FRLG (Guest Stars! Part II): "This Is What You Get When You Mess With Us"

Welcome to YOU combined Rules/ Daily Dose.

First up, I'm going to bang out a quick Dose here, while I finish up this History of American Law paperage. She's coming along nicely, if you must ask. Anywho, without further ado, the Song of the Day is "Karma Police" by Radiohead. For some reason, it popped into my head today, I re-downloaded it, and it took me back my Freshman Year days in Morgan Hall. I used to pump the bass on my sub-woofer to this song, just to shake the trinkets off of the desk of the girl who lived above me. Fun times. Great song.

The Link of the Day is equally exciting, as it's my DREAM GIFT. The person who hooks me up with this either becomes my wife, or (if male) I become their indentured servant for life.
It is, of course, Luke's Yellow Jacket of Awesomeness. If you check out the page, it even tells you how to MAKE one out of 1977 parts. Sort of like re-fitting a DeLorean in 1955, or something.

Now, without any more BS on my part, I proudly give to you Grampy and Banner's second part to their rules. If you thought the FIRST set caused an uproar, honey, you ain't seen nothing yet. I've got two words for you: Salary Cap. But you have to read on to find out what I laughed so hard about...

'til next time, there's no hope with dope,
-apk

take it away, boys!

Much to the chagrin of all the ladies in the kingdom, we’re back for another round of testosterone hijinks, tomfoolery and ballyhoo. The overwhelming response we received from the first three rules has established quite a high standard. Lucky for all of you we’ve stepped up to meet the challenge. Without further ado, we present Rules #4-6:

4) Always have a back-up plan

Basically, it’s a smart play to keep another female on the back burner. Here’s the situation – say you’re dating a girl and things are going well. You’re seeing each other on a regular basis, doing the whole “getting to know you” nonsense, when all the sudden shit goes sour. Maybe one of you calls it off because a new piece of info has arisen. (She picked up an STD in Cancun!) Or perhaps you just got tired of her psychotic obsessions with Sex in the City and Will and Grace. Regardless of the reason for the demise, you can’t be left without an alternative strategy.

This rule has a little “don’t put all your eggs in one basket” mentality to it. If you allow yourself to become so infatuated with your new squeeze to the point where you cut ties with all other eligible girls, then you’re (in sports analogy terms) using up all your cap space. Injuries happen, so you have to keep a little bit of wiggle room in the salary cap to pick up that veteran player who can step in immediately. You don’t want to make an unproven and untested rookie QB your franchise player. You need that capable back-up waiting in the wings.

How you go about doing this is entirely up to you. If you can lose your conscience for a bit and pull off some innocent fibbing, go for it. Caveat emptor though. If you really dig the girl you’re currently with, but keep secret the periodic email exchanges you have with the cutie who lives down the hall, it WILL come back to haunt you. Don’t tempt karma. Let the Cutie know you’re dating someone; let the Current know you maintain communication with assorted female friends. Of course, you need to exercise some creative discretion here. Make sure you don’t divulge too much information or you could possibly throw Current into a fit of jealous rage. And by no means should you gush about Current to Cutie. Instead, describe to her in elaborate detail the ultra-smooth (Ok, romantic) evening you have planned for Current. Cuite will probably experience a touch of envy, that “god damn I want him to make out with me” feeling that gets panties all wet. Building up your reputation in Cutie’s eyes is a great thing. You’re setting her up for the inside fastball. When the situation with Current dissolves away, Cutie will be only too eager to “console” you. Voila! Instant rebound. Well planned and well played. [A good Texas Hold ‘Em face is a must for pulling off this daring and perilous maneuver. It is not for the faint of heart. You’ve been warned]

5) Never trust a girl who doesn’t drink beer

So obvious, yet so often unobserved. Seriously girls, ditch the frickin apple-tinis! And if we ever see another female order a chardonnay at a pub, we may have to gouge our own eyes out. What’s that? You’re watching your caloric intake? That’s what they make Michelob Ultra for, so shove your Atkins diet straight up your pooper. You don’t like the taste of beer?!? Sweet Jesus! Let me guess, you’re the prissy little bitch who shows up at our fraternity bashes with a bottle of water, right?

Gentlemen, these girls are the devil incarnate, and are not to be trusted under any circumstance. They’re into designer handbags, swanky bars and jewelry that you can’t possibly afford. Hmm, that’s funny. Our weathered hat, playoff tickets and home theater system are at the complete opposite end of that priority spectrum. Do you really think you’re gonna connect with her at all? Of course not. She will never appreciate the three Bs. You see, at her core, the non-beer drinking female not only rejects everything you hold dear, but also relishes in all that you despise. She’ll attempt to fry you with an evil scowl when your best friend comes over to watch the game. She’ll go on day long shopping trips and spend your money. She’ll gossip incessantly about her co-workers with her mother. Sounds to us like a life that revolves around Longerberger baskets, Lifetime movies and Tupperware parties. For where there is no beer, there is a litany of deep-seeded emotional and psychological issues that you certainly want to avoid at all costs.

To the ladies out there who are afflicted with this disease, let me assure you that there exists such a diverse range of beer varieties, that should you make the effort to try them out, I guarantee you’ll find something that satisfies your selective palette. For instance, the Lancaster Brewery makes a strawberry wheat beer that has enough fruity sweetness to pass your stringent test. And let’s be clear on something – Smirnoff Ice does not count as a beer. Neither do any of those other “malternative” beverages that have flooded the market in the past decade. If it’s not an ale, lager, stout, etc., it’s not a beer. This is not debatable. The beverage needs to be available from a tap. And last time I checked, you couldn’t get a barrel of ANYTHING with “Twisted” in the name.

This is not to say that one should explicitly trust ladies that drink only beer. Rather, you should always be mistrusting of the ladies that shun the frothy amber nectar entirely. If she doesn’t have a 30 pack of Beast in her fridge, that shouldn’t be of great concern, as long as she’s ready and willing to down a few pints at the bar. So leave the White Zin and Zima hoochies for the greasy posers and grab the gal with a Guinness in her hand. Otherwise, it’ll be weekends of makeovers and antiquing for that must-have China set for you.

6) Only tell a girl what she wants to hear

Translation – the truth isn’t always necessary. Nine times out of ten, a girl doesn’t want to hear the truth. She wants to hear that you think her new shoes go great with that outfit. (As if you even noticed she was wearing shoes.) She wants to hear that you really enjoyed that lunch with her and her best friend. (Like it didn’t take every bit of restraint for you to not shove that snotty little bitch’s face right in her French onion soup.) And your girl would LOVE to hear that you think about her every second of the day. (Which you do, only she’s butt-ass naked in all those thoughts.) The bottom line is that you don’t spontaneously think about those things. They only come about when prompted. You should then game-plan for those occasions. Fabricate a plethora of nice thoughts to use in situations where they either a) save your ass, or b) score you major points.

Additionally, it’s imperative that you be able to deflect lines of questioning. If a night out with the fellas begins harmlessly, but then steadily transforms into a debaucherous evening complete with a stripper in your lap, then you need to adroitly steer your girl away from why it is that you didn’t get home til 5am. However, we warn against getting entangled in a web of lies, simply because your buddies aren’t smart enough to keep up the stories. Instead, go into excessive descriptions of true people and events from the evening: The Yeager shot you spilled on yourself. The wacky illegal alien cab driver. Or better yet, the winning TD drive with all the play-by-play analaysis you can muster. Follow that up with an “As much fun as I had with the boys, I missed you terribly. How was the movie?” and you’re golden. When you voluntarily share the non-scandalous highlights of your adventure with your girl, it makes her think that you’re getting better at verbally expressing yourself. Considering that you used to reply with a string of basic one word answers, she’ll feel that she’s making progress with you.

Also remember to compliment creatively. “You look pretty” only works until about date #3. After that, drop a “god damn you’re stunningly gorgeous this evening” on her. Keep in mind, it doesn’t matter if you actually think those thoughts. The legitimacy of your words is, and always will be, irrelevant. All that matters is that they sound sincere, and most importantly, that she believes they come from the heart. It isn’t lying or misleading so much as it is a more poetic way to assure that you come out of it smellin’ like a rose. By randomly throwing out clever observations, however false they may be in actuality, you’ll seem attentive and caring. And since all females want a guy who notices everything, you’ll be on the road to orgy-like bliss. So get creative! The more original, the better.

Thanks for tuning in for this week’s lesson. We hope these rules were as enlightening as the prior ones. To all those scholarly gentlemen in need of further guidance, please visit our website at www.girlsaredumb.com. You’ll find our office hours and contact info there. Drop us an email, we’d love to hear from you. Happy beaver hunting!

Ice Man and Banner

DAILY DOSE: "I Want to Run, I Want to Hide"

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back~

Today’s Link has me in a pissy mood. In honesty, I’m more annoyed by it than anything. It’s Rolling Stone’s list of the “Top 500 songs of all time.”
http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/_/id/6596661/500songs
At the top of the list, please be sure to click on the “more” link so you can read how they came up with this cockamamie collection. It’s actually the ‘Top 500 songs of the rock n’ roll era.’ Now, we all know about my taste in music, and we all know that when it comes to music, I’m far from an expert, but even I can tell that this list is bullshit. I hope that someone out there, an actual music snob, can chime in and back me up on this, because it’s ridiculous.

