Catalyst” is YOUR Song of the Day, because she strangely mentions a “beautiful disaster,” which was a concept I ran across on the net a few months ago, have been meaning to talk about, and haven’t. If Iwere one to believe in fate (which I’m not) I’d be pretty sure we’re engaged.

Just to sum up how all-over-the-place this DOSE has been, I leave yinz with this declaration:
Double-chocolate (half milk/half dark) Hershey’s Kisses are FAN-tastic. They’re not Caramel Kiss AMAZING, but they’re close. There ain’t nuthin’ like the Caramel Kiss.

be good to each other,

-apk

DAILY DOSE: "We Can Both Remove Our Halos"

So I’m going to the ballgame after work tonight, which means that I brought a bookbag with a change of clothes/shoes/ballcaps in it. Walking to the bus stop with the backpack slung over my shoulders, I began to wonder, “Why was it only ‘cool’ to wear your backpack with one shoulder strap in high school, but then only ‘cool’ to wear your backpack with both shoulder straps in college?” Does anyone else remember having to go through that adjustment period freshman year, or am I just crazy?

Anyway, I suppose I should make some sort of comment about the NFL Draft. I’ll be honest, I didn’t pay really any attention to any pre-draft hype, or really the draft itself this year (and with ZERO Penn State players being taken for the first time since 1953, I’m sure you can understand why), so I’m not that qualified to make any remarks. My gut tells me that the Steelers picking a Todd Heap-like Tight End is a good thing, because it gives Ben someone big and athletic to throw to underneath. So long as Joey Porter doesn’t take any cheap shots at Heath during training camp, we should be gravy. Also, bonus points for anyone named “Heath.” What a great name.

I’m going to go on the record as saying that I really like the way the receiving corps is shaping up. I think we’ll have a nice assortment of tough, quick, ball-catchers that are going to compliment the running game well. We’ve basically got two Randle El’s now, My Boy Hines, and (hopefully) Zamir Cobb, the badass kid from Temple who caught everything thrown at him in preseason last year, before being injured. Also, when the tall WR we just drafted from UGA (Hines’s alma mater) fills out his frame with a little cream n’ clear, he’ll be the heir apparent to Plexiglass.

Throw in a “Bill Cowher-type corner” from a REAL SCHOOL, and I get a good vibe from the draft.

One final draft thought—did anyone else notice that New England is so good that they drafted a PUNTER in like, the 3d or 4^th round? Crazy.

Now, for something that angered me. I’m watching the Pirates game last night, and for those of you that don’t know (and this is the second time I’ve referenced it in as many posts) the Real Oliver Perez please stood up last night, and shut down the Astros for 7 2/3 on route to a 2-0 win for the Bucs. I think he struck out 9 (maybe 10). The kids downright electric and he threw a no-hitter through 5 2/3.

So what do I have to be angry about? Well, I’m specifically blaming Fox Sports Pittsburgh for ruining the no-hitter. EVERYONE knows that during a no-no, you do ANYTHING but mention it. ANYTHING. I even called Kup to clue him in on it, but did everything short of saying “he’s throwing a no-hitter” (in fact, those are four words that should never be spoken by anyone). Kup got the hints, bless his heart, and we went on our merry way. Now, with two out in the sixth, and JEFF BAGWELL (mind you, not the pitcher or anything) coming to bat, the asshole director of Fox’s telecast had an asshole camera man ZOOM IN on the scoreboard, to the point where there was only the “H” and the “O” on screen. Sure, it made for a cool visual—but it’s the KIND OF VISUAL YOU SAVE UNTIL THE END OF THE GAME. No doubt, as I sat there talking to Kup, I screamed at the TV, told Kup what had happened, and we instantly agreed the no-hitter was the proverbial Dead Man Walking. Sure enough, after working the count to 3-2 by fouling off a couple of dirty sliders, Bagwell sat on a curveball, and beautifully laced it through the hole between 1^st and 2d. No more no-no.

I don’t believe in fate. I don’t even really believe in luck. But I’m mad-superstitious, and I do believe that one shouldn’t frak with the Fates. Fox did, and they cost Ollie a no-hitter. Now they owe him an apology.

Your Link of the Day is a little claymation movie I found mildly entertaining. In actuality, it’s pretty lame. I’m just interested to see how many of you out there know 1) WHO ‘Ash’ is, and 2) WHY he’s awesome.

Song of the Day is a tough one. There’s really nothing on my mind, so howzabout y’inz chime in with some good music choices. I’m in need of new stuff. (anyone who tells me to listen to the new Rob Thomas song or the Burger King commercial with Darius Rucker gets banned FOREVER. YOU HEAR ME!!!)

