Beer is the Devil

Sorry about that earlier bout of insanity, folks. You know, it would've been deleted far earlier than now, but of course, today, the same day I post a drunken, melodramatic, embarassingly whiny post is the First Day Ever that Blogger was broken and down. You should've seen me frantically trying to refresh the page, in hopes that the "Sorry for the Error, we're working on it" message would disappear.

Seriously, my life is a sitcom.

Song of the Day is "She Has No Time" by Keane, Link will take you an article about my Big Brother, Nate.

Also, R.I.P., Johnnie Cochrane.

sorry i'm a nutbar.
later
-apk

MONDAY HANGOVER: "Graceful Swans of Never Topple to the Earth"

I’ll tell you what, folks, OnDemand just keeps getting better and better. While hanging out at the Knor Hacienda last Thursday night, I stumbled across FUSE and Much Music OnDemand, which offered a bevy of music videos at my fingertips, both old and new. There wasn’t that eclectic of a collection of artists, but it was a start. In fact, I think they offered just about every Green Day video ever made, meaning I got to check out “Redundant” instead of the oh-so-annoying “Boulevard of Broken Dreams,” which seems to play on MTV Hits every 17 minutes. But I digress, the best part was checking out the free concerts, which I took full advantage of, as I stayed up until somewhere around 3am watching a Keane concert. Good stuff.

The weekend continued into Friday, when Gooder arrived home from school in time to play a little MVP with me, before he, dad, and I headed over to the firehall for a fish fry.

While waiting in the Fish Fry Staging Area, I received a phone call from Jeanie that featured the following exchange:

J: Where are you, a bar?

A: Nope, I’m at the firehall, I’m here for fish dinner with my dad and brother.

J: What’s a firehall? Is that like, a restaurant?

A: You’re kidding, right?

J: No, what’s a firehall?

A: It’s where the fire dept. keeps all their trucks, with a social hall built over it…it’s Lent, so they’re having a fish dinner as a fundraiser. You’ve really never heard of a firehall?

J: No, seriously, this is all very strange.

And there you have it. Is the concept of a firehall really that foreign? I know she grew up in a development in Ohio, but are firehalls and fish frys strictly Western PA hick-flare? Am I even more of a town mouse than I realized? If so, cool—the food was great! They had seafood bisque, clam chowder, “lobster” ravioli, and much, much more. God bless, Madison, PA.

Afterwards, I settled in for a little Enterprise and Galactica, both of which were exceedingly good. Unfortunately, Galactica’s season ends this Friday, and Enterprise ends, forever, next month. However, I’m CERTAIN that Galactica will re-air all summer, heading into the second season that starts in July. So y’all can play catch-up and get to know this fantastic show.

After I had received my sci-fi fix, I headed over to Bill’s house where he, Drew, Pizz, and I partook in one of our most time-honored tradtions: FIREBALL ISLAND. Easily the Greatest Board Game Ever Created by Mortal Man in the History of the Known Universe, FI is a game of strategery, wits, a 3D playing board, and marbles pretending they're fireballs. The object is to traverse the jungle, capture the jewl, and get off the island alive before anyone else. Sounds easy, no? Well, not when the vaguely-written loophole-filled rulebook falls into the hands of ultra-competitive twentysomethings. A game of FI always features backstabbing, betrayal, treachery, and duplicity, with a strong dose of shit-talking and outwitting. Best. Game. EVER. SOMEONE out there has to have played it at some point, right?

This round's winner was Drew, who outlasted Bill and Kris at the very end. Stuck in Cave 2 for most of the game, I sold my soul to satan your grace, and used my playing cards to get Drew the ‘W.’ It instantly pissed Kris off, because we “always help each other out.” He’s just a baby.

We then moved on to Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture Edition, where somehow, someway, Drew, Bill, and the recently-added Wilbur defeated Kris and I not once, but twice, including an incredible Red Soxian-like comeback (or Yankees-level choke job on our part, if you like) from being down 6 pieces to 1. Once I lost at Jean’s house the next night, it meant that I dropped 3 Trivial Pursuit contests in two days. This is an unprecedented losing streak for me, meaning two things: 1) Hell has frozen and over; (And thus) 2) I’m about to get a girlfriend (you know, cuz Hel has frozen over). Sweet.

So yeah, Saturday I headed back to the ‘burgh for a party at Jean’s. Her sister was in town, and since I never met her, I was more than willing to make the trip. The night’s festivities included and easter egg hunt through her apartment, easter-egg dying (which I had not done in YEARS), and turning “Shrek Operation” into a drinking game. Sadly, Operation is about ten-times easier once you’ve passed puberty and are actually dexterious. But it was still fun. Before losing the aforementioned Trivial Pursuit game, we watched some ridiculous old school Oliver-family movies, which were too funny to detail here without express written consent from Major League Baseball, and Jeanette herself. Good times, though.

Easter was positively chill and boring. When Easter’s earlier than the baseball season, it makes the trip to grandma’s that much more boring, because there’s no game to watch. I did take in a little soccer with Chris, and though intrigued, was basically lost. I'll stick with America’s past time. The night wound down at my parents’ house, where dad and I watched “the Sum of All Fears” (nothing commemorates the resurrection of the lord like watching Baltimore get nuked). Verdict: “Meh.” Although, I hope that the Patriots were playing the Ravens when the bomb went off. Also, I hope Nic got out alive. Other than that, whatever. If there’s any city that could use a little urban renewal…

One last thing before I go apply for the Bar Exam: JOIN FANTASTY BASEBALL! I’ve got about five of yinz already, but let’s see whatchu ladies can do. This means YOU, KLE!

