IF I CAN BE SERIOUS FOR A MINUTE...

Hi kids.

Sorry for the late update today, I’ve just found that I’ve really got nothing to say today. I was going to stand up, like a man’s man, and defend Lara’s honor, but she told me to “suck it” today. Therefore, she’ll will not be defended by me. Harsh, you say? Au contraire, my friends, for lest ye forget, this is MY KINGDOM, and she should be grateful that I didn’t just hands-down block her IP address, thus banning her from here forever.

Yes, I’m in one of those moods. The kind where I get overwhelmingly melodramatic, and say things like, “lest ye forget, this is MY KINGDOM.” I apologize, friends. I think it’s because my birthday’s coming up Sunday. I’m the rather introspective type, and lately, have being taking stock of the year that was. I’m not going to get sappy, depressing, or sentimental, but let’s just say that things could be better/ things could be worse.

I think that’s why I fit into Kup’s “it’s my birthday, let’s party” category. I always find that the two times a year I get most introspective are right around my birthday and New Years. I suppose they’re both “mile markers” of sorts, and lead to reflection on time past, victories won, and balls dropped. All in all, maybe I especially love a good party on the first of Jan and Aug because it makes for a good distraction, or a tangible reminder of the good things in life.

So as I wrap up this subdued, slightly morose entry, I'd just like to take a minute to thank each and every one of you for being my friend. I certainly know I’d never make it without any of you.

I’ll have a weekend recap sometime Sunday or Monday—it should be great times the next three days!

Much love,
-apk

THAT SOMETHING IS... ME

BATMAN BEGINS

behold the coolness.

this AND Episode III next summer? I'm never passing the bar.

-apk

oh! one last thing! I just want to thank EVERYONE who's ever visited here. I've got a sitemeter now, and we did over 240 hits in the last week alone!

I AM THE LAW! Trial 1: Is Ashlee Simpson a Fraud?

Well friends, I’ve returned, I hope you enjoyed Uram’s column yesterday as much as I did.

Before I get started, I’d to give two quick shout-outs to loyal visitors AliMac and Poison Ivy.  Ivy is especially surprising, because he’s stationed in Maine for the Navy, and I talk to him all too rarely. Great to know that they’re reading me all the way up North in Canadia.

Now, onto the show.

This one’s been brewing for a while, folks, and I was pushed over the edge last night.  I had experienced a vastly entertaining evening with Kup and Jeanie in the Waterfront, drinkin’ beers, eating the World’s Largest Piece of Chocolate Cake, and taking in the “Bourne Supremacy” (solid flick- if you liked the first one, check it out).  Upon returning to my humble abode, I noticed that Lara (of Going Postal fame) had added these frightful words to her Instant Messenger profile:

“Buy the new Ashlee Simpson CD!”

..and that’s when it happened: I lost ALL respect for Lara.

Okay, I’ll admit it, I’m not one to talk about music tastes.  My love of Huey Lewis, Hootie & the Blowfish, etc, is oft mocked and lamented, especially by Jeanie.  But ASHLEE SIMPSON? Even I’M qualified to take some shots at HER music.  Who knows? it MIGHT actually even be good, entertaining music.  As I like to call it: “Music that never hurt anyone.” However, it’s the principle of the thing that’s the problem, here.

First off, let’s discuss “The Ashlee Simpson” show on MTV.  Not only is she the WHINIEST GIRL EVER, but the show is also centered on the following premise:

Jessica Simpson’s little sister, stuck firmly in that place in life where you feel that everything your feeling is not only entirely original, but also of intergalactic importance, has decided to take voice lessons, get a band, and cut a record.  We’ll follow her insignificant relationship with Guitar Guy (a rant for another time) through the trials and tribulations of 19 year-old angst (he didn’t sing me my song! WHINE!) as she writes songs about how the earth spins on its axis for he and he alone! All the while, she’ll tell us how she doesn’t want to be compared to her sister, and live in her shadow, and she’ll DYE HER HAIR to prove it! However, though she wants to stay out of Jessica’s shadow, she’ll

1) have a reality show on the same network
2) appear in all of her commercials (did anyone actually realize she’s in the “Buffalo Wing Chicken” commercial before the show?)
3) enter the exact same profession and
4) have her on the show as often as possible.  

GOING POSTAL 2: it's fannnnnntastic!

Wow, I can’t believe I haven’t been fired for blaspheming the hippie bible that is Atom13’s BLOGSPOT.  First off, Special thanks to Bruce Banner for being a huge pussy and not having the guts to respond to my first column.  Obviously he was so devastated by the supreme verbal holocaust that I committed on hippies that he decided to gouge his own eyes out.  Good going Doctor.  However, in an online conversation with Dr. Banner, he did bring up a good point.  THE BLOGSPOT NEEDS MORE PERSONAL SHIT HOUSING.  So with that suggestion noted, I start my column:

NO LARA, I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU.  If you read the comments to last week’s column, you saw that Lara (The Supreme Comandress of all Hippies) is fully and madly in love with me.  She is completely obsessed with becoming my wife.  She won’t stop calling me, IMing me, and sending me cookies, hot croissants, and RC cola.  Sorry Lara, but RC cola is not the elixir that will cure my heart from despising disgusting left wing liberals like you.  Anyway, time for the MEAT (suck on that vegans) of my column: 

COMMERCIALS THAT ARE SO ERRONIOUSLY DISGUSTING THAT THEY SHOULD ENRAGE YOU TO A POINT WHERE YOU WANT TO GO POSTAL. 

When the average person watches TV, they see certain commercials that are funny, stupid, or just get their point across making you want to buy their product or service.  Every now and then (more common than not)  there comes along commercials so horrible, that you either vow to never buy the company’s product, or you long for the days of the old commercials that were better.   

Commercial #1:  MR. WENDY, UNOFFICIAL SPOKESMAN.
There is no limit to how bad I would destroy this man’s mail if I was his regular mailman.  The premise of this commercial is sound.  A man who loves Wendy’s so much that he goes around acting like their spokesman but really isn’t.  Wow, that sounds clever and potentially successful.  To bad they found the supreme chancellor of douche to be Mr. Wendy.  Then the most grievous sin against humanity occurred:  THE FUSION OF DOUCHE AND POETRY.   It all came to a head with his “chicken strips salad soliloquy”.  Mr. Wendy proceeded to butcher a medieval English accent using the words “Thy” and “Doth” in the same sentence as “For shizzle”.  THAT MAKES ME WANT TO PUKE MY GUTS OUT UNTIL BILE IS THE ONLY THING LEFT EXPELLING FROM MY INSIDES.   If you are ever in the car listening to the radio, and the “CHICKEN STRIPS SALAD SOLILOQUY” comes on, do yourself a favor. Swerve the car off the road, over the guard rail and into a ditch.  The car will probably explode thus making the radio shut off. Man, I wish Jesus was still around.  So he could resurrect DAVE THOMAS FOUNDER OF WENDY’S.  And Dave and J.C. together can kick the crap out of MR. WENDY, unofficial spokesman, official scumbag.