In the meantime, hollatchaboy,

-apk

*Radio Edit: Song of the Day is "The Woman in You" by Ben Harper, recommended and brought to you by Lauren, who also recommends his cover of "Strawberry Fields." Thanks for playing, Lauren, you're Official Kingdom No-Prize is in the mail!

MIDNIGHT SNACK: "And Singin, 'Fun! Fun! Fun!"

Some random thoughts as I put the kibosh on my independent study of John Dickinson (who, surprise, surprise, didn't suck!)

1) For Marc: I saw a Safari today. But it just wasn't any Safari, it was a "Safari XT," and looked a hell of a lot like the A-Team van. I couldn't help but think the XT stood for "X-Treme" making it the (whisper) Safari (shout) X-TREEEEEEEEEEEMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

2) Nice to see that the Real Oliver Perez finall made it north from Bradenton. I hope he brought the team's bats with him.

3) This week's 24 had the best ending of the season thus far. Chloe, ASSAULT rifle in hand UNLOADS on "Evil Terrorist Flunkie of the Week (c)TM" The coolest part was thinking they were as good as dead when the guy started shooting into the car, only to find the glass to be bulletproof. Just great writing there.

4) Did anybody out there own the Mad Scientist Monster Lab? You basically took plastic skeletons, built monsters out of them with a play-doh-like substance, and then dropped them into a vat of "acid" and watched them disintegrate, all as their eyes and shit fell out. They don't make 'em like that anymore. One of the coolest playsets I ever had.

5) While shopping in Wal*Mart with Carolyn last night (update: we're friends again), I came across the NEW AND IMPROVED DARTH VADER HELMET SET. I'm pretty sure I could fit MY massive head into this thing, and it comes with a full three-piece helmet and voice-synthesizer kabob. If someone wants to send me this as a grad present, I PROMISE to use my unemployment time to build a full-blown leater Vader suit for All Hallow's Eve.

6) Skip Bayless (of ESPN Page 2 and "Cold Pizza") = GREAT Writer/ TERRIBLE TV Personality.

7) Another Wal*Mart moment: it seems as though Wiffle Ball bats have been replaced in popularity by FOAM RUBBER BATS. Do these people have ANY idea how quickly Wiffle Ball records are going to fall? This is the equivalent of giving Big Leaguers aluminum bats. I would've been putting balls through Hazel's second-story windows with a FOAM bat.

8) Just for the record. Let's say my old 4th grade math teacher, Mr. Potts, owns a Ferrari. It's "Mr. Potts's Ferrari" NOT "Mr. Potts' Ferrari." Why can't people understand this?

9) I like Matchbox Twenty. There. I said it. Now I don't have to hide from it. Last night's lyrics were from a Matchbox Twenty song, and it's made me feel ashamed for hiding from it last night. The new "solo" Rob Thomas thing kind of concerns me (especially his haircut), and they were the first concert I ever went to (with Doug and Drew! HA!). So yeah. Make fun. It's sad that I'll admit to Hootie and the Blowfish, but will hide Matchbox Twenty like its the music equivilent of lepracy. I've been scarred ever since Triumph the Insult Comic Dog said they were like if "Cher was the lead singer of the Goo Goo Dolls," and I couldn't even dispute that.

10) Marc's comment that I'm "Seth Cohen" from the OC is either a compliment, or a massive dig. I've not decided as of yet. I've only seen one episode (2 weeks ago) and it involved him being all about the Girl Who Knew About Comics. All I can say is, "At least he has a hot girlfriend." In actuality, I'm probably some sort of bastard cross-breed between Seth from the OC and Xander from Buffy.

11) "Gilmore Girls" = not that bad. "One Tree Hill" = CRINGEWORTHY.

12) I'm really sick of this paper. And when I'm done, I have five days to write a brief on how Captain Kirk received Ineffective Assistance of Counsel from Worf's grandfather in his trial for the assassination of Klingon Chancellor Gorkon in Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country.

13) (had to finish with thirteen!) I've got an extra Buccos ticket for tonight, and there's tailgating involved. It's free. Who can meet me at Penn and 9th at 5pm?

Be good to each other. if you're lucky, the server won't crash at work tomorrow, and you'll get a real Daily Dose from me.

peace.
-apk

Midnight Snack: "this could be the difference between what you need and what you want..."

I’m feeling introspective, but there’s not a whole lot coming to mind right now, so here are a few things you probably don’t know about me. This stuff has all been on my mind just over the last few hours.

1) I have a strange love for any and all pictures depicting Ophelia from “Hamlet.” This is not something I think about regularly, just that when I see one, I always love it.