Now to answer some mail/posts:

-Kupper, nice to see you coming back around to the Kingdom, hope you return.

-Lauren, the place was “Murphy’s” I believe, in Old Town (which I think really should spell itself “Olde Towne.” But that’s just me)

-KLE, it’s nice to see that we FINALLY agree on something, namely: Sammy Sosa.

Finally, the Link of the Day will take you to the newest installment of things I like to call "Sports Columns that Shit on Barry Bonds, which is Okay by Me, Because I Hate Barry Bonds." It's by Skip Bayless of ESPN, who, though INCREDIBLY FRAKKING TERRIBLE AND ANNOYING ON TV, is one HELL of a writer. Your Song of the Day is "Thirty Three" by the Smashing Pumpkins, which appears on Jeanie's "Mix 4 Adam" Album, and will forever remind me of a rather intriguing Saturday evening. Download it. Live it. Learn it. Love it.

Okay, folks, be goode to each other, I’ll be back around sooner or later to put the finishing touches on the DC story. In the meantime, post comments, send mail, raise hell, partake in shenanegins, I don’t care. Although, email would be sweet- then I could do a ‘mailbag’ post. That would be fun.

Later
-apk

BASEBALL, BASEBALL, CATCH THE FEVER NOW!

I'm PROUD to announce the Opening of KINGDOM LEAGUE BASEBALL for the 2005 season!

All you've got to do is head over HERE and sign into "BASEBALL CHALLENGE." It's the ol' "50 Million Salaray Cap, Pick a Guy at Each Position" League, which is SO much easier to run than a real draft-league.

Search for a group to join, and find "KINGDOM LEAGUE BASEBALL" the password is, as ever, "ox1ox2." Please tell your friends that are my friends, and join up! It's easy and fun to run. If there are enough people, and there's honest to God interest, we could even figure out a good prize package, or something, I dunno!

Remember the immortal words of Charlie Hustle, "I'd walk through hell in a gasoline suit to play baseball" and sign up to participate in the Greatest Game in the only way us broken-down has beens and never-wasers can, through Fantasy!

And seriously, I want to see some chicks sign up, too- I'm sure KLE could put together a decent team that would certainly (but accidentally) include all of my least favourite players, like "Sammy Sosa" and "Barry Bonds" and "the Braves" and "Johnny Damon"

do you think you have what it takes to defeat MY team, the County Lifeguards (full team name: Jim Dunbar's Traveling All-Stars and County Lifeguards)? Bring. It. On.

oooh.. gotta go, I just thought about Kirstin Dunst and Eliza Dushku...

GAME ON!
-apk

CAPITOL CITY CHAOS Part 2: "Alice? Alice?"

Our visit to the nation’s capitol continued on Friday. While waiting for Kup to get back from work, Kris and I visited a local greasy-spoon. Normally, there’s not much to tell about a diner visit, but this place was special. First, within about six minutes, I firmly established a case of “the drops” for the day, as successively knocked over my glass of water, and dropped all my silverware to the floor. The ESL busboys at the place were particularly fascinating, especially when Kris requested a towel to help clean up my mess, and was handed an ash tray.

Say it with me, friends, “towel.”

Now, try, “ash tray.”

It’s an easy mistake to make, I would say.

Being south of the Mason-Dixon, I seized the opportunity to have some scrapple with my eggs. The scrapple, in turn, seized the opportunity to take control of my colon for the next five days. The worst part was that the scrapple was in a sort of gross/un-tasty patty form. Truly not the scrapple-goodness I remembered from my “pledges are cooking us breakfast” days at the Big Dick. The lesson, as always, is “don’t eat scrapple.”

Things turned around quickly, though, as Pizz, Kup and I ventured into the mallular area, and took in some monuments. Things had changed mightily since my last trip to DC, sometime back in the mid-nineties on a family vacation. Here’s my unadulterated, but thoroughly abridged views:

Jefferson Memorial: It was closed when I was there as a kid, so this was my first time. Architecturally, it’s my hands-down favourite. I like the simplicity of design inside, as well. Then genius of the man’s writings can’t be debated (though his prognostication skills leave something to be desired). A truly beautiful monument. Probably my favourite.

WWII Memorial: Oh, how I loved the epic scope-meets-grandiose simplicity of this newest of memorials. Though the fountains were not running, the incredible bronze eagles with victory wreathes more than made up for it. My favourite aspect of the memorial was the arrangement of state/territory names on the columns making up the monuments perimeter. I figured out that they were arranged in order of statehood, which was an important change from the expected alphabetical order. Because I had to search for Pennyslvania, I was really hit by the extensiveness of our union, something that I think would have been lost had I just said, “Okay..let’s look in the middle.. M… N… Ohio…ah! Pennsylvania!” It’s the subconscious subtext that hit me most. Also, the way the whole thing is sunk into the ground creates an optical illusion from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. It looks as though the pillars surround the Washington Phallus of Democracy, which serves as a beautiful link between the Monument and the reflecting pool. It also underscores the importance of the War, by placing it in line with two of the nation’s most important men, and the Capitol.