Commercial #2:  ARE YOU GELLIN’?  LIKE A FELLON.  I’m pretty sure no felons are using Dr. Scholl’s gel inserts in their prison boots.  The only gel being used by felons is KY jelly during a daily ass rape of the Cell Block’s bitch (Probably Mr. Wendy).  ARE YOU GELLIN?  Like MAGELLAN.  WOW, the key to Circumnavigating the world in a 16th century galleon is to WEAR DR. SCHOLL’S GEL INSERTS.  No wonder many other explorers failed to accomplish the feat before MA “GELLIN LIKE A FELLON” did it in 1522.  Eat shit Dr. Scholl’s.  Columbus did something cooler and he was wearing inserts made by your rival: ACE Bandages. 

Commercial #3.  THE MOST ENRAGING COMMERCIAL IN THE HISTORY OF EXISTENCE:  RIP, SLIP, BRUSH, AAH.  THAT’S RIGHT, ORAL B’S BRUSH UPS.  This product is a disposable sponge laced with toothpaste that fits over your finger.  Its purpose is so you can brush your teeth when you are on the go.  TOO BAD THE ONLY REQUIREMENT TO USING THIS PRODUCT IS 5 YEARS JAZZ TAP AND 3 YEARS CHOREOGRAPHED BROADWAY DANCING EXPERIENCE.  ORAL B got a dozen out of work off off off off off off off off OFF Broadway, talentless, wanna-be’s to perform Oral B Brush-UP: THE 30 SECOND DOUCHICAL.  If you have never seen this commercial, please try to see it because it is the biggest display of everything I hate in existence.  They get these (can’t use the word I want) people to sing and dance around their office building so happy and refreshed that they brushed the front their teeth with a one time use brillo pad with some toothpaste on it.  They dance around in sequence chanting “RIP, SLIP, BRUSH, AAH”  yeah I said the same thing:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHGHGHGHGHGHHGGH GET THIS HIPPIE OKLAHOMA DISNEY CRAP OFF MY TELEVISION RIGHT NOW BEFORE I BURN DOWN ORAL B HEADQUARTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Ok…. Gotta calm down….   3 2 1….. 1 2 3.   what the heck… is bothering me?

ORAL GOD DAMN B BRUSH UPS!!! RIP SLIP BRUSH, AGUGUGGHGHGHGHHGHH!!!!  I HAVE A BETTER METHOD TO ACCOMPLISHING ORAL B’S GOALS.  Neuse, slip, jump, choke.    

Anyway, that is all for this week.  Next week:  THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION review and also an NFL preview the likes of can only be found on GOING POSTAL. 

HOLD MY DRINK BITCH.
 -URAM

ROB MACKOWIAK: BE MY DAD!

Guess who's out of last place, and only 4 games out of second???!!??
 
2 games under .500.
 
if you don't live in the 'burgh, you're laughing at my happiness. Well Screw You. You've NO IDEA what it will mean to us if they just finish over .500.
 
It may last a day, but I'm gonna enjoy the hell out of it!
 
GO BUCS!
 
-Going Postal to follow soon.
 
-apk

I Poll, Therefore I Am.

As has become Tuesday custom here, it’s poll time!
I was having a hard time coming up with something today, and then I remembered a short conversation that Kup and I had last night while eating dinner with the lovely Dempster girls, Megan and Shannon, before the Pirates game.  I was praising Mase’s triumphant return to rap/hip hop with the song “Welcome Back,” which stylishly samples the theme to “Welcome Back, Kotter” (one of the best TV themes of all times), when I summarily said it’s “pretty much the best rap song ever.”  Kup, ever the stringent linguist, pulled a Drew and lambasted me by saying, “that’s giving it a little too much credit, Burrows.” “Well played, Youngblood,” I thought to myself, as I explained that it was simply a figure of speech.  Anyway(s), that leads us to today’s poll.

What’s your favourite rap/hip hop song of all times?

This is tough for me, as I truly don’t listen to a lot of rap/hip hop, but when I hear something I like, I REALLY like it.  I’ll save my pick for later, you guys, though—chime in NOW! Operators are standing by.

While you’re at it, send along some birthday ideas.  It’s looking more and more as though I’m going to “keep it simple, stupid,” save my limited funds for Kujo’s wedding next week, and just have a small cookout among friends. And when I say small, I mean SMALL.  I just don’t have it in me to throw a big blast right now. However, it’s my birthday, and Burgers and Beruit are always a good time.

Finally, it warrants mentioning that Shannon Dempster is an evil girl who ruined my childhood as a Braves fan, and then ruined my winning streak AND my Monday night last night by continuing to be a Braves fan.  Props to the PNC Park Jumbotron Krew, though, for using Yellowcard’s “Only One” as the soundtrack to a weekend Buccos montage.  It won’t change that song’s place in my heart, but they made a damn good run at it.

Anywho, Shake Yo’ Tailfeather and Lose Yourself, cuz Mama Said Knock You Out if you don’t answer the poll.

Much love,
-apk 

THE MONDAY HANGOVER: 7/26/04

Guess who’s back? Back again? Knipper’s back, tell a friend…

Hi friends, welcome back to the Kingdom. Did you miss me? I didn’t think so, thanks to the lack of questions and queries in my inbox. I’m a little disappointed the Irrelevant Mailbag idea has not caught on, because I think it could have made things a little more interactive, and a little more fun.  This blog exists for TWO reasons: 1) so I can write. 2) so yinz can have fun, n’at.  I just wanted to create a place where we can talk about random stuff and take some shots at each other. Sort of like a cyber-lunchtable. If I’ve said it once, friends, I’ve said it a thousand times, “It’s takes a village to build a blog.” So get those comments rolling! I know you’re out there!

Anyway(s), this was a GRAND weekend. For starters, it saw the return of the Lumber Company to Pittsburgh’s North Shore!  Not only did the Buccos sweep the Redlegs, but they’re quickly approaching .500, and respectability.  It’s fun being a Pirates fan for the first time in a long time. Sure, they’re not going to win EVERY game, but now when you head to the Most Beautiful Ballpark in the Known Universe, you’ve got a great shot at seeing real-life Major League Baseball for the first time in about 10 years.