First off, what makes a “great song?” Is it lyrical beauty? Is it the technical aspects of the song? Dancability? Replayability? And who the hell is RollingStone to judge? I’m not angry—I’m just asking, because it’s pretty annoying. I mean, obviously I checked to see if any of my favourite shitty bands squeaked in there. “Hip to be Square,” maybe? “Let her cry?” Somebody throw me a bone. I never actually believed that any of those songs would make the list, but then I actually felt bad at my taste in music when I realized that I don’t even like 9 of the top 15 songs! Then I realized, “Who are YOU to tell me what a “great song,” RollingStone!?! I know what I like, and I don’t need you to tell me what’s great, and what isn’t! But that’s not all that’s wrong with the list. Though the “more” explanation claims that their illustrious “five star” panel looked across genres for great songs, I find the list to be terribly short-sighted.

Not only do the Beatles clock in with 23 songs, Bob Dylan has 12, and the Stones have another 14. Okay, I love the Beatles, and most of their songs, and though I don’t even remotely care for the Stones or Dylan, I can appreciate their place in music (they’re just not my bag, baby), but does anyone out there HONESTLY believe that those three artists are actually responsible for nearly 10% of ALL the best songs of the last 50+ years? Anyone? In RollingStone’s infinite wisdom and perpetual annoyingness, they’ve taken a mainstream-highbrow approach to this stupid list, and totally neglected both lesser-known artists and, you know, shitty bands that made a good song. One-hit-wonders are pretty much absent from the list, though many of their songs deserve a spot. Dexty’s Midnight Runners, I’m talking to YOU.

The list almost entirely neglects country and rap/hip hop. Patsy Kline: check. Hank Williams: check. Johnny Cash: check. Apparently, country stopped making music about 35 years ago, because not even Garth Brooks was able to get a song onto the list! For a voting process that prides itself on canvassing all genres, you would have thought it could have found the time to pick a song by a guy who (I think) has sold more records than the Beatles. Maybe “The Dance” or “The Thunder Rolls” among others? I mean, I don’t LOVE Garth Brooks at all, not by a long shot, but a good song is a good song. That being said, only two hip hop songs from the last fifteen years not by Eminem (Dre’s ‘Ain’t Nothin’ but a G-Thang’ and Tupac’s ‘California Love’) made the list? What about Snoop, B.I.G., or Wu-Tang? I’m by NO means a big rap fan, but the genre has dominated the musical consciousness of our culture for over a decade, and there have been some very good, very influential songs that deserve mentioning. And Outkast’s “Hey Ya,” while good and fun, isn’t one of them.

This statement deserves its own paragraph: AMERICAN PIE ISN’T ON THE LIST. You heard me. Don McLean’s AMERICAN PIE is NOT on the list of the “500 Greatest Songs of the Rock n’ Roll Era.” Shouldn’t the fact that every high school kid learns every word of a 10 minute song count for SOMETHING?

I guess these lists are made to cause controversy, and I’m sure this one will. Why do we need lists anyhow? Who can honestly think they can go out and rank music? How absurd of a concept IS that? Basically, RollingStone put together a list of 500 songs it thinks everyone should like, because they’re that amazing. Well, I’m sorry. Nothing’s ever going to make me like the song “Nothing Compares 2 U,” and nothing ever will. All I can say is, it’s pretty bad when you put together a list of music that pisses ME off, AND I can find legitimate fault with. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to write them a letter lambasting their oversight of Rick Springfield’s “Jessie’s Girl.”

Oh- the Song of the Day is one that DIDN’T MAKE THE LIST. U2’s “Where the Streets Have No Name.” How half-a-dozen U2 songs DID make the list, and this didn’t, is beyond me. Doesn’t ANYONE remember the performance of this song at SuperBowl XXXVI?
Back to work. Check out the list and tell me what pissed YOU off.

-apk

BONUS DOSE: Giving Thanks, and the End of an Era.

Hello everyone, I hope that all of your Thanksgivings were safe, fun, and bountiful. I know that mine was a little boring, but generally filled with good food and good family-- so I'll take it. Basically, any day that starts out with turkey at grandma's and ends with pizza at my sister's is solid on all levels.

And lucky me-- I got Thanksgiving: The Sequel Saturday night Knor Acres, since me mudda worked Thursday, and all. Which meant MORE TURKEY. MORE PENNY. and MORE DRINKIN' IN WESTMORELAND COUNTY WITH THE KLIQ. Which, honestly, are three of my favouritest things. Although Saturday fun did put me even further behind on this whole "Term Paper due Tuesday" thing. Luckily, however, I'm still as good at this stuff now as I was three years ago~ A Liberal Arts Educumacation: I GOT IT!

Woah.. check it out-- I used a tilda. I think the North American world needs a little more tilda, so I'm going to set out to bring the tilda-ruckus. Digression over.

So yeah, it's been an interesting TGiving Break. Because, folks, yesterday was officially the End of an Era. Adam Boyce Kupchelitis, my heterosexual life partner, has moved out. He's headed back to dear old Huntingdon and he continues to await his secuirty clearance, and he is already supremely missed. It's going to take a few days, and some free time, for me to put together some sort of Adam&Adam sapfest retrospective. You probably won't get to read it until it sinks in that he's actually gone, and that I probably won't live with him again until I get disbarred and move into his basement as an alcoholic, disgraced shell of my former self. At least the junior-Kuppers will have fun playing Nintendo 256, or whatever it is by then, with Dear Ol' Uncle Adam! In the meantime, some more seasonal thoughts:

So here we go, some stuff I'm thankful for:

I'm thankful that I got to play X-Men Legends with my baby brother, Gooder, on Tgiving. We kicked monster ass, and I finally got to truely geek out with someone while playing.

I'm thankful that Adina invited Gooder and I over to her house. "Her" house is really the house we all grew up in, but she has surely made it her home. My super-badass bro-in-law Chris is the bees' knees, and we had a good time watching Mission:Impossible, drinking milkshakes, and playing board games. It was kind of creepy, though, to realize we were sans parents and at my sister's HOUSE on a holiday. It was like, "hello, next fifty years." I actually found myself picturing the house full of wives and kids. Like I said-- creepy.

I'm thankful that Gooder dropped back to pass that fateful day in the mid-'90s, threw into triple coverage in the endzone, and lost the Blue Cup to the Geezer team. I'm not thankful that we lost. I'm just thankful that I can make fun of him for it, and never let him live it down (the only kids' Thanksgiving Day loss... EVER.).

I'm thankful that my folks are awesome, and that my mom cooked another turkey. She worked Thursday, and is making a turkey for no other reason than her sense of duty. And my dad...well, he's just awesome in his own special way.

I'm thankful that Penny's still alive and kicking, though she's pushing 11.

I'm thankful that "sweet potato pudding" is the new black.

I'm thankful that I finally downloaded myself an MP3 of "Riders of Rohan" 'cause it's freakin' GORGEOUS.

I'm also thankful for all the amazing friends I've got, all over this crazy map. And I'm thankful that I get to share many of my irrelevances with yinz here in the Kingdom. I'm also thankful for daffodils, pine tar, and standard transmissions. I fear a world where these things don't exist.

I'm thankful for the year that was, despite some shallow lowpoints, there have certainly been a fair share of highlights. I'm thankful for Rob Mackowiak, Hines Ward, and the 10 NFL teams that passed on Big Ben.

I'm thankful for important stuff, like family, and not losing anyone this year. I'm thankful that life goes on, despite the fact I have no idea where it's going. I'm thankful for all the beauty in this world among so much chaos, like starry nights and and girls with big beautiful eyes.

I'm also thankful for every time I've seen Orion's belt, the Pittsburgh Skyline from the Hot Metal Bridge, and a paycheck from BSH.

Finally, I'm thankful music, sports, food, air, people, movies, comics, animals, planets, and this one big happy f*cked up thing we call the "universe." Yeah-- that should pretty much cover it all.

Be good to each other, I'll be posting later today, I'm sure.
Rules Tuesday!
-apk

DAILY DOSE: "Everyday's Another Scene, the World Around and Everything for You"

While singing along to the Song of the Day, during the above line, I always want to say "the World is Like a Lazerbeam." I don't even know why? I just think there needs to be more songs with the word "lazerbeam" in them. In fact, "lazerbeam" will almost certainly pop up in the next poem I write. Poin is this : It's amazing what you come up with when you don't know the lyrics. Just ask Drew about the time he sang Biggie's "Hypnotize," and maybe, maybe had about 3% of the words right. Thank God for MTV's "Say What Karaoke," or he would've never made it through college.

That being said, today's Song of the Day is "The Ocean" by Sunny Day Real Estate. This is a good one, and is currently battling The Cure's "One More Time" for status of "my favourite song on the CD Jeanie burned me." I'll keep you posted on who wins out-- but we'll save talk about The Cure for a few days, I still have to collect my thoughts. "The Ocean" probably should've been the song of the day yesterday, because I awoke with the previously described "lazerbeam" line stuck in my head. But what can you do? I had already picked "It's All Downhill From Here." Odd, because yesterday was certainly not a day for that song.

Now that I've babbled on about that, let me take this opportunity to wish y'all a safe and Happy Thanksgiving. I know that pretty much everyone on the planet travels or drinks today, so be good and safe while you do it! If anyone stops by today, howzabout you drop a short comment either giving thanks for something, Jason Seaver style, or give us a quick recap of a particularly fond Thanksgiving memory. I'll probably write about my least favourite Thanksgiving memory tonight or tomorrow, and share it with you. I'll give you a sneak peak, though-- it involves my brother throwing into triple coverage to end a 4 on 4 football game. Do the math, there. I still won't let him play quarterback.

Link of the Day? Ugh... I got nuthin' today. And I'm going to get a haircut. If you're REALLY bored, and need a link-- head to MTV.com, and find the complete new U2 album for free and easy download.

