It's Official: March 23 Was Frakkin' Crazy

I just made my weekly check of my Myspace page (don't bother searching for it, it doesn't say anything interesting), and who had come out nowhere to send me a message and say hello for the first time since March '03? 

Claire2K.

Keep in mind that she sent her message on the same day that I ran into Carolyn.  Now, I don't believe really believe in fate or destiny or anything cheesy like that (crazy, i know), but I do believe that, every now and then, the universe likes to personally frak with me.

March 23 was just that day.  (and oh yeah, Candace emailed me the day before...)

Anyway, it was cool to hear from her.  She's recently married and all of her blog pictures prove that, yes, I once dated a model.  Most. Photogenic. Girl. Ever.

It's weird, though. For someone I used to hold an awful lot of contempt for, I found myself incredibly happy for her.  For maybe the first time, I reflected back on our very short relationship with a smile.  Maybe time heals all wounds. Or mabye I'm just growing up. Either way, it's a good feeling for a Saturday.  Now it's time to go get the 'Tus fixed.

just weird frakkin' timing. Especially in light of other recent events...

What does it all mean Basil?
-apk

LINK OF THE DAY: D'oh!

Cool stuff HERE-- a streaming video of The Simpsons opening credits with live action actors. My favorite part?  That "Lisa's"  music conductor looks SO MUCH like the cartoon one.  Good stuff.

 

DAILY DOSE: "Did I Get Lost While I Was Gone? I've Traveled Space for Much Too Long"

Last night, I was in a Flank-Two position. Repeat. A Flank-Two position...

Gerald and I decided to head over to the brand-spanking-new "Buckhead Saloon" (which uses a picture of a bear as its logo, because that makes a lot of sense) after work.  It was the pre-grand opening, and we heard rumours of cheap beer and food. He had acquired a couple of tickets to what would quickly become the Place to Be last night, making it free to get in. We figured, "what the hell?" and went with it. 

When we arrived, we both instantly liked the place, which has a very "hunting lodge" look to it.  In fact, if the patrons didn't stand up and break into a rendition of "Gaston" by the end of the evening, I would count it as a major disappointment.What? "Gaston"? Like you don't know, "Noooooo one, plots like Gaston/ Takes cheap shots like Gaston/ Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Gaston/ So his marriage we soon will be CEL-e-BRATING, my what a guy-- Gas--Ton!" but I digress.  Back to the Saloon--  its got a ton of cool taxedermy projects, including moose, cougar, and a wolverine over the fire place. Those little bastards may be small, but they're frakkin' scary.

Anywho, dead animals are neither here nor there. But the free beer/food certainly was. The band was solid, playing folky-rock versions of songs like "Paradise City". The female employees were all uniquely cute as well.  So far, so good.  We decided the Buckhead would make for a very solid staging area for the early stages of Station Square excursions.  Things were looking up...

Then I saw Her.  And then I saw Her with him.

Pittsburgh's so small, I knew bumping into her sooner or later was inevitible, and I tried to be prepared for it.  Hell, last night, when I got up from my table, I knew in my gut she was there.  That was the last time I had a gut feeling that didn't include "nausea". I'd love to be able to say that I shook it right off, and that it didn't effect me, because that's really the point of the whole "walking away" thing, right?  I'd be lying though.  I'll admit, for an instant, before I realized She was there with Guy That Won, I was excited to see her.  And honestly, I'm still excited right now that I saw her.  I just wish we would've been able to talk, if only for a moment.  I just want her to know that I'm not angry with her, and that I miss her, and that I hope that she's happy.  But I didn't do anything. I've been fighting the urge to contact her for a while now, but I know deep inside that though I miss her, and that I've hated having to leave, it's still the only way for me to accept my fate and move on and survive.  Though it's hard as hell, I still know I made the right decision.  But for a minute there (okay, or 47 minutes there) I really just wanted to talk to her.  I wanted her to come talk to me.  I wanted the decision to break the silence to be taken out of my hands.

Jerry instantly wanted to say hello to her, not to give her hell or be mean or anything, he just wanted to say 'hi,' because it had been so long since he'd seen her.  I'm lucky it was Jerry with me last night, because he's one of the only friends I have left with the patience/ interest to be understanding when it comes to her.  It's probably because he was in Tennessee while everything was falling apart.  We left shortly thereafter, and I don't know that I'll see her again.  

In my mind, this entry has gone through about a zillion permutations in the last twelve hours.  Which is almost as many emotions that flew through me in the hour after I saw her.  When we headed back to Jerry's, I found that I finally got an awful lot of things off of my chest that I didn't even know were there. I talked to Natalie and asked her what I should have done.  I left messages with Kup and Nic, but surprisingly, it was Z who helped the most.  Z's so straightforward and logical that he's often not much help to me when it comes to relationships. I'm too melodramatic and hopelessly romantic.  I never actually want to listen to pragmatism.  But last night, he calmly reminded me of the most important thing: I knew this was going to happen sooner or later, and it doesn't change anything. So we saw each other in a crowded bar? Of course all of the greatest memories and flashes of feelings would come back. Did I ever expect them to fully go away? Isn't that why I had to go away? Because I knew they'd never really leave me?  And he's right.  Everything I felt, I'll always feel in some way. But that's irrelevant. The only question of relevance is, "Did anything that caused me to walk away change?" The answer to that, of course, is a resounding "no."  And until that happens, changing anything on my end is nothing but folly.  I'll just fall all the way back into where I've come from.  So I'm sorry, but I just can't go to the zoo.

thanks for tuning into "The Life and Times of a Pschopath." 

