DATELINE THURSDAY: "NEITHER RAIN NOR THEY GLOW, NOW YOU KNOW."

Greetings friends, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY KUP!!

What can I say about my best friend that I've not said thousands of times before? Happy birthday, buddy, and thanks for the good times, and the great oldies, here's to more in the future.

So, it was Kup's birthday at midnight last night, and of course we spent it in style. As promised, he headed out to Mr. Small's Theatre in no-longer mud-slidden Millvale to catch one of our favourite bands, Carbon Leaf. Now, I realize that my friends have been relatively split right down the middle when it comes to this band, either you love 'em or hate 'em, and I'll admit that I don't even care. I like them so much, it's almost cooler when someone tells me they don't dig them, as though they get to remain a secret between friends a little longer.

I'll keep from getting overly discriptive of the show, because I realize how few of you actually care. I am thrilled to say, though, I've not heard them sound better. Of course, they curried my good favour by playing my two favourite songs, back-to-back, to open the show. The rest of the setlist was chalk-full of my most liked songs, with really only one on my "it's time to take a piss" list. One of the best shows I've seen from them. The venue was pretty cool, to boot. Basically, it's a converted church with a stage at one end. It did get kind of stuffy, but no bother, the free Yuengling kept me from caring. After the show, Kupchelitis made his now-routine rounds to all the band members, dropping in to say hello. His sister's a big NYC groupie for the band, so they all know him as well, and were even asking stuff like, "how's your mom." We topped it all off by commerating our heterosexual lifepartnership with matching t-shirts, as well. Normally, we can agree to not buy the same thing, but the overwhelming swellness of the green-t was too much to pass up for a mere 15 bucks.

Following the show, we hopped in the 'Tus and headed on out to Hemingway's to pound some more brews, but not before hearing "Hey Jude" on the radio. I do in fact believe that like "American Pie," "Hey Jude" is just one of those songs that you can't NOT listen to if it comes on the radio, but I digress.

At the bar, we partook in limited libation, and met some random group of "it's her 21st birthday!" undergrads. Featuring the most ecletic mix of names in the history of random groups of girls (and let's see what I can remember off the top of my head... hmm... Marcia, Adrienne, "Beesh," Mykal, Rachel, and whatever the birthday girl's name was.. i'm nearly impressed with myself.) the ladies actually treated Kup to a JagerBomb and a brew. Somewhere along the way, the girls decided they wanted to take Marc's advice and head to a strip club, for some unexplained reason. One of the guys they were with, an afro'd gentleman whose floppy hat had no top, but 'fro coming out of it, proclaimed "I'm the king of the strip club!" And moments later, we were tagging along with the group to ...umm.. well, i can't remember what it was called. Andrews? Maybe.. not important. The place was a dive, that's for sure, and we were there about half an hour before it closed, and we headed home, content with the fact we can still roll with the younguns, and I can still make it up for class the next day.

Oh! I almost forgot. An interesting gentleman drunk started talking to kup in the bathroom at Hemingway's, then followed him back to us at the bar. A good-lookin' black guy in his mid thirties, clad in what I believe was a pretty sweet gnaugeahyde jacket (and i know that's spelled wrong.), he was accompanied by an unattractive blonde of her mid-40s. Which led to the following exchange when he met me:

[raise curtain]
Dude: Hi, nice to meesh you, man... (he was drunk, get it.)
[shakes my hand]
my name is (i can't remember).. this is [points to blonde]
....
....
..
..... [looks at blonde] i can't remember your name...

Blonde: [looks STUNNED] [rolls eyes] [looks LIVID] [storms off]

ME: [laughing hysterically] Dude, she's gonna KILL YOU.

Dude: Whatever, man.. she'll be back later. You know what your name is..
[I shrug my shoulders]
L.L. Cool J, man! Yeah, L.L. Cool J! cuz you're cool, and calm, and collected. Yeah man!
[close curtain]

That may have been the strangest bar moment of my entire life, I've actually still not processed what it all means, Basil. I mean, I was pimpin' in my suede jacket and my ski-cap, just kickin' it at the bar like it ain't no thang (and yes. I realize how stupid that last sentence sounded, i'm being lame on purpose again). So if any y'all out there want to start calling me "LL Cool J" feel free. I mean, I've had WORSE nicknames.

Which we won't talk about now.
Anywho, it was a grand night. Me and Kupper, listenin' to good music and out on the prowl havin' random times like the old days. I knew it would make me infinitely happier than I had been the last few days, and it did.

So Hooray! Kup's Birthday!

Okay, I've got to write for work tomorrow, and watch some debating, or something. Like I don't know who I'm voting for. Feel free to post-up post-debate and lend your thoughts on the preceedings. Until then, kids, remember that He knows he can help himself, he can tell by a look at the books on his shelf.

-apk

TWO POSTS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE!

This was lovingly supplied to me by the sweller-than-swell Topshelf, himself, Marcus Aurielius.

The Official 2004 Presidential Debate Drinking Game
By David Martin.

Let's face it. The presidential debates are a nuisance. But for whatever reason, most television networks feel obliged to carry them. So stop your whining and make the best of a bad situation with the Official 2004 Presidential Debate Drinking Game. All you have to do is line up your favorite beverage and pick a candidate. Then let the game begin:

- Every time President Bush says the word "safer," take a drink. If he uses the word "democracy" in the same sentence, make it a double.
- For every John Kerry reference to the UN, have a drink.
- If Bush uses the phrase "compassionate conservative," you must chug your entire beverage.
- Take one drink for every three times Kerry points with his left hand.
- Any previously recorded Bushism, like "misunderestimate" or "subliminable," used by the president during the debate requires one drink.
- If Kerry exceeds the time limit for any response, take a drink.
- Back-to-back offenses require a double shot and a NoDoz.

A reference by your candidate to any of the following requires one drink:
1) Florida
2) North Korea
3) Axis of evil
4) Saddam Hussein
5) The American people

- And for an exciting twist on the game, anytime anybody mentions the word "Vietnam," everybody has to take a drink.
In this game, everyone's a winner. At worst, you'll reach the end of the debate experiencing a warm, pleasant buzz. But if you're really lucky, you'll pass out by 10 o'clock and won't have to listen to the closing statements. Cheers!

*Let it be known the Kingdom does not promote underage drinking (unless it's at a frat party.) Drink Responsibly.

And c'mon, people, DUI's are for LOSERS.

TUESDAY IS A LOUSY DAY: "IRISH... STEW!?!?"

Okay, maybe not totally lousy, I mean, I did bare witness to the greatest half-hour in the history of televison today. Basically, it was an old episode of "Match Game" from 1976 that featured a celebrity panel including Arnold Horshack and Richard Dawson. There were three contestants:

1) the Kiwi who needed to win money for his wife's medical bills. No joke, his wife sat in the audience with her HEAD BANDAGED. The host even took shots at her.

2) the un-atractive blonde with the most incredible body in the history of gameshows, and a really cute dress, to boot.

3) the african-american with the 'fro to end all 'fros.

Not only did I complete the "Please Don't" match with "EAT THE DAISIES" (which would've won me 5000 1976 Dollars) and revel in the raucus applause from my fellow couchmates, but so did the Kiwi Guy, meaning that his wife (in the words of host) "can take those bandages off now, c'mon! TAKE THOSE BANDAGES OFF! YOU DON'T HAVE A HEADACHE!"