One last thing-- Grampy "Ice Man" Staub and Bruce Banner have been kind enough to send along part II of their Fundamental Rules for Life as a Guy. I'll be posting them next week, when everyone's less busy, and we can all bitch and scream at each other more effectively. So stay tuned. But WAIT! I'm soliciting offers from girls who are interested in submitting their OWN rules, to try and counteract. I mean, really, I'm an equal opportunity type. And at the very least, if one of you well-written type ladies wants to give advice similar to Gramps and Banner's, it'll give all us guys the opportunity to inform you how insane you are.


Okay kids! Go slaughter turkeys and disgrace the memory of Native Americans! Drink and Play Football, too!
God, I LOVE Thanksgiving! (really. might be my favourite holiday)

in the meantime, see you on the flipside.
-apk

"I TRAINED TO BE A COUNTY LIFEGUARD!!!!!!!!!"

Okay, admist all the drama that has been November Sweeps on Adam:The Series (and no, I haven't had any ex-girlfriends show up at my door with my 5 year old illegitimate son yet), there have actually been SOME bright spots to the last few weeks. So, for the sake of turning this blog's frown upside-down, it's time to look back at some of life's little highlights. Though I present them to YOU in ever-fantastic list form, these are in no particular order.

-Astonishing X-Men #6 (and the return of the "Fastball Special") Egg Story, Y: The Last Man, Identity Crisis #6, and my new guilty pleasure, Birds of Prey #75-76.

my rebirth into comic books has made me very happy, and i'm trying all kinds of different tastes for the first time, and find that I can appreciate and learn from everything. Sooner or later, I'll finish a comic of my own, and it'll have a lot to thank from these eclectic tastes.

-My Dash Incredible wind up Happy Meal toy

given to me by the lovely Justine, he sits proudly upon my desk at work, ready to leap into action and defend the world from injustice. He also winds up and runs the whole way across the table in the lounge of the Law School.

-The debut of "Baywatch" on TV Land

Drew, Pizz and I watched three episodes the other night. The cheesiness is taken to a whole new level when presented on my dad's fantatsic big screen. Highlights for me included Carmen Electra's first episode, anything with Nicole Eggert, and Lifeguard Manny getting drummed out of the Corps due to bad eyesight reacting to Mitch's offer to work at a beach club with "I TRAINED TO BE A COUNTY LIFEGUARD!" storming out of his office, and breaking a window. I swear to you all "I TRAINED TO BE A COUNTY LIFEGUARD will me my new "I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!" Lowlights include Alexandra Paul in a bathing suit. She's probably the most annoying actress of all time, and makes me want to vomit. Why Mitch EVER dated this self-righteous, no-fun borefest is beyond the scope of my imagination.

and yes. i just wrote a paragraph on Baywatch. You have no idea how much I hope it's on during school hours.

-The purchase of my NEW YEAR'S ROCKIN' EVE ticket for DC!!!
Carbon Leaf! Pat McGee! Loads of free booze! Post-party with the band! Girls in dresses! Possible tuxedodom for me! Now, all I need is a date. Preferably female. Likes kissing at midnight, dancing, and won't mind if I smoke a cigar that evening. Hotness preferred. Dancing a must.

-The Stillers.
But I continue to refuse to comment.

-TWO Penn State wins, AND the signing of "The Lion" King
Could JoePa go out on top next year? Only if they find an Offense and fire Jay Paterno. But the Defense is going to be un-frickin'stoppable. PSU will be the Baltimore Ravens of the NCAA. ..without the murderers, drug dealers, and other assorted felons.

-The Episode III Trailer
Lord Vader....Yes, Master...Rissssssssssse. My Girlfriend Natalie with Leia-sticky bun-hair. The Wookie Braveheart. Two battlecruisers exchanging turbolasers from about 10 feet apart. Hayden's yellow eyes. That "Oh, Shit!" look on Ewan's face as that lightsabre approaches his larnyx. Ships that look like TIEs and X-Wings, but aren't. Luke looking at the twin suns of Tatooine (one of the most beautiful/imaginative shots in movie history) Sure, EPs I and II had badass trailers, and fell short, so i'm still cautious. But they've...almost...got me...roped. back. in.

-Defeating Master Mold, Magneto, 6 trillion Sentinels and saving NYC from Asteroid M at the conclusion of X-Men Legends. Oh, and APOCALYPSE!
Okay, Magneto was too easy to beat. That sucked. But the rest of the end was crazy-go-nuts. Super fun monster incredible game. I can now play as Havok (!!!!!!!) and the Danger Room missions I have left over are impossible. Also, I unlocked the OLD SCHOOL UNIFORMS!!! Wolvie has a mask! SO AWESOME.

-New CDs from friends
A great mix of new stuff from Kujo that I have yet to REALLY give a good listen to, but am really into so far, and MTSYRT by Jeanie, including my Cure Song of the Month, and other greatness that I only now have listened to enough to have put together an honest opinion on it all. My opinion: I TRAINED TO BE A COUNTY LIFEGUARD!!!. .. err.., umm.. Adam like!

Okay, that's just off the top of my head. There's also the everyday greatness of my life, like MatchGame re-runs on the couch and the look my dad gave me when I turned on "Fairly Oddparents" last night. Also cool is the continued development of TEAM: P.A.T.RIOT in my imagination and the slow progression I've made on the short comic I'm currently drawing. It's been slow, it's not been steady, but it's been good. Someday, when it's done, I honestly think it might be awesome. So life's not so bad. In fact, I think things are looking up, and once I get through finals, I'm gonna make some loot, find a girl, maybe a job, and get settled in for the long haul.

An era is ending, but a new day is dawning.
in the meantime, Carpe diem! and Cogito eggo sum..
That's "seize the day!" and "I think, therefore I am a waffle."

be good to each other!
-apk

DAILY DOSE: "I Would Look Down and See the Earth From Above, but I'd Miss All the Places and People I Love"

In the darkest of times we learn a lot about people and friendships. I learned an awful lot this last few days, and I want to thank, specifically, Nic, Drew, Jeanie, Kris, Marc, Ang, Doug, Sprout, Jess, Lara, Rich, Carolyn, and Adam for all helping us find a way back towards light. Most of you don't even know anything that happened, but you were still there for me, in some way, when I needed all of you most. This ordeal has taught me so much about how amazing all of you can be when the chips are down, and I can never repay that. The storm, as they say, has passed, and though I think that some of us are still sifting our way through the rubble, we'll all slowly find our way back to normalcy.

For those of you who don't know what the hell is going on, believe me, you don't want to. Just know that I wasn't being melodramatic, and I think everything's going to be okay. And I'm very glad, and I thank God for that. It's 12:30 now, but I'm pretty sure the sun's going to come up today, and I'm pretty sure it'll keep coming up, day after day, for a long long time. So long, in fact, that this little episode will be a blip in time, a speckle in all our rearview mirrors soon. When I woke today, I knew everything would be okay. And by the time I go to sleep tonight, I'll smile knowing I was right. It's reassurring to know that right as hope is lost, sometimes .... well, sometimes hope isn't lost.

Some things really are strong enough to survive anything. Having that hope will give me strength to conquer everything. I am greatful to find my strength in you all.

Today's Song of the Day is "I don't want to live on the moon" by Ernie of Sesame Street fame. And yes, I even have it on MP3. This was my favourite song as a child, and I still think it's beautiful. I know I've spoken of running away a lot lately, and was even moments away from driving to California last Thursday, and never returning again. But let's be honest, I love all of you too much to ever go far. The last few days have reminded me of that, reminded how important friendship is. And by proxy, forgiveness. So I don't want to live on the moon.

Your Link of the Day is mighty important/useful. It's www.getfirefox.com Here, you can rid yourself of the terribly terrible Internet Explorer FOREVER and download, for FREE, Mozilla's Firefox web browser. It takes a matter of moments to make the switch, and FireFox will keep all of your Favourite Places and Passwords for you in the switch. Anything you can do with IE, you can do better with FireFox, and it comes with built in search engines for Google, Yahoo, eBay, Dictionary.com, and many others. It also keeps Activex (ie: the INTERNET DEVIL) out, and popups turned off. It's so swell, you'll cry. Make the switch, your computer will thank you for it.

Okay. I've been sappy enough, and since I'm feeling spirited and recovering, and my life will slowly but surely mend and fix itself, I'm going to bed for now, but I'll be back in the morning with some more Geek Week reviews. You guys are the bees' knees. 'Night.

-apk

"Does it hurt when you think about me, and how broken my heart is?"

Today’s blog is basically a diary entry for myself. Jeanie says that she doesn’t hold anything in on her blog, that she tells all. I, in honesty, don’t. I keep things back and try more to entertain you all, then truly allow you to be privy to my fragile, emotional psyche. Today’s just different. It’s got to be. If I don’t write this, for myself, today, and share with you all; if instead, I were to come give a link, a wink, and a smile, then really, you should never trust anything I tell you. And trust, to me, is more important than anything.

I drank myself silly last night, in hopes that when I woke today, my version of reality would have only been an inebriated illusion. It didn’t happen. I took a walk through a cold rain today, in hopes of cleansing myself and refreshing my spirits. It didn’t work. There’s no link today, but there is a song, it’s Yellowcard’s “Empty Apartment” which was apparently written for two best friends that can’t be friends anymore. I’ve had it on repeat, because I thought it was making me feel better. Maybe giving me a little bit of hope. And then when I looked up at the buildings on Liberty Avenue, I almost cried. In fact, I’m typing this at work right now, and I’m nearly crying.

I’m not going to go deeply into why I feel this way, because no matter how numb I am, or how angry I’ll soon be, that’s not fair of me. Instead, I’ll let you all in on something I realized about myself last night.