...
a couple of quick notes:
-Adam Morrison was crying before that game even ended-- check it out while UCLA's at the free throw line.  I have hereby lost respect for him.
-Pittsnogle! !!! Yes! Wha? wuh...Dammit. Wow. What an incredible ending. I hate Texas.
-Mt.Dew and Kettle One is good.
-props to Z, Kup, Drew, Ron, Jerry, and Nat.
-My Stillers DVD hath arrived!

and finally, a sort of epilogue. Despite all the turmoil churning through my gut last night, once I joined up with Sprout and the rest of the Bethanites last night, I found a calmness I didn't expect.  I'm trying not to jinx that, though.  So stay tuned for further developments.

Song of the Day is "Space Travel," by (of course) Yellowcard.  If anyone can figure out what the astronauts say during the bridge after "I don't think she's coming back", I'd be grateful.

have a great day, everyone.
-apk

I AM THE LAW! -- "Governments should be afraid of their people"

First off, a quick and dirty review of the Pittsburgh Mills shopping mall, a circular mile of commerce and villainry:

1) Lucky Strike is a cool, cool place. It's a sports bar plus billiard hall plus Cosmic Bowling triple threat of awesome.
2) the stores at PGH Mills are decidedly ho-hum. There are no less than like, four PGH sports stores, i shit you not, though the flag store is really cool.
3) the stores are all really small.
4) I'm too fat for H&M, though a lot of the stuff there is cool. damn europeans.
5)  the Pontiac G6 is a hot, inexpensive little number. I'm almost torn.
6)  generally the mall has a ton of potential, just needs a few cooler stores and some time to grow. I've got a good feeling about it.
7) I dominated Kauffman's (DONT CALL US MACY'S YET) all weekend.  Beth helped. Kudos to Beth.

Anyway, after a splendid afternoon of bowling for dinners, trying on ill-fitting sweaters, and ignoring Beth's pleas that I purchase a pink paisley tie, we decided to catch a flick.  Initially, I agreed to "Failure to Launch" if only to make up for the points i had lost for the ill-fated rental of "Redeye" a few weeks earlier.  However, once we finally found the theatre (it's hidden in the back, but still attached to the mall, don't ask how we missed it), and I realized that V for Vendetta was playing in the IMAX theatre, my schoolboy excitement levels could not be ignored, and the fine lass not only agreed to change our plans, but she flatly offered to forget Matthew McCaughnehey and roll with Guy Fawkes and the delicious Natalie Portman. 

I was pleased. Surprisingly enough, so was she.

I had warned her that she'd probably hate it, being that we were about to check out a hardcore comic book-based movie about a terrorist/freedom fighter starting a revolution against the backdrop of a disptopin near-future England, but go figure, she dug it. 

It's a complex movie, to say the least.  Not only is it elegantly shot and impeccably acted, but it's also got a tremendous script and powerful iconography.  And the fight scenes are badass.  There aren't a lot of them, to be honest, but the "big one at the end" is as well-shot as any Cool Fight Scene I've ever seen.  The characters are all compelling, the lighter moments work perfectly, and themes resonate loud and clear.

Before I get to the themes though (and the accompanying controversies) I need to give special attention to Hugo Weaving, who just turned in an incredible performance as the enigmatic V.  Being generally unfamiliar with the comic, I had no idea that V would have as many lines as he did. I guess I figured that behind the Guy Fawkes mask (a truly fantastic concept that comic writer Alan Moore (one of The Best Ever) should be lauded for forever), there just wouldn't be much worth saying.  As I read articles about the movie and its buildup, I think I envisioned V as a mime with knives. Thank God I was wrong. 

In V's intricate alliterative introduction, Weaving expouses a dizzying array of words that paint a vivid portraite of his character.  Instantly likable, you can see Agent Smith smiling beneath that mask, using nothing but his phenomenal voice and subdued mannerisms to make friends both with you, and with Evey. Vitally important, considering he's about to start blowing up buildings.  I can think of only one other character that was able to come across so fully behind  a mask, and that is, of course, Darth Vader. But while Vader is decidely one-note (meancing), V gives us doses of anger, longing, humour, forgiveness, sorrow, love, and hope.  Just as he explains that he is more than flesh and bone, he is far more than the mask.  As we learn, he is all of us, and Weaving makes that point a reality.  I can't say enough about his performance.

Nearly as good was Portman, while all of the various government officials do splendid jobs of being meancing, forebaring, slimy, pragmatic and dogged.  The Brits brought the ruckus.  Perhaps the most understated casting was that done with the various TV watching families. The everymen that do such a wonderful job of being everyman. From the fish-eyed little girl to the happy-go-lucky geezers, it only occurred to me now, while trying to critique the film, that the were actually part of it too. That they weren't just bystandards like I was.  This is probably as good a compliment as I can give.