Before I go off TOO much on the Bucs, I want to quickly recommend that NO ONE EVER MISS a “Skyblast.”  Simply put, it’s an amazing experience. After a Pirates game, they set off about a half hour or so’s worth of fireworks from: barges on the river, platforms in the stadium, the Roberto Clemente Bridge, and THE TOP OF THE USX BUILDING (ie: the “Tallest Building between NYC and Chicago).  In between volleys of pyrotechnics, there are skits and light shows and random insanity. If there’s one thing you ever take from this blog, let it be this: NEVER MISS SKYBLAST. Rant over.

Party at Sprout’s was as fun as can be expected. Special Kingdom shout-out to Elise’s stripper shoes—the highlight of my week. 

Also, thanks to Gavin for sweet-ass Bucco seats as I watched them win twice in one weekend.  Special notice of awesomeness to my boy, Rob Mackowiak (THE MACK OF ALL TRADES) for coming up with a PH game-winning double as a gift to his fan club (Gav and I) in attendance.

And FINALLY, Kudos to George Lucas for not screwing up and officially naming Episode III: REVENGE OF THE SITH.  The PERFECT title, especially for Star Wars geeks that know the story behind why “Return of the Jedi” got its name. If you don’t know—all you gotta do is MAIL THE IRRELEVANT MAILBAG!! (see how I draw everything together in one nice, little bow?)

Okee Dokee, that should suffice for now, I suppose.
Tune in for next time when we find out the answer to “is Adam going to Raw tonight? Or not?”

Go Pubbers! (1-1 against South Hills: Game 3 tonight)
-much love,
apk

RANDOMATION 4: SKYBLAST

I'm not going to write a ton today, because I'm in an odd emotional place, and don't really want to explore.

TONIGHT IS SKYBLAST! the MOTHER of all fireworks displays. More on it tomorrow.

Playoffs start tonight in the DNL: Pubbers v. South Hills in round one. I'm still out, and probably more likely to be on the 15-day, than be listed as day-to-day.

The weekend's shaping up nicely: Skyblast tonight, Game 2 and party at Sprout's tomorrow, probably my first Bucco game with Gavin on Sunday.  Monday will be HUGE also: Game 3 (Pubbers try to clinch) and RAW IS WAR at Mellon with my DREAM MATCH main eventing. More info on that over the weekend. (stay tuned for my Jerry is God post).

well, kiddies, that's about it for now. Comments have slowed, so i've added a sitemeter to track how much traffic the Kingdom actually gets.  I hope you're out there, cuz the fun's just starting.

until next time I remain,
-apk

EVEN I GET BOARDED!

The Irrelevant Mailbag is filling up! Keep those questions, comments, and queries coming!  In the meantime, I present for your amusement a sampling of the random thoughts circling through my brain this week. 

• “100% of the shots you don’t make don’t go in.” is probably the best quote I’ve heard by someone I undeniably despise.
• I don’t think there’s a more hit or miss comedy show on TV these days than “Reno 911.”  I never take the time to find out when it’s on, because half the time  it’s not funny, but when it’s funny, it’s FUNNY.
• If there’s a better sportswriter on the planet today than Bill Simmons (http://www.sportsguy.net/), I’ve not read him.  Check out his new “Vengeance Scale,” pure hilarity.  He even confirms what we’ve long suspected: Justin Timberlake is every guy’s hero, whether we know it our not.
• I can’t believe I just wrote that last sentence.
• Ashlee Simpson must be stopped.  I can’t understand how I can be so simultaneously mesmerized and annoyed by one person. (this is a whole column waiting to happen). Try and watch six minutes of her show, I dare you-- there's no way this show can be turned off once someone starts watching it. 
• Do you think Kris Benson runs on batteries, or do they just plug him into the same wall socket as Al Gore?
• How sad it is that I remember why “Chrissy Seaver” from Growing Pains was named “Chrissy Seaver” (in show continuity)?
• I wish that it was acceptable to shout “I lovvvvvvvvve being a TURTLE!” every time something good happened to you.
• I can’t explain it, but I REALLY like the band Yellowcard. Commence Laughter.
• Are there two more underrated sports movies than “Major League II” and “Necessary Roughness?”
• Who makes road signs? Like, who wakes up one day and says, “I’m going to start the nation’s largest road sign-making company! It is my DESTINY!”
• And finally, because no one asked:
   
                          THE TOP 7 HARRISON FORD MOVIES
                          1) The Empire Strikes Back
                          2) Raiders of the Lost Ark
                          3) Star Wars (“episode IV”) / Return of the Jedi
                          4) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
                          5) Hollywood Homicide (KIDDING!)
                          5) Apocalypse Now
                          6) The Fugitive 
                          7) Air Force One 

Thanks, you’ve been great.
I’ll be back later.
Send more questions! Or POST THEM!
-apk

HOPING FOR SUPERPOWERS

Greetings chums,

I'll keep this short, because Wednesday is Uram's day in these parts (if you've not checked it out yet, scroll down and read the first installment of "Going Postal," it's a solid debut, and I'm happy to have him here to stoke the flames of conversation).

Anyhoo, I've got a trip to the hospital in line for this evening to get the foot X-Rayed.  I'm REALLY hoping a spider gets mixed up in the radiation process, or maybe I have some chromosomes mutated and develop an X-Factor.  Then I could zip around in my dad's car, wear black leather, and fight crime.  That would be pret-ty cool.

Hope everyone's coping with hump day in their own special way.  Despite my injury, I'm still riding high thanks to Rob Mackowiak's 2-run Homerun last night that he hit because I was in the stands. If you're scoring at home, he's hit 3 for me in 6 games this year.  Yes, I was wearing my homemade Mackowiak t-shirt in the crowd, and thoroughly enjoyed my 17 seconds of fame as the boys referred to me as "The President of the Fanclub."  It's the little things that count.

I'm going to run along and finally finish this brief now, in the meantime, prepare yourselves for some random thoughts and fun.  I'm also going to send a call out for two things: 

1) more birthday ideas. I really don't know what to do for it; and
2) SEND ME QUESTIONS! the more inane the better! want to know what I think the top 7 Harrison Ford movies are of all time? I'll tell you! Really, this could be fun-- send me a question, and I'll do a 'mailbag' style answer-post. It'll spark some conversation, and we can have some more fun around here.  If you don't know my email address, you shouldn't be here.

Finally, I'd like to give shout-outs to Kujo and Kelly, who I recently learned visit the Kingdom.  If you've been around here, and I've not said hello and given props, the POST! and let me know that you've joined the family.