I don’t want to be Han Solo anymore. He’s been my favourite character forever. I’ve patterned so many of my own characters after him. I’ve stolen his lines and even tried to learn how to give a wry, crooked smile like he does. He’s a swashbuckler, a scoundrel, a great friend. He’s caring and he’s a pimp at the same time. Self-assured, cocky, but not arrogant, Han is so much of what I wanted to be.

But in honesty, I’m Luke Skywalker, if I’m anything. I’m the naïve farmboy, who sees the good in everyone and trusts in his feelings. I’m certainly the guy that not only loses the girl to Han, but finds out that she’s his sister. I’m the white-bread kid that wears the plain tunic, instead of the sweet-ass vest and striped pants. It’s a good life, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve always wanted to be the confident, dashing rogue. Which is why I’ve associated myself with so many of them. Which is why I’m drawn to them, which is why they become my friends. Even my best friend.

In the movies, Han redeems himself in the end, joining the battle just in time to save Luke’s ass, not to mention sacrificing himself to carbon freeze. But, as much as I love to think otherwise, life just isn’t a movie, is it?

I learned last night that being a rules guy isn’t really all that terrible. That putting others ahead of yourself, and your ambitions, to the point where you sometimes feel like a doormat is an attribute, not a fault. I learned that believing in people is dangerous, and trusting them is worse. But I learned that the happiness you can get from that is worth the risk. The price you pay when someone fails you, though, is both painful and hefty. I learned that being the charismatic pirate means playing by a different set of rules. Means not caring about the people you might have to step on to get what you want. I learned that “some people are just like that” is not a good enough reason for me to forgive someone.

Being Luke doesn’t mean I’m an angel. Far from. I’ve got my flaws and my faults and have made my mistakes. I don’t have a problem admitting that. But I own up to them. And I seek forgiveness. Because I can, I think, actually realize that when you hurt someone, it probably means that you did something wrong.

Being Luke, and not Han, may mean getting stepped on. It mean getting turned on, or not getting the girls, or not getting the cool vest and the wookie and the spaceship. It may mean being whiny about “feeling the good” in people and trusting your feelings. And that may all seem not as cool. Frankly, I don’t think it is as cool. But I’m okay with it now. I don’t ever want to be a scoundrel. I like being the naïve farmboy-- being too trusting, too caring. And who knows, maybe someday I’ll get to be the real hero. After all, Luke did blow up the Death Star and get to wear that incredible yellow jacket.

Thanks for listening,
-Adam

I AM THE LAW! (Geek Week 2004, Part 2): “Like Luke and Leia, without the kissing”

Let’s put the Battle of the Sexes aside for a moment, and get back to some goode-natured Geekiness. Today’s I AM THE LAW! Is all about a comic book series that I’ve long heard great things about, that Jeanie and I have recently started reading, called “Y: The Last Man.”

Okay, okay—wait! No, really, don’t go. Not yet, I know you heard “comic book” and were all, “forget this, I’m going to go search for some nubile all-legal cheerleaders,” but if you do, you’ll regret it (seriously, you’ll regret it—Ashcroft may be gone, but he’s not forgotten, and now he only has more time to watch you.). In seriousness, though, Y: The Last Man is not your classic comic book. There are no capes, no tights, not a superpower to be found. If it’s anything, it’s just tremendous science fiction, but even classifying it as that is a stretch. For, like all great science fiction, it’s short on the science, and long on the allegory/social commentary/examination of the human condition.

Before I start digressing about great science fiction (of which the world we live in has precious little to offer (here’s hoping BATTLESTAR GALACTICA re-brings the goods this winter)), let’s get down to the nitty gritty of ‘Y.’

‘Y’ is for “Yorick” the name of our protagonist. I hesitate to say “hero” because through the first trade paperback (which collects issues 1-4 (of 28..we’ve got a lot of catching up to do)), Yorick doesn’t really do anything heroic. Here’s the premise. What would happen to the world if, suddenly, every male mammal on the PLANET died instantly. Except one man and his pet monkey. That man is Yorick, an unemployed, uninspired English major/ part time escape artist/ full-time smartass. His trusty sidekick, the monkey Ampersand, is anything but trusty. In fact, he’s barely trained and he causes poor Yorick more trouble than good. But the fact remains, for some reason, when all the males die, those two are left with nothing but each other.

The story picks up about two months later, and we start to get some incredible insights as to what an all-women world is like. And no, I’m not about to say anything chauvinistic at all, it’s not portrayed that way. Many of the women suffer from survivor’s syndrome, having lost their brothers, husbands, and sons. Others, the “Amazons,” believe that God killed all the men to finally liberate the fairer sex, and have started a crusade to hunt down any surviving males and destroy them, along with every sperm bank along the way. Others gather around the Washington monument (for obviously phallic reasons) and turn it into a memorial for all lost men. In a poignant moment, a disguised Yorick talks with a woman about all the rock stars the world has lost, and you really get a tangible sense of male-centricity (which isn’t a word) of our government and popular culture. Then there are the little things you’re amazed the writer, Brian K. Vaughn, even thought about. For instance, Yorick runs into a beautiful garbage woman who collects the corpses of dead single men that were never claimed, and turns them into the government for food. The twist is that she’s a former model, and that’s the best work she can get now. For really, what good is it to have a great pair of implants in a world populated entirely by women?
It’s truly an amazing premise, that I just can’t wait to see play out of the rest of the series. (And I will be catching up on the rest of the series.)

The characters and dialogue are amazingly true-to-life, funny, and diverse. Yorick, especially, cracks jokes and makes his smarmy quips, but it never seems out of place. He’s obviously coming to grips with what it means for him to literally be the last man standing, and using humour as a defense mechanism. All he wants to do is find a way to Australia so he can find his girlfriend (maybe fiancée) and start re-populating the species. It’s a harder challenge than you would suspect. The plague happened at rush hour, so the highways are littered with crashed cars, the airlines and communication systems are nearly non-existent, and the government is in shambles. Yorick’s mother, a US Representative is of little help, as she sends him to Boston to find the woman who blames the plague on her cloning of a human boy. She tends to think that God punished her crime against nature, Yorick’s mother thinks she could clone her boy, and humanity can survive. Thus, as Yorick unwillingly heads to Boston with his bodyguard, a special ops badass by the name of Agent 355, we find that just by being himself, he has countless enemies. And what has happened to his girlfriend? Or his sister, Hero (Dad was an English professor)? Are there any other men? What does the doctor know? Will Ampersand ever stop throwing his poo? All this and more will be answered, or at least addressed, as the series progresses.

In my humble opinion, this is one of the greatest comic book stories I’ve ever read. Although, artistically, it doesn’t fully take advantage of the medium, the art is solid to above average, clean, and easy to follow. The writing is the true star here, and I someday hope to be able to write something half as good as this series is so far. As a more serious, non-superheroy tale, this is the sort of book I would recommend to anyone who wants a good, suspenseful, yet funny read. This is the kind of book that shows how the comic book is one of the true uniquely American artforms, and how comics are, simply put, art. And literature. Rolled into one. Someday, if I ever figure out how to write my story, Olympus: Gods Among Men, if it’s anything like ‘Y,’ I’ll be a very proud papa.

So give it a look and see what you think. Just cuz it’s a comic, doesn’t mean it’s kids stuff. You can find the trades at most bookstores or comic shops. I honestly believe that whether comics are your thing or not is irrelevant, this is just good reading. Give it a shot!

FINAL VERDICT: With an AMAZING story with more than serviceable art, ‘Y: The Last Man” issues 1-4 is a breakneck start to what I’m sure will be an unforgettable series. Sure, I’m more than two years behind, but it’s going to be a LOT of fun catching up!

Until next time, I love you all. Even you, KLE.
-apk

DAILY DOSE: "Will I Catch the Moon Like a Bird in a Cage"

Alrighty kids, never fear, the Dose is here! Today's Dose is short and/or sweet, like they're actually supposed to be, because I'm off to lunch here in a few. But, as I shenanegize here in the Lexis lab surrounded by my fly honeyz, the dueling J's, Justine and Jeanie, THEY will bring YOU your Daily Dose.

The Song of the Day is brought to you by Jean-Eileen, which means I've never heard the song. It's "I'm always in love" by Wilco. Oddly, I've even heard of Wilco, so that's cool. This is probably the point where she reads the blog, kindly informs me that this song is on the CD she made me, and she proceeds to berate me/ kick me in the shins....again. C'est la vie, I suppose.

Today's Link of the Day is a little bit of helpful home medicine brought to you by lovely/talented Justine. I think this will be particularly helpful to Topshelf Marc Tae-Bo.
http://www.komen.org/bse/

S'alright-- I'm not in the peachiest of moods today, but I'm starting to come around, we'll see how today shapes up. Generally, I feel burned out, but I'm not going to let it get me down, no frickin' way-- because tonight is TURKEY DINNER NIGHT at the Law School. Yes, for seven bucks, American, I get all I can eat turkey/ all i can drink beer (the wine moratorium is back in effect, i'm far too potentially emotional now to be imbibing the blush). I've got an awful lot of randomness to take care of, and most of it will take place on a computer, so odds are I'll get lazy and start blogging-- stay tuned for further updates.

give a hoot, don't pollute!
-apk

FRLG iii: SPECIAL GUEST STARS!!!

Hey everybody, sorry for the posting delay today. It happens, I know. There's not a whole ton to report here on the home front, yet so much to talk about. I'm still spinning waywardly out of control these days, but at least I'm enjoying it. Tonight, I'll be headed to an old school videogame extravaganza (think: Pac-Man and Galaga, no Zaxxon though..bastards) in order to help raise money for a local soup kitchen. On my arm will be my three buxomly lovely honeys, Jeanie, Justine, and Danielle. They've all promised to "look cute" for me as I pimp away. Oh, and Kup (and maybe Pizz) are coming too. Hooray! Charity!