Now, obviously, no discussion of this movie is complete without talking about how much the Bush Camp and the hardwing Right truly fear/hate/sound off on their contempt for it.  To that, I'll have to make a couple of individual points as simply as possible:

1) The comic was written in 1983. The Wachowskis started the screenplay before they wrote the Matrix.  The question everyone should be asking should not be, "isn't it bullshit to see Hollywood cashing in on anit-Bush sentiments by canonizing a terrorist," it should be, "isn't it scary that a comic book written 23 years ago describing a facist state taking over England and limiting rights, "For Your Protection" by championing Christianity and striking out against all things different reasonates so damn closely to real life?"  And that's Hollywood's fault?  Granted, some changes were made, and occasionally the politics are a little heavy handed.  But to say that the themes aren't universal and historic far beyond anything that's happened in the world in the last five years is to take a very myopic view of the art of it all while simultaneously being incredibly defensive about an administration that less and less people trust.

Look, I'm a moderate liberal. And I'm not going to sit here and tell you that liberals won't like this  movie far more than conservatives. But the fact of the matter is that those who tell you that the entire movie is hippie nonsense dreamed up to undermine GW and Friends are those who will also tell you that disagreeing with the Patriot Act or the War in Iraq is unpatriotic and unamerican.  Were things tweaked from the comic to make them more presently relevant? Sure. But the fact of the matter is the theme is bigger than all of it.

2) V is a terrorist. This means the movie is anit-american and terrible?  Here's the thing, V is only referred to as a terrorist by the government.  The bad guys. Just as the Empire calls Luke and friends "Rebel Scum." Does that make Luke and Han and Leia rebel scum? Rebels, sure. Scum, no. They're freedom fighters-- revolutionaries, same thing here.  Is there really a difference between V blowing up Parliament and Luke blowing up the Death Star? If there is, I don't see it.

To get less geeky for you, let's go with Braveheart .  The King is evil and he's subjugated the Scottish.  William Wallace leads the downtrodden by attacking the British at every turn, slaughtering as many leaders as possible, and generally undermining the government until the people raise up for something better.  Do I really need to keep going here?

Without going on and on and on (as I'm afraid I've already done here), I'll just say that the movie's fantastic, and that I'm certain I'll be purchasing it.  There are great characters, a hugely memorable climactic fight scene, and a well-structured plot with a universal political message that sums up best as: Freedom is about all of Us. It's not about us not being afraid. 

VERDICT:
Highly recommended.

-apk

ps: to rank this with other comic movies is incredibly difficult, because it's not trying to be a comic movie. That being said, in terms of "trying to be what it wants to be, and succeeding" it's Right There with Spider-Man 2 , X2, Batman Begins and the Incredibles.  I've still not seen Sin City.

pps:  the Superman Returns trailer, on IMAX, is absolutely perfect. I had chills for 1:04, nonstop. I'm not a big fan of the Big Blue Boy Scout, but I cannot wait for this movie.  X3? to quote Uram, "W is for Whatever."

24 Seconds about 24 (7:00pm -- 8:00pm)

Sorry that this one's late, I was putting it together when the last 48 hours just became One. Big. Distraction. Let's just say my first day in court is tomorrow. One other side story. On the way to a deposition yesterday north of the city, I drove past a block where in succession, I shit you not, was a Harley dealer, a Bar, and a Gun store.  I love Pittsburgh.

Now, let's get it up:

24 Things I'm Pretty Sure I Considered While Trying to Decide If a Gael Could Beat a Saluki for my Annual Mascot Bracket

1)  What's with the loudspeaker voice in CTU? Who the hell is talking to them? Is it the alarm? How does he have such good information? Not since Spaceballs has an alarm had such attitude. This guy was like, "Attention CTU, THIS IS THE VOICE OF GOD...they're DEAD-- they're ALL DEAD...and y'all are screwed."

2)  Bill's by himself in the director's office? How didn't I notice this last week? Crap. He's dead. He's so dead. TC McQueen is dead, and I'm going to cry.  This is worse than Starbuck's long hair.

3)  The Big Centox Hocker of DOOM dripping down Deadgar's cadaver's chin is G.R.O.S.S.

4)  No Virtual Nits game this week.  (I know you are all heartbroken).  Instead, Jerry and I were busy taking over the galaxy in the extremely awesome Star Wars: Battlefront II for the XBOX.  I am incapable of explaining the awesomeness of this game in words. Maybe next week.

5)  Just an observation:  Every time Kim Bauer goes to CTU, something terrible happens. Let's recap:
                           Season 1:  Terri Bauer dies.
                           Season 2:  A bomb blows the living shit out of the office.
                           Season 3:  I've not seen it. But I know that while working there, Rian   Chappelle dies and Her Boyfriend Chase has his arm cut off. I blame Kim
                           Season 4:  No Kim.  Oddly, nothing bad happens to CTU, other than that crazy daughter committing suicide. No big loss.
                           Season 5:  Centox gas kills everybody.

Thanks for being awesome, Kim.