Remember, it takes a village.. blah blah.
-apk
(i guess that wasn't so short.. sorry 'Lex)

GOING POSTAL: 7/21/04

Before I start let me say, THIS IS NOT A RESEARCHED COMPREHENSIVE THESIS.  It’s a column on a blog.  So anything I say, feel free to comment, but don’t give me whiney hippie crap complete with footnotes and a bibliography because I will just print the response and burn it.  
  
Why is this called “GOING POSTAL”?  Because I am a casual carrier for the United States Postal Service and I contemplate the use of an Uzi every single moment I am at work.  For everyone who thinks being a mailman is easy, give yourself a paper cut.  That will teach you not to mess with the post office.  I have to walk miles upon miles every day, fighting off dogs as well as old people at the brink of death whose only satisfaction in life is to alert the summer fill-in mailman that their mail usually comes at 10:30, not 10:45.  Attention Nursing homes:  RECRUIT HARDER.  But anyway, this one of only a few times I will ever discuss the post office or my job in general.  I will mostly be commenting on things that are so apocalyptically doucheful (Not always politics), that they would spiral any normal person into rage.  But from what I’ve been reading, the followers of this blog are mostly tree hugging, showerless, drug addicted liberals who love Michael Moore, Gandhi, and France.  Just so you know, I DO NOT HATE DEMOCRATS.  I HATE HIPPIES.  And for the record, I define myself as a moderate republican.  I like the military, guns and tax cuts, but I also HATE CENSORSHIP and civil rights violations. 
 
With that said, this leads me to my main topic of the first ever going postal:  The undercard of singing divas, the name lost in the bright lights of Diana Ross, Gladys Night, Dionne Warwick, and Cher:  LINDA RONSTADT.  I hate her so bad, that if I had to deliver her mail, I would take her credit card bills and burn them so she would get late fees and overage charges.  Then I would take her favorite magazine subscription and put it at the bottom of the pile of mail that has to be delivered to her street.  This would mean that the magazine will have to rest directly on my sweat drenched forearm.  Suck on that Linda…. Your Entertainment Weekly is soaked and ripped. 
 
First of all, a lot of people don’t realize this but, LINDA RONSTADT IS WHITE.  She has no soul, no rhythm, and no talent.  I can fart on tune better than she can sing.  Linda Ronstadt is the original Wigger.  She started out as a white trash folk hippie priestess and tried to become a soulful diva.  EEEEEEERRRR.  WRONG ANSWER.    
Her most famous song that she didn’t steal from Smokey Robinson, Stevie Wonder, and everyone else including FIVAL the mouse was “Different Drum”.  It is so great that hearing her sing this song live is worth the price of admission alone.  WAIT A SECOND.  I’D MAKE HER PAY ME TO LISTEN TO THIS HORRIBLE SONG.   
 
Linda Ronstadt ended up inspiring such greats as Vanilla Ice, House of Pain, and Eminem.  Wow, that’s great company.  Where am I going with this?  Well it’s not hard to figure out, that Linda is a supreme hippie liberal douche.  She is a frigid Ice Cow who can only be sexually aroused by Michael Moore tales of Fiction.  Now, I have read the reviews of this film (I refuse to go see it and give Michael Moore any of my money) and the reviews are very positive.  The New York Times, the most famous newspaper in the world LOVED THIS MOVIE and will probably print a transcript of it for their front page.  (I wonder where the political views of this “non-biased” newspaper lie.)  After watching CNN, and reading The NY TIMES, I would have thought that ALL OF AMERICA was praising Michael Moore.  That’s until I found a buried, back page news story that needs some exposure.  I guess all of America is not singing the praises of Michael Moore.  During a Las Vegas concert, over the hill singer Linda Ronstadt (of whom I discussed earlier) called Michael Moore a “true patriot” among other praises.  She then dedicated the song “Desperado” (a song she stole) to Mr. Moore.  Cnn.com writes,

That dedication angered some Aladdin (Casino) guests who spilled drinks, tore down posters and demanded their money back, said casino spokeswoman Sara Gorgon.
"We had quite a scene at the box office," she said.
About a quarter of the 4,500 people in the audience got up and left before the performance had finished

If that was at the Oscars, or in San Francisco, the crowd would have gone wild!  OH THEY WENT WILD ALL RIGHT.  THEY BOOED HER HIPPIE ASS RIGHT OFF THE STAGE.  NOT ONLY DID THEY BOO HER, BUT MANY WALKED OUT, AND THE CONCERT WAS CANCELLED.  WHEN LINDA RETURNED TO HER ROOM IN THE SAME LAS VEGAS CASINO, THE KEY DIDN’T WORK AND SHE WAS INFORMED THAT SHE WAS NO LONGER WELCOME IN THIS CASINO.

WOW I DIDN’T EXPECT THIS FROM THE SAME AMERICA WHICH HAS KERRY WINNING BY A LANDSLIDE.  THE SAME AMERICA THAT HATES THEIR MORON PRESIDENT AND WANTS A “REGIME CHANGE”  THIS ISN’T THE PROPER BEHAVIOR OF A LEFT WING HIPPIE LIBERAL DOUCHE!!!  I GUESS AMERICANS AREN’T AS PISSED OFF AT BUSH AS CNN WOULD SUGGUEST.  AND I GUESS MICHAEL MOORE ISN’T AS PRAISED AND WELCOMED AS THE NY TIMES WOULD SUGGEST.  EAT SHIT LINDA RHONSTAT.  EAT SHIT LIBERALS.  EAT SHIT AMERICA’S SOURCE FOR LEFT WING OPINIONATED NON-JOURNALISM: THE NEW YORK TIMES.             

Well, that’s it for this week.  I think that no matter what I said in this first column, we can ALL agree that LINDA RONSTADT SUCKS. Anyway, I’m sick of politics so next Wednesday I’ll talk about TV commercials that piss me off and should piss you off too. 

ATTENTION LARA AND THE REST OF THE HIPPIES WHO READ THIS:  AGAIN, THIS IS A HALF-ASSED, COMICAL COLUMN ON A BLOG.  DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME WRITING A 20 PAGE COMREHENSIVE RESEARCH ESSAY COMPLETE WITH A WORKS CITED PAGE, AND A TRANSCRIPT OF AN INTERVIEW WITH SOMEONE IMPORTANT THAT AGREES WITH YOU.  

Anyway, see you next week, unless Nips fires me.

-Uram

LEFT-WING SISSIES AND RIGHTWING NUTJOBS UNITE!