In the meantime, I present to YOU what may just be the most well-written thing to appear in the Kingdom to this point. Grampy Staub and Bruce Banner have agreed/volunteered to step up and take care of the FUNDAMENTAL RULES OF LIFE AS A GUY for the next two weeks, so their first edition (which is downright amazing) follows below. I'll just say this-- I've broken all of these rules, consistently, and not only am I a bigger best friend to girls than diamond (notice, I've got three chicks on my arm tonight, and will be coming home alone) but I've also not had a girlfriend since Clinton roamed the Oral Office. Thus: TAKE HEED!

One last bit before we get to their brillance: MARC was the lucky bastard to be my 4,000th page read, so if you're interested, Frenchie, MY KINGDOM can be YOUR KINGDOM for a day. Just send me an email.

Now, awayyyyyyyyyyyyyy we go!
-apk

Greetings from Philly boys and girls!!! Bruce Banner and Grampy Staub coming to you live from a little slice of heaven we like to call Apt. B3. The ever-gracious APK has granted us an opportunity to spread the love to all those in The Kingdom and so we’re left with the daunting task of educating and entertaining. Specifically, we have much commentary to share concerning the “rules” of living life as former booze-hounding frat boys. This topic sparked a particular interest with me, Grampy, since it was about two years ago when I personally developed guidelines for my brother to live by. He was an innocent lad traveling the tumultuous road from high school graduation to larger-than-life college campus. Being eight years his senior, I felt it my responsibility to make sure he headed to Robert Morris University armed with the appropriate WMDs. As a result, three vital rules were born. Since then, Banner and I have not only expanded the informative details that lead to one’s proper understanding of the original three rules, but have formulated new ones as well. The year that we’ve co-habitated here in Filthadelphia has provided critical insight into the greater workings of the universe. It’s time now for us to enlighten the masses. Accordingly, we present our rules:

1) Never let a girl get to your head.
This rule involves the essential component that allows a guy to successfully navigate the emotional whims of females - control. Should you, as a male, allow a female to become the sole voice in your noggin, you may as well perform a literal self-castration because your testicles are no longer your own. When you lose that edge, that “she likes me just a little bit more than I like her” advantage, the battle is lost. Therefore, it’s absolutely essential that you always maintain control.
Some may interpret this rule to simply mean “Don’t be pussy-whipped”. However, all guys ARE pussy-whipped. (There’s no denying the fact that 99.9% of male actions are geared toward the acquisition of a friendly piece of beaver. It’s called evolution. We prowl the earth looking to pro-create.) What this rule tries to prevent is the situation whereby a young gentlemen is constantly asking himself “How will she interpret this thought/word/action?” You cannot as a guy hesitate in your own actions. Be decisive. Remain firm in your opinions. Never ever EVER allow a female for even a millisecond to get the notion that she can manipulate you. You must know where the relationship is and where it’s going at all times. You absolutely have to be the Jedi master to her padawan learner.
Always project a field of confidence. Act like you expected whatever random comment or behavior a girl may exhibit. Anticipate the drama she’s sure to bring. Never let her know that you’re confused or frustrated or flustered. You cannot, under any circumstances, lose your cocky edge. In fact, it’s best if you keep her guessing. Show her that you know at all times what’s up, and have a contingency plan for every possible scenario. Don’t get your head played with!!! If she’s kicking it around like a soccer ball, you’ll never recover.

2) Never be the first to say “I love you”.
There is no greater sin than uttering those words before your girlfriend does. For in doing so, you relinquish all power that you may have in a relationship and condemn yourself to a life of sexless indentured servitude…game over.
As you can see, this is a natural follow-up to Rule #1. No matter how strong your feelings are, no matter how confident you are that you’ll get an “I love you too” in response, you CANNOT say it first. You would instantly give her the upper hand. (And didn’t we just get through emphasizing how important it is not to do that?) Now then, some of you fellas may do a little cost/benefit analysis and conclude that being the first to say “I love you” will provide you with a barrage of mind-blowing bedroom sessions. True. But have you considered the long-term effects? Do you realize that she’ll expect to hear it all the frickin’ time? That whenever you don’t say it she’ll over-dramatize the situation? That she’ll tell all her friends how in touch with your emotions you are? That you’re so sensitive and understanding? (Excuse me, I just threw up in my mouth.) Despite what girls say, they don’t want a spineless little bitch who can “express himself” as a boyfriend. They want a take-charge guy who’s got both hands on the wheel and his foot on the gas. That guy doesn’t even think about “I love you” until his girl has poured her heart out to him in some kind of drunken stupor. This is one case where second place is better than the gold.
However, we are in no way vetoing excessive romanticism. Bouquets of flowers, quiet candle lit dinners? Go for it. Make her love you. Shit, fall for her head over heels. Just please don’t be the first one to drop those three little words. Trust us, regardless of the short-term sex boom, biting your tongue is best.

3) Girls are dumb.
Now, before all you uber-feminists get your panties in a twist, please understand this statement has nothing to do with intelligence, SAT scores or GPAs. Instead, it is a constant reminder of the illogical nature in which females conduct their lives. What makes sense in the mind of a female is clear as mud to a guy. From our perspective, females are the anti-Spock. Simple “a + b = c” logic has no tangible presence within the thought processes of ladies. We could go and on as to why that is (rampant hormone fluctuations spring instantly to mind), but the bottom line is that we never see a steady linear progression when analyzing how a female confronts any situation. Basically ladies, you make no sense whatsoever. You are the enigmatic species.
This rule is intended to be the ultimate explanation for why girls randomly cry and can’t tell you why, for those times when they spend countless hours wondering why their friends haven’t called them in two days, for why they can’t focus on the reason you went to the damn mall in the first place. When they can’t decide what to order, when they can’t pick out an outfit, when they’re unable to follow driving directions, just remember that girls are dumb. Women are ruled by emotion; men by logic. Always keep this in mind.
As a corollary, I’d like to call your attention to the three “Bs” – beers, balls and boys. These things serve as the antithesis to all the inconsistent characteristics of females. “Beers” are of course always ready to be consumed. They’re right there in the fridge, or perhaps down the street in your local dive bar. You always know what to expect from your frosty brew. It’s cold and yummy and instantly reminds you of all the crazy frat-tastic times you experienced during college. Beer - the ultimate comfort food.
“Balls” refers to sports. Whether playing or watching, you can find your escape in sports. Follow your favorite team. Organize a pick-up game. Get lost in the minutiae of points per game and shots on goal and BCS standings. Sports are full of constants: the field is always 100 yards, there are always 4 bases, you’ll always get two minutes in the box for slashing. Constant consistency. (God love it.)
And finally, “boys”. Your buddies. Those frat dogs that you pledged with. The guys in your fantasy football league. They’re always there for you to drink Beers and watch Balls with. See the connection? You combine all three and you have the very essence of what it means to have testosterone coursing through your veins. Once again, the antithesis of females – constant, reliable, trustworthy. So when a girl is being dumb, remember that you can rely on the three “Bs” to bring you back to reality. There are never any guessing games when the three “Bs” are involved. When your bitch trips, just remember that she’s dumb.

So digest these first three. Recognize that they form the core of your everyday life as a guy. Follow them to the letter and your headaches are sure to decrease. My brother has, and he’s now a sophomore frat boy at RMU who’s successfully macking on bitches like Nelly at a club with a bottle of Cris in his hand.
Stay tuned for more. We’ll bring the supplemental rules to you next week. Until then, crack a beer, put the game on, and stick your hand down your pants. And burp and fart while you’re at it. We promise you’ll enjoy it. Cheers!

Banner and Gramps

I AM THE LAW! (Geek Week 2004, Part 1 of 4): "Dash Like!"

Hi friends, I’m running out of time for a legit post of normal to abnormal ramblings, so instead, you’re going to get your first in what might just become a Four-Part I AM THE LAW! Geek Week spectacular.

Up first: The INCREDIBLES

Wow, this year in movies has been positively gangbusters. Just this calendar year, I’ve seen the following really great to exemplary films in the theatre:
Spider-Man 2, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Big Fish, Garden State, Troy, Van Helsing, The Villiage, Dodgeball, and Shrek 2. Not to mention plenty of highly regarded films I’ve not seen, like the third installment of Harry Potter, The Passion of the Christ, Kill Bill Vol. 2, Hero, The Grudge, and Mean Girls. And also some theatrical releases I’ve already caught on DVD or OnDemand, like Miracle and Hellboy. Truly an amazing year (not to mention what’s still yet to come, like, Alexander and Ocean’s Twelve).

Now, I certainly realize that I’m probably the only person I know who could possibly find a way to like every single movie on that list. Truly, films like Van Helsing, Troy, and Hellboy all had their faults, but they were all entertaining in their own way. In fact, in a summer that lacked a true guilty-pleasure type Bruckheimeresque bullets and badassedness flick, Van Helsing quenched that thirst with some good ol’ fashioned cheesy fun. Troy, likewise, effectively told one of my favourite stories, without taking too many liberties with the source material, and Eric Bana gave one of my favourite performances of the year.

So why this trek down memory lane? I mean, I already OWN Big Fish, and both Spidey and Eternal Sunshine will be mine soon. I mean, one of my first big posts around these parts was my utter drooling all over Spidey deux, right? How could anything deserve this kind of setup? Well, face front, true believers, becaue The Incredibles DOES.