6)  Time to play everybody's favorite game show! (presumably for the last time)
            WHO'S THE BIGGER P*$$# ??
     Contestant No. 1:  POTUS:  consistently bitched by his own wife, can't handle pressure.
     Contestant No. 2:  Linn McGill:  bitched by a redshirt? redshirts don't talk!

it's Linn with the early lead!

7)  YES! Anthony T. Almeida, Toughnuts with SDK's own DEEP. BOLIVIAN. SLUMBER! Time to Exact Bloody Vengeance!

8)  damn. great writing-- Jack to Tony "I know how you feel".
     even. better. directing-- that cool unfocus/focus! shot of Kim looking over to Jack as he said it. tremendous.

9)  Woah. If that's really the logo for the Dep. of Homeland Security, it's AWESOME. Go Bromberg.

10)  Ahh, President Exposition, why don't you catch everyone up:  "There are terrorists with nerve gas!" "That was their deal!" "We've got nerve gas all over the city and we don't know where they are!" ...thanks for clearing that all up. dork.

11)  Anyone ever "swallow some salt water" like the VP suggests?  I've only been to the ocean a handful of times, and I can attest that swallowing salt water sucks.

12)  Jack: PLEASE. KILL .THE SHRINK. He's earned it.

13)  YES! Is Jack Bauer gonna have to choke a bitch?

14)  I am BEYOND TIRED of this President/First Lady/ Vice President/ Mike Novick Merry-Go-Round of boringness. It's so tedious, it makes me want to root for the terrorists.

15)  Sweet. If I've said it once, I've said it 100 times-- the only living thing that Jack Bauer cares about is Kim Bauer.  And that's why Jack's a True Champion. I mean, faced with certain death, he didn't think twice, and he didn't ask anyone else to go, didn't even entertain the thought. Nope. Jack's going. And the only thing he's worried about is how it's his only chance to save his little girl.

16)  Jack just used duct tape. He's channelling his inner McGyver.

17)  Jack Fact: he can hold his breath for 492 seconds. This should be a cakewalk.

18)  Classic Chole line. "What's with you and the breathing"...I would've paid real money for her to finish with " my solution to everything is being a bitch."

19)  Who has two thumbs and called Holding Room 4 at 10:02 last week? This guy! Save us, Samwise.

20)  More great shit as Jack goes from "I feel for you" to "i'm going to spend your last five minutes of life putting you in your place" when Harry the Redshirt's "that's easy for you to say" is countered with a Bauerian, "it's not easy for me to say."

21)   Jerry:  "I can't believe Harry's gonna die..I developed such a liking for him."
        apk:  "That's what happens when they let redshirts talk."

22)  The M. Night commerical is the first good AMEX one. I can honestly say I didn't have a goddamn clue what that thing was about the first time i saw it.

23)  "I love you too daddy" ..."bye baby girl."  harsh. Obviously, natalie never cleans, cuz it's getting a little dusty 'round here.

24)  Just gloriously incredible music while Linn saves the day. RU-DY! RU-DY! RU-DY! RU-DY!

uh oh..another great Episode means MORE OVERTIME!

25)  Jack is all kinds of torn up? This is intense. He's nearly re-becoming human after everything he's gone through...this is incredibly captivating...and thatsmygirl! Audrey, with the hand-hold...she's so perfect for him!

26)  Honestly, Kim Sucks, but you can't blame her for being all, "every time I'm around you, bad things happen." It's the troof baby-bay-bee.

27)  It's been 35 minutes since the last POTUS sighting..let's just say I'm not disappointed... OH MY GOD. we have a winner in the "Bigger P&#*$&" Contest. "...i {wahhh} can't {wahhh} take it {wahhh} anymore {wahhh} Martha"  Ladies and Gentleman, President Charles Logan.

28)  Woah. Let's take a moment to recognize the importance of two words:  Russian Thong.

29)  As for the Russian Amazon Warrior in a Thong, I can't believe her name is "Colette" I had even money on "Natasha."

30)  FRAK! Homeland Security is taking over! this is going to SUCK.

31) I love that JB didn't even bother saying "you're welcome" to Barry the Douchey Shrink. Instead, he just rolls with a hearty "get the frak out"

32)  Tony is the MAN, "No..but i'll feel better"  JB: "no you wont"  TA:  "you're probably right -- i'll let you know."  Great stuff...

33) DIAMOND CUTTER MOMENT: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ROBOCOP NEEDLED TONY! ROBOCOP NEEDLED TONY!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!

34) ...she's gone, Jack... damn.

35) Jack's LOSING it. I haven't seen him like this since he thought Kim was dead.  And we all know how that turned out for the Drazen clan. Good luck to Robocop, now.

36)  WHERE THE HELL IS TONY'S SILENT CLOCK? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? DEADGAR GETS A SILENT CLOCK, AND FREAKIN TONY ALMEIDA, WHO'S LIKE, ONE OF FOUR GUYS TO BE IN EVERY SEASON, DOESN'T GET A SILENT CLOCK???? TRAVESTY. 