2) There’s a stop sign on the way home from my parents’ house that has a heart spray-painted on it. I find this stop sign to be strangely captivating.

3) I love the rain. I love it even more when it smells like rain.

4) I wish I could find someone to write music I could try to write lyrics to.

5) I wish I could find someone to help me write my comic books Olympus: Gods Among Men and Team: PATRIOT.

6) I can’t watch good horror movies, because my imagination is too overactive, and I can never sleep afterwards.

7) I don’t think I could be friends with someone that doesn’t like Field of Dreams.

8) I don’t know if there’s a woman on the planet that can understand what Field of Dreams is really about (if y’all want to know, I’m about ready to write all about it.)

9) Graduation scares me. I’m not ready to grow up or start working hard again.

10) I often feel like a colossal failure.

11) I think that Robert Duvall’s “speech about chairs” at the end of the movie Phenomenon is both vastly underrated and particularly intriguing.

12) I don’t think that I’ve ever figured out any particular girl’s “chairs,” but I actually kind of think that I’m on to one…

13) I’m convinced Penny will die the day before the Bar Exam. To the point where today, I told my father not to tell me it happened until after the Exam—but to let me bury her.

14) I want to read Sinclair Lewis’s It Can’t Happen Here, because V was based on it.

15) The only graduation present I want is the new book Superheroes and Philosophy. And a job.

16) I miss everybody.

G’night.
-apk

DAILY DOSE: "Climbing Higher Through the Fire"

Well, don’t I suck?

I suppose it would be nice of me to actually post semi-regularly around here, wouldn’t it? Bear with me though, friends, for I’ve just officially rolled into FINALS FORTNIGHT. It’s my final finals, which is an epic statement in and of itself. Luckily, though, finals represents more of a nuisance than a challenge this semester. I’ve got a 24-hr take-home final in ADR that shouldn’t take but an evening to complete, with no initial study-time needed; about more pages to write for my independent study on John Dickinson; a 15 page-appellate brief on the trial of Capt. Kirk from Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country; and a 2 two hour, closed book Insurance final.

Only Insurance represents any kind of a challenge, and that’s only because I’ve not paid any sort of attention in that class whatsoever. Luckily, though, I’ve got some pretty good professor-supplied outlines, two full days to prepare for it, and my indelible study partner, Sprout. With luck, I’ll get to graduate.

Yes! Graduation. It’s getting closer each and every day. It’s going to be a bittersweet moment, I’m quite certain of that. Though I often bitched about it, law school life was a pretty cool racket. The only real advantage to joining the real world is the opportunity for a steady paycheck. However, being that my employment options are bleak, to say the least, at this point, I’d rather just stay in school. Perhaps my biggest question is, “what’s going to happen with all my law friends.” Sure, by the time Bar/Bri’s over, I’ll be more than sick of all of them, but soon after that, I’ll miss them, I’m certain. Luckily, though, just about all of my closest friends are staying put here in the ‘burgh. Unluckily, on the other hand, most of them are starting new lives through marriage, etc., meaning less time to hang out with ME. And what about people I’m only allowed to hang out with in school? I mean, I’m done with school now…I guess it’s true that all good things must come to an end.

But not to worry, all, I don’t foresee the Kingdom ending any time soon. That is, I suppose, so long as you all keep visiting. Which I guess depends on me keepin’ on posting… So, since I’ve wasted five minutes of your time meandering about waxing poetically of the end of school days, I might as well entertain you…

First up is the Link of the Day, supplied to us by his Royal Frenchness, Marc. I’ve not had the time to delve deeply into the site, but Marc threatened to “gut me like a fish” if I didn’t comply with his demands to make it the Link of the Day. Though I could stand to lose the few pounds a good gutting would entail, I’m fragile, and that sounds like it would hurt. Thus, your Link.

The Song of the Day is MORE Yellowcard. It’s a great song (that I think is about 9/11) called “Believe” ::insert audible groan by crowd here:: I know, I know. I’m sorry! Really, I’m almost out of Yellowcard songs. It’s just, when I hear new ones, they just get stuck in my head. And that’s how this whole “Song of the Day” thing works. Wait. Why the hell am I apologizing? It’s not like anyone out there waits anxiously to find out what the Song of the Day is, just so he/she can go download it. In fact, I don’t even know why I pick a Song, other than to use the lyrics as the title to the Dose… hmm.

So other than the usual stuff (Pirates: bad!, comic books this week: good!, MVP baseball: dominating!), I’ve not got a whole hell of a lot to report. Sorry to be boring. But it’s probably going to be a boring couple of weeks. Anyone got cool weekend plans? I’ll probably spend my weekend writing the aforementioned brief/paper. However, I’ll soon write about “Peaking at 17,” like I promised y’all so so long ago. Maybe later this afternoon.