Then, the Blondeness with the Bosoms won herself 5K, and proceeded to run across the stage, nearly Baywatch-style, and proceed to kiss the MoneyCashHoes that is Richard Dawson. (who we think was drunk.)

Finally, 'Fro-Joe SWEPT a match, 6-for-6 across the entire panel, and he kept doing awesomely hilarious shit like "the wink and point" every time a celeb matched up with him.

It was an amazing, amazing experience, and the only highlight of the day.

Yes, folks, this is law school.

So anywho, I've been in a lousy mood for a day or so now. With any luck, it'll subside and I'll get back to the week's earlier highly-highs. I wouldn't bank on it, though.

However, tomorrow should include a trip Ye Olde Comic Shop (unless I've been replaced), and the acquiring of Astonishing X-Men #4, to bring my collection up-to-date as I await the beginning of my subscription.

Tomorrow's awesomeness should also include a Carbon Leaf concert. Keep yinz fingers crossed. Comics and Carbon Leaf never fail to make me smile, so there's that.

In the meantime, ladies and gentlemen, I bid you fare-thee-well, sweet dreams, and all that jazz. I've gots to write a memo.

-apk

MONDAY NITE COUNTDOWN: INCOMMMINGG!!!

Wings, that is. I'm moments away from some much-deserved wings with Kup and Pizz.

..and i'm going to get drunk.
So it is written, so it shall be done.

I'm not certain if i'm getting drunk in celebration of the fact that apparently, I'm awesome when it comes to opening statments, or in lieu of the fact that my good mood has presently soured.

In either event, stay tuned for further drunken developments.

I know what will be fun! If yinz leave questions posited to me on the post-boards for me to answer in my drunken-stupor. I have a tendency to be an open book when hammered, now's your time to have some fun at my expense!

anywho, it's MILLA TIME!
-apk

1000th VISITOR!!: BRUCE BANNER!

THAT'S RIGHT! The Sitemeter has reached 1001 visits! That special 1000th visitor was from UPENN, which can only mean one person: your favourite green-skinned meathead and mine, Monseiur Montour, himself, the one, the only, James Ernest Bedison, II.

It couldn't have happened to a better person! One of the biggest, best, and mos frequently posting friends of the Kingdom, Ernst is also my very-special rowboat partner. Here's to you, Jamie, HOORAY! JAMIE! As a prize, you can have a guest column this week to talk about WHATEVER suits your fancy. You know the email address, now get typing!

As for me, I must get some more work done before I head to Trial-Ad and totally tank my opening statment. However, I will let you all know that Carmen Kupchelitis and Durty Kurty succesfully made it back to the good ol' U-S-of-A last night. I picked them up at PIT after a day spent helping my dad put together his new deck and raiding my mom's fridge. I also procured some loot and played with my dog. Not a bad way to end a truly great weekend.

I've been a positively happy-go-lucky mood since Saturday, which is a great feeling to have, let me tell you. Will it last? Only time will tell, I suppose. I'm just going to ride this wave of good-nautred swell-feelings while it lasts.

Also, props to Ben Rothlisberger for not TOTALLY sucking last night, and for actually making one HELL of a pass on that late TD to Hines, who, of course, gets all the Stiller props I've not handed to DeShea.

As we round this here posting off, here's to Kurt, for driving me from the bus stop where I missed the bus this morning, to a bus stop where I could catch that same bus. Well played, Twinstar, well played.

Okay kiddies, it's almost school time for this Lil' Knipper, I'll be talkin' to yinz all agin' soon. If anyone out there has a poll idea, feel free to throw 'em out there.

In the meantime, give a hoot, and try not to pollute!
-apk

WEEKEND HALFTIME: "It smells like hippies in here.."

It's me, It's me, It's that D-O- Double-G, rollin' once again through the weekend with that B-to-the-A, to the Double-D.

In actuality, the Assman is still MIA, lost somewhere in France. Apparently it doesn't matter how many times you liberate a man's country, if you're a MINUTE late to the tarmac, YOU WILL NOT GET ON THAT PLANE! So Carmen and the Durty's Excellent Adventure will end a day later than originally planned. As they say in Gaul, "C'est la vie."

But no worries! On a night where the moon looked like a cotonball, not having to go to the airport was a welcomed change in plans.

And why's that, you ask? And when you ask, I'm certain you realized that not only did the Buccos lose, dropping me to a respectable (8-8) on the season, but also that Rob struck out to end it in the 9th. 3-2 Pitch, representing the tying run. Really, asking for another huge win from him is quite a lot. I'm over it.

And how couldn't I be over it? I mean, I was sitting with two wedding-party guys, namely Pizz and Z. Playing "which friend ______" Friday night at the Iguana Lounge was good ol' fashioned fun, and it was a solid weekend of old time Yough fun. And on top of THAT, I was sitting next to the DELTA DENTAL SMILE OF THE GAME, which belonged to the lovely apple of my eye, Jeanie. Oddly, when she, Kup, and I went to the game a couple weeks ago, she openly wished she could be the Smile of the Game, and today, as we made our way past the kettle corn and towards the seats, Walt the Camera Guy hand-picked her for JUST that honour. Not only did she get some quality Jumbotron time (complete with a wink), a Public Address shout-out, AND her name in lights, but she also came home with some money swag, namely a Roberto Clemente t-shirt and a non-fitted gold-billed Pirates cap. (*Note to Jeanie: NEVER WEAR IT BACKWARDS!).

Post-game, we made our way to Doc's in shadyside, where a number of people reminded her that she was the smile of the game, Kris sported the same shirt as Sleazey-E, and Drew used Wonka Candy to make new friends.

All in all, it's been a solid weekend. It took me all Friday to recover from Thursday night, but good times were had in the Derrty Souf with the aforementioned Pizz and Z. Saturday started off shakily enough, as I awoke to a dangerously, disturbingly happy dream, but things picked up (despite a PSU conference loss) with the similarly aforementioned festivities. Tomorrow should be solid-- I get some quality Penny time, a homemade meal, and inbetween writing my Opening Argument for Monday and Picking up the Lost Tribe from the airport, we get a SUNDAY NIGHT STILLERS GAME!

And finally, two amazing things I learned today:
1) Peanut M&Ms taste perfectly fine, once the peanuts have been removed.
2) I have a subscription to the INCREDIBLY FINELY WRITTEN AND BEAUTIFULLY ILLUSTRATED Astonishing X-Men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All my non-geek Peeps out there will say, "so what?" I'll say, "Screw you! It's the best written X-Men I've ever read, and it's the best superhero comic not called "Identity Crisis" on the market today.

I thought I owed Jeanie a Wookie Life debt before, now, I'm pretty sure she gets one of my booze-soaked kidneys.

okay, it's not quite bedtime, though we approach 3Am. I'm just in a major-league level good mood right now, and rockin' out to Yellowcard. It's almost like I'm 17, or something, I dunno?

Good night all, hope your Saturdays were as sweet-ass as mine!
-apk

I've been a BUSY. LITTLE. BEE.

Despite Kerry's shifts, Bush also has history of flip-flops - billingsgazette.com

Yeah, I guess that's pretty self-explanatory.
Disclaimer: The KINGDOM does not embrace or support any particular political party or individual, even though I do. This is an open forum, I just ran into this, and found it poignant. So read and think.