While Eternal Sunshine got me in my heart, Big Fish in my tear ducts, Shrek 2 my funny-bone, and Spidey just gave me an overwhelming feeling of excitement, awe, and pride in a comic book movie that just lit the world on fire, no movie this year has captured my undivided attention and, most importantly, my imagination, like The Incredibles. Not only is this the best computer-animated movie of all time, not only is one of the top five comic book movies of all time (with, in no particular order, Spidey 2, X2, Superman, and I can’t think of a fourth right now), but it’s just hands down one of the best movies I’ve ever seen.

Top to bottom, there’s nothing to not love. First, the animation blows anything you’ve ever seen totally away. From the entirely magical waterfall, lavafall, and action sequences to the masterful way in which emotion is created in each and every one of the characters, this movie just doesn’t feel animated. The entire world becomes real, almost tangible. The “camera angles” are action packed, melodramatic, and captivating, everything a comic book brought to life should be. While Dash is running across water and dodging bullets I found myself on the edge of my seat. I found that I wanted to be Dash. In essence, this movie made me feel like I was about 8 years old, had no comic book experience at all, and just found out what a superhero was. Coming from me, that’s really saying something. I mean, just the fact that I’ve seen every one of these superpowers before should mean something, right? It should make it less magical for me, I should be stuck in the fact that every character is a knock-off of some better known hero, but I’m not. Reed Richards, the Elongated Man, and Plastic Man have all had Elastigirl’s power for more than 40 years, and yet they found innovative, fun ways to use her stretchability. Violet’s invisibility and force fields are SO Sue Storm, yet, in a moment I won’t ruin for you, when she and Dash first team up, I saw the coolest use of these powers ever. And Dash. Man…I want to be Dash! As he’s running and punching and fighting and learning what he can really do, as he finally gets his chance to NOT HOLD BACK, he just loves it all to hell, chuckling at himself in a cocky way that’s not arrogant, it’s just fun.

I can’t say enough about the voice talent in this movie, either. I’m a Craig T. Nelson mark going all the way back to “Coach” and he certainly brings the goods to the role that probably had the most depth, most difficulty. Though I by no means have ever liked Holly Hunter in ANYTHING in my entire life, I thought Elastigirl was the coolest mom of all time. Dash and Violet, two rookies, were amazing, and their characters were the easiest to relate to, in no small part due to the job their actors did. Samuel L. was Samuel L, which is always good enough for me. But far and away the BEST performance of all was the diabolical insanity of Jason Lee as Syndrome. Though a PG rating kept him from proclaiming that he is still in fact a F*CKING DEMON! He brought so much humour and anger and cockiness to his role in the very little screen time he was given, that you can’t really say enough about how fantastic of a job he did.

Character, story, action, WIT, this movie had it all! But you don’t have to take my word for it. I saw it with both Lara and Drew, two decidedly NON-GEEKS, and they both really enjoyed this. The Incredibles is the best all-ages movie of the year. I give it my highest possible recommendation to go see, you will NOT regret the decision. If you want a night of just high-octane fun with some smart laughs and a little bit of true-to-life family drama, this is your movie.

My only complaint? They should have gone the distance and named Mirage “Miss Tessbocker” just for shits and giggles. Otherwise, I’ve got nuthin’. Now go see the damn film!

FINAL VERDICT: One the year’s three best, with Spider-Man 2 and Eternal Sunshine, this is NOT to be missed.

-apk

DAILY DOSE: "the boys play rock and roll, they know that they can't dance-- at least they know."

Hello, Hello, you're in a place called Vertigo.

You know friends, I really like that song. Maybe it's because there's an absolute lack of anything that resembles "rock n' roll" on the radio anymore, I dunno, but it's just really fun to drive to YOUR Song of the Day, "Vertigo" off of U2's new as yet-unreleased albumn. The song's just really a breath of fresh air from teenie-bopper pop like "JoJo" and "Ashlee Simpson," Nu-Metal like garbage (that's FRENCH for "crap") like "Disturbed" or "Staind," tiresomly overplayed hip hop like "Lean Back," redundant Eminem and and even psuedo-punky-rock like Sum 182, or whatever all those bands are called these days. Admittedly, I'm quite guilty of liking some of said "crap," but I'll prefer a good ol' fashioned rock song like "Vertigo," to quote Lt. Weinberg, "Any day of the week and twice on Sunday."

And for the record, is there a single WORSE name for a band in HISTORY than "Staind" Seriously, when I hear the word "staind" it's such an unpleasant experience that I have absolutely ZERO interest in listening to anything that they are offering musically. Feel free to comment on INCREDIBLY TERRIBLE BAND NAMES, Mainstream Division (ie: let's refrain from "there's this band on hippie radio called "defecating geesehunters" that is probably the worst name ever-- take your shots at bands we have all heard of).

Okay, so now I suppose I should get to talking about where I've been all your lives, correct? Well, tough luck, I'm not doing it in the DOSE. Stay tuned today for further updates outlining my recent Mellon Collie. Although, to be honest, I've not been sad, nor happy...just burned out. Needed a break, you know?

Which, I suppose, brings us to your Link of the Day, now? Here goes-- this one's not very imaginative, and most of you won't care. And by "most" i mean "all," however, as a Buccos fan, tried and true, there are only so many times you can be proud of the team. Since I went AWOL (and not in the good way) last week, this guy kind of flew under the RADAR, but deserves it's Props, nonetheless. Thus, I present to you the Pirates' first EVER Rookie of the Year (which is amazing, when you think about how many HOFers have worn the Black & Gold).

http://pittsburgh.pirates.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/pit/news/pit_news.jsp?ymd=20041108&content_id=911361&vkey=news_pit&fext=.jsp

Not only is he CANADIAN, but he also strikes out at an alarming rate. In truth, I'm a Jason Bay fan, though he drives me incredibly insane. He's like a woman, in that regard.

Before I leave you in order to accomplish some work (and don't fret, I will probably return) I want to give a quick recap from last week, some Quick Hits of "things you really don't care about, but Adam wants to share."

1) I beat X-Men Legends last Sunday night. Yay for me! Just 35 Danger Room missions to complete, and I will have trashed one of my favourite games of...ever!
2) Wayne's World 2 was on yesterday, which took me back to some of the ONLY Highlights of Summer 2002... "I had to beat them to def wit their own shoes...." (Yes, Jeanie, I realize that was yet ANOTHER in a long line of inside jokes, deal with it. Props to Uranium.)
3) The Grampster and Banner will be featured writers this week, bringing you YOUR FRLG.
4) I will continue to refuse to comment on the Stillers. But I will tell you non-Burghers this-- it's a REALLY fun time to live in this city.
5) I have just finished reading two VERY non-superhero comics, "Egg Story" and "Y: the Last Man" (although 'Y' is an ongoing) and I will be writing an "I AM THE LAW" about them later this week. Though they're comics, i HIGHLY recommend you read the reviews, because these are decidedly NON-Superhero, and as actualy pieces of spandex-less literature, I think you non-geeks could actually get some level of enjoyment out of them. Remember, just because they have pretty pictures, doesn't mean it's all kids' stuff.
6) Finally, we went SPEEDING BY the 2,000 visitor mark last week, while I wasn't paying attention. However, we're still closing in on my 4,000 "page view" so here's the crux: WHOEVER is my 4,000 page view gets to RUN THE KINGDOM for a day, maybe even a weekend. I will go down the list of visitors until someone accepts the offer. Your run of the page will be subject to basically two very simple to follow rules, which I will explain to you should you win, but we'll get to that later. Everyone-- thanks for continuing to visit, and thanks for putting up with my periodic bouts of non-creativity.

until next time, i remain,
-apk

PS: how do we feel about the new look, here? should I switch back? the Blogger templates are decidedly boring.. if anyone knows HTML, and wants to make a template, live large, kiddies.

BREAKING THE SILENCE: "Veterans' Day"

I know, I know, I've not been around at all this week. I'm sure you'll all get over it.

I'm just taking a second here to wish all of our troops at home and abroad, past, present, and future a Happy Veterans' Day. I respect the hell out of what you guys do, and I appreciate it. Thanks.

Specifically, Props to Lt. Ryan Mitchel Taylor, formerly stationed in Afghanistan, and currently in upstate New York. Also a solemn moment for all those that we've lost in combat this year, especially Neil.

Everyone else, be good. I'll be back sometime soon, maybe post-MPRE, but maybe not until I feel like it. I'm just in a funk this week.

-apk

DAILY DOSE: "Now I Only Hit Chicks That Win Beauty Pagents."

Greetings, everyone, and welcome back to the Kingdom-- hope everyone's weekend was exceedingly fantastic. Mine was, by all accounts, exceedingly restful, which is good-- I'm going to need it. Things are heating up at school as we make a final push towards the end of the semester, and I'm also looking at the MPRE some four days away.

What's the MPRE? all you non-lawyers ask. Well, it's the Multistate Professional Responsibility Exam. Basically, the lawyer ethics test we all have to take in order to eventually be admitted to the bar. Ethics is fun!

So, obivoulsy, with a lot of last-minute preparation to do this week, there's not going to be a lot of Blog time, so please forgive me in advance, as I apologize in advance. I know i've not been keeping up with anything other than the ol' Daily Dose (which is the easiest thing to actually write) but I'm doing my best, dammit!

Anywho, since I've got to get back to work, here's your Link of the Day, as provided by Marc:
http://www.cnn.com/2004/EDUCATION/11/03/people.lil.kim.ap/
I know MOST of you probably expected me to link to one of a half-dozen Stiller links on ESPN.com. But really, they're there if you want them, right on the front page. Otherwise, I refuse to jinx this team, other than the occasional, "WHY NOT US!!" (Someone out there remind me to write about my Pittsburgh/Robin Hood Prince of Theives quote tomorrow.)