Finally, I’d like to take the time to publicly thank the lovely Lauren for her kind words regarding the Kingdom and my writing the other evening, it’s real feedback like that that keeps me keepin’ on. However, I still wish that people would offer to guest-blog a little more often (and when I say “more often” I mean, ever.) Lauren has come up with the wonderful idea that we should start a “how long until Britney gets back to her ‘Slave for You’ playing weight” Pool. Someone remind me to bring that back up once she has the kid.

By the way, Britney is a nutbar, and Christina’s getting married. What the hell happened to my late teens/early twenties? This shit makes me feel like I’m 40 or something.

Be good to each other, I’ll try to come back later.
(and this time, I mean it!)

…anybody want a peanut?

-apk

DAILY DOSE: "All I Want To Do Is Be More Like Me and Be Less Like You"

Konichiwa, Bitches!

You know, I'd like to thank the Wu-Tang Clan for one my favourite catch-phrases. It's pretty versitile. You can use it as a greeting, as smacktalk, or as an exclamation. I got some quality mileage out of it yesterday on the golf course when I hit my one good drive of the day. Good stuff. Feel free to use it.

Anywho. What a weekend that was. I'll be sprinkling the Kingdom with little anecdotes all week, since life between M-F is so mundane right now. This way I might actually, you know, post all week long, and have something to say. First and Foremost, CONGRATULATIONS TO DOUG AND SARA(H?) for their beautiful wedding this weekend. Special thanks goes out to Doug, my boy from way-back-when in elementary school, for inviting me to be part of the wedding party. The whole day was fantastic, fratastic, and fun. Good times were had by all, and if only that bridesmaid Brooke would lose 190 pounds... (ie: her boyfriend.)

My date Drew and I had a good time at the festivities, though I'll admit, it would've been nice to have had someone to dance with of the female persuasion. The wedding was woefully short on single girls, and I was woefully short on "having a date." But I guess these things happen. Drew and I did teach Trent and Shawn, the six-year-old ringbearers, how to do "The Robot," though (inbetween moments when they were grass-staining their WHITE TUXES) and Shawn BLEW IT UP on the dance floor. It was probably the second best Robot I've ever seen. No joke. You'd all have to see it to believe it.

Don't worry- I drank a lot, too. Not as much as the 17-year-old bridesmaid who had to leave before dinner, but I plowed through PLENTY of Jack n' cokes in the Hummerzine on the way to the reception. Funny side story: Doug's dad is a teacher at my HS, so the place was packed with faculty. And here Drew and I were, hammered, having conversations with them all. The moral of this little story: We are SO much cooler than we were in High School.

A few more quick points before I wrap up:
1) John Van Benschoten threw a perfect game against the Yankees last week...on MVP Baseball 2005. He's given up 3 runs in 72 innings now. Guy's a STUD.
2) Rob hit his first homerun the other night (in real life). Yay for the Mack of All Trades.
3) The Pirates suck.
4) Welcome to the Kingdom, Chewie. Nice of you to post for us. It was even eloquent and stuff. Hope you stick around.

Okay, Link and Song time. The Link of the Day is supplied to us by Elise, my new best email buddy. And it couldn't come any sooner. Go read it, and then come back, I'll wait....

.....


.....

....

...

..
.

.
.
...okay?
Okay. I have a confession to make.

I'm not a real person. In fact, none of this is real. The man you know as "Adam" died in a mining accident three years ago. He never went to law school. This entire Blog is made up. In fact, he's never even seen "Death the Smoochie," and has no idea why I call his Blog "The Kingdom." This is all fake. I've just taken the most melodramatic aspects of Adam's life, that I remember from his time amongst us, and exaggerated them, so that you can all feel a little bit happier about your lives. Hence, all the girl drama, all the Rah-Rah-Pittsburgh stuff, all the law school bitchiness, and of course, all the stupid lyrics.

There, I feel a lot better. I hope this hasn't totally destroyed the illusion. Don't worry, you can still use this forum to "paricipate, often anonymously and from anywhere in the world...[and] revolve [this Blog] around griping sessions and hyperboles. [Even though] Griping sessions only reinforce negativity that is all too pervasive" in life. And remember, anonymous posters, you can't be trusted, because, "Anonymity encourages personal anecdotes that are, more often than not, exaggerated or even sometimes outright lies."

I hate you all. In fact, I hate myself. We can't trust each other in this little Blogosphere (they used that word, not me.) Someone out there is really bitter that he got snookered by AnonymousLawyer.