And if y'all want to get political on the boards, just be civil.
-apk

RANDOMOSITY:

So I'm just typing away here at work, listening to the Garden State soundtrack so deftly supplied to me by the Great Jukowski, when I find myself hung up in the song "Blue Eyes" by a duo known as the "Cary Brothers." Long story short, I wish that the Cary Brothers were the Cary Sisters, because the song's really pretty, and it sucks that it's guys singing it, because frankly, that's not my cup of tea.

I mean, my blue-greys are widely regarded as my most potent weapon in my neverending search for my next ex-girlfriend. Which led me to think about two things:

1) the only good song for a blue-eyed boy I can think of is "The Sweetest Thing" by U2.
2) I don't think I know a single girl with blue eyes. Okay, admittedly, I RARELY notice a girl's eye colour, even though I'm a self-professed "eye guy." I get caught up more in size/shape and EFFECT than I do colour, so maybe there are like, a bagillion blue-eyed girls in my life, and I just don't really realize it.

So here's where YOU come in. ARE there any blue-eyed girls out there? If you're a guy, do you KNOW any blue-eyed girls? I know tons of green-eyed girls, seemingly (and lucky for them, they've got Coldplay's "Green Eyes" to keep them warm at night), and of course, brown ones, but no blue-eyed girls. (Except Danielle, but hers are FAKE.).

So yeah, help me out here. I'm going a little nuts over it.

-apk

WEEKEND PREGAME: "ID QUOD FUIMUS AUT SUMUS NON CRAS ERIMUS"

Good morning kids,

All I can say is, it's amazing how shitty one can feel when two pints of Sangria is coupled with less than four hours of sleep. I don't think I'm hungover, because I don't think I was drunk. But this feels much worse than any hangover. So bare with me.

Two orders of business:

1) After further review, the ruling on the field is reversed: Jess DOES NOT Suck. She, in fact, was a fantastic friend last night. It was great to see her again, and, despite what I'm sure the general consensus is, I had fun last night. Hooray! Jess! Pittsburgh will not be charged with a time out.

2) I owe about 67,234,119 Props to Jeanie (as usual) for going so far above and beyond the call of duty that I don't think I can ever repay her. The poor girl's been sick all week, was on a medication cocktail, running on four hours of sleep, and in her pajamas, and she lept to my rescue in less than 20 minutes. Purely amazing.

New Business Closed, now on to old business, namely, the Weekend Pregame!

Due to my current exhaustion and mixed emotions on a few subjects, and my complete and utter lack of loot, tonight will almost SURELY be spent indoors. Either at 707, or perhaps back in lovely Herminie. I'm not gonna lie, I could use some quality time playing fetch with my dog about now. I also need to ask the folks for money for Bar-Exam type stuff.

Saturday I'm headed to ballgame with Jeanie and two friends to be named, hopefully, sooner rather than later. It's Kent Tekulve figurine night! If you're out there, and interested in coming, you know the drill. Box Seats!

Post-game, I'll be picking up Carmen and Durty at the airport, with either Star Wars or shenanegins to follow.

So, it should be another slow one, but don't fret, chet! I've got a couple of weddings coming up, including the GREAT BOSTON ADVENTURE at the end of October. If this blog's still around by then, I'm certain that there'll be all kinds of misadventures to talk about. Just don't give Nate the ring.

I may return later in the day, who knows? Post up and ask me questions and stuff, and I'll answer like the wise sage that I am. Or something. And finally, Banner: What the HELL were you talking about on your last post?

Okay friends, remember your Ovid, "What we are and what we were, we will not be tomorrow."

God, I hope that's true.
-apk

THURSDAY: BEWARE THE FIVE-OH-ONE!

Evening, Bloggytes.

Somewhere out there is a woman named "Adrienne." I don't know if I've spelled her name correctly or not, but I know she's out there, loves me, and is a new visitor the Kingdom. So welcome, Adrienne, thanks for stopping in-- I hope you've enjoyed your stay.

With that little bit o' business out of the way, it's on the show. Unfortunately, I've not a lot to say today other than this: Pittsburghers: NEVER GET ON THE 501 IF YOU'RE D'AHN T'AHN!!!

I took a break from school today to watch the Buccos lose, figuring that since the game ended at 3:30, I'd be a quick bus-jaunt away from my 4:00 class. Like Obi-Wan training Darth Vader, I was wrong. I hopped on the 501, which, coincendentally, says "Oakland" on it. What it DOESN'T bother telling you is that it's Oakland VIA THE NORTH SHORE. Long story short: 75 MINUTES LATER I found my way into the second half of Environmental Crimes. Which, if you've ever been in it you'll know, is not necessarily a bad thing.

Anywho, it's Thursday, I'm only a couple hours of work away from the weekend, and the eventual return of my heterosexual life partner, Carmen San Diego. Y'all will be happy to know he turned up with Durty Kurty somewhere in Zurich, and they eventually found Marc. Much drunkeness has followed, and apparently all is well in Western Europe. I'll have a Kurt, Kup or Marc-drafted post to follow sometime next week.

Since I'm still somewhat in Star Wars shock, I'm just sort of hanging out. Jess was supposed to call for me to go drinkin with her and friends, but hasn't as of yet. Boo Jess. In the meantime, you get this pithy little update full of my rambunctious misuse of big words. Aren't you all lucky? It's okay though, I have the distinct feeling that an evening with Jess would involve dancing, and I don't think that, since I'd have to drive, I'd be drunk enough to be that much fun. I guess we'll never know, again, because Jess sucks.

Well, that'll do it for now. If I don't end up out this evening (and I am currently the epitome of "all dressed up with noplace to go") You may JUST get a BONUS POST later this evening. But I wouldn't count on it.

In the meantime, stay strong, my brothers and sisters.
your's truly,
-apk

WEDNESDAY: Sprout is Tiny, I am bored.

Sitting here in Posvar waiting, as usual, for my Lit Strat Homeowrk to print out, I've noticed that Sprout continues to be incredibly small. I honestly think that if I stepped on him, I'd cause brain damage. No joke. The guy's TINY.

I think I could cripple him like I did the six-inch MEGA-SPIDER that USED to live in my basement. I think it was hunting mice.

Can you tell my boredom is mighty?

Alright, I'm out. He's glaring at me (or at least my ankles) and wants me to leave the lab now.

Just three hours, and I get to watch JEDI. Who's with me!?!

(bring popcorn. butter. i'm all out.)

-apk

LATE TUESDAY: "F*CK POLLS, I'm in GEEK HEAVEN!!!!"

Short and sweet:

Now that I have THE TRILOGY on BetaMax, Originals on VHS, Special Ed. on VHS, and now Special Edition (+) on DVD, did I really need the DVDs?

In a word: YES.

I've watched Star Wars and Empire already. and it feels like they're brand new movies that I've never seen before. They're are hands down BEAUTIFUL now, thanks to the magic of restoration and DVD. I am honestly dumbfounded. I've noticed so many new things today that I never noticed before, I can't even put it into words.

If you remotely like these movies, you owe it to yourself to at least borrow a friends or rent a copy or something, you'll be blow away by how GORGEOUS everything looks.