Other than the hosejob of Tony's character, and the fact that we're quickly running out of established characters (I count Jack, Audrey, Bill, Chloe, Kim, & POTUS as the only ones left)  I can't decide if this makes for a good storyline, or just a ridiculous level of stunt deaths...all I know is that i'm most definitely along for the ride.

See yinz next week
-apk

Getting Old Sucks...

You know you're getting old when you're at work on a Sunday, and you find that one of the most noteworthy moments of your weekend involves the "Fresh New Look (TM)" at Westlaw.com...

just a random thought from a strange weekend...

-apk

ps: keep a weather-eye open for URAM'S MARCH MADNESS RUNDOWN

Who's On a Soapbox?

I hate to talk politics among friends, so I'll keep this short and sweet. Besides, it's more of an observation than an opinion, I would say.

This LINK explains how G-Dubb is "worried by the message sent by the failed [Dubai] port deal".

My knee-jerk quasi-political reaction is this:

The President has rallied support from the masses by culling an ever-growing fear of all things terrorist and Middle East -related.  In fact, he's had extraordinary success in using our fears to increase his power base (see Act, The Patriot).  Now, when these fears (regardless of whether they are warranted or rational) manifest themselves in a way that embarasses his administration and costs him a huge chunk of political capital, he wants to lay on the old guilt trip? 

I'm not saying that we (and in "we" I mean "America") should be proud of the knee-jerk way in which we all freaked out about Dubai just because they're a Middle East, Muslim corporation.  What I'm saying is that 1) this is the first example of Democracy working in this country in far too long (for better or for worse, mob rule is mob rule), and 2) George Bush is a big dumb asshole.

thanks for listening.
-apk

DAILY DOSE: "Surprise, Surprise"

Woah. Just found this in my draft box... I started writing it last Thursday during lunch, right before I was interrupted by the calamity that was my First Major Judicial Frak-up.  I'll point out below where I stopped, so you can see how happy I was before everything went to hell.  It's taken me about a week to bounce back, and I'm only okay now because it seems like everything's going to work out okay...(knock on wood). Anywho, here goes:

I'm a Groomsman, bitches!  Yes, it's true. It's true.  I've been upgraded on the depth chart. Promoted to the Bigs.  Tapped for promotion.  Kup's Ushers-a-Plenty have just become full-time, all-out, heavy-duty Groomsmen.  Which means, of course, tuxedos for everybody! Limo rides! A date with the hottie-southern-belle-single -braidsmaid! And ::gasp!:: Ring-Duties (i think).  I hope I don't pull a Nate and forget the damn thing at the hotel. That would be disastrous.

This is gonna be good. I'm really excited, if you can't tell. I guess I hadn't realized how disappointed I was that Kup's wedding originally had no bridal party until now.  Now? Now I'm the Best Unrelated Man, riding shotgun to "Wild" Bill Kupchelitis, father-extraordionaire and Best Man.  Basically, that means we're going to empty the limo of all its liquor and pose for pictures in front of monuments while sporting tuxes. Truly, July 1 shall be a day to remember.  Colour me primed and ready.

Okay...need to settle down.  Now I have a question for y'all. Namely, "how many times can you be a groomsman and never be a groom?"  Once 2006 is over, I will have appeared in my FIFTH wedding. That's frakkin' ridiculous.  I guess this means I'm pretty close to a lot of people. Don't get me wrong, I'm honored beyond belief to have been in so many weddings.  It's just going to make returning the favour someday nigh-impossible.  Especially once you take into account the fact that I could legitimately appear in upwards of three-to-five more weddings, not counting Jerry's in September.  Craziness.

And that's where I was interrupted. Since I'm never going to have the flava I was feeling there again, I'll sum up by saying that I can't wait to be in Kup's wedding.  Also, did I mention the hottie southerner? 

Really, the coolest thing about frat weddings, and stop me if I've mentioned this before, is that as one of the "Frat Guys," it's nearly expected that you get drunk, dance crazy, and hit on evrything cute and/or single at the reception.  It's the closest thing you get, post-graduation, to having carte blanche in a party setting. There really are no rules (unless, of course, you end up at the horribleness that is the "stuffy frat wedding" absolutely no fun). But the "stuffy frat wedding" is a post for another time.  If anyone's out there, now's a good time to share some high-quality wedding stories.  Have I mentioned that I've caught two garter belts in my day? O.D.J., anyone?

Today's song is "Carriage" by the Counting Crows. A song I didn't even know was still on my computer.  The WinAmp plays some mean, mean jokes on me, sometimes.  Not that it's not wholly appropriate. Anyway, enjoy your Fridays/weekends. Go Team USA, enjoy your St. Patty's Day Celebrations, (PGH's is Saturday).  I hope to have stories to tell.

Be good to each other,
-apk

24 Seconds about 24 (5:00 pm -- 7:00 pm)

Oops..forgot to post this before I left the office this morning. Talk about a lot of typing before bedtime...