YOUR Song of the Day is the "Encore/Numb" remix by Jay-Z and Linkin Park. Seperately, I don't particularly care for either song, or either artist. Together, they headline my new CD, "Charbydis," that I burned for the long journey into Westmoreland County last weekend. I think it's a cool-as-shit ingenious mix of two songs with nothing in common. Yes, folks, someday, historians will look back on the great disparate composites, like Archie Bunker/Sammy Davis, Jr., peanut butter/chocolate, and the Jetsons/Flintstones, and they will say, "hey, 'Encore/Numb' was pretty cool at the time." Trust me on this one.

The problem is, now everyone's gonna be doin' it, which is my challenge to YOU!

What two songs would go REALLY good together?

see? all THIS and a POLL DAY, TOO!

Damn. that's one long post. Sorry. But deal.

bitches!
-apk

Daily Dose: "There's Something 'Bout Your Pushing Me, Pulling Me, Saying, 'Don't go away.'"

TGIF, friends, and welcome back to the Kingdom.

There's an interesting mix of events churning around today, which may make for either 1) an emotionally charged Dose or a 2) decidedly bland one. Tough call, let's see where the stream takes us.

First off, take a moment to laugh your ass off at what has become one of my all-time favourite websites. The Link of the Day will take you to Vin Diesel Random Fact Generator. Keep hitting 'refresh' on your browser, and just keep laughing. Post-up with some of your best results. Some of my favourites (that I can remember off the top of my head) include:

"Vin Diesel once said Beetlejuice three times. Since then, Michael Keaton has had no career."
"5 x 5 = Vin Diesel."
"Vin Diesel once won control of the universe from God in a ladder match. After a few days, though, he gave it back to Him out of pity...just out of pity."
"The dinosaurs went extinct after Vin Diesel told God he thought the dinosaurs were "a motherf***ing stupid idea...dumbass." God was embarrased and killed off all the dinosaurs. Then, Vin Diesel gave back God's bong."

Just the pure extensiveness/ecclecticness of this site is something to behold, whoever's writing these 'facts' is my hero for a week. Then I'll get bored and start watching that Batman Lego Movie again...God bless the internet. That Al Gore really outdid himself.

I see the Kujo has already posted his thoughts on the Sheffield altercation. Interestingly, Adam Kupchelitis has landed firmly on the other side of the debate. It should surprise none of you to learn that Kup is a Yankees fan, and Kujo's a Red Sox fan. That being said, I've not seen a got view of the altercation (I've only seen it on ESPN Motion, which, coincidentally, sucks). I'll reserve judgment for now, if you've seen it, feel free to share your opinions. One thing I've noticed that's not been discussed is that the media has refused to take any sort of blame for shit like this happening. I know Sox and Yankees fans will forever hate each other. They're like cobras and mongooseses (geese?)--natural enemies. However, maybe if a 3 game series THE SECOND FRAKKIN' WEEK IN APRIL wasn't hyped to all high-holy-hell, then fans wouldn't jack the rivalry up to a point where they felt they needed to "do their part" and start hitting players. Just a thought. And since I have a soapbox, I figured I'd use it.

Since I talk too much about baseball around here, according to new Kingdomite, the lovely Elise, I guess I'll get off that subject for now, and tell you about how my weekend plans are all screwed up, thanks to Men's Warehouse.

You see, folks, I'm in my old buddy Doug's wedding this weekend. Since his groomsmen are scattered amongst the four winds, he used his Navy-officer ingenuity to order his tuxes through the aforementioned National Chain. Nice of him to do so, actually, it meant I could order mine in the Waterfront, and not in Greensburg. (For non-Pittsburghers, that's about a driving time difference of 40 minutes for me.) So I go to pick the damn thing up yesterday, only to find that some nimrod in their central sending processing plant or whatever decided that the 36" pants ordered for me (no fat jokes, people.) would better fit me if they were...

..wait for it...

31 FRAKKIN' INCHES.

I could stop drinking beer, kool ade, soda, water, and air; eat only vegetables; exercise 3 hours a day, six days a week; and there ain't NO WAY i'm getting into 31" pants. (Actually, I was quite proud of myself for actually getting them buttoned last night. However, my colon was less than thrilled). So yeah. They're hoping to have the right pants shipped to me by today (ie: 'this morning') but we're approaching noon, now, and I've not heard from them. Basically, that means that I have to drive 100 minutes to Latrobe for the rehearsal tonight, and then instead of driving 30 minutes to my parents' house, where Drew and I could carpool to the wedding tomorrow, I've got to come ALL THE WAY BACK to the city tonight, just so I can pick up my tux tomorrow morning at 11am, and then haul ass back to Latrobe in time to make the wedding. Awesome.