...I can't wait to watch Jedi tomorrow, who's with me?

okay, I have to go dream I'm Han Solo now.
-apk

MONDAY HANGOVER: "Tell me about... Ohio."

Good morning friends, and welcome back to my lovely little corner of the Googleverse, I hope you all had excellent, restful weekends.

With the exception of an utterly humiliating defeat to the Most Hated Team in Sports™, this weekend worked out pretty well. I spent most of it at my parents’ house, chillin’ out, maxin’ and relaxin’ all cool--- though I refrained from shootin’ some b-ball outside of the school. It was me, Penny, and HBO OnDemand, which really can’t be beaten. Isn’t it sad that though I OWN X2, I’m far more likely to watch it if it’s OnDemand, and I don’t have to, you know, stand up and put it in the DVD player?

I watched two other movies Saturday night, “Underworld” and “Hellboy.” I’ve wanted to see both for quite some time, because they’re both comic-booky geekfests, which, as we know, is just my cup of tea. Unfortunately, Underworld was a convoluted, boring, uninspired mess that left me bewildered, yet bored at the same time. Hellboy, however, was extremely entertaining and well done, though the plot was sort of all over the place. My Mom loved it though, which is saying an awful lot. I would certainly recommend it if you want a sort of high-octane monster romp with some good characters and quips. And the one villan, Kroegen the Nazi assassin, was pretty damn cool/menacing. A Three-Star Affair.

Last night, after the Game That Never Happened™, I headed home and watched The Patriot, partly because it’s awesome, and partly because Ron and I can’t stop quoting Col. Tavington while we sit through History of American Law class and learn about the Revolution. “YOU! So you’re the ghost are you?!? I remember you! That farm, that stupid little boy… tell me, did he die? Hmm?” After that, I was going to watch “Big Fish,” but couldn’t get anyone to come over and watch it with me, so I just checked out some of the extras. I was positively flabberghasted to see that the writer of the original book based Edward Bloom’s hometown on a little place culled Cullman, AL. They even showed shots of the town. WHY is this weird, you ask? Well, simply because Claire Classic was from Cullman, AL, and though I have heard extensively about the area, have never seen the town. Just an interesting, random moment for me, that I felt like sharing.

Hitting the proverbial rewind button for a moment, let’s head back to Friday afternoon, and Ivan the Terrible. Who knew that a city with three rivers could be so easily turned upside down by 10 inches of rain? Of course, it was the one day all fall that I actually had to drive into work (because I had to drop Carmen San Diego off at the airport—if anyone knows the current whereabouts of Kurt Lucin or Adam Kupchella, please let me know.) and the entire city floods. Luckily, my boss told us all to leave at 3:30, and even more luckily, the only direction out of the city not flooded to hell or mudsliding away was east. The tunnel DID have, like, a 19 car pileup inside of it, but MOST luckily, I know about a dozen ways around it, so it only took me 1:40 to get home. It could have been worse. (And for many people, it was. (See Oliver, Jeanette, and SomethingItalian, Justine, who were caught somewhere north of the city for the better part of four hours or so, driving around looking for open roads to get back to the 'Burgh)).

And finally, the most interesting part of the weekend was the two drunk-dialed phone messages I received sometime Saturday night. Until I get security clearance to write a little bit more about them, let’s just say they involved a bachelorette party, and a bunch of women I’ve never met CHANTING… my name…. as though I was the Rock-incarnate.

Alright, that should tide you kids over for a while. Anyone have any poll ideas for tomorrow?

Chime in and let me know how you’re all doing. The trusty Sitemeter has new people popping up all the time. Feel free to sign in and say hello—ESPECIALLY whomever’s rolling in over Cox.net. Also, who left that comment about the Detroit Lions? Anyone… oh, excuse me, the (2-0) Detroit Lions. (Like that’ll last.)

Hmm, that was long. Oh well, it’s Monday, I need to do SOMETHING to get rolling.

My sons were better men,
-apk

WEDNESDAY: what's really the point?

If a guy blogs in cyberspace, and nobody reads it or has any fun, is it worth his time?

I'll admit, I've become a little despondent, the last few days, regarding the non-existent output on the post-boards. There wasn't a SINGLE reply to poll? Sure, so long as the sitemeter keeps ticking along, I'll keep on keepin' on, but I'm starting to get a little depressed around here.

Is there no way to bring the magic back? Y'all have to realize, I'm not Ivan Drago, I don't do this FOR ME!! I write for YOU. It's a very Mr. Rogers-DooBee-Barney thing I've got going here.

So here's the thing, what can I do to entertain you? How can we make things a little more interactive around here? I'm trying to cut down on the incessant stories of my days and nights, but do realize, part of this place will always be my sort of online diary. However, that being said, let's have some fun! I mean, NO ONE stepped up and took me up on my open invitation to write in THIS VERY SPACE. It's quite heartbreaking, really.

Anyway(s), to quote John Adams in 1776, "Is anybody there? Does anybody care?"

And if you are there, and you do care, then let me know how to make this place more interesting for you. I'm open to suggestions.

The floor is yours,
-Adam

POLLOSITY: "I EAT SUCCESS FOR BREAKFAST! ...with a glass of skim milk"

Welcome friends, to Poll Day.

I've not a ton to say today, because I'm in a rush to get my Negotiations homework done before class, so there are only two things on the agenda:

1) GO WATCH "HEAVYWEIGHTS" it's Ben Stiller's finest performance, and I mean that.
"Attention campers, lunch has been cancelled today, due to lack of hustle. Deal with it." pure and utter intensity. greatness. see this movie!

2) Today's poll.

Today, let's talk about something that's near and dear to all of us. Something that defines our very existance. Yes, you guessed it. THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE..LEAgue...League..league.. leag..

Now, yesterday, I instantaneously cursed the Detriot Football Lions by picking them to lose the playoffs, subsequently leading to their entire roster getting injured and forfeiting the entire season. My bad.

But what does it all mean, Basil? Simple: I've already made one unequivocally BONEHEAD pick thus far this season. How well can you do?

So today's poll is, simply enough:

WHO MAKES THE NFL PLAYOFFS, AND WINS, and WHY?

Have fun with that, y'all. In the meantime, I'm doggin' it Pat, I'm DOGGIN' IT!!!!

-apk

[INSERT ESPN FOOTBALL SIREN MUSIC HERE] ADAM'S 2005 NFL PREVIEW!

Editors Note: For those of you here for the first time today, if you don't want to read my long, drawn-out NFL ramblings, there's a perfectly inane MONDAY HANGOVER below that might be more up to your speed. And if you missed last Friday's post, I also hate on Macy Gray a little lower. Long story short: keep scrollin! you're bound to find something you like.

WoooooOOOOOOooooooo WooooooOOOOOOooooooo WoooooOOOOOOoooo
...no, that's not me doing the Ric Flair "WOOO!" (for once) it's the cool siren sound that plays during ESPN's football music. I love that music.

Which means, once again (for the first time, actually,) it's time for my NFL SEASON PREVIEW! And by "Preview" I mean "predicitons made after everyone's played a game already."

Now, I'll admit that I'm by no means a sports guru, like some of my friends. However, I do know more than enough to get by, and have read my fair share of ESPN.com this summer. Since week one's in the books, I'll admit that these predicitons are maybe a little different than they would have been last week, but who cares? It's MY blog, right?