Vietnam Memorial: There’s not much that can be said about this monument that’s anything new. It’s a triumphant, powerful exercise in simplicity. It’s impossible to look at the wall, and not be overwhelmed by the sheer number of names.

Lincoln Memorial: Like Jefferson’s, the simplicity of design and selection of inscribed words makes this memorial what it is: classic and beautiful.

Korean War Memorial: The “forgotten war’s” memorial has a power to it that is extraordinary. Walking along the reflecting pool, you can see the gigantic troops marching, frozen in time to your left. Upon reaching the memorial, the sculptures are so life-like and captivating that you start to think about what they’re saying to one another, or where they’re going, or if they’re all about to be ambushed. I was hit with the uncertainty that must surround every moment of a soldier’s life, it was a palpable feeling of wariness mixed with camaraderie. Truly, all you had was your gun, the men around you, and your life. Your life in their hands, their lives in yours. That’s a bigger responsibility than I think I can fathom, and it gave me an increased respect for everything ever soldier has gone through. In this way, the memorial for the forgotten warriors of Korea truly becomes a memorial for every warrior of America. The men have not changed, only the uniforms and equipment. Just an amazing experience.

FDR Memorial: I remember that this was being built when I last visited the mall. I was initially mixed about the expansiveness and openness of the memorial. However, after walking through the entire memorial, and reading the myriad of quotes, and getting a feel for exactly how much FDR lead this country through, I can’t help but recognize his incredible importance to all of us—something I think the short 50 years of history since his life has been able to truly reflect upon. And that’s why the expansiveness of the memorial is so important, it makes you realize not only how long he lead us, but how greatly. I’ve been told it’s even more captivating at night, and would love to visit it in the dark sometime.

We also visited the American History Museum, and saw cool stuff like Kermit the Frog and The Fonz’s jacket. Oh, and Rebecca Lobo’s basketball jersey. I didn’t really dig the inclusion of her USA basketball jersey with such other iconic American items. Not that it was sports-related, but that it just feels forced. Seriously, the number of Americans who follow Women’s basketball is miniscule, and the number that know “Rebecca Lobo” perhaps only slightly larger. I’m not trying to diminish or knock on women’s sports, I’m just saying that the inclusion of her Olympic jersey just felt like blatant PC-ness. Which is something I don’t want from my museums.

The rest of the museum was fantastic (though we admitted rushed through it). There were some WWII photos that included live shots from Omaha Beach. That is a moment in time I simply cannot comprehend the scope of. How anyone ever survived that invasion is beyond my ability to fathom, truly.

We were able to see the “Price of Freedom” exhibit, which took us through every American war. The collection of equipment and uniforms was mind-boggling, and nothing can compare to the feeling I got from being inches away from an actual George Washinton Colonial Army uniform. Admiring the towering uniform, and reading descriptions of our first president, I had my first real appreciation for his power, athleticism, and imposing character. I always thought of him as a meek-looking, humble, wig-wearing president-guy. Not as a War General. This truly changed everything for me. And that’s the beauty of the Smithsonian.

After taking in the sites, we dined, as is our Knor/Kup/Pizz custom, at Outback and then headed to the bars with A-Wal, where much libation occurred. Highlighting the festivities at the local Irish Pub were two awesome guys playing acoustic and singing everything from Irish Drinking songs like ever immortal, “Alice? Alice? WHO THE F*CK IS ALICE?” to contemporary fantasticness like “Ring of Fire” and “Brown-Eyed Girl” great. GREAT times. We headed back to the hacienda for a little asshole, and some random shenanigans. It was truly a day to remember.

That’s all I got for now—stay tuned for the report on Saturday, where you can learn about how Kris has a more random scope of knowledge than I, and how he can communicate with Ethiopian bushmen.

In the meantime, be good to each other.

And if my next post is delayed, have a safe and Happy Easter, all you crazy Christians!

-apk

THREE WORDS THAT ARE RUINING MY LIFE:

"Mackowiak. Trade. Rumours."

The talk's around town, and THIS'll fill you in on the details. Currently, I'm standing at DEFCON 3, and trying to come up with contingency plans should the TAMPA FRAKKIN' DEVIL RAYS decide to ruin my life/summer.

If anyone knows where I can trade in Pirates stuff for Devil Rays stuff, let me know. I might need to do that...

-apk

CAPITOL CHAOS! Part 1: "Oh, that's Humpty Dance...by Brooks and Dunn"

Before we get started, check THIS out. Does anyone else find it odd that Satan would take the time to save a turtle? And what about the snakes? One would think he owes serpents a favour or four, right?

Okay, on to the show. Your Song of the Day is “Float On” by Modest Mouse, off of my “Songs from Kujo” CD. The song, in actuality, is kinda dumb, but God Damn if it don’t get stuck in your head. This is the epitome of Perfectly Harmless Music.