Sorry to rant. The more I think about it, and how it's frakked up my entire weekend, the pissier I get.

Oh, so I guess it's time to explain, "frak." Frak is an imaginary curse word created wayyy back in the 70s for the original Battlestar Galactica. It was one of the few things from the original that made it into the new series without change. Interchangable with another four-letter word, commonly refered to as "the F-Bomb," it has decidedly cut down on my dirty language. This way, I can still swear, and people don't know. Yes, I'm a geek. But also, it's a fun word. If you don't like it, go frak yourself.

hmmm..well, lucky for yinz, I got sidetracked enough that I avoided the emotional-ness of the past week. Actually, I don't feel that emotional, just weird. It's the usual complicatedness, that I'm sure you can all come up with explanations for on your own, if you care. Generally, I'm swell, just trying to figure out where to go from here. Right now, the edict is: trust my gut. So we'll see how long that works out. Nothing like a new adventure.

And finally, YOUR Song of the Day is "Gotta Stay High" by the New Radicals. Although I'm adverse to the high-ness, I still really like this song, and it just seems to work for me right now. Played it on repeat on the cd-player as I drove to work today. I drove, because I have to stop by Men's Warehouse on the way home. To pick up my tux..

if it's actually there...

...frak.

-apk

DAILY DOSE: "I'll Never Be Free-- You'll Always Be a Part of Me"

First and foremost, I must direct each and every one of you to the

GREATEST LINK OF ALL TIMES.

Seriously, if you don't go read this, you're doing yourselves the greatest of disservices. This may just be the single greatest column ever written in the history of humankind.

Okay, now to the Dose. Today's Song of the Day (more accurately, Song of the Last Three Days) is "Always Something There to Remind Me" by Naked Eyes. A few tidbits about how this became the song of the day: 1) Heard it Tuesday morning at Pamela's in Oakland, and hit such the perfect cord for me and this week that it beat out "Do You Believe in Love" by Huey & Co., which I also heard that morning. That means somethin.' 2) I couldn't find ANYONE who knew who actually sang the song. I was pretty sure that my gut instinct, "Ah Ha" was wrong, but no one knew who really sang it. 3) I called my resident music expert, Gavin, to ask him, but he didn't return my message, claiming that I was "just being lazy" and should've looked it up online. 4) I looked it up online, via my cell phone. Sprint rules. Occassionally.

Perhaps this is the most pointless Dose EVER. But really, following the full-blown, all-out incredibleness that is THE LINK OF THE CENTURY, I can't really follow it up.

Also, I'm currently considering breaking the proverbial fourth wall, and getting sappy/introspective again. Hesitiation is in abundance, however. So all-in-all, I don't got much to say.

Oh, yeah. Pirates suck.

later
-apk

DAILY DOSE: "I Slip Another Smile In Your Pocket"

Well hello, everyone! Look at that! I'm actually posting on a Monday!

I know. It's crazy.

So, I guess I owe you all an apology, or something, for being a little lackasdaisical around the Kingdom of late...wait. NAH! I don't owe any of you anything! Haha! I knew it all along! I can't wait to tell my friend Emily in O-hee-o!

Now that I've finished channeling Strong Bad, it's upward and onward to the Dose!

Today's little bit of news-heaven simultaneously bewildered me and made me laugh. First, there's such a thing as a real-life camel jockey? That BLOWS ME AWAY. Secondly, we can make robots sophisticated enough to drive camels? Seriously, folks. There are just too many jokes to be made here. None of which are remotely appropriate or PC. Thus, I shall refrain. But I know somewhere, Bromberg's making me proud.

Moving along, I forgot to mention that the season finale of Battlestar Galactica basically featured one of the greatest cliffhangers of all time. Normally, when it comes to scifi TV, there's always a great cliffhanger, then the show gets cancelled and nothing is ever resolved. But I SAY THEE NAY! this time! Galactica will be back in July with TWENTY new episodes to whet my appetite for amazing tele-drama. Re-runs have started up already. I highly suggest/wish y'all would donate an hour of your time to episodes like "33" (tonight at 11!) or "Hand of God" - you will not be disappointed.

Speaking of tonight. 24 lets us know if the President is dead or not. My money's on him biting it hard. Largely because they took the time last week to introduce his kid, so we could invest in him emotionally before his death.

When did this site become TV Guide?