In actuality, my predictions have only been influenced by two things: Clinton Portis, and that guy who ran for Denver last night. They are both for real (as I suspected), actually, it seems that they're both FOR REAL. And yes, I realize that KC's Defense sucks, but that kid has explosive speed, and MOVES.

I'm not going to go team by team, just give you all my general gut feelings.

First, as an unabashed homer, I'll tell you this about the Stillers: They're going to the playoffs. I think the AFC North is incredibly weak, and (even before yesterday's drubbing to the Other Browns) think that the Ravens are MASSIVELY overrated. However, are the Browns really that good? God, I hope not. I don't think I could deal with Jeanette if they beat us twice again this year.

The Picksburgh O-Line will be borderline excellent, so long as it stays healthy. Which is a BIG if. The Defensive rush showed signs of life yesterday for the first time in over a year, thanks to Dickie the Beautiful, and Tommy has shown that he's MORE than capable of running the offense for one more year, before Big Ben begins to routinely Strike Six. I honestly think they can go 10-6, with a few breaks, and win the Divison.

Now, onto the rest of the League, starting with what I REALLY know, the AFC.
AFC SOUTH:
I think this the Bronocos' Divison, because I frankly don't believe in KC whatsoever. Ashlie LeeeLeeeee, who's MUCH better than Ashlee Simpson is going to be big time-- trust me on this. Jake Plummer loves making big throws his way. And that new RB? Good gravy. He's a talented bastard. Oh, and they actually have some semblance of a Defense. Something Dick Vermiel has yet to grasp.

other thoughts: The over/under of every KC game will/should be 50. Take the over. Every game the Chargers play, they can win, for two reasons: Tomlinson and Tomlinson. Okay, Drew Brees is also auditioning to every team for a new job, and he's a talent (I always liked him at Purdue). Tricky team, that's not as bad as you think they are. And the Raiders? They're in transition, and I don't think they can run the ball. They're good enough to go .500, but Warren Sapp and Ted Washington did Jack-Dick against last year's 30th ranked Rushing team yesterday.

AFC SOUTH:
God, I hate the Titans, but they'll probably at least Wild Card it again this year. This is a tough division, which has two of the most interesting young teams in the League in Jax and Houston. The Titans' defense will be weakened, I think. They've lost too many playmakers in a row. Steve McNair, as much as I hate him, will use bailing wire and masking tape to hold himself together and practically WILL this team to the playoffs. Since I hate McNair and Jeff Fisher, I'm going to say they don't make it, though. Why? Because the rumours of Indianapolis's death have been greatly exaggerated following another gutwrencher to the Colts. It's WEEK ONE, people! Everyone conviently forgets that the Patsies got embarassed by the BILLS in Week One last year, and they turned out fine. Peyton's going to get pissed, soon, and lead this team all the way to the AFC Championship game, again. Unfortunately, Tony Dungy's still the head coach, and he'll never win a big playoff game, ever.

AFC NORTH:
Already discussed this. But I'll go deeper. The Bungles don't take the step back that everyone's predicting, but I think the Stillers just take a bigger step forward. Carson Palmer, though he's from "The Pacific Dancing League" will do just fine, and the Defense will keep getting better. I figure the Browns are still kind of random, I can't even begin to predict if they go 5-11 or 10-6. Picking their games will drive me nuts all year. The Ravens are SUPER-OVERRATED. The Stillers and Titans showed how to beat them last year, ie: Make them Pass. I liked Boller A LOT when they drafted him, but it seems like the "QB Guru," Coach What'shisfrick (whom i HATE at Chuck Nunez levels) has him totally FUBARed. Until an O-Lineman gets hurt, roll with the Stillers.

AFC EAST:
Miami is floating belly-up. You heard it here 117th. I despise every team in this division but Buffalo. Unfortunately, Buff's not that good. The Jets could make the playoffs, and I'll probably pick them to, in a minute. The Patsies look so indestructible, and I hate them so so much, that I can't even talk about them without the site crashing and burning like Craig Wilson. So let's move on.

AFC PLAYOFFS:
Home Field: Patriots
First Round Bye: Indy

Pittsburgh defeats Jets
Denver defeats Jacksonville

Denver defeats New England
Indianapolis defeats Picksburgh

Denver over Indy? How the hell did I get to that?
...oh! just thinking this up, I figured Denver plays at NE, and Pit at Indy. I already said Peyton goes to the title game again, but Dungy can't win. And I refuse to say NE/Indy play each other AGAIN in the title game, with NE going to another SuperBowl, because that would make me cry. I don't think that the Steelers could EVER beat the Pats at NE, but didn't want to admit it. So I have Denver and the Snake with an upset, then they HAVE to beat Indy, because I already said Dungy can't win a big game. Frankly, Indy or NE will probably be there. But whatever. I'm going to stand by Denver, dammit!

Now, for the NFC. Which I don't really keep track of. Although I'll admit that I think the Seahawks and Panthers are the two best teams in the NFC, I love Brett Favre, hate Donovan McNabb, and REALLY dislike Mike Vick. Moving on.

NFC WEST:
Seahawks are the only real team in this division, they win it in a walk. I can't even remember who else is there.

NFC SOUTH:
Atlanta is consistently overrated, along with Vick. Tampa Blows. The 'Aints ain't that good. I like NORTH CAROLINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNA a LOT. They play defense, and they they're teh best T-E-A-M (notice, no 'I') in the NFC. Jake v. Jake in the SuperBowl? Could be. Actually, that's just gimmicky enough, that I'm going to run with it.

NFC EAST: Fly, Eagles Fly, on an easy road to the playoffs. They get to beat up the Giants twice. Split with the Redskins (Portis TRANSFORMS this team, and Arrington's going to have a monster season) and the Cowboys are smoke and mirrors, with Vinnie Interceptaverde, to boot. Oh, and I hate Eddie George. So to recap: Iggles win. 'Skins make playoffs.

NFC NORTH: Bears need another year or two, I think. Grossman's too young, and SEC Quarterbacks not named "Manning" need extra time in the NFL. I refuse to ever bet against Brett Favre, especially a Brett Favre that's one ring away from retiring and making "There's Something About Mary II: This time there's REALLY something about her, and I beat up Ben Stiller and steal the girl at the end. And I do it all for my dad." I truly despise the Vikings, and laugh that because of a big opening weekend, everyone will be on that bandwagon as they start out 5-1, again, like they do every year, only to have the wheels fall off the proveribal wagon. The Lions? I LIKE the Lions. My NFC Sleeper. Fun, fun team with a LOT of weapons, and just as I believe Drew Brees can be good, I think Harrington can be better. Maybe they make the playoffs, let's see.