This past weekend was particularly humdrum. I spent Friday recovering from a general feeling of exhaustion, watching the always-good Battlestar Galactica, as well as my just-purchased DVD of The Incredibles. Since buying the movie, I’ve watched “100 Mile Dash” about 10 times. God Bless Scene Selection. Saturday was a day to accomplish nothing, as I spent it on my couch eating pizza and watching movies with Aunt PK. Then I headed off to hang with Sprout and his alumni-friends, which was the usual good times/great oldies. Though it did lack chicken-cheesesteak goodness at the end of the night. Instead, I had to opt for my first-ever corndog. Odd that it’s taken me so long to eat one, based on my love of hotdogs and cornbread. I was not disappointed.

So, instead of boring you with more MVP 2005 virtual Pirates updates (though I just lost Mackowiak for 37 days with an arm fracture, DAMN YOU, GAMECUBE!), I’m finally going to talk about my trip to DC last weekend.

I had planned for some time to head to the nation’s capital towards the end of spring break, mainly because I haven’t really had much quality time hanging out with Kup since he moved out. Lucky for me (and my pocketbook), Pizz agreed to take advantage of his day off, as well, and we loaded up the Trail-Rated, Hem-Powered ‘Tus on Thursday afternoon.

The ride down was uneventful, though I learned that Kris has an uncanny knack for knowing the lyrics to basically every song in the universe. Years of driving delivery for his parents’ dental lab meant years of car-radio time, making him a two-legged cornucopia of nu-metal lyrics. One funny story, though. We were flipping through channels when we came across a country music station with a Deliliah-sounding lady taking requests. At this point, Kris decided that his disdain for country music was not overmatched by inherent hilarity of him calling and requesting a song. After formulating a plan together, he made the call. The actual phone conversation proceeded as follows:

Kris: Hi, I’d like to request a song, but I don’t know what it’s called…all I know is that it goes (singing obnoxiously) GET down, TURN AROUND, GO TO TOWN! Boot-Scoot-Boogie!

Perplexed Girl on the Line: Umm..that’s “Boot Scoot Boogie” by Brooks and Dunn…

Kris: Oh! Really, that’s great dear- can you play that for me?

Though the humour was probably just lost in translation, it was a pretty funny moment, that was compounded by the fact that the girl ASKED HIM IF HE WANTED TO TALK ABOUT BASEBALL WITH THE DJ ON THE AIR! Never wasting an opportunity, Kris quickly took advantage of the situation, and began telling the DJ lady how we were en route from PGH, and how his dad used to play for the Pirates….

..when his cell phone cut out.

Which sucked. But the entire shebang did kill about 20 minutes of the most boring drive in America. Oh..and it also spawned the weekend's first (of many) running gags. Namely, that from now on, when you don't know who sings a song, just pick four lyrics out of it, and say it's by...Brooks and Dunn. Another game that works much better in practise than in cyber-space. Give 'er a try!

When we finally arrived in Arlington, I parked the Stratus (where it would eventually be towed) and we finally met up with Kup in his dorm. His apartment complex was not unlike the Dickinson Law Dorms, if you’ve seen them, though his actual room was pretty nice and cozy. That night we met up Erin and Rob, two other PGH-Expatriots who I’ve not seen in a year, and missed quite a bit. We hung out, ate some chilli, and we watched “The Apprentice” for the first time. Though I was not impressed by the show, they apparently make a habit out of getting together for food and The Donald every Thursday. Who am I to Judge? I set my schedule around Enterprise and Battlestar Galactica. One humorous moment included The Donald incredulously talking about the utter-amazingness that it would be to spend a week on tour…With MOBY! If you’ve seen the episode in question, you probably laughed, too. If you haven’t. Your loss. Unintentional Comedy at it’s near-best.

Shortly thereafter, Kup, Pizz, and I grabbed a few brews, then headed to bed. It had been a long day for Pizz and I of school and driving, and Kup had to work in the morn. That’s seems like a good place to pause for station identification… I’ll be back sooner or later after a word from our sponsors.

In the meantime, take it easy, and if it’s easy—take it twice.

-apk

DAILY DOSE: "So Dizzy Mr. Busy Too Much Rush To Talk To Billy All The Silly Frilly Things Must First Get Done."

I am a creature of habit. That’s the only way to explain the three cups of coffee and two pop tarts I just ate/drank, even though I didn’t need the caffeine, and even though I wasn’t even remotely hungry. It’s just sort of what I do when I get to the office.

It’s been a strange week, here on Adam: the Series. It seems like a lot has happened, though it seems as though nothing has happened, if that makes any sense. I’ve felt particularly drained/under the weather since returning from DC, almost as though I have mono, meaning I’ve been far more unmotivated than usual. This week has had some highlights, however, including Pitt’s comical self-destruction yesterday, my acquiring of Ultimates 2 #4 (we’re only a month away from something actually happening!) and Ex Machina #10 (which is the best comic I’m currently reading), my Virtual-Pirates owning the best record in baseball, my purchase of The Incredibles DVD last night, and anything involving the words “slutty girls decked out for St. Patty’s Day.” Which of course, requires a tanget.

So I was heading up to Jeanie’s apartment last night to contemplate going out, but eventually deciding on “laying on the couch and watching Buffy DVDs,” when the elevator opened up to reveal four? Five? Really cute/hot undergrads resplendent in St. Patty’s regalia. I’m talking the works—shamrock face paint and antennae, tight green tank-tops (the Double Bonus was fully in effect—remind me to write about that later, I don’t want to tangent on a tanget), and tight slutty pants. It’s was magical. I walked out of the elevator almost into the entire giggling gaggle of them, managing only to muster a “woah…hi.”