Yes, kids, the Kingdom has hit it's first major lull, I fear. Hell, even my Link and a Song cop-out barely works anymore. I think it's cuz i'm hitting that big finals/graduation lull, and nothing exciting is happening. Although I did see Art Spiegelman, increidble, prolific comic writer/artist (holder of TWO Pulitzers) speak the other night, and learned an amazing amount about comic book history and aesthetics. Truly amazing experience. But really- none of you care.

So I ask you, dear friends, who out there can help give us a burst of energy as we head towards the 1st birthday of the Kingdom? Who can keep things interesting around here since I don't think I can right now? WHO will write me a guest column?!?

...c'mon, someone's GOTTA be willing to help.

Okay, a couple final things. First- Song of the Day is "Rocket" by Yellowcard. It's an older code, but it checks out. (Translation: older song. just downloaded it. very swell.) Give it a listen, I emplore you.

and FINALLY, my current pet peeve (and yes, I realize I'm the only person who can actually find something to bitch about during Double Bonus Week) is "platform sandals." Y'all know my less-than-affinity for feet as it is, and how I'm not even that big of a fan of flip flops or sandals on girls (I personally think they often make girls like childish and flat-footed, but it's just sort of a thing). However, NOTHING looks worse than platform flip-flops. You know, the one's that look like stripper shoes without being remotely sexy? 1) didn't platforms go out about 6 or 7 years ago, in general? 2) don't they just look DUMB? Isn't the point of wearing flip flops comfort (which is a usage I find them acceptable/cute in)? There's NO way that's comfortable. And also, it looks dumb.

I only bring this up because Alaskagirl, this kinda-cute 2L who rides my bus and kinda looks like Claire2K was wearing them today, and she instantly lost all her street cred/Double Bonus points. Tragic.

Allow me, for the record, to fully endorse "stylish sneakers" on girls. The hot bartender at Hemingway's was sporting them with a frilly skirt last week, and I truly wanted to propose. Also, they're about the only thing that look good with anything capri/flood.

So there you go. Rant over. All girls: please make sure you dress in a way that I find attractive. It's the least you can do, I'm pretty much the last single guy, besides Banner, left on the planet (and he likes anything).

be good to each other,
-apk

Oh! how was D-Son, skater-guys?

TMQ Fans- check this out!

NFL.com's Tuesday Morning Quarterback's been a-writin' about the alma mater.

Kinda cool. Grampy- I know you're a fan.

If you're goin' back to the stompin' ground this weekend- have a blast! Wish I could be there with ya!

-apk

RANDOMATION: "MLB Predictions, Double Bonus Week, and More!"

Hi everybody, and welcome back to the Kingdom. Sorry I’ve been MIA of late, I guess I don’t have a good excuse for not posting other than laziness/busy-ness. Although, the last week has been confusing, leading to an Adam who didn’t feel like writing.

<>That being said, Opening Day 2005 has come and gone, thank God, and the most beautiful day of the year, thus far, in Pittsburgh was witness to the ugliest game I’ve seen the Pirates play for a long time. Think about that statement, for a moment, and you’ll realize why I don’t want to talk baseball right now. Yes, folks, it took them two games to turn me against them.<>

But, in the interest of getting on the record, I though I’d indulge you all with my MLB picks. Hopefully I go more into depth someday soon. Also, for the record, there’s a particularly adorable girl in the Lexis lab right now, who I’ve never seen before. She must be a 1L. If someone would like to join me on the fourth floor of the law building, I could use a point-man about now. (Don’t you just love it when I post stream-of-conciously?)

Okay, baseball, baseball, catch the fever now. Quick predictions!

National League

<>East:
Florida
<>Philadelphia (WC)
Atlanta
Washington
New York Mets

<><>Central:
St. Louis
Chicago Cubs
Cincinnati
Houston
Pittsburgh (74 wins)
Milwaukee
<><><>

West:
San Diego
Los Angeles
San Francisco
Colorado<><>
Arizona <>

St. Louis over Philadelphia

Florida over San Diego

St. Louis over Florida

<>League MVP: Albert Pujols
League Cy Young: Jake Peavey

American League

East:
New York Yankees
Boston (WC)
Baltimore
Toronto
Tampa

<><><>
<>Central:
Minnesota Twins
Cleveland Indians
Detroit Tigers
Chicago White Sox
Kansas City
<><>
<>West:*
<>Anaheim
Texas
Seattle
Oakland<>
*all of these teams could finish 85-75.<>

Yankees over Anaheim
Twins over Boston

<><>Yankees over Twins
World Series

Yankees over Cardinals

<>There you go! Hope you enjoyed those. I’d seriously consider the Twins, but everyone has a boner over them right now, although they do seem to be built for October.