24 Things I Think I'm Pretty Sure I Was Thinking About When I Though to Myself, "Self, There's TWO Hours of 24 Tonight, that's 48 Things You Need to Think About Thinking About"

5:00 pm - 6:00 pm

1) We join the Jack Attach with a momentous Virtual Nits comeback in progress, as the PSU D-fense has gotten incredibly stringent all of a sudden, and the game stands at 24-17 as we start the 4th.  (The game would end 31-24, Vanderbilt...The Nits are THIS close to breaking through).
2)  Good to have Nat back with us on the couch. Frak the Bachelor.
3) Damn! We didn't waste any time this week: Tony's AWAKE! ...and he's PISSED. AND the Soulpatch is in full effect.
4)  Don't tell him 'bout Doe Eyes! It could kill him! ..that's HARSH.  Ohh..i was just reminded about how much I miss Doe Eyes.  ...Harsher.
5)  DIAMOND CUTTER MOMENT:  while Ruskies are on the phone, I had this one-way conversation with Jerry, "Keycard? What Keycar...OH SHIT" 
6)  I hate POTUS. He's always so much tougher once the shit has finished hitting the proverbial fan, and it's mopup time. 
7) What the deuce? Tony's barely scarred! What a Gip! how's he going to go all Phantom on us?
8) {DECEASED} ....{Doe Eyes's Dead Body} ....heartbreaking. great scene.
9) Ladies and Gentlemen, the most overused phrase of the season: "On American Soil"
10)  How the HELL does a local crack fiend have connections to a Russian terrorist?  What did he do, dial 1-800-4-TERROR? "Yes, operator, I have a CTU keycard, and I would like to sell it for $20,000 in crack...any takers?  "Why yes, sir, we have an Egyptian terorrist named Habib Marwan, an American Miltiaman named Timothy McVeigh, and an EVIL Russian Revolutionary played by the Warlock..."  "hmm..please connect me with the Russians."
11) On that note, anyone realize that all of the Russians have had sterotypical Russian names like Alexi and Ivan...I can't wait for Yvgheni, Sergei, and Rasputin to join the fray next week. Wouldn't it  be nice to see one named George or Stan?
12)  Natalie's quote of the night: "He's such a p*ssy...he can't even get into see his own wife!" This perfectly sums up POTUS, and is extra funny because Natalie used the "p-word" and then apologized.
13)  Good music while Stanislav Jagrov puts the Centox in the guerney. (Hey, there's FORTY-EIGHT of these to do tonight..they won't all be great)
14)  {insert sexual tension between Aaron and the First Lady}
           3 Quick Aaron: the Greatest Secret Serviceman of All Time facts
                        a) He changed his name from Xerxes to Aaron, just so he is alphabetically first in line to protect the President;
                        b)  He has beaten up Chuck Norris, killed Vin Diesel, and had Jack Bauer arrested;
                        c) In 1974, made himself into a Eunuch during Secret Service training so that he would never be too distracted by a hot first lady to do his job.  Tough break, First Lady Whackjob.
15) And Mike Novick with this week's Cockblock! He's like Ben Roethlisberger, without the Super Bowl Ring. (Though his passer rating is probably higher).
16)  WAITASECOND. Nobody notices the ONE guy pushing an empty guerney through the hospital that's NOT TRYING TO EVACUATE?
17)  The computer generated Nasonex bee that humps the flower and talks like Pepi le Pu with emphasema really creeps me out.
18)  Somebody. Assassinate. Jay. Mohr.  ...I liked "Picture Perfect" as much as the next guy (which is to say that Jennifer Anniston's breasts were tremendous) but between his perpetual "Bob Sugar" and his terrible columns on si.com, he must be stopped.
19) Back to the show! CTU KNOWS ABOUT THE WARLOCK! Thatagirl, Audrey!
20)  According to "Merriam" (snicker) Robocop's computer only has downloaded MP3s.  We're about to watch Jack kill a man for being a music pirate.... "Why do you hate Robocop so much?" Merriam asks, to which Jack should've pulled a Lt. Weinberg and screamed, "WHY DO YOU LIKE HIM SO MUCH?"
21) Just once I want someone to tell Jack that she doesn't know the password, only for Jack to reply, in full-on-hardass-Jack-mode, "I call shenanegins."
22)  THIS is why Blackjack's not in charge. He chases down the terrorist, then puts two rounds directly into the guy's heart. The JACK school is very basic: 1) shoot the hand. 2) shoot the knee. 3) torture the suspect. Lather, rinse, repeat, as necessary.
23)  Jerry called it! JACK SHOT MERRIAM IN THE LEG! PHE-------nomenal!  But Nat's right..we've never Jack more scared shitless than when he said, "You don't care about anyone..not even her."  He's just been outwitted by Metro City's finest.
24)  Curtis Manning: Heisman Trophy Winner, saver of hundreds of hospital personnel.  Take a bow, Blackjack.

Well, what a SLAM-BAM awesome hour that was! Before I get into it any deeper though, I want to take a second as ask why Motorola has such a problem with vowels? And would it be SO hard for them to name their next phone TOKA so that it matches up with RAZR?  Thank you, I'll be here all week..shit-- it's back on... here we go again...