Normally, this is where I’d choke. As I walked through them, I gave them a hearty “Happy St. Patrick’s Day” almost as though I was saying it to myself, and they all giggled and wished me one as well. Turning the corner to head down the hall, I heard one say, “He thought I was the cute one.” To which I shouted (as I continued to walk away), “You’re ALL cute ones.” Laughter ensued, they got on the elevator, and I’ll never see them again.

Kup is right, my stories never end well. Anywho, I call it a “moral victory.” Why’d I share? I dunno—it was funny at the time, I felt particularly smooth, and it’s better than me babbling about Battlestar Galactica, isn’t it? Tangent over.

Okay. For now, I must complete some work. I shall return a little bit later, here is the Official List of things I Need to Write About:

1) Washington DC
-monuments, beers, quotes

2) March Madness
-my MASCOT BRACKET

3) The Double Bonus
-but I’ll probably wait until Double Bonus Week to do it.

4) MLB Preview!

Hmm.. feels like there’s stuff on that list I’ve forgotten… anything out there yinz want to know about? Didn’t think so.

Song of the Day is “Cut Here” by The Cure. I don’t know where it came from, it just..it just popped in there…

-apk

I AM THE LAW!: "IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT 'THE O'"

excuse me while I vent...

F*CK OVERSTOCK.COM!!!! Remember a few weeks ago, when I ordered The Incredibles DVD from them, figuring I'd give them a shot and see what happens. Well, let's start by pointing out that AMAZON shipped me the Star Wars Trilogy (ie: "The Most Widely Anticipated DVD Release of ALL FRAKKIN' TIME) the DAY it was released. Contrarily, I've yet to receive The Incredibles from OverSUCK, even though it's been out for three days.

So what do I do, but go check my order online, to find that IT'S BEEN CANCELLED. Apparently there was no Overstock from them to take from, or something. That's all well and good. But If you're going to CANCEL MY GODDAMN ORDER, maybe you should, I dunno... TELL ME.

So that's the word on Overstock: NEVER buy from them. They blow.

Final Verdict:
GUILTY of being Sucky. Long Live AMAZON!

i'll be back later. gotta TA a paper first...
-apk

DAILY DOSE: "You're a Heart Attack-- But The Kind I Like"

Greetings, all! This has GOT to be quick, because I got a bus to catch. However, I wanted to a get a DOSE in, because I don't know that there'll be time today to post anything more. First up, today's Song of the Day is "Mother We Just Can't Get Enough" by the New Radicals, which is probably one of my Top 10 Most Favourite Songs of all time. I'm feeling pretty good these days, being that it seems any number of things are starting to turn around, perhaps even threatening to start "Coming Up Adam." Even though Jason Bay and Oliver Perez were both injured during my MVP 2005 Dynasty last night (Ollie's out for SIX WEEKS), it's not enough to dampen my spirits following what was a pretty solid episode of 24 and an INCREDIBLE installment of Battlestar Galactica. Seriously-- it's was a full hour of pure, hard-hitting, exciting war melodrama. Spectactular.

I'm not kidding when I say that the episode "Hand of God" may have been the best hour of TV I've watched in at LEAST the last five years. KLE: though you have horrible taste in Badasses (RIDDICK? I'm sorry but "Vin Diesel" has no right to wash those other guys' jocks), you've got great taste in TV, so chime in on the Battlestar Bandwagon, will ya?

Okay, your LINK will take you to ESPN.com Page 3's (Don't call me Page 2!) "Top 100 Sports Movie Quotes" of all time. I've got all KINDS of problems with the list. Granted, they couldn't put anything vulgar, so there goes "We're gonna tear their F*CKING HEADS OF, AND S*IT DOWN THEIR NECKS!!!.....Let Us Pray." from Necessary Roughness. But that's no excuse to not include "we scratch, by our FINGERNAILS for that ONE INCH!!" from Any Given Sunday. So check it out, and then tell us about good quotes (vulgar or not) that are missing.

And B. Goode To Each Other.
-apk

DAILY DOSE: "My Cash Flow Would Never-Ever End"

Welcome back to the Kingdom, everyone. What an eventful weekend! I’ll get to that later (and probably throughout the week) but for now, I wanted to drop in and give you the DOSE. Now that my final spring break has come to a close, I’m experiencing the “Life Goes On Without You” effect for the last time. You know what I mean? Like, when you’re on break, you get to thinking that the entire world is, too. So when you come off break, you have to catch up on all kinds of important stuff like, “The Stillers lost 2/5 of their starting offensive line last week.” Weird, isn’t it? Post-up and let me know some important stuff that happened since last week.

Okay, the field of 65 is set, and it’s MARCH MADNESS time! The fact that Uram calls me the Bracketmaster not withstanding, I don’t know jack-dick about NCAA Basketball (or basketball in general, for that matter). I hastily put together my bracket this morning, in order to get the annual ESPN Pool started. Just head HERE, and click on NCCA TOURNEY CHALLENGE over on the left. Search for the group, which is THE TOM BRADY of POOLS-- password is ox1ox2. And remember kids, in Kingdom-Sanctioned Events, EVERYONE is welcome to participate. However, as always, the only prize to be won is the only prize worth winning: RESPECT*.