JibJab.com

Thanks to Jeanie for providing this link. Good stuff, if not only for the use of "pinko hippie."

it's political, but don't worry, like Stone Cold Steve Austin, it's an Equal Opportunity Ass Kicker.

-apk

POLLOSITY & THE BIG ANNOUNCEMENT

Hey kiddies, welcome to the show!
 
Here in the Kingdom, we're always looking for ways to expand and become more entertaining than just my random ramblings about the Wendy's Guy, or Ashlee Simpson (rant on why SHE must be stopped, soon).  If you've noticed, i said "we" there.  Well, that's because I've recently inked an big-time, up-and-coming, column-writing bastion of hilariousness to a 4-year, $9 million deal (with beer and twinkie incentives)!  Ladies and gentleman, as King and Supreme Commander of My Irrelevant Blog, I am proud to announce to you the signing of Alexander Uram as our new Wednesday Columnist.
 
You may know him from that "Barry Bonds created a clone of his clone" comment last week, or as "The Guy with the Metal Pot" at Dickinson Ice Hockey Games.  Most of you probably loved him as the AWF's resident Icon, "Saturated Fat."  In any event, you've probably laughed at his antics at least once in your life.  If you haven't, get ready to. 
 
Alex grew up in a small town, but is a large man. Large in vision. Larger than life. And Largest in hilarity.  With a rapier wit, an over-the-top style, and an over-opinionated style, I am certain that his columns will either make you laugh, cry, or get pissed.  He's pretty much got free-reign to talk about whatever he likes (however, I WILL use the John Ashcroft Smackdown of Censorship when needed).  Currently working for the US Postal Service, his column will, rightly enough be entitled "Going Postal with Uram."  The first installment will be up tomorrow, and I hope that you enjoy his time with all of us.
 
As for today's poll, it's a giffy.  Jeanie kindly reminded me today that my birthday is a mere TWELVE DAYS AWAY, and I have no idea what to do for it. So here's your poll:
 
"What should Adam do for his birthday?"
 
throw a party? what kind?
get drunk? where?
score? :) with whom?
 
you know where to click- now get to it!
i love you all,
-apk

THE GUBERNATOR v. THE HIPPIES and MY HEEL'S HEEL TURN

CNN.com - Schwarzenegger's 'girlie men' line under fire - Jul 19, 2004

Okay, I'm a Democrat. A moderate liberal with Hippie leanings of my own, but this is frickin' ridiculous. You can't say ANYTHING without pissing off SOMEBODY these days, and it's starting to get annoying.

Anyway(s), I feel like a "girlie man" today, with the way I'm gimping around, trying to keep weight off of my right foot. As I beat out a double play ball yesterday, I landed HARD on the base with my right heel. I don't know how, or what happened, but it feels like someone hit my heel with a hammer. I can't stand on it. I can't walk on it. DRIVING MY CAR hurt yesterday. Needless to say, I'm a little concerned about being able to be ready for the playoffs.

The weekend was mostly dedicated to baseball. However, I did have a lovely time hanging out with the lovely Kristy on Friday, and a lovely time with the lovely Jeanie on Saturday. Has anyone else out there ever experienced baked beans with apples in them?? Because they're oddly tasty...

Meanwhile, life remains relatively uninteresting for another day. I've got a HUGE announcement about the next step in the growth of the Kingdom coming up tomorrow. So stay tuned! (and pray for my foot.)

-apk

FINALLY....THE MIDSUMMER CLASSIC...

IS COMING BACK TO PITTSBURGH!!
Early word says that the 2006 MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL ALL-STAR GAME has been awarded to Pittsburgh-- Home of the Best Ballpark in the Known Universe, PNC Park!!!
 
July 11, 2006 CANNOT get here soon enough!
 
 

KAREN ALLEN: DREAM GIRL?

I stayed in last night, for about the first time in 2 ½ weeks, and it felt great.  As I watched Raiders of the Lost Ark (easily one of the 30 best movies of the last 25 years), I realized that Karen Allen’s character, Marian Ravenwood, is probably one of the Top 10 Best Potential Girlfriends in any movie, ever.
 
Now, hear me out on this one, although Karen Allen got old REALLY quickly sometime after she appeared in Bill Murray’s “Scrooged,” she was pretty cute back then, in a very “just one of the guys” kind of ways.  She’s got the sexy voice thing going for her, and has piercing eyes, as well.  And Marian Ravenwood, her character, is just a cool chick.  She’s flighty and needy at all the right times, but is generally able to really take care of herself. She knocks out two bad guys all on her own, then is the only female this side of Spaceballs to actually have the presence of mind to get behind a gun and start shooting when she takes control of the airplane turret and starts shooting Nazi’s like it’s going out of style.  She’s also got a quick wit, a hard nose, and can drink any man under the table. I’m telling you, this is a girl for all seasons.  You could take her home to mom, and dad would be proud of you for scoring a looker; and then you’d leave home and she’d want to go to a ballgame and drink some beers with your frat brothers.
 
What do you guys think? I know she’s not the hottest movie girl ever, but I’ll stand by the fact that I think she’s one of the most datable. She’s perfect girlfriend material.  Ladies, you can get in on this one too, either tell me if you think I’m nuts as to what constitutes “datable” or throw some guys out there. Think outside the box—I don’t want to hear about how dreamy Brad Pitt is in Ocean’s Eleven.  I’d rather hear how you’d like to date, I dunno, Harrison as Indiana Jones, because he’s rugged, yet charming. Know what I mean? This is more of a personality test.
 
Let the games begin!
-apk

RAMDOMATION 3: "unofficially..." ...JACKASS

Just a thought-- If I could get away with it, the first thing I would do is kick the shit out of that Wendy's guy. I HATE that guy like Kurt HATES Carrot Top.
 
that's all i got.
-apk

I AM ROB MACKOWIAK (without the speed and hot wife)!

This morning I heard Kup’s alarm go off, and realized he’s a “Music Guy.” I, being an “Annoying Alarm Sound Guy” began to wonder, “how many people use the music alarm, compared to how many use the annoying alarm.” Chime in on this one, friends, it’s the kind of the stuff that keeps me awake at night.


Last night at my baseball game, I was, as usual the 10th man, and thus, the only guy on the bench. Not a big deal, I don’t mind it, because I’m getting the biggest kick just being on a team, and my time will come. (Especially now that my arm is finally coming back around—I had a guy tell me “man, you throw pretty good, did you used to pitch” yesterday. Humorous if you know about my singular pitching exploit in college. But, in my defense, I HAVE always had pretty exceptional mechanics when it comes to throwing, I have to be able to do SOMETHING right on the field.