6:00 -- 7:00
25)  I ran out of things to think about, and forgot to comment on the dead Crackheads, including Rudy's execution-style murdered-sister.  In the words of Lawrence Taylor, kids, DON'T DO CRACK.
26)  Somehow, I don't think that the Ruskie's Face-O-Matic 3000 would work that fast. If so, though, he's the greatest fake-ID manufacturer since Scott Novak.
27) KIM! WOOT! The nonstop season O' Hotties Continues, on 24!  Ps:  I hate the long hair..I know we're trying to make her look grown up..but COME ON...
28)  The #1 Candidate to get killed when CTU is attacked by the Ruskie:  Kim's new boyfriend. C.Thomas Howell.  (although she may just be dating that terrible goatee, which may be a sentinent being all to itself)
29)  Audrey, darling, when discussing Jack with Kim, please say the following: "The people who knew Jack was alive are ALL DEAD, unless they have a soulpatch-- you don't have no soulpatch."  ...dammit, Audrey!
30) Honestly, we almost just had to inject Jerry with something to keep him from shouting "THE VICE PRESIDENT KILLED AND RAPED HIS DAUGHTHER IN TWIN PEAKS! YOU CAN'T TRUST HIM" To which Natalie and I replied, "Twin Peaks?"
31)  Martial law? Are you KIDDNG Me? Natalie just proposed that all White House staff wear "What Would Palmer Do" bracelets.  Cuz Martial Law is NOT that.
32)  I refuse to believe that if Jack Bauer hears a terrorist infiltrator speaking with a Russian acccent, that he wouldn't shoot 1st and ask questions later, better keep Mikhail Lenin away from JB.  Which reminds me to bring up a point: is there ANY easier place in the UNIVERSE to break into than CTU?
33)  Jack. KISS AUDREY before the attack on CTU! What? wait! dammit! what little girl just got to my keyboard... I'm back now... umm...BANG AUDREY before the attack on CTU. Word. and then drink a beer and have her cook you dinner.
34) {ahem.} KIM: EVERYONE WHO KNEW HE WAS ALIVE ALMOST DIED TODAY. PLEASE STOP BEING A BITCH.
35) uh oh. Tony knows Robocop. Great writing. Makes incredibly blatant sense that I didnt' think about. The writers hath brought their A-Games tonight.
36)  Haha! I joked that Jack would want a background check on Barry the Bearded Boyfriend (B^3), and here Audrey, like Jack's perfect soulmate, went and completed one without even having to be prompted! That'smygirl!
37)  Robocop v. Jack Bauer. Teacher v. Student. Great. Classic. Stuff. Jack's gonna need a whole new bag of tricks...
38)  Hey, nicely done Mike-- good to see the LAMEASS prayer scene came back into play. More good writing!
39)  CURTIS JUST SAVED THE HOSPITAL-- AND THERE HAS BEEN NO MENTION OF THIS? WHERE'S THE LOVE FOR BLACKJACK?
40) If I can be serious for a minute... This is playing out so horribly blatantly realistically, it's scary. Martial Law? Go through Congress? What-- NO! The simple reality of America is that the Constitution means nothing so long as the President can make the American people feel safe.  Scary. Okay, I'm off my soapbox, let's kill us some terrorists!
41) Carrie the Hottie Techie: nice neck. Weird face.  uh oh. you're DOA...say thanks to Edgar on your way to being killed..
42)  Prediction: at least ONE of the following will die in the next hour:  Chloe, Edgar, Kim, Audrey.
43)  FIRST GOOD MOMENT between POTUS and Whackjob, "You wanted me to a husband first..."  Great writing.
44) Carrie, we hardly knew ye....again.
45) HAH! Right as I stood up and screamed, "CHLOE WILL SAY IT!" she comes at Kim with , "try to cut him some slack." Thank YOU, Chloe! 5-Star General Obvious.
46) FRAK FRAK FRAK! They're taking Robocop right to Tony! this will not end well...
47) Jerry: "Edgar needs to eat the bomb.." hilarity.
48)  Oops-- text message coming in...Skydiving? my Next-Ex Girlfriend is frakking insane. 
49) We're in O.T. folks! this episode is just TOO MUCH AWESOME
50) This season's big cliche will be "The terrorist just activated the gas and ran away with the little key button thing"
51) Alright! Jack's on him..now watch as he follows the JB school-- 1) shoot the hand...shit.  Doesn't ANYONE shoot for the knees anymore? We wasted two potential breakable terrorists in two hours!
52)  CODE SIX! CTU is in a FLANK-TWO POSITION, REPEAT, CTU IS IN A FLANK-TWO POSITION! ....code six? what is this? Grey's Anatomy?
53) Run! Edgar, RUN!!!
54) DIAMOND CUTTER MOMENT-- OH SHIT! "SEAL ALL THE ROOMS"
55) Audrey's made it to the Sit. Room! Hallelujah! ...uh oh...Edgar--
56)  Chloe mouths, "edgar...." my heart just broke... That was incredible.
57) Silent count sendoff with Edgar, who never knew the touch of a woman. At least he can go find his mom. Oh wait, she committed suicide and is in hell. Tough break.  (that was for you, 'Lex).