Today’s Song of the Day is “Rich Girl,” that terribly annoying little song by one Gwen Stefani. The song may be annoying; Kids may not even have a CLUE it’s a riff on Fiddler on the Roof; Eve may suck to all high heaven; The song may have become inbedded into my brain by DC Radio for the rest of eternity; But I’ll tell you what—that Gavin Rossdale is one lucky sunuvabitch.

Alrighty, with luck, I’ll be back later to recount some very special weekend stories, where you’re sure to learn all about scrapple, “The Bald Bitch,” “That Semi-Retarded Italian Guy,” and what towels and ashtrays have in common. Though, I AM getting shuttled off to the Social Security Office again…so time may be of the essence.

Give a HOOT! Don’t POLLUTE!

-apk

*and ALWAYS remember the wise words of Coach Riley, “IT’S NOT WORTH WINNING IF YOU CAN’T WIN BIG!”

DAILY DOSE: "I Wanna Watch You Dream Some More"

Hey everybody! Sorry for the late-date post, but I’ve actually been GASP! …running errands at work today. I’ve been out on two different excursions through dahn’than’ today, putting me even further behind on my brief. Which, of course, I kind of want to finish before I leave for DC tomorrow. So, alas, there won’t be time for that Bows & Toes I promised yinz. Now, I was going to write about International Food Runs, being that they’re apparently taking place this week throughout the NorthEast. What’s an Intenational Food Run, for those of you not in the OX-know? Well, you’ll just have to wait until tomorrow or Monday to find out. That is, of course, unless some of you other Red-and-Whiters out there feel like sharing some of your IFR tales. Could be fun- I know Marc’s got a fun little story to tell, and I’m pretty sure Kujo missed a presentation for his! So do share, and I’ll tell you about my magical trip to Philthadelphia with Jerry, where we met Rocky Balboa, ate some cheesesteaks, got stood up by our alumnus, and almost became drug smugglers.

Before I move on- be sure to check up the UPDATED PANTHEON OF BADASSES below. Nice picks from the peanut gallery. And Kujo, thanks for that five-time, five-time, five-time, five-time, FIVE-time posting on midgets and Andre the Giant.

Anywho, I'm gonna go hash out this brief, meanwhile, go listen to today’s Song of the Day, “October Nights” by Yellowcard. Driving guitars and fantastical violins make them one of my favorite bands. Oddly, the only person I can find who likes them too is Merry-Lynne Kupchelitis, who is the LAST person I would expect to be a fan. The Link will take you to my new guilty pleasure, the WB reality crapfest, “The Starlet.” After the Gilmore Girls last night (I live with a fiftysomething aunt, remember!), I was about to work on my paper when the teasers for the show fortold of stripteases and girl-on-girl action. Needless to say, they reached their demographic. Sure, it was an hour of my life I can’t get back, but at least I got to fall in love with contestant Michelynne, who looks like a genetically created hybrid of Winona Ryder and Kiera Knightley, which is ACES in my book. I’ll probably not watch it again, despite the incredible unintentional comedy of Vivica A. Fox as an acting critic/judge. You know, the same Vivica A. Fox known for her groundbreaking roles as “Will Smith’s girlfriend” in Independence Day, and “The Slutty Girl” in comedies like “Two Can Play that Game” and “Soul Food.” Oh, and Faye Dunaway, the other judge (along with a flaming Holywood casting director), both takes her self FAR too seriously, and is borderline insane.

I’ve written way too much about this show at this point. But at least go check out the site, and give a look at some of the contestants and footage. And in the meantime, be good to each other.

-apk

THE PANTHEON OF BADASSES

This is quick, cuz Marcus and I were just discussing how badass Jack Bauer is on 24. So, your Daily Dose is the OFFICIAL PANTHEON OF BADASSES. Feel free to nominate others, the only requirements are: 1) He’s a Dude. 2) He’s fictional. 3) He’s badass. You have to explain your nomination.

There’ll probably be a Bows n’ Toes, later today, or maybe tomorrow. In the meantime, I give you:

THE OFFICAL PANTHEON OF BADASSES

Jack Bauer: CTU Agent
Logan (“Wolverine”): Avenger, X-Man
Steve Rogers (“Captain America”): Ultimate, Avenger
Batman (“Bruce Wayne”): Vigilante, Justice League America
Commander James Bond: Double-O Agent, MI-6
Rooster Cogburn: Cowboy
Lt. John McClain: NYPD
Captain Han Solo: Rebel Alliance, Captain of the Millennium Falcon
Henry “Indiana” Jones, Jr.: Archaeologist, Adventurer
Ham Tyler: Los Angeles Visitor Resistance
Lt. Starbuck: Viper Pilot, Battlestar Galactica..
Angus McGyver: Agent, Dept. of Defense, Phoenix Foundation
John Patrick Mason: MI-5, Disavowed.
Col. John “Hannibal” Smith: The A-Team
KITT: Knight Industries Two Thousand
Stringfellow Hawke: US Army, Pilot of the Airwolf
Major 'Dutch' Schaeffer: Special Forces, US Army
Poncho Ramirez: Special Forces, US Army
Apollo Creed: “The King of Sting,” “The Master of Disaster,” “The Count of Monte Fisto,” Former Heavyweight Champion of the World
T-1000: Liquid Metal machine of death.
Nitro: American Gladiator
Casey Jones: Vigilante
Beck: not the singer- The Rock in The Rundown
Captain James Tiberius Kirk: USS Enterprise
Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Army of the North, Leader of the Felix Legions, servant of the true Emperor Marcus Aurelius, father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife (and he’ll have his vengeance in this life or the next): Roman General, Gladiator

And there you have it. Pure Badasses, brought to you by Marc and myself. Feel free to add to the list.