That being said, I’m going to go enjoy the rest of DOUBLE BONUS WEEK, including tonight’s 3L Party, where Yours Truly will be participating in a Pop Culture Trivia Championship. Here’s hoping the questions are heavy with comic books and science fiction. If music’s heavily involved, I’m screwed. Oh well, at least maybe I can win another MP3 play. The iPod shuffle would be SWEET.

Be good to each other, and discuss Double Bonus Week. DBW is, quite simply, that first week of the spring when the warm weather gets the ladies a-wearin’ their tank tops, shorts, skirts, etc. My theory is (that with obvious exceptions for the unhelpable) EVERY girl gets 2 bonus points based solely on the fact that guys just haven’t seen skin for SO long, that the ladies get rewarded. If a ‘6’ comes waltzing through the bar in some short-shorts, (or one of those OH SO HOT short frilly skirts) she’s automatically an ‘8’ and gets a second look. Seriously, ask any guy. They’ll agree.

<>Alrighty, that should do for now. I’ll be back later maybe with some drunken ramblings, or tomorrow as I decide whether to reflect on the week that was, or not, because I’m still kind of pissy about certain things. <>

Cryptic enough for ya?
Be good,

-apk

OPENING DAY 2005!!!

LET'S GO BUCS!

This season's OFFICIAL OPENING DAY PIRATES SONG!


It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
Lanny’s ‘No Doubt’ing
And everyone shouting, “The Buccos are HERE!”
It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

It’s the hap-happiest season of all
When hope springs eternal that if we are lucky
We’ll play in the falllllllllllllll
It’s the hap-happiest season of all!

They’re’ll be Ollie a pitching
And batters a wishing
That four-eight could come down with the flu
R-O-Y-B-A-Y
Will blast homers so skyhigh
They’ll land like Daryle’s-- in the blue

It’s the most wonderful time of the year
Jack’s flashing the leather
The other Wilson gets better
and Chuck Nunez’s no longer here!
It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

They’re’ll be Joe Table for saving
And everyone’s raving
‘bout a wunderkid we call ‘Gonzo’
Ty Wig bowls you over
Mack of All Trades plays ‘Rover’
and don’t forget Jose Castill-ooooooo!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
Lanny’s ‘No Doubt’ing,
And the fans are all shouting
The Buccos are HERE!
It’s the most wonderful time
YES the most wonderful time
It’s the MOST wonderful timmmmmmme
OF THE YEAR!

Don't forget- there's still time to join KINGDOM LEAGUE BASEBALL @ Espn.com!

DAILY DOSE: "I'll Never Make It Through Without You Around"

Woah.

I wasn't going to write today, because I'm under a strict deadline for my appeal, and can't waste a single second, but this is just too cool. My affinity for Google Gmail is well-documented, but now they've gone above and beyond. I signed on to check my mail today (disappointingly, there were no new messages) to find that in celebration of the 1 year anniversary of the launch of Gmail, they're giving every user an EXTRA GB of storage space. We already had 1 full Gig, which is, oh.. I dunno, four times more than what Yahoo! offers, and now they're giving us another Gig. To put this in perspective, there's probably no reason for me to ever delete another email, again.

For those of you still in the dark ages, toiling away under the 5000-whateverByte boot of Dickinson Mail, or the totalitarian regimes of hotmail or Yahoo!, check out today's Link, and revel in jealousy. From there, you should be able to learn all about Gmail, and how it's going to begin to offer RichText formatting, too. I can't wait to annoy you ALL with full-colour emails and bullet-points!

And if you're interest is finally piqued enough to want to join, just lemme know-- I've got like, a bajillion invites to hand out.

Song of the Day is "Hey Julie" by Fountains of Wayne. Fun, cute, and lively. The Dash likes.

Tonight features a beruit tourney 'gainst Duke-ques-knee where Sprout and I will probably get our asses handed to us, Bling's Birthdy X-Travaganza, a possible Jerry-sighting, and much much more! This weekend promises the beginning of BarBri, the return of Kupchella (on Sunday), the beginning of the Most Wonderful Time of the Year, lots of paper TAing, my first missed WrestleMania since 1997, and maybe a haircut. Oh yeah, also the Season Finale of Battlestar Galactica, and the 2d highest voted favourite episode of Enterprise. But NOTHING, NONE OF THAT, stands to be as awesome as OPENING DAY on Monday with Kup, Drew, & Nic. I put together a venerable All-Star team of best friends to start the 2005 Season, and watch Ben Sheets strike out 17 Pirates. Should be fun (hope the weather doesn't blow!)

I hope to get that MLB Preview up sometime this weekend, too.. but let's be honest...

take 'er easy, and if she's easy, take 'er home.
-apk