NFC PLAYOFFS:
Home Field: NORTH CAROLINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNA
Bye: Seattle

Philly over Detroit
'Skins over Packers

Panthers over 'Skins
Philly over Seattle

Panthers over Philly

This could go a bunch of ways. For the Record-- if the 'Skins play Philly in the playoffs, I think the 'Skins beat them. It's only a hunch, and Wash probably won't even make the playoffs. I'm just having fun here, and trying to make some unconventional picks, because I really don't know the NFC that well. I think Carolina's the best team there, and I have a hard time seeing Philly in ANOTHER Championship game. If they make it, I almost hope they win. ... nah, I don't. I really don't like them. Seattle, I think, doesn't make it that far, they seem like the type of team that blows it at home against a Philly team with something to prove. But that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

Okay, feel free to hold these against at the end of the year. I'm certain I'll be looking back at this in four months like, 10-6? The Stillers? WHAT WAS I THINKING??

in the meantime, y'all gotta GET INSIDE THE FOOTBALL. DEEPER INSIDE, INSIDE THE HEAD OF THE PIG THAT MADE THE FOOTBALL!!!

YOU'VE GOT TO BE THINKING, WHY IS THAT GUY CHASING ME WITH A BUTCHER'S KNIFE?!?!?!

...I was an NFL Quarterback... dammit.
-Billy Joe Hobert, on ESPNs Mayne Event.

-apk

MONDAY HANGOVER: "HE'S DRINKING GRAVY RIGHT NOW."

Everybody’s workin’ for the weekend!

Yes, although it’s only Monday, I’ve got the weekend on my mind, and thus, I give to you: THE MONDY HANGOVER.

All I can say about the weekend is, what happened? It feels like it came and went, and that I spent most of it on the couch, but when I take a moment to think back on it all, it feels like quite the whirlwind of events and emotions. Truly exhausting. Which is probably why I feel truly exhausted today.

I’ve come to realize that my incessant recaps of weekends gone by are pretty much only interesting to me, and anyone who was involved. So I’ll refrain from such jibber-jabberin’, fool, unless something stands as particularly noteworthy or funny. Instead, I’m just going to give out a few random props (and what exactly are “props” short for? “propers?” … like MC Hammer referring to something good, “Proper.” This perplexes me, but alas, as usual, I digress). Okay, here are the Propers for all my homeys. And for the VH1 Generation, I present them in LIST FORM!

5) To the Picksburgh Stillers for an oftentimes impressive, oftentimes ugly, but all-around entertaining win.
4) To the ‘Pizz and Andy for both hangin’ out this weekend. Kris during the Stillers game, Andy in Shadyside Friday and the Matrix Saturday. Kris had the line of the day while watching 400 lb. DT Ted Washington drink some Gatorade, which is the current sub-heading, read above. (Special Props to Andy for scoring a date with the hottieness known as K-Tron 2K4)
3) To AliMac for swellness in the line of Matrix duty, and that blue shirt. Well played.
2) To Kupchelitis and Jeanie for a Sunday well-spent in my two favourite places: my couch, and PNC Park. Kup, also for getting blitheringly hammered on Saturday and sleeping on the back of the ‘Tus. Jeanie for Double-Stuf Oreos, not getting overly embarrassed by my love for Rob Mackowiak (and hatred of Chuck Nunez), and for a fantastic blog entry telling me to “stick to video games.”

And finally,

1) To my Mom, dearest lady in the universe, for surviving emergency gall bladder surgery, entertaining the HELL out of me while hopped up on Demoral, and being the best. To put it plainly. Love you, Mom.

And now it’s time for the big show.
Coming up this week there’s, luckily, not a hell of a lot. I may attempt to take law school seriously, but let’s be honest. I’ve also got some r-ball lined up for Tuesday and Wednesday nights. With any luck, I’ll make some headway on my first sequential artwork in 15 years, as well. Wish me luck.

Tomorrow will, of course, be a poll day, so post up some poll ideas. After striking out with what I thought was a sure-fire “Saved by the Bell” question last week, I’m shit out of ideas, and need help! Perhaps I’ll poll you all with your NFL predictions, I dunno?

Wednesday, will be guest column day. Anyone want to write one. Kup, Kurt, Marc? Perhaps a piece on your anticipated trip to Europe? Uram, do you exist? Jack—perhaps you can pimp your new website? More from Uncle Kujo? Grampy Staub, a story from yesteryear?

Thursday, I’m gunning for the return of “Bows and Toes” stay tuned. We’ll learn about the time Kup punched me in the stomach.

Friday will be the Weekend Pregame. Although I anticipate a slow weekend in Herminie.

Now, since I promised you an NFL Preview, It’ll be posted NEXT. Come back in a half hour!

Allllllllllllllllllllllllllrighty then, I’ll seen yinz all soon, n’at.

And remember two things:
1) Never get involved in a land war in Asia.
2) Never let Chuck Nunez bat, when DEATH is on the line.. ahahahahahahah ahahahah!
(name the movie, it’s Kup’s favourite.)

-apk

RANDOMATION: MACY GRAY MUST BE STOPPED

I'll keep this quick, because I don't want to distract from Kujo's column. If you've not read it yet, do so now, I'll wait...

....

..

.done? Pretty good, isn't it? I think it's a liberal arts thing-- all us D-Sonian's write well.

So yeah, the point of this post. Macy Gray must die. And by die, I mean "be banished to Z-List celebrity hell where I never have to see her on my TV again, but she lives comfortbaly until the ripe ol' age of 127, without anything bad happening to her physically."

Why does she deserve such a wretched fate, you ask? Have you SEEN her "walk this way" commerical? Not only is she single-handedly the ONLY bad thing about TWO Spider-Man movies, but now she pops up on my TV, in a full blue jumpsuit made out of either velour or sharksin, "singing/dancing" to the CLASSIC Walk This Way. Basically, she takes a big, steaming dump all over one of the Top 10 most classic/influential 80s songs. Do y'all realize that it was RAP + ROCK for the first time? And now they got MACY GRAY singing it? The original bands weren't available to do it themselves? All of the remaining members of BOTH Aerosmith and Run DMC should collectively beat the piss out of her AND whoever thought this was a good idea. Not only has she instantly made a run a "The Worst, Most Blatantly Unecessary Cover of ALL TIME," (perhaps only eclipsed by Madonna's American Pie), but I can't even avoid it!

Just when I thought it couldn't POSSIBLY get worse than the Wendy's douche, some asshole doing advertising somewhere was like, hmmm.. what's hip..? ? ? ...hmm... MACY GRAY! YES!

..ugh. at least Ashlee Simpson has a nice ass.

rant over.
go read Kujo's Follies again. It's good!

tomorrow: a SPECIAL WEEKEND UPDATE!
(seriously? who knows.. depends on how much I libate thonight.)
-apk

INTRODUCING: UNCLE KUJO'S FOLLIES

Before I move into Kujo's first column, I want to apologize for the delay. I tried like crazy to get this posted Thursday morning, before I left with Kup to go to Altoona for a little AA Baseball Postseason Action (Final Score: Altoona Curve 14/ Erie Seawolve 2! GOOD TIMES!). However, Blogger was all kinds of screwy, and wasn't letting me post anything... C'est la vie, I suppose. Anyway, I hope y'all enjoy this little column by APM Jewkowski, I find it insightful and well written. I'm hoping to get an NFL preview up for you by Sunday as well, keep your fingers crossed on that one. And for the record, screw the Patriots. They're the luckiest G-D team in the history of football. Only THEY could win a game when the opponent fumbles on the 1 AND their PERFECT kicker misses a 46-yarder within the last five minutes of the game. I HATE that team. Which only makes me hate the Red Sox more, and in turn, makes me even want to punch John Kerry, just for being a Red Sox fan.