Anyway(s), if Nate's out there (he teaches at 'Cuse) maybe he can help us understand how Hip-Hop is on its way to becoming a major. Now, I'm one of those people who considers rap/hip-hop one of the only truly American art forms (along with Jazz and the Comic Book), but don't you think it's a little early for introspective college courses. I mean, how can we really know about the social-economic effect of the lyrics of "the Jump Off" without some historical perspective?

Although, I would love a chance to critique, for a letter grade no less, the following passage:

Want to bumble with the Bee, huh?
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Throw a Hex on the whole family.
I'm dressed in all black like 'The Omen'
Give it to 'em rude yellin', 'This is for my homies!'
And you know me...
...
floss in my six with a 'lex on my wrist.
if it's murder, you know she wrote it.

Sad that I know that off the top of my head, no?
I mean, seriously, Lil' Kim? What about actual dead rap pioneers (There are plenty) Like B.I.G., Tupac, Vanilla Ice, etc... (Uram, please chime in on this-- you're the resident white-guy who likes hip-hop).

In the spirit of the Link, I present to you the Song of the Day, from 1998, Puff Daddy and the Family's Rock Remix of "It's All About the Benjamins," another in a long line of guilty pleasures. I know it doesn't actually count as rap/hip-hop, but that's where you can find the aforementioned Lil' Kim rhyme. Knock yourselves out.

If that's not your style, try out "I'm gonna make you love me" by the Jayhawks, which oddly enough was stuck in my head when I woke this morning, though I've not listened to it in quite some time. The brain is tricky...it's tricky.tricky.tricky.

Okay, time to bring home the bacon, and also figure out how to cross-examine a medical expert.
In the meantime, just chill...
..till the next episode.

(I'm so white.)
-apk
SMOKE WEED EVERYDAY!

BONUS DOSE: "If You Could Be Nimble, You Could Have it Simple"

Hey kids, I'm a whore. It's official.

YOUR Bonus Dose this Saturday (and it's after 3pm, and I've only left my room to shower.. i'm so sad) exists because Jeanie needed some bullpen relief at her Blog today, since she went home for the weekend. Thus, if you really love reading my incoherentcies THAT much, you can find your Dose of Irrelevance at today's Link of the Day, http://www.xanga.com/bad_idea_jeans

maybe now I'll make her write something for THE KINGDOM...

so there you have it, it actually includes my thoughts on the The Incredibles and other such chicanery. And if you've wondered (as many in Boston last weekend did) "who this Jeanie girl is?" then that's as good a place as any to get the info you need. Ask Kujo and Grampy, they'll tell you!

Since I got a Link, I've got to have a song, right? Damn me and my damn rules. Okay, we're going with "I'll Do Anything" by Jason Mraz. Far less dorky than the incredibly gag-worth John Mayer, Mraz has an uncanny knack of not annoying me, thus I like the music. This song is quirky and fun, and I heard it in my ghetto-fabulous Foodland last week, which was odd as shit.

If you're feeling a little more melancholy avec infinite sadness, allow me to also suggest Carbon Leaf's "Maybe Today." I adore this song, which is almost like a poem, and it's come up on random on my WinAmp twice in the last 15 minutes, I'm just in a little better mood than picking it outright would suggest. So have your fun.

And I promise that slowly but surely, we'll get more and more chapters of BeanTown Hijinx, by chosing to go novel-style, now I've really kind of jacked the bar up on myself to 14, and have to step up to write portions. Which is not easy. Thanks for your patience. Hopefully it'll pay off when I actually write.

Be good to each other, and be good to yourselves,
-apk

EARLY DOSE: "You're a Heart Attack-- Just the Kind I Like!"

Well, here we all, the end of another eventfully uneventful evening, and the joy I get from Blogging before bed, knowing that y'all will be able to read freshly-brewed bloggerdom in the morning.

Hmm, what to talk about? I mean, I impulse-buyed a comic called "Egg Story" off of Amazon today. Look for a review sometime next week, after it's delivered. It's my first foray into "indie comics" or any non-superhero comic for that matter. I'm hoping to find a great narrative in the story of an egg that tries to become a ninja. No, I didn't make that up. The reviews are great, and the concept is intriguing. In honesty, for eight bucks, I'm quite excited.

And not only am I quite excited, but I'm also SECOND PLACE! Yes, when big Pete Gunz brought a bunch of "Golden Gavel Second Place" ribbons to Bar Review tonight to hand out to the vastly inferior (but incredibly hottier (at least the womens)) Duquesne Law students, I couldn't help but make the statement that I am, in fact, the epitome of Second Place.

Other special moments of the night included the Fourth Adam (who Kup just realized is actually an "AJ") concurring with my assessment of a fellow lawyer/ballplayer (who shall remain nameless) as 50% asshole/ 50% bushleague. Which may just be the best insult I've ever divised. There was also Danielle pushing aside her Sexy Soccer Mom outfit for a more contemporarily bar-ish ensemble and then asking me what it means when her boyfriend Texts her "I want bed n i want you." Now, I know I'm a born-again virgin, but even I know what that means. Get 'er done! To top things off, there was a reunion with the long lost Melanie, which is excitment all its own. It's a pity she can't get me free beer anymore. And last, but CERTAINLY not least was the discovery of Mississippi-Bred Lizzy actually being my Westmoreland County Soulmate. First time I've ever discussed "Raccoon Lagoon," "Jumpin' Jungle," "Hootin' Holler" and "Greengate Mall" at a bar. Sometimes, pretty girls rule. She will certainly get the 1st Prize Ribbon I promised her.

DAMN! I have the strangest life. Seriously, I often believe that my life is a TV drama/sitcom series somewhere in the Alpha Centauri System. Just the way things have gone the last couple days (and they've gone well) the utter randomosity of it all seems super-TV-scripted. Upon thinking that, I realized that it is, in fact, November, and thus, the caziness of the last few days is just a byproduct of November Sweeps. So at least one of life's major questions has just been answered, "Yes, Virginia, there are Nielsons in the Alpha Centauri System." Now, I just have to be sure to avoid any near-death type cliffhangers, or revelations that i am, IN FACT, Victoria's Baby's Daddy. (an aside: if you're a girl, and you REMOTELY found ANY of the preceeding paragraph to be interesting/funny/witty, please email me, i'm pretty sure I could marry you.)

But sure-- that DAMN! was because I just talked to, of all people, the Queen Bee (ie: the cutest 1L at Pitt) on the phone. Apparently she was distraught, and Jeanie ran into her at a bar, and Jeanie, the ever-present winggirl/superfriend told her that she needed to talk to me to feel better. Low and behold, a Wonder-Twins power activation and a cell phone call later, no more tears! Why yes, I am awesome. And also humble.

Anywho, let's do a little Link of the Day.. this is ALSO brought you by Jeanie, and it's http://www.despair.com I'm thinking of investing in the "Mediocrity" poster. That's good stuff. In fact, they're all funny. Go have a good laugh, on me.. really-- I'm buying.

(and yes, my mood has CRAZY-CHANGED since starting this post.. ah well.)

the Song of the Day was originally all set to be "Round Here" by the Counting Crows, but it has been uncerimoniously axed by my mood swing. Maybe someday, Adam Duritz. In the meantime, go stalk Monica Potter and bed women way out of your league. (For the Record, do you think Monica Potter listens to "Mrs. Potter's Lullabye" and just sort of freaks out? I'm pretty sure I'd invest in a one-way ticket to restrainingordersville if I were her.) Anywho, the Song of the Day will be whatever comes up fourth on my Winamp Shuffle.. just give me a second..

TOUCHDOWN! one of my sure-fire favourites! If you ever want to get me to dance like a buffoon in my bedroom, just cue up "Mother We Just Can't Get Enough" by the New Radicals. It's pure happy-go-lucky adrenaline. Perfect for right now. Download it and play it. Trust me, even KUP likes this song, and he hates all my favourites.

Okay, off to bed. Stay tuned for some more prose from yours truly, regarding Boston.

i love you all.
oh yeah-- welcome to the Kingdom, T-Billz.

-apk

BEANTOWN HIJINX: Chapter 1--

And now, time for something a little bit different. Let me know what you think: I'm feeling pretty strong, and pretty good about myself today, so it looks like YOU, my intrepid readers, will be rewarded with a little outburst of creativity. On to the show!

"You're all set," he said, as he led them away from the cramped confines of the office, outside to the curb. A few weeks back, when they first planned to drive to Boston for Kevin and Julia’s wedding, there was little discussion as to which car would be chosen. Adam’s Stratus is a few years younger than Kup’s Camry, not to mention the Camry had been struggling of late—chancing a16 hour round-trip through autumnal New England probably wasn’t the best of ideas. However, as the best laid plans of mice and men are one to do, this final road trip between two best friends was sidetracked before it ever got started, for Adam’s parents had other plans. For one reason or another (none which ever had actually become clear to him) his normally laid back and worry-free folks were totally shaken by the thought of their middle child traversing a thousand miles of interstate in a car barely five years old. They offered to fly him to Boston, but like a good little frat boy, he couldn’t leave his comrade behind to make the journey alone. As an alternative, then, they actually rented him a car. Though he knew the very notion of renting a car that would probably be older than the one he would drive otherwise was absurd, if there’s one thing Adam had learned about his parents, it was how to pick his battles. Which brought him to Enterprise with Kup that morning.