So we’re in the top of the 2d, and the Ump’s been using a pretty liberal interpretation of the strike zone against us. (Translation: he blows.) Well, our 38 year-old shortstop, Gino, gets rung up, makes a comment akin to “why don’t you at least kiss me the next time you screw me” and finds himself ejected from the game. Before I know it, I’m whisked off the bench and into the INFIELD to play 3D BASE. Now, wayyy back in the day, I used to be a pretty damned good 3d baseman. That was until the end of Little League, when, in the course of a “Coaches v. Players” game, I took a HARD chopper square in the eye. I flirted with the position here and there afterwards in pony and colt league, however, the wreckless abandon and fearlessness I had played the position with had been replaced with an acute subconscious case of “scared shitlessness,” and I became a full-time outfielder.

All-in-all, my great 3d Base experience didn’t go poorly, but didn’t go well, either. EVERY ball hit my way ended up far into the hole. I was visibly dejected and pissed at myself for just BARELY not getting to any of the four singles that way, but, again to my credit, Trigger, the normal 3d Baseman consoled me by explaining, “you’re not getting burned over there—don’t worry, all those shots are through the hole.” So I felt better.

When it was all said an done, we lost the game 3-2, but I DID contribute to our first run when I moved fellow law student Dave from 2d to 3d on a sacrifice bunt that I nearly legged out for a single. Todd Mary Lou would’ve been so proud of me. Thanks to Steve Beyer, wherever you are, for teaching me how to bunt like a champ.

So that was my night—I’ve now played LF, RF, 1B, and 3B this season, meaning I’m the ultimate utility man, or something. Just like my favourite ballplayer, Pirate Rob Mackowiak (“3 HARD SWINGS! DON’T GET CHEATED!)

Carbon Leaf review coming up soon, but I’ll probably take a day or two away from it, then go back and see what’s REALLY stuck for me.
Right now, I’m listening to the Hootie & the Blowfish self-titled album from last spring.

Commence laughter.

Until later,
-apk

INDEPENDENCE DAY: Brought to YOU by Apartheid Ale, the Beer of the Descriminating Drinker

Well, Marc and Kup have been around the blog for about 20 minutes now, and they both took time to chastise me today for not writing about Independence Day with the d-Generation.

Never being one to cause controversy or upset my loyal listeners, and feeling a little guilty for getting sappy today, I’ve decided to oblige them and give a recap of the weekend that was the 4th. (and in honesty, it’s all finally starting to come back to me now, anyway).

The story begins with 16 fluid ounces of red-cupped fury. My pledge class, d-Generation OX, all got together for the weekend in beautiful central PA. The eight of us (Buff, Bromberg, Kup, myself, Kurt, Jerry, Marc, and Taylor) have not all been together since graduation time, May 2002. I had to stay back here in the ‘burgh Friday night, so Kurt drove from Columbus, met Kup and Jerry, and headed out together. Similarly, Broms and Marc traveled from Boston together to Taylor’s house. Taylor, having recently returned from Ahghanistan, was excited to see all of us, I’m sure, and it was great to see him back home, and safe for now.

So Taylor’s brother throws a party for him on Saturday, which, as I noted, I missed. Apparently, sometime during the festivities, a water battle erupted. Jamie (who came up from Philly, despite being a year ahead of us), aka “Bruce Banner,” nailed Jerry in the face with a water balloon sometime during the fracas. It was at this point that Jerry reportedly went batshit, threw all of Kup and Kurt’s stuff out of his car, and sped away to his girlfriends. NOT, however, before getting revenge as it is best served. No, not as a cold dish, but in the forms of 16 FLUID OUNCES OF RED-CUPPED FURY! Seriously, he dumped a red cup full of icewater on Jamie’s car. The damage done to Banner’s Dodge Avenger was estimated at somewhere around 7,000 Afghanis. Thus, a new catch phrase was born.

The next day found me arriving right in time to watch Broms, Marc, and Kurt use their out-of-state IDs to purchase about 100 bucks worth of illegal fireworks. Once we made it to Buff’s dad’s house for some of the BEST PULLED PORK…. … … EVER, it was time for the random hilarity of Monkey Rocket Racing (Winner: Kupchelitis), random Boom Boom, and the Bottle Rocket that Marc shot at the neighbor’s car, “inadvertently” …rigggght.

After watching the Hot Dog eating contest on ESPN and a little Rocky V, it was time to head to Taylor’s financee, Mary’s house. There we stood in AWE of her father’s INCREDIBLE BASEMENT BAR, and ran in horror from the Wimeraner Humping Machine known as “Tasha.” Apparently FEMALE dogs will hump your leg, too, in order to show dominance. Banner, Kurt, and I were all fortunate enough to learn this the hard way. On the plus side, it was the most action I’ve had in a while.

We then headed out to Harrisburg, where, besides witnessing the worst display of fireworks in, well.. pretty much all of recorded history, we found ourselves a bar, and rang up an 80 tab! (yeah.. 80 bucks sounds like nothing for 7 people, because it WASN’T—beer’s just THAT CHEAP in Hburgh).

Considering we pretty much all got hammered, of course you know some great catchphrases were born, some of which include:

-“More Cowbell”—from the famous Will Ferrell SNL skit for “Don’t Fear the Reaper.” Basically, you can use it to describe what everything and anything in the world lacks. It’s become especially perfect to describe a less- than –attractive girl, “she could use about 6 more cowbells.”
-“Good Enough for Government Work”—one of my favorites. You use this to describe any girl just cute enough for you to consider taking home with you.
-“TOUCHE!” (must be accompanied with appropriate “throw your hands in the air” gesture)—stolen from Ben Stiller in Dodgeball, perfect for any situation where someone makes any strong point. Replacing such time-honored phrases as “good push” or “strong point”

Other great moments included my idea for the reality show “CASE RACE” where a 64-team field competes, tourney-style, in head-to-head Case Races. However, following the completion of the beer, the team still has to traverse an ELIMINATOR-style obstacle course. Also, you’ve not lived until you driven through a SWANKY development with 6 people crammed into a Dodge Stratus at 3 AM, if only to set off a HUGE tube of fireworks.

All-in-all, it was a fantastic, whirlwind of a weekend, bringing us together at last. Although, all 8 of us were not together at once, because of our furious water bandit. I’m sure I’ve forgotten a LOAD of funny stories and moments, but that’s what the “post a comment” link is for. I warn you, though, here in my Kingdom, NO ONE calls me “shermanator” without getting their post deleted.