But seriously, folks, the death of Edgar was just tremendous television, and was an incredible cap to two unbelievably good hours of television.  And for the record, around 9:30, I said, "this episodes' going to end with a silent count, I can feel it...and nothing good ever comes with a silent count..."  It's the most dramatic message the show can send, the silent count.  Powerful, powerful, stuff. But what of next week?  Now what?  Well, it's obvious Tony will kill Robocop. But who's got to die to save CTU? Early money's got to be on Linn, though I fear for my boy TC McQueen (Bill Buchanan).  Don't forget that HOLDING is one of the sealed off rooms...Samwise has got to sacrifice himself to save the kids and redeem himself..this i believe.

Just don't kill off Audrey.  Or Cyclops.

be good to each other, i have to go ice down my hands from typing all of that.
-apk

TELL ME WHERE MY LIST IS! ... I'm RUNNING OUT OF TIME!

Well, I forgot my list of 56 things I thought I thought about while watching the slam-bang-hoo-hah-awesome two hours of 24 last night, so the normal Tuesday column's just gonna have to wait until tomorrow.

Instead, I'm going to discuss the X-Men 3 trailer, and how scared I am that this movie's going to suck.  It starts and ends (though conveniently steps around the lame-looking Juggernaut) with the apparent death of Cyclops.  Killing off the seminal X-Man, the team leader for somewhere around 40 years, to bite it just so we can establish that JEAN IS EVIL NOW, would be such a massively unnecessary move that there's a good chance I'd walk out of the theatre if they go through with it.  There is absolutely no way that a war between Magneto and Xavier would (or should) ever occur where Scott Summers isn't on the frontline leading the good guys.  I'm sorry, I don't care how "lame" people think Cyke (the ultimate company man/boy scout) is compared to the super badass Wolverine, there's no getting around that the team needs a strong, centered leader to command them.  Taking Cyclops, who's been reduced to Jean's visored puppy lover in the first two movies, and killing him off so that we can move the spotlight over to Halle "Overrated" Berry and her new onscreen lover, Wolverine, is a farce.

I kow that 127% of you reading this now could care less, but I just needed to go on the record and explain why killing Cyclops is a major mistake.  I'd rather get into it deeper, but I won't bore you.  If you want me to be really interesting, ask me how I would've saved the Star Wars Trilogy.

Geekiest. Post. Ever.

I'll be back tomorrow with my musings on Jack Bauer-- now GO WATCH/or LISTEN TO THE WORLD BASEBALL CLASSIC, and root for TEAM USA, bitches!

-apk

ps:  Linn's going to sacrifice himself next week. Write it down. Remember how the three rooms locked down were the Sit Room, the Clinic, and HOLDING.  Methinks someone has to redeem himself.

DAILY DOSE: "If I Could Leave Would It Find Me"

Ahh, Frat Tuesday.  I'll be honest, that pun first came to me yesterday, approximately five years too late.  AliMac (happy "birthday" by the way) brought "Ass Wednesday" to my attention, as well.  Why didn't I think of this sooner? Could you imagine OX t-shirts that said "Frat Tuesday" on the front, and "Ass Wednesday" on the back?  We could've thrown a massive two-day party every year...dammit.

Anyway, welcome back to the Kingdom, friends, where I'm Honest To God Gonna Try to Post More Often During Lent. We'll see how it holds up. If I try to tie creative writing together with access to heaven, maybe things'll pick up 'round here? God knows.

So yay! it's Lent! 40 days of making sacrifices I'll invariably break, pretending to be a good Catholic, and coming up with excuses to eat red meat on Fridays.  (If you need one, go with the time-honoured, "the Church made that rule up to help the fisherman").  I'm not gonna lie, I don't normally observe the "no meat" rule 'cept for on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday.  Guess I'm going to have to come up with something fishy for dinner... On the bright side, this means I get to start heading into to Madison for the scrum-diddily-awesome fish fry.  Aces!  I am due for a trek back home soon...pity I have plans this Friday to meet up with some Law Champions for a little live music and brain grenades.  Good times to be had by all.

Oh, what am I giving up for Lent, you ask?  Well, I've decided to go with two things (on top of the "Try to write in the Kingdom more"): 
1) no more candy.  I've become a fiend, and one of the secretaries in my office is my supplier. No more of this.
2) need to work out more regularly.  See, I try to come up with behavioral changes during Lent, so that I actually make a long-lasting positive  change in my life.  So I'm going to commit to the gym at least three times a week. Once I get on a truly legit roll with this, we'll increase it and get less-fat.  Here's hopin!

What are you doin' for Lent (assuming you're a Catholic, Protestants- feel free to heckle.) Perhaps you should all promise to post more, even if it's just to give me hell for not posting.  Also, if you've been a repeat visitor of late, check in and say hello, so that I can give credit where credit is due.  I've got some Comcastic visitors from "Grapeville" and "Adamsburg" and would like to know who's there.  Also, whoever's checkin' in from Pitt should drop a hello.

alrighty, folks, back to the grind.  Your Song of the Day is "Lifesize" by mrnorth, who's CD i've rediscovered/become addicted to this week.  Link of the Day makes its triumphant return thanks to Topshelf, who has provided video evidence of the BEST. FIGHT. EVER. The only thing missing is someone throwing a trident through #14.  If you caught that reference, we're officially friends.

be good to each other
-apk