I might be back later with that Bows n’ Toes. But It’ll probably have to wait until tomorrow. Hopefully, this’ll keep you busy.

-apk

NEW ADDITIONS TO THE PANTHEON

Sgt. John Riggs: LAPD
Clubber Lang: Former Heavyweight Champion of the World
Frank Dux: Fighter
Inigo Montoya: Adventurer, Pirate
John J. Rambo: US ARMY Special Forces
Tyler Durden: Whackjob

DAILY DOSE: "What's the Worst That I Can Say? 'Things are better if I stay.' So Long, Goodnight"

I love that THIS counts as news. Seriously. Who gives a shit?

That being said-- welcome back to the Kingdom. It's Day Three of my Spring Break, and I can't help but think, "Wasn't I just writing a bunch of "Winter BREAKout!" pieces?" where the hell is my final semester going? And could my life change any more over a similar two-and-one-half month period? I think it could, but I'm almost scared to find out. Anywho, this weekend consisted of STAR WARS in GLORIOUS BIG SCREEN HD-DVD. The difference is so amazing, the quality so astounding, that even my Dad noticed. Truly spectacular.

Yes, I spent some more time at home, since Gooder was in town. We watched Star Wars, and about 11 hours of "V: the Series." Ham Tyler is my frakkin' hero. Mom went above and beyond, coooking ridiculously complex meals and treating her boys like kings. Go mom.

Also, Kupchelitis stopped by on his way through town, and we got to spend some quality time together for the first time in ages. I'm anxiously awaiting my trip to DC at the end of the week. Which reminds me, if you're going to be in the DC/Arlington area this weekend, drop me some lineage.

This Dose'll be pretty quick-- I'm hoping to put together a little something for later in the day. Something All-New! All-Different. But, I'm sort of writer's blocking these days (I think I need a Muse, I'll be posting applications later), so there's no telling if I'll get to anything or not.

Your Song of the Day is "Helena" by My Chemical Romance. The funniest thing about this band is that the songs are terrible, but every time I catch a video, I get mesmerized. To add to the danger, is their relentlessly catchy chori. On top of that, this song's got some power-balady moments. Really though, don't bother downloading it. It's not that good. The video's just kind of weird/haunting/captivating, and the chorus is stuck in my head. I'll leave it at that.

Be good to each other, I'll be back later, if I don't get hung up writing my Independent Study paper or playing MVP 2005 (initial review: "It's ACES!")

later
-apk

DAILY DOSE: "If You're A Dream Then Come True"

Well, it’s all about the ‘O.’ Overstock.com, that is. How annoying are those commercials? The tough part is deciding if the spokeswoman is hot, or annoying, or both. I really can’t decide. Although, when she’s dressed for tennis and rockin’ the pigtails…

But anyway, it’s all about the ‘O’ today, because I just made my first Overstock.com purchase. I pre-ordered The Incredibles on DVD, and should have it in about two weeks. Thanks, Mom and Dad, for that early Easter gift. I’ll let you all know if Overstock ends up sucking, or something. I was impressed with the fact that their stuff is actually cheaper than Amazon’s. Basically, right now, I love Capitalism!

I can tell it’s going to be a slow day today, as I’ve got an awful lot of writing to do. I desperately need to blow a hole through this brief here at work, and then I’ve basically got to write like, 10 pages for my independent study. With luck, I’ll finish it all tonight so I can head home and enjoy the weekend with Gooder. I’ve not seen the little bastard since Christmas, so it’ll be good to get some Gamecube time in. Hopefully, we’ll get to watch some HD Big Screen Star Wars, too!

Marc was right, I don’t do dick in law school. It’s really a good racket, and I’ll be missing the whole “be in the school” thing when it’s all said and done in a few months. The workload’s not too bad, no matter what Jerry tells ya. Although, there is a reason he’ll be making mad loot this time next year, and I’ll be making him coffee.

Today’s Song of the Day is “Happy Endings” by the All-American Rejects. Solid, if unspectacular song that ended my MP3-player walk to work today. So there you go. Your Link of the Day will take you to the official Battlestar Galactica website, as part of my neverending battle to get as many of you to just try it out and watch it as possible. I was very excited to find a bunch of “behind the scenes” DVD-style shorts on the site last night, that were very interesting. KLE- I know you’re a fan, check it out (I think you’ll be surprised to find out that Your Boy, Apollo, speaks with a VERY softspoken English Accent).

And now that I’ve used “very” three times in the last two sentences, I’ve proven that I can’t write for shit today. If there’s one thing Mrs. Hufford taught me in AP English, it’s that “very” is the weakest word in the English Language, and should never be used. Thus, I’ll leave you for now, perhaps I’ll return later in the afternoon.