The tall, young, obviously bored man behind the counter ran Adam’s credit card, and checked both of their licenses (apparently so they couldn’t run off to Canada with the Honda P.O.S. they were about to be awarded), before leading them outside to meet the chariot awaiting them. Though tension wasn’t necessarily in the air, curiosity surely was. What kind of car would they get? Would it run well? Would it look cool? Would it have a CD player? While Kup knew nothing could beat the Audi he rented the month before for the Autobahn, Adam really didn’t care what kind of car they were awarded, just so long as it wasn’t a Ford Focus. In actuality, he sort of hoped for a 2000 Dodge Stratus, just so he could call his dad and laugh at the irony of it all. Little did either of them know, they were about to meet Tony, the Cadillac of Kias.

Yes. A Kia. Specifically, something called an “Amanti.” When the tall bored man presented it to them, Adam was dumbfounded, and like Luke Skywalker laying his eyes on the Millennium Falcon for the first time, Kup was less than impressed. Styled to look like a European luxury sedan, the blue four-door featured an all-pleather interior and fwood (as in “fake wood”) paneling, six-CD changer, seven Infinity speakers, power everything, sun roof, heated seats, V-6 engine, and a price tag of just under $30,000. Truly the American Eagle to Jaguar’s Abercrombie & Fitch, Tony Amanti, as he would affectionately come to be known, begged the question, “who buys a luxury Kia?” It was equipped with upwards of 278 air bags because as someone noted “it probably crumples like a tin can as soon as it hits anything.” Though skeptical at first, the Adams would come to love Tony, and his ability to make rushes “up ice” to catch cars on the highway. Though his 18 gallon gas tank lacked efficiency, and the sunroof refused to open, he handled magnificently on stretches of some very foreboding highway, like Route 22 through Central Pennsylvania. Tony Amanti could have been re-christened Tony Eusabio, for he was the epitome of a True Champion.

Locked and loaded with a half-tank of gas (Thanks! Enterprise!) the duo were finally on their way to Boston. Kup had been there before, but Adam had waited most of his life for a chance to visit a city he would surely love. Would the Red Sox and Patriots sour his taste for the city and its people? Or would the overwhelming brotherhood-induced fun of the weekend prevail? Whatever the future held at the end of the road to Massachusetts, they were about to find out. That is, once they picked up Jamie, and found Bromberg’s house…

Stay tuned, as we bring you Jack the Sailor, the Buff, and the Best Damn Wedding Speech Period. With special guest stars Jamison Bedison and the Chicken Ranch Rapper. Table 9 for Life!

DAILY DOSE: "Sometimes You Wanna See the Rain, But the Sun Gets In Your Eyes"

Good morning friends, and welcome to the Daily Dose. I realize that I sucked yesterday and didn't post, but like Lando Calrissian, I swear that it's Not My Fault!

In actuality, I tried to post on TWO seperate occasions, and each time, was rejected by the "Cannot Load Page" of DOOM. No matter, though, it was just a lot of me discussing how that big "W" was the cheesiest thing I've ever seen (and it even made the FRONT PAGE of today's Post-Gazette. Ugh.) and how I'm pretty much cursed, because every team/politican I openly back here in the Kingdom instantly goes to shit. Thus, I will not be discussing the Stillers here any time soon-- the rest of you should feel free to do so!

Last night was positively swellness (I hope.) It was what has become a sort of Run-Of-The-Mill Wednesday night in Oakland. Complete, this time, with special guest stars galore, and the RETURN OF DESHAWN! who, incidentally, I found out is really named VASHAWN! Regardless of how off I was on his name, he still sang Gin&Juice with Kup and I, and proceeded to once again give us the "white boy" shout out in "Baby Got Back." It's really the little things that get me by in life. Those of you who were in attendance last evening: Props to you all!

Okay, I've got to run along right now to a meeting-- but you can fully expect some honest to God legit posts this afternoon. I've decided to play hookie from work (it's my optional day to go, anyhow, and it'd only be for three hours) and will instead catch up on a little bit of work, and a lot of blogging. In the meantime, those of you who were in Boston with me, please post-up and refresh my memory pertaining to last weekend, so I don't forget any cash/money/hoes stories. Those of you who weren't in Boston with me-- make something up. Flex the imagination muscles.

Today's Link of the Day is pretty weak, I'll admit, but I'm just going to go with my favourite place on the Internet that's NOT JackHooton.com, http://www.sportsguy.net , the home of my Lord and Master when it comes to irrelevant writing, Bill Simmons. If you're one of the eight fans of the NBA that actually exist, I think he just wrote his NBA preview. He also gave some props to Ben Rothelisberger that I will NOT repeat here, in fear of ruining his career. I won't, I won't do it.

The Song of the Day is pretty solid, though each and EVERY one of you out there, except maybe for Uram (Welcome back, my friend!) will hate it. Oh well. Today's Song is "Sad Caper" by Hootie and the Blowfish, which is one of my favourite songs off of the Fairweather Johnson album. By-the-by, if anyone out there actually has that album on CD, I'll buy it from you, I know, I know, it's probably your favourite coaster, but I'll at least listen to it.

Witty banter aside, I've missed you all (I'm getting upwards of 30 hits a day now? F*ckin' CRAZY).

Finally- EXTRA PROPS to The Gorgeous Girl Behind the Counter at Starbucks, and Marcus for bringing her to my attention. Ladies-- do wedding bands EVER appear on Right Hands? Can someone help me with this?

I have to go by a Latte or something Vendi or something now....
-apk

NO DOSE: "Dammit."

Well, this never posted yesterday... ugh! Thursday's Daily Dose is coming soon!

Well, sorry folks. I had written up a positively STELLAR Daily Dose for today, but when I tried to post it a few hours ago, the page screwed up, and I lost the whole GodDamned thing.

I know-- that sucks, doesn't it? Not to fret, I'm sure you can all get by without me lamenting the fact that I've now got to go FOUR MORE YEARS without a girlfriend. Sucks, doesn't it?

That being said, I'm going to head to class now. There may/may not be a post later this evening, sorry to disappoint yinz'all, but a guy's got a life, right? Karaoke tonight, anyone??

be good to each other, even the Republicans.
-apk

TUESDAY HANGOVER: "I'm going to be on this chocolate bunny like... Like a Fat Kid with a chocolate bunny!"

Yes, that was a true Buffism, one of many from the weekend that was in Beantown. Now we return to our regularly scheduled Blogation.

I'd like to thank my baby bro for throwing a couple of innings for me over the weekend, but Jesus! you give a kid a soapbox... Here I figured he'd hook me up with some money MacGyver stories, or perhaps some embarassing mishaps concerning childhood versions of he and I, and what do i get? Politcal pandering? In the Kingdom? I guess turnabout is fair play. Thanks, though, Danielle, you're welcome to write here any time (Just remember that "opportunity" is speed with two 'o's and zero 'e's...you truly do spell like Dad).

Moving on, and I'm going to make this quick, because I'm just killing a little bit of time before class, I just wanted everyone out there to know that the weekend that was, was indeed frat-tastic. In our older age, we're slowly but surely moving into a more mellow frattiness, but so long as Nate and Buff are involved, it's certainly going to be remarkable.

So what about my lifelong wait to finally get to Boston? Well, the city's certain picturesque, especially around Havard, and I thoroughly enjoyed Quincy Market, but I don't know... perhaps there was just too much hype for me? Or Perhaps the Patriots and Red Sox have ruined it forever, but I guess I was just left a little underwhelmed. Surely, I could live there and be quite happy, and surely, I didn't get to see a whole ton of the city, but the place just didn't blow me
away like I always expected it would. I would CERTAINLY give it another chance, though.

Anywho, before this gets too long/out of hand, I want to let yinz all know where the Blog's headed this week. The Rules will be pushed back until NEXT Tuesday, because comments are of short supply (largely because all the regular readers of the Kingdom were headed to Boston), and the rest of this week will in most likelihood be devoted to recapping the Boston trip, one pithy story at a time. I've just got to sort out the beer-hazed memories and come up with punchlines and we'll be all set. I'll keep writing, if you keep reading.

Finally, if anyone out there wants to come over tonight and watch the election results roll in, give me a call. I'll probably hook myself up with some wine and draw while the word comes in. We can either drown our sorrows, or celebrate joyously, I've really got no clue how it's going to go.

Take it easy folks, and if you've not gotten the Daily Dose yet, scroll on down, and check out the possible NYE plans, let us know if you've even got a cursory interest!

-apk

DAILY DOSE: "Ring Around the Lake!"

VOTE KERRY! That, or WE'RE ALL DEAD... Puffy told me so!

Now, with that FINAL bit of political pandering out of the way, here's YOUR "Adam is hurrying and trying to get to the shower" Daily Dose (ie: it's going to be like Sprout-- short.)

LINK OF THE DAY: Today's Link of the Day is what will hopefully become my New Year's Plan. This is the first idea I've seen thrown about that I really feel like endorsing. It's a plan for the future. A plan I have to find SOME way to pay for. Time to do a little extra-duty at BSH, and cut down on the booze!

If you read this, and are interested in joining to group potentiall headed down (WITH A BONUS DAY OF BOOZING IN BALTY-MORE) please let me know.
WASHINGTON D.C. - 2004

which leads us to the Song of the Day: "Desperation Song" by Carbon Leaf. Maybe it's a good song for the Dems, or just the entire non-evil free world, or maybe it's just Carbon Leaf's song about NYE, and that's why I picked it. I truly am an enigma wrapped in a conundrum.

Okay, time to hit the showers!
I'll be back SOMETIME TODAY with your Tuesday Hangover Election Special My God Why Did I Give My Brother A Soapbox Can't Believe We WAXED the Patsies Special Report!

-apk