Now, take it away, David--

..... .... ... .. .. . . . . . .

Welcome to Uncle Kujo’s Follies. I am not an expert of indie musicology; I just love new sounds and sharing my discoveries with friends. I have been known to play songs at excessive levels, closing and locking my door, and disappearing to class all day. Either way, many people share similar tastes in music. That being said my goals are to share new musical discoveries through polite recommendations – although leaving the stereo on all day was much more efficient. Secondly, I will critique an album or particular song and highlight interesting tidbits on the band.
I will probably write only about singer/song writers and bands that I enjoy. However, on occasion, everyone has set their standards aside and purchased a really shitty album. Since that will inevitably happen, I have devised a system of rating each album, based on Hair follicles. All joking aside, I am aging very well and my head has succumbed to the line of rabbits walking backwards. In other words, I have a receding hair line. It should be noted that with a shaved head, I have a striking resemblance to Andre Agassi, however. Thus, Kujo’s Follies will rate albums on a 1 – 5 hair follicle basis, which breaks down roughly into the following: One follicle equates to an aforementioned poor purchase whose album contains unintelligible lyrics, lousy chord progressions and overall sound; 2 – 3 follicles means that the album contains a few well-versed songs and with a little more TLC in the production would have been a good album; 4 is a damn good album, but not a 5; 5 follicles is the best album that I have heard in my 24 years, 11 months of existence. FYI: My birthday is October 9…I enjoy poppy seed cake with vanilla icing, Knor. LOL.

This week’s choice: Singer/song writer Jason Myles Goss

Jason Myles Goss’ Long Way Down (2003) eloquently ponders the simple characteristics of our so-called lives: Love, friends, breaking up, suicide, struggling to find our passion, et al. At 22 years of age, Jason has assembled an impressive, well-balanced configuration of up-tempo and slow, whimsical melodies. In track 7 Seven Shells (coincidence?), Goss says, “Just want to see you dance…It’s the little things you do/like the way you fix your hair…Cause I miss you so much baby/It feels like there’s gravel in my heart,” juxtaposed with the title track Long Way Down where – instead of singing about 7 shells to end his pain – Jason sings about breaking free, “Like a house of cards I’d fold up whenever you wanted me to/had my boys right by my side they helped me, picked me up and pulled me through/Well I’m glad we met, got no regrets, and you can bet that I still dream of you/and though these aren’t the last I’ll say they might be the last words I’ll sing for you.” To top off the love connection – a little topper, JMG sings about unattainable love – a la Dervla, William Wallis, that KKG chick that called the cops on D– in If Wishes Were Horses.

In all, I give this album 4.00 out of 5 follicles. Jason does a bang-up job of relating to his audience with tangible lyrics, communicated with a soothing voice and stellar guitar playing. My favorite track is #2, Save Me. I’d suggest rocking to this during a road trip, after a difficult break up, or during a sentimental afternoon, but would not recommend throwing this in at a party – unless you belong to a weird comet-worshipping club who partakes in mass suicides. My Irrelevant Blog® and Uncle Kujo’s Follies® do not condone such activities.
Track number 8 of 11 San Diego Serenade is from Tom Waits’ album The Heart of Saturday Night (Asylum, Elektra, 1974).

Check out Jason’s site http://www.jasonmylesgoss.com/ – the album can be purchased at http://www.cdfreedom.com/ for a mere $12 + shipping. You can sample the first three tracks in entirety at both sites, plus two bonus tracks Irish Eyes and Hallelujah on his official site. Supporting new artists is a noble gesture. Knor, your copies of this and the sound track to Garden State are on their way. Spread this around PA!

Upcoming follicles: Joshua Radin, Matt Pond PA, and more!

There’s only one today,
Kujo-

POLLOSITY AND A LITTLE JEWKOWSKI

As promised, I have returned from the wonderland known as "Legal Profession" with little to say other than, GO TO JACKHOOTON.COM and JOIN THE OUTBACK CHALLENGE!

Also, as Zack learned today from Johnny Dakota, "There's no hope, with Dope." Also, Oil Sucks, it Kills Ducks. ( I made that up myself!)

Which leads me to my first order of business. Because he asked my nicely, and because his first foray into columnistness is extremely well-written, this thursday, I will debut Uncle Kujo's Korner, or whatever I decide to call it. He's basically giving his insight on some musical acts you may or may not have heard of, in order to enlighten the masses. He's excited, I'm excited, and I hope you all enjoy it. Since this is first and foremost a place for us all to keep in touch, if anyone else out there wants to write a column, you just have to Colonel Jessup, you have to ask me nicely.

Finally, since i hate this kiosk keyboard and it's time to read for Negotiations class, I'll leave you with the RETURN OF THE POLL!

Today's poll topic is what it is for no other reason than it's the first thing I could think of, and one of the TV shows that defines our generation. Namely, "Saved By the Bell." So here goes:

What is your favourite SBtB episode, and why?

Mine's the "Candid Video" episode where the sleep out in the mall to get U2 tickets, I'll explain why once people start posting!

Have fun! Tomorrow, I intend to give you my NFL Preview. If I don't get to it, allow me to go on the record to explain that the Colts will beat the Patsies this Thursday. YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST!

be good, and don't die,
-apk

TUESDAY HANGOVER: THEY CAN FINE YOU FOR BEING IN A WHEELCHAIR?

Happy Tuesday, friends and neighbors

I'm going to make this quick, since this break is shorter than the one that follows later this afternoon, and Saved by the Bell comes on in ten minutes.

I hope you all had a positively fratastic, yet restful Labour Day weekend, and are dreading going back to school/work today as much as I am.

My weekend was relatively peaceful, with few major developments. I did, however, procure three new shirts and a new pair of sneakers for a grand total of $40, American. Unfortunately, my 100 Afghanis were not legal tender. Drew and Bill don't like what I bought, but Kup, Alimac and Jeanie, do. Wonder who's opinion I give more weight to?

Before going any farther, I must take a moment to recognize Zack Mills, and the rest of the PSU Nit-Offense as my favourite people of the week. I've never waivered in my support of Seven, and my offer for him to be my dad still stands. On a related note, when the hell did the Akron Zips make a Kangaroo their mascot? The entire game I was constantly reminded by the great Featherstone, of Necessary Roughness's instructions to Charlie McCarthy (the little Australian Rugger) to "Go Bang a Kangaroo!" while the Lions ran up a 48-10 score, that's not even indicitive of how much the game was a blowout. Roar! Lions, Roar!

Though yesterday was dreadfully boring, Sunday was a solid all around day. I positively WAXED Jeanie in three straight r-ball games, but she was too busy hanging out on Cloud 37 to notice. C'est la vie. We then ruined our workout with some Sheetz and DVD slumming. Good times, indeed.

One final note before I encompass myself in Professtional Responsibility, with a dash of Zack, Slater, and Screech. Mars is making a new candy bar, the M*Azing, which lives up to it's name. Think Hershey Bar filled with M&M Minis, and think PANTHEON CANDY BAR. The Twix and The Big Kat are in trouble. This thing was GOOD.