Just ONE MONTH until OPENING DAY! I’m buying my tickets tomorrow! Anyone out there interested in Kingdom League Baseball? Also, if anyone out there happens to have recently purchased a new baseball videogame, we need to talk. I can’t decide which to buy. What annoys me, is that NONE of them have a “Create-A-Team” mode. All I want to do is design uniforms, dammit!

Stay tough, my peoples.

-apk

THURSDAY HANGOVER: "Do You Feel the Way You Hate? Do You Hate the Way You Feel?"

Well, Marc, I had all the intentions in the world of giving you a dose of drunken ramblings, courtesy of dollar Blue Moons. However, when you add dollar Blue Moons to three dollar Jager Bombs, Adam has this funny way of not making it home. So sorry. Maybe next time you'll get the debut of "I'm Not As Thunk As You Drink I Am!"

Moving right along, I still have to tell yinz 'bout the Barrister's Ball. But FIRST! It's Song/Link time. The Song of the Day is "Greedy Fly" by Bush, largely because it just came up on the WinAmp. Which is a running theme this week, I suppose. I've basically got a 400-song playlist set to random right now. Whatever comes up while I'm writing, comes up. Your LINK of the Day is this crazy-go-nuts story from the world of sports. Marc, Kujo, please lemme know what you think, or if you've heard anything about this.

Alrighty! Barrister's Ball! The night started off at my Lovely Date Jeanie's apartment, where we met with Justine and her beau, Tim, took copious amounts of pictures, and then headed dahnstahs to Danielle's. There, we, Danielle, Nicole, and the Sprouts all partook in some friendly pregaming as we awaited cabs. I kicked things off with Johannesburg Reisling and Champagne, the concotion I poured into my stomach over the course of the night was off to a strong start.

The Ball was a good time, and was your run-of-the mill open bar/sit down dinner affair. I was generally pretty happy with the DJ, to boot. This is around where things start to get hazy. I remember that was sat with the preivoulsy described group + Markus and his wife. We were disappointed that our table was moved from 13 to 3 (though I can appreciate the irony), effectively separating us from Kerry, Kelly, Mia, et al. Luckily, though, we were all able to meet up on the dance floor. Jean was resplendant in her black dress, and was, once again, one hell of a date. I remember drinking a LOT whiskey sours, eating the Best Damn Piece of Cheesecake, Period (it was caramel), having some interesting drunken conversations with some students I TA for, openly pining over the Queen Bee (cute dress..and i wasn't really pining, I just needed a good word, there), and dancing. Good times were had (I assume) by all.

Afterwards, we headed to the Matrix, where free admittance got me some more beers, the 80's room of dancing awesomeness, and a surprise guest appearance by Jack "The World's Foremost Conservative Republican" Bock. He dazzled us with his three-piece suit, but nevertheless, apparently, I "served" him on the dance floor. The Grease Mega-Mix was in full effect, and Jean and I appropriately brought the proverbial ruckus. On levels. Sometime around closing (I know it was closing, cuz they turned the lights on) we made our way back to the hotel, in search of a cab.

After the Vargas blatantly stole a cab out from underneath a group of twentysomethings, we six-packed the car and headed back to Squirrel Hill. There, after Mrs. Varga had her ass kicked (by me-- she started it though, I promise), we partook in cookie dough and hot pockets and tried a failed attempt playing "Taboo" before we went our seperate ways and headed to bed. Jean and tried an ill-advised Buff-a-thon at four or five in the morning, but it was all for not. She soon passed out on the couch, while I curled up fetal-style on the air mattress. Which is where I remained until 2:00 pm the next day, when we finally finished watching all the Buffy Season 3 Episodes. And really, that show just keeps getting better and better. Just like the weekend that was.

I finished things off by returning home just in time to catch dinner with Aunt PK and my Dad, then headed back to the hacienda for some quality Penny-time, and a little Battlestar Galactica with my pop. Truly a fantastic weekend.

So there you have it! Also- Since I've not had a good posting in a few days, I'd like to take this opprotunity to wish ALIMAC a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Since her birthday's Leap Day, and it didn't really happen this year, I feel just fine wishing her a Happy Birthday today, because Dammit, today could be her birthday, right? Or did that not make sense?

Anywho, this next weekend's shaping up to be a good one. Gooder's coming home for Spring Break, and the Knor boys will hopefully be able to all-out attack Westmoreland County with a ferver not seen since...I dunno? Ever?

till next time, I remain
-apk

DAILY DOSE: "Hey La La La"

Hey everyone, since I feel guilty for not posting yesterday, here's an example of what I actually created the Daily Dose for. Your Link of the Day is proudly presented to us by Lauren in NO, and should be of particular interest to Lara. Your Song of the Day is "The Best of What's Around" by Dave Matthews Band, because it just popped up on the WinAmp. So Hooray, Winamp!

This is nice and quick and dirty cuz I'm headed to the bus. I hope to post later today about the Barrister's Ball, but there are dollar Blue Moons to be contended with. We'll see how it all shakes out.

Until next time, remember that NO ONE BELIEVES IN JIM DUNBAR!!! but he'll MAKE THIS WORK!

-apk