Hope that worked for you, Marcus.
Everybody else, talk to you soon—Go Pubbers! (We’re inching our way towards the playoffs with a big game tonight)
-apk

TUESDAY IS A POLL DAY

Okee dokee, Banner-- that was a solid idea, but let's be honest, it's no contest between Soccer (a sport for guys who can't throw) and Football.

Instead, in honor of TONIGHT'S ALL-STAR GAME, I present yinz with TODAY'S POLL QUESTION!

"Who is the greatest all-around Major League Baseball Player of all time."
by all-around, i'm talking 5-tools, you've got to include defense, throwing, running, etc., and Major League means Josh Gibson is DQ'd. Perhaps he's the greatest player ever, but we'll never know-- there's no solid enough record of him. It sucks, but them's the breaks.

So fire away, kiddies!
First female to give a coherent thought on the subject earns 20 points on my "date matrix" and gets that much closer to the man of her dreams, namely: me.

-apk

RANDOMATION 2: TEJADA GO BOOM!

Greetings, friends!

Tuesday is now, and forever shall be, poll day!
Since things got so fun thanks to Banner’s post last week, let’s try to keep the momentum rolling. For the rest of the day, I’ll be accepting ideas for polls.

Nothing else really going on of major note, today. Last night I headed over to Damon’s in the Waterfront to meet the Lovebirds and watch the Home Run Derby. Jeanie, I would’ve called you to come have a beer, but you’re already trying to replace me. So there.

The Derby did NOT disappoint, as Berkman and Tejada LIT UP Enron Field with many a monster shot to left-center. Quite the entertaining little spectacle. I doubt it’ll live up to TONIGHT’S ALL-STAR GAME, though. Especially since Kup and I are headed back to the Herminie Hacienda after work tonight in order to hook up my dad’s new 46 inches of television fury, so that we can witness the Midsummer Classic in glorious High Definition. Feel free to join us, if you’re in the area. Call before 5:30, and you can meet at my house in the Fo’ for a ride out to the Boonies.

Other big news yesterday included the Pubbers getting washed out when we were locked in an early 1-1 tie. We’ll be making it up with a double-dip on Sunday. Early indications show that my hammy is at about 95%, so that’s encouraging.

Finally, my new Carbon Leaf album, “Indian Summer,” arrived yesterday, y’all can rush out to Barnes and Noble and pick it up starting today. I’ll have some sort of biased review tomorrow, after I listen to it all day at work. Early word is this: it’s VERY mellow, and a lot less rambunctiously Celtic and jammy than “echo, echo.” They sound considerably more refined, and I’m thinking I dig it… stay tuned.

If you want a taste, go to carbonleaf.com, and find yourself the eCard under the “news” section. They’ve got three tracks on there, all of which are pretty solid, especially, “What About Everything?”

The best song on the disc, though, is “One Prairie Outpost,” although, admittedly, I’m biased, because that’s been one of my favorite songs of theirs for over two years, now.

Okay, I’ve rambled enough for now. Post some ideas for a poll, and let’s get crazy—remember, It takes a village to build a Blog.

Much love, enjoy Tuesday
-apk

WEDDING BLISS

As promised, YOUR weekend recap!

Friday I took the day off and spent the morning/early afternoon with Kupchelitis cleaning up the house and even cleaning my room!

So Nic finally arrived about 3-ish, we picked up my Tux and headed to the rehearsal dinner. The dinner was course-by-course Italian family style, and we all ate WAY too much before heading to the church... which is where things got interesting.

During rehearsal, as my brother, Dan, my cousin, Monica, and I were hanging out in the Dawg Pound, cracking jokes and generally not paying attention (although it WAS cute that my sister cried so much she couldn't even PRACTICE her vows), a scrawny, (presumably) homeless man with long brown hair, and mathing beard made his way into the church. While there, he bowed down to the Virgin Mother and did some sort of weird incantations. It was then that we relized it: JESUS WAS IN ATTENDACE. Obviously, He came to wish my sister and brother-in-law luck in their new life together, and provide them with His blessing. Of course, he also talked to my brother in the lobby, and informed him that "marriage is tough... don't FUCK it up." Words do not do this turn of events justice.

After all the fun and games, Nic and I headed back to the Fo' and hung out for a while, before heading over to Sprout's house to try out his new and fantastic Adecco Deck. Much love to Sprout and the Mrs. for the beer, food, and hospitality.

Moving along, Saturday was a beautiful day for a wedding, so it was a good thing that we had one planned. My diminuative sister looked positively beautiful, and all family members (my teary-self included) were able to pretty much hold it together throughout the festitivities.

My dad's hillbilly-movie went over particularly well. I caught the garter belt, and was lucky enough to place it onto the lovely Third-Reader Kristy. Of course, a wonderful time was had with my supremely badass superdate and best friend, Nic, as well.

What can I say? I dont' remember a TON of specifics, because I was pretty hammered, but I do remember that nothing terrible happened, and everybody had a blast. And the DJ was good, too.

So that, as they say, is that- let it never be said that Knors, Gaiches, and Dilldines can't get down.

happy Monday, y'all.
-apk

SUNDAY SNEAK PREVIEW!

Howdy kids,
I'm finally back in the Fo' after a long day of traversing the cityscape with Nic, Kup, Wendi and Megan. Highlights included ColdStone Creamery for the first time, and the two smokin'-hot blonde TWINS at Dave & Busters. Film at Eleven (ie: details to follow about the rest of the weekend, tomorrow.)

Right now, it's time for CATCH PHRASE BATTLE OF THE SEXES: ROOMMATES v. ROOMMATES!

Undefeated Current Roommates Adam & Adam v. Former Roommates Wendi and Nicole in the BATTLE OF THE CENTURY!!!

stay tuned for results!

oh yeah, BENOIT RETAINED!

..i'll talk about the immensely successful wedding tomorrow.

until then,
Goodnight, moon.

-apk

URAM's REPLY TO BEDISON: RE-POSTED

In the interest of fairness, I'm re-posting Uram's rebuttal to Bedison's stance on Fahrenheit 9/11. However, there were short parts that I found to be inappropriate, which is why the original post was deleted. I've taken the liberty to edit his post (BECAUSE THIS IS MY KINGDOM) to where it looks like this:

Here are some quotes from Jamie Bedison (regarding Fahrenheit 9/11) that need a little clarification:


“I agree that it is very biased and quite opinionated, but the facts are the facts.”
I didn’t realize that using the phrases “very biased” and “quite opinionated” could be used in the same sentence as “the facts are the facts”.