Okay, well, everybody, that's it for now. If you're interested in joining the OUTBACK CHALLENGE, head on over to http://www.jackhooton.com and join up! DON'T FORGET THE SEASON STARTS THURSDAY NIGHT~! GET THOSE PICKS IN!

stay tuned till later, I shall return, in the meantime, I'm out like a fat kid in dodgeball,
-apk

WEEKEND PREGAME: SPIDEY WOULD NEVER PLAY FOR THE BLOWSOX

This is just more conclusive proof that ESPN Page 2 kicks all levels of ass.

ESPN.com: Page 2 - Bucky and Spidey to the rescue!


This weekend looks like it's shaping up to be pretty mundane, which is okay, I suppose. I could definitely use a break. Electricians are invading the house all weekend, and Kup has headed home until Monday. Anyone in the greater PGH area have any fun Labor Day ideas? If not, we're probably headed to the ballpark.

But FIRST: PENN STATE FOOTBALL!!!


Fight on state, Fight on state, strike the gait and win!
Victory we predict for thee, forever true to you- dear ol' white and blue!
Fight on State! Fight on State!
ROAR! LIONS ROAR!
We'll hit the ground, roll up the score, fight on to victory f'ever morrrrrrrre
Fight ON! ON! ON ON ON! FIGHT ON! PENN STATE!

okay, now that that's out of my system.. I CAN'T WAIT to watch the game tomorrow at my parents' house. It's me, Penny, and the bigscreen. If you want to come over play/swim/watch the game with me, you know the number.

Basically, I've got no plans this weekend other than the PSU game (3:30 PM EDT) and racquetball with Jeanie, Sunday (Time TBD). So if anyone's got a good idea for a fun time tonight or tomorrow night, GIMME A CALL!

okay, that's about it for now.. I'm going to go kick this brief in the nuts.

much love to you all,
-apk

WEEKEND HANGOVER XIX: This is the End, my only friend, the End.

Welcome back, your dreams were your ticket out,

How y’all doin’, my friends? Well, I hope. Oddly, I’ve noticed that I’m using y’all more and more in my everyday speech patterns, perhaps I’ve reverting to my Southern Belle glory days, which, coincidentally, passed me by in the wink of a young girl’s eye. C’est la vie. (Was that right, Marc?)

If you’ve not read yet, please direct your attention to my previous post, concerning OUTBACK CHALLENGE II, soon to be brought to you by hooton.com.

Anywho, what to talk about today? Since Jeanie will never forgive me if I don’t give her props for Saturday night, here goes. As Jack indicated, she’s one hyper-active individual, especially when she’s filled with liquor and there's 80s music playing. Therefore, the Matrix was THE PLACE for her. Before we get to that, though, let’s talk about how the Matrix was THE PLACE for Cameron, formerly of MTV’s Real World: San Diego. An adorable (if not immature) blonde southern girl, I’ve long adored her. Seeing her in person was my second Big Celebrity Moment of the day. However, tellingly, meeting the ol’ Five-Nine meant infinitely more.

Back to the real story. As Jeanie bounced around the 80s room, I tried my damndest to keep up, and to my credit, think I succeeded fairly well. Whether it was “Pour Some Sugar on Me (which she inexplicably couldn’t understand how I knew all the words),” “Uptown Girl,” or the always Jeanie-popular “Just Like Heaven,” like the Wu-Tang Clan, we brought the ruckus. And then it happened. The Grease Megamix. There are many byproducts of a childhood spent in a neighborhood of girls that riddle me to this day. I know too much about Soap Operas. My melodrama is partially a result of many angst-ridden Barbie episodes. I know all of the lyrics to many a Debbie Gibson song. And I have an all-encompassing knowledge of not only “Grease” but also “Grease II.” Thus, in much the same way that Danny, Kup, and I brought down the house with the T-Bird half of the Megamix at my sister’s wedding, Jeanie and I easily blew away the non-existent competition for “Cheesiest Dance Couple” in the 80s room. I swear to God, you would’ve sworn that we had practiced it in advance, it seemed that choreographed. I’m not certain if that’s something to be proud of or not, but I’m going to hang my hat on it, what the hell?

Following the Matrix, as Kup and crew took Kurt to Mt. Washington, I fulfilled my promise to rendezvous Jeanie with an MTO. Although the roundtrip took over an hour, I got a cream-cheese filled Pretzel out of it, and we listened to my (well, Josh Eisenberg’s) CD of old TV theme songs the entire way up and back. You’ve not lived till you’ve sung the theme to “The Greatest American Hero” while drinking chocolate milk next to a beautiful girl covered in powdered sugar at 3AM. So mad props to Jack, Kurt, Andy, Kup, Megan Starr (AND the Starrshake!), and the Ginger to my Fred, Jeanie, for one badass night to mark the end of summer.

Sunday afternoon, we awoke in time to have lunch with Natalia, rock out to Ashlee Simpson with the windows down, and hit up Rita’s before the boys hit the road, and I headed back to the Knor Hacienda in time to play with Penny, eat some always awesome Mom-Food, and chastise my dad for actually turning on “The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood.”

Such a great weekend, it took nineteen posts to talk about it. Regularly scheduled programming will return soon. OXen, please post comments for “Bows & Toes” ideas. I’m ready to get nostalgic.

Until next time, I remain,
-apk

OUTBACK CHALLENGE II

I'm hereby announcing the second annual NFL OUTBACK CHALLENGE!

Last year, Kup, Kris, Jack and I all picked every NFL winning, every week-- straight up, no line, for the entire season through the playoffs. The winner got an OUTBACK SPECIAL dinner with one (or was it two?) big Brewtuses. We finally got together on Saturday, after the Bucco game and awarded Kup his prize.

So what I'm I writing about now? Well, because Jack F'n Hooton, Super Genius, is a computer whizkid, we're going TECHNO this year. Yes, that's right, OUTBACK CHALLENGE II will have it's own website, where participants will make their picks every week. Kup, Kris, Jack and I are developing a few simple rules for running the game. ANYONE is welcome to enter, you just have to be willing to get together with the rest of the losers and treat the winner to a steak dinner. It'll all be in good fun, you end up paying about 4 bucks, and we get an excuse to come together for a rockin' good time, sometime next spring/summer.

There will be more information to follow, in the mean time, if this sounds like fun to you, drop me an email, or post-up here.

later
-apk

QUICK AND DIRTY: I Feel like the Jolly Green Giant

I'm sitting next to Sprout over here in Posvar, trying to put together this inanely STUPID memo for class. Have I mentioned that I have a 4-6pm class four days a week? That felt like a really good idea, i dunno, about a week ago, but now it blows. The problem is that I never get home before at least 8 or 9 now, because I've always got something going on directly following class, or it takes forever to grab a bus. Sure, it's cool to have a busy life, but a few hours of downtime would be kind of swell. Tomorrow's supposed to be my slow day, but NOOooooOO, I've got to have a meeting with Batman at 10am, then go to work. Ugh. Did I mention that I'm pissy, thanks to this inane f*cking paper?

Okay, rant over. I love you all. Except Sprout. He's freakishly tiny.

Okay, back to forum selection. Hooray! Forum Selection!

On tap for tonight? Dinner with Lara, then some more losing Pirates baseball. What I'm NOT doing, is HOMEWORK.

Oh, and a fricking electriction is ruining my house all weekend, AND i'll be home all alone. Needless to say, I'm gonna need shit to do. Someone feel free to call.

word life.
-apk