“While Rumsfeld, Ashcroft and the rest of the evil empire conspires in their get-rich quick scheme of invading contries for profit we get the bill and the body count.”

1. Rumsfeld and Ashcroft don’t need any “get rich quick schemes”. They are already rich.
2. The Bush administration cannot be called the evil empire. The Red Sox already used that term to describe the New York Yankees. So, from now on, I will refer to the current administration as the YANKEES ADMINISTRATION.
3. “Invading countries for profit… we get the bill and the body count”. That is true, let’s get our troops out of Iraq and put Sadaam back in power. His body counts were no where near the body count of the Yankees Administration. Oh wait, RAPE ROOMS DON’T KILL PEOPLE!!! THEY JUST SHAME A WOMAN AND THEIR FAMILIES FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES!!! VOTE SADAAM… LESS DEAD, MORE RAPED.

“I could easily get behind an administration who I thought had the best interests of the citizens at large in mind, but it's not hard to wage a meaningless war when you can hit the links and escape the reality of it like these pompus asses do.”

1. How could this be a meaningless war? It’s a get rich quick scheme remember?
2. ..”can hit the links and escape the reality of it like these pompus asses do.” I don’t see a hippie facing any harsh realities of war, torture, or death. I see them escaping reality to a bigger extreme than golfing. Attention Liberal Hippies: DRUGS AND ALCOHOL MAKE YOU ESCAPE REALITY. I’d rather have a president that goes golfing instead of one that smokes hash, throws his medals away, and betrays the same soldiers that he not only served with, but that protected his life.

“Meanwhile we have cemented our title as the biggest a-holes in the world in the past few decades.”
1. Wow, I suppose the Texas Rangers are the reason America is full of a-holes. (whoa, that one went over Bedison’s head).
2. I didn’t realize that the Yankees Administration has been in power since at least 1984.
3. The world liked us better when our president shoved cigars up the asses of fat chicks.



“I didn't just like the movie because it's an 80 minute embarassment of W's "policies", ok that really is the reason that I like it...anything that calls Bush out on the dillwad that he is gets a thumbs up in my book...”

1. Wow, a full length movie that is 1 hour 20 minutes… Michael Moore is a true genius. The movie was over 6 hours long, but he edited out the factual parts where it’s an actual DOCUMENTARY.
2. I got one word that calls out Kerry for the “dillwad” that HE is: BOTOX.

“Either way, you can find me diligently hunting for wmd's and paying taxes for a war I can't believe that we are in.......Kerry/Edwards '04!”

Conclusion: VOTE AGAINST THE YANKEES ADMINISTRATION!! TURN THAT SOLDIER BODY COUNT INTO A PILE OF PARTIALLY BORN ABORTED BABIES. REMOVE OUR TROOPS FROM IRAQ TO TELL THOSE TERRORISTS “I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I… AND IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE. AND STICKS AND STONES CAN BREAK MY BONES BUT….. SO CAN BURNING PLANES AND CRASHING TOWERS. WHERE ARE THE WMDs?? THEY ARE IN SYRIA SO QUIT BITCHING.

Bottom Line… I’m not going to tell you to vote for Bush. I am just saying that before you liberals turn on your own president in the most hateful, partisan, most personally attacking way in the history of the United States, look at what you want to replace him… its pretty pathetic.

ONE NATION..UNDER GOD..WITH LIBERTY.. AND JUSTICE FOR ALL

SLOTS FOR MARIO

Slots For Mario

...im skeptical of ALL online petitions, but this is a cause worth fighting for... SAVE THE PENS!

-apk

RANDOMATION 1: or "mmmm, Cornbread."

hey all, a few quick, random thoughts before bedtime:

- Happy Birthday Jonny12Gauge!

- Bruce Banner is the only person who reads this blog (and i appreciate it!)

- Spider-Man 2, four times in, is still awesome (thanks to Jeanie for buying.. and the cornbread).

- Congratulations to Adina (my sister) and Chris (my soon to be Brother) on your impending nuptuials (which i spelled incorrectly).

...T minus 36 hours.

g'night kiddies, this lil' Knipper needs his beauty sleep!

FOR ALL MY BOYS IN THE D-GENERATION; PLUS ERNEST

Bill Simmons, the "Sports Guy" of ESPN.com's page 2, who's just about the funniest damn sports/pop culture columnist on the PLANET has started a mini-site over there.

Part of the site is a blog-type column thing he posts every couple of days, and has been trying to come up with a title for.

What did he say he's leaning towards in his latest column?

"More Cowbell"

i shit you not.

and Banner, thanks for posting-- here's a little advice for you:
"She's Good Enough for Government Work, but she's Gotta Have More Cowbell!"

-apk

TRYING SOMETHING NEW

Hey there kids, I've missed you all.

Which brings me to first point-- is anybody out there? I know I get occassional traffic from Uram and Jeanie and Carolyn, and I think that Jack's left me a couple of posts, but is that all there is? Is that the best I can do?

If so, it's cool-- i thank you for all for reading. So let's have some fun!

We're going to get INTER-ACTIVE ...ACtive... Active.. active..

Perhaps Tuesday will be POLL DAY around here, so witout further ado, here's my first poll question:

Okay, so right now it's summer, which puts me in hardcore movie mode. I've seen Spider-Man 2 three times already, Dodgeball twice, and basically everything else that has looked cool since Jan 1. So here's a question for y'all:

"What's the best movie you've seen this calendar year, and why did you like it so much?"

You can just say, "Van Helsing: it was fun" or you can go into a full on diatribe like I did about Spidey Dos, whatever suits your fancy. Just please either leave your real name, or some sort of crazy handle.

And once(ie: if) people start posting stuff, feel free to disagree and leave comments to their comments! It takes a village to build an online blog, or something like that.

Let's have some fun, and let's play nice, too (this means YOU Uram!) Although my kingdom is a democracy, I'll still lay the Ashcroft-style Smackdown of Censoreship on any posts that just aren't swell.

As for my vote, keep in mind i said the "best" movie, which is totally subjective.

My three FAVORITES, in no order are
Spider-Man 2
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and
Big Fish

Eternal Sunshine's probably the best of the three, and I hope to all things holy it wins best picture next year, but will probably be forgotten by the time the Oscars come 'round.. at least the DVD's out soon..

til' next time, I'm either preparing for Adina's wedding, or standing in line for "Anchorman"

be cool to each other,
-apk

Rock Paper Saddam

Rock Paper Saddam

this is for your slight enjoyment while I visit with the d-generation.

I'll be back Monday, call if you miss me, dinner's in the fridge